


Forgiveness

by elliexer



Series: Forgiveness [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Anxiety, Bad Time Route (Frequently Referenced), Blood, Child Abuse, Depression, Deviates From Canon, Drinking, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader Is Not Frisk, Referenced Character Deaths, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Suicide mentions, They/Them, Violence, alcohol use, mentions of drug dealing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-05 00:10:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 57
Words: 151,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5353502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliexer/pseuds/elliexer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In your life, you'd made countless mistakes. Hurt an innumerable amount of people, and ruined an infinite amount of lives. At least, that's how it felt. But the worst mistake you'd ever made, the most hurt you'd ever inflicted, the most lives you'd ever ruined? They all happened down here, in the Underground, right before you RESET for the <i>Second</i> time. Something in you finally breaks, and you go back to the beginning. You realize that you can't be selfish anymore -- that you need to face your mistakes; fix what you'd done wrong. Fix <i>everything</i>. You're going to make it right this time. You're DETERMINED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I'm here to break your hearts!
> 
> I recommend you read 'Repent' first if you haven't already. I mean, it's not... _necessary_ , but it'll make things make a LOT more sense if you do read it. 
> 
> Without further ado... please enjoy!

The flowers beneath you did nothing to calm the soreness of your joints and the aching of your muscles. You’d taken quite the tumble and while your reset only plopped you in the flowers, you still felt the bruises and scratches you'd gained when you'd first fallen down here. That felt like centuries ago now. 

When the phantom taste of bile on your tongue subsided you finally sat up. The yellow petals tumbling from betwixt your matted strands of hair fell in calculated twirls to the bed below. You watch in silence. It felt like years had been tacked onto your life. You felt like a new person; someone who’d changed for the worse, you think. 

Sitting there in silence, you are reminded of Sans for what seemed like the trillionth time today. It very well might have been. You want to curl up into a ball and forget anything from last timeline even happened. You didn't want to be reminded of it. But instead of that, you promise now, in this moment, that nothing like what happened in the last timeline would happen in this one. You refuse. You completely, and utterly refuse. You had to repent for your wrong doings, you had to do your best. You had to save everyone again, just like you knew you could. Just like you'd done before. 

The still, comfortable coolness of the room suddenly shifted to something bone-chilling. You shudder, knowing full well who had popped up out of the ground behind you. 

"Really?"

His shrill voice grates on your ears even more so than last timeline, and you had half a mind to stand and crush him underfoot. The sight of him however, didn't remind you so much of your previous timeline as it did of the one even before that. You knew the truth regarding Flowey, you knew who he truly was. And so you simply sat quietly, letting him speak without interruption. You narrowed your eyes when the flower shrugged, giving you a smug grin. 

“Well, do what you will…” his face turns morbidly sinister then. You felt yourself shiver, goosebumps covering your flesh, “I’ll be waiting for you”. 

Then, he was gone. 

You were alone again. 

You take a deep breath. 

Moments later, from the Ruin's, Toriel emerged. Her expression was peaceful but worried, the motherly air about her was palpable and warm. You jump from your spot in the flowers, petals flying in every direction as you threw yourself into Toriel's arms, nuzzling yourself into her soft fur; breathing her in. She was real. 

“H-hello, child! I um… are you alright?” she asks, her kind voice and warm arms wrapping around you making your head spin. You missed her so much, so much. You had watched her die. Seen her body turn to dust in your hands as you ran her through. You'd heard her whisper just before her body had given up that she wasn't ever protecting you, it seemed. She was protecting them. The rest of Monsterkind. You'd heard her admit that you were evil. And perhaps you were. But still, you relish in the ignorant bliss of the moment. This moment where Toriel didn’t know you yet but still loved you deeply and wanted to protect you. You relish in feeling loved for the first time in a long while. 

“I… I was going to show you the puzzles but you seem tired, my child. You must have had quite the tumble. Come along, we can go over the puzzles when you have rested up”. 

You nod your head in agreement, using your voice now seemed like it would ruin everything, like the whole illusion would crumble and you’d be left with nothing but dust on your hands and a knife at your feet. So, you stayed silent for now, simply nodding. The warm bed in Toriel's home sounded like a dream right now to your aching body and upset stomach. You wanted nothing more than to curl up between the sheets and fall asleep with the scent of butterscotch and cinnamon tickling your nose from the kitchen. 

“It’s odd,” Toriel whispers to you, nuzzling her snout into the top of your head as an affectionate way to comfort you, much like a mother would do to their baby, “I feel like we’ve met before. It is like I am seeing an old friend,” her grip around you grows a little tighter, and you happily return it as she carries you, “it is a good feeling though, I assure you”. 

It's a good feeling for you too. Almost too good to be true. 

Toriel and you finally arrive at her home on the border of the Ruins and the rest of the Underground. Tori barely says a thing to you as she walks in the door, carrying you to your new bedroom and tucking you in. She places a cell phone on the night stand, you guessed it already had Toriel’s number programmed in. 

She then kisses you on the forehead, and you drift off to sleep. 

Your dreams were dark and gruesome, filled with the sight of blood and dust and cold steel. The last bits of the timeline you'd rest seem to be playing out each time you shut your eyes, and you suppose this is to be expected. When you reset your first ending, the same happened then as well. Your dreams just happened to be a little happier back then. You wake multiple times through out your nap in cold sweats, hands trembling and half moon cuts in your palms that you find are bleeding as you uncurl your fingers. The realization that you couldn’t simply forget the last timeline came upon your third time waking. The realization that you'd remember it forever filled you with an unbearable sadness that left you crying harder than you'd ever done before. 

Toriel knocks upon your door a while later, offering up a warm slice of butterscotch and cinnamon pie. She rubs your back as you nibble at it, your head resting upon her chest, listening to her heart beat as you eat. She pets your hair, reading you facts about snails from a tattered book. 

This time around… you would make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> This is Part 2 in my Undertale Series, 'Forgiveness'! The first Part was a one-shot titled 'Repent' that sort of, spawned this entire fic... so far as of writing this note, I have 7 chapters completely written and I should have a ton more coming up after that. This is gonna be a... pretty long fic.
> 
> I'll hopefully be updating it somewhat frequently! This is the kind of fic I like to write while on the toilet because it makes me feel dirty and it gets me into the Reader Characters head better because... they too, feel disgusting. So, luckily for you guys... I poop a lot. jkfkjsdfjsdbf
> 
> See you next time!
> 
> Feel free to check out my tumblr if you happen to want to talk to me or ask me questions! 
> 
> http://elliexer.tumblr.com/


	2. Forward We March

It’s been a week. 

You have been in the Ruins with Torial for Seven Days. You’ve found that you’re scared to move on. Scared of what it’ll mean. 

Stay… and you’ll be safe. And happy. But, everyone else will be stuck underground for God knows how long. You wont go through with your promise. Or…

Leave. Leave and be faced with injury, death, and worst of all, constant remembrance of your previous timeline. One where you didn’t feel like yourself at all. One where the person doing those unspeakable things wasn’t you at all but… was at the same time? A timeline where the voice of a child you did not know was heard in the back of your mind the very first time your found branch mortally bruised the flesh of an innocent monster. You hadn’t realized it at the time but, that voice was not your subconscious. It was not you. 

Besides the voice, resetting was not painless. It tired you in some cases, especially when you were particularly injured. Each time you reset during your fight with Sans felt like the end of the world until you finally planted your feet on the marble tiles again and stepped forward. You ached all over, akin to when you first fell. 

Those memories seemed distant now, you hadn’t needed to reset in over a week since you hadn’t exactly needed to fight anyone in the Ruins anymore. Everybody knew who you were. They knew you were a human and that you were under Toriel’s care. You were positive that she had told them to leave you alone when you were exploring. 

But in any case, even if those memories were far off for the most part, they still hurt. 

You were not sure what to do. 

You knew if you stayed, it’d be selfish. You knew that. And your promise to Sans had been that you wouldn’t be selfish. Not anymore. You promised that you wouldn’t mess this up. Not again. 

So, quietly, as to not wake Toriel, you made your decision. Gathering your things, you made your way around your now lived in room and found your backpack. You stuffed it tight with warmer clothes and food that made you homesick already. With a tug, you zipped up your pack and threw it on your shoulders, over a fluffy bomber jacket you’d found in the wardrobe. Your boots trudged on the floor as you shut the door behind yourself. You decided if you looked at the room again after making it to the door, you’d probably change your mind. 

With a deep breath, you made your way out into the hall. 

“Ah, my child! I was just about to come get you! I have found a very interesting book! Would you like me to read it to you?” 

Toriel was sat upon her reading chair, another tattered book in her hands. This one seemed to be some type of joke book, specifically about puns. You couldn’t help but offer her a sweet smile even despite you shaking your head no. 

Toriel’s face fell, her expression quite disappointed. Nevertheless, she shut the book and her smile returned as she waved you over to her. You didn’t take that step forward, it was too hard. 

“You look quizzical, my child. Is something on your mind?” she paused, seeming to notice now the backpack on your shoulders and the warm coat you’d left unzipped. You should have guessed she’d still be awake, of course she would be. She always read before bed. Why would tonight have been any different. You curse yourself silently, watching the realization flash across Toriel’s face as she frowns. Her brows furrow, her eyes holding yours and expressing deep heartache to you without words. 

“Tor… Mom,” you begin. Toriel visibly flushes when you call her Mom for the first time this Timeline, “how… do I exit the ruins?” You knew how. But you also knew that the only way to open the doors was to have Toriel do it for you. At least this time you knew for a fact that you would do everything in your power to keep her alive. 

She tensed, hurt playing on her face so vividly that you felt your heart skip a beat, goosebumps raising on your arms. You hated doing this to her. For the third time. 

For the final time, you reminded yourself.

Toriel said nothing as she rose from her seat, dog earring the book she’d been reading and placing it down on the chair. She simply walks past you, tears in her eyes as she descended the stairs to the basement. You follow after her in silence.The deep purple of the ancient stone around you does nothing to calm your nerves as you fall in step a few paces behind Toriel, she says nothing to you as you follow her to the exit of the Ruins, the massive stone doors towering high above your form in the background like some sort of menacing oil painting. 

In the foreground, Toriel stands quietly, finally turning to look at you. You hold your breath. 

“This is how you get to the rest of the Underground,” she folded her hands in front of herself, a regal air surrounding her as soon as she does. She truly is a Queen, “I’m going to destroy it. I wont lose another child to them… to ASGORE”. 

You can only give her a look of sympathy, something that you remember had been replaced with murderous rage in another timeline. Enough. The past is the past. Enough. 

“Go upstairs, my child,” she can take care of you. You can be a family. You can have a good life here. Ah, but the ruins are small once you get used to them, aren’t they? So small. So lonely. Fine. Fine, she says. 

“Show me,” she begins, “show me you can protect yourself”.

Your soul shines brightly before you.

Toriel looks through you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate hurting Toriel and I hated killing her more when I tried out the Bad Time Route. But this is still just as painful.


	3. Partner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pathetic isn't it?

[MERCY]

“What are you doing?”

[MERCY]

“What are you proving? Fight me or Run Away!” 

[MERCY]

“…”

You hesitate, a now familiar voice in your mind coming back despite your desire for it to vanish upon reentry into your head. You squeeze your eyes shut, Toriel looks to you with concern, thinking for a moment that maybe she hit you. She steps a little closer and, without much input on your part, you swing your weapon. Luckily, you manage to miss, but only by a hair. You put more concentration into ignoring the voice speaking in your mind. 

As another fire attack burns past you, one singing the fur on the hood of your bomber, the voice finally dissipates and you’re left again with the comfort of your personal internal monologue. 

[MERCY]

“Pathetic isn’t it? I cannot even save one child”. 

That isn’t true, you want to say. It’s not true in the slightest. Toriel has saved you once. You open your mouth to tell her this but, you can’t think of how to say it. And you aren’t sure she’d be particularly interested in hearing about it, considering how she doesn’t exactly remember like you do. She only senses repetition like anyone else would. Deja Vu. 

And yet still, you wish to embrace her and promise her that she has saved you once. Perhaps in the future, you decide. 

Toriel intentionally misses you for her last attacks, looking to the ground sadly at the fire slowly moves past you, it’s dark red colour indicating it’s much cooler than regular fire. Toriel does not want to fight you anymore. And you, too, do not want to fight her. 

“You…” she pauses, waving away her magic, eyes squeezing shut as she blinks away tears. You look up to her, pain now vividly written upon your face instead. Toriel can’t help but smile to you kindly when she opens her eyes, meeting your gaze as she continues, “you may go. However, if you do,” her smile is warm, motherly. It is entirely ‘Toriel’, “please do not return. I hope you understand”. 

This time, you do. 

Before she can even manage to step forward, you are already throwing your arms around her in a hug. You rest your cheek against her warm chest, the hum of magic and the beat of an unhuman heart behind her rib cage felt like home to you. Toriel’s chin rested against the top of your head as she wrapped her arms too around you, squeezing you tightly, the softness and warmth of her fur made you never want to leave her embrace, “I love you, mom. I’ll make you proud. I promise”. 

She squeezes you then, nuzzling you with all her might. You don’t think you’ve ever had a better hug. You fall against her, and she squeezes you tighter, humming contently before pulling apart from you for the final time.

“I know you will, my dear child,” her voice is a whisper on wind, calming and tender. Filled with pride and understanding, even if she truly didn’t fully understand, you felt like she might, if even a little. She at the very least, believes in you again. You choke back a tear filled sob, and she offers you another smile, hand under your chin as she raises your face to place a soft kiss to your forehead.

And then, she’s leaving you. The door to the Underground is open. You are terrified.

You remember the first time you made it past Toriel and into the rest of the Underground. It seems so far away now. But, despite the distance, you remember how you felt. Just as terrified as now, but perhaps you felt less scared. Maybe it was your curiosity then that quelled your nerves, or perhaps your stupidity. Either way, this time around, you simply felt scared. Maybe also, guilty? You felt alone, ultimately. 

With a deep breath, you take that first step, your feet dragging beneath you. It is much colder already and you’re pleased that you remembered to grab some warmer clothes. The boots on your feet are toasty and warm. You wiggle your toes in your socks as you walk in a brief moment of happiness. 

“Amazing,” your brief moment of joy is interrupted as per usual by a familiar voice. Again, it strains your ears, the high pitch making them ring, “you spared her… this time around”. 

Your eyes narrow. In front of you sits Flowey, his leaves looking as half wilted as usual. The empty smile on his face only serves to solidify the emptiness you know he has within him. In a past timeline, the two of you were partners in crime, so to speak. In much less childish terms, partners in the destruction of monsterkind. A more Historic timeline however, you became friends. Very good friends. You learned the truth about him. About Asriel. You found yourself hoping now for that once more. But you knew Flowey didn’t remember your first Timeline. You’d promised him you’d erase his memories when you reset the first time, after all. This timeline, however. You’d never promised him a thing. He remembered everything about last timeline, just like you did. He remembered your bloodlust. He remembered you’d broken and given up. He knew now how weak you could be. 

But you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you weak ever again. 

“I did,” you finally reply, walking onward without stopping. Flowey simply pops up next to you, following after you as if it’s no problem at all, “and I’ll keep doing it”. 

“Oh, I’m sure you will, pal! I have no doubt in my mind. However…” the flower disappeared and for a moment, you wondered where he could have gone. You didn’t need to wonder long though, as he popped up directly in front of you this time, making it impossible to walk around him as his leaves and vines blocked the exit so he could speak, “I know what you did, partner”. Then, he was gone. 

You looked down to your feet now as you walked. It was one thing to have yourself remember the last timeline but, to have Flowey confront you about it… despite him doing it multiple times before, it just happened to be harder in this timeline. Perhaps because you were yourself again? No, you think. You were always yourself. You’d always been weak and easy to persuade. 

That would change this time around, you swear. 

The stick in your hands felt heavy with the weight of your past decisions. Even though you swore you wouldn’t dwell on the past, you simply couldn’t help it. Old habits died hard, you supposed. What were you trying to do last timeline? You don’t even remember now. You aren’t even sure really what you were after. Nothing stuck out anymore. Sure, you remembered your motivation in the first place to reset. You wanted to learn everything you could about your friends. But, somewhere along the line… that goal changed. You wondered if it had something to do with that voice in your head. The child living in your skull who urged you to commit acts of violence simply for its gain. It made you shiver. 

The entire timeline you’d cut short now confused you. It was all a blur. All you could think of as you made your way to the last stone door was how absolutely unnecessary it had all been. And mostly, how completely and utterly out of your control it had gotten. Pulling yourself away from it emotionally had only been a half fix then. You would still feel the surge of regret in your chest when you were alone in that timeline. When there was no one around you and you’d cleared out a room, you’d feel guilty for a split second. Then you’d remember, or try to force yourself to remember that you were doing this for their own good. That you were just trying to be better friends with them. That it would all bring you closer. 

God, you were fucking sick. How disgusting you’d been to rip their happy ending away from them. All so you could invade their privacy and learn things about them that they didn’t want you to know. 

At least… at least you had the chance to fix it. At least this time, you could make it right for good. 

You approach the final set of stone doors leading out of the Ruins. You push them open, stumbling into the snow as you did each time. The force you gave the doors to open them was always too much. The doors gave way to a pathway between tall, snowy fir trees and bare birches. You feel the chill of the air hitting your cheeks, reddening them as you walk.

You step over the large branch in the pathway, nearly tripping over it as you do. When you look back upon hearing a crack, you see it’s in pieces. 

Approaching the bridge, you can hear footsteps behind you. They make your heart swell. You aren’t sure if it’s in excitement… or dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh man. 3 Chapters in and we haven't met Sans again yet! That wont do. 
> 
> I sat here for at least 10 minutes trying to come up with a pun about him waiting for you and being excited about it. None of them were... _humerus_.


	4. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You think now, it probably could have gone much worse.

“Human. Don’t you know how t-!” Sans words are cut short by your arms wrapping tightly around him. You can hardly control your joy, or at least you think it’s joy. It’s got to be something akin to it, you think. 

You know it’s selfish to be hugging him out of the blue like this, especially considering what you’d done to him. To his family. But God, you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be selfish just for a single moment. Just for a moment more. You squeezed him tighter, sucking in a breath when he placed a mitted hand on your shoulder.

“Uh…” you felt his voice more than you heard it, especially considering your arms wrapped so tightly around him. His voice was so deep, so gravely that it rumbled through his bones and across your skin, even with the layers of clothing between the two of you. He smelled of pine, fresh snow, and Grillby’s. Just like you remembered he did. Just like he should. 

For a moment longer you remained clinging to him, he didn’t push you away but besides his hand on your shoulder for support, he did not hug you back. You didn’t expect him to. 

“Well, that’s one way to do it, I suppose,” he grumbled, scratching the back of his head as you finally pulled away. You straightened up, blushing before finally meeting his eyes, the little white pinpricks of light floating in his skull looking into yours as you stepped back and away from him. 

“Sorry,” you whisper. You’re surprised he hears you.

He seems to hesitate, maybe catching onto the double meaning in your words. He seems to realize you aren’t just apologizing for the hug sooner than you do. Sans tries his best not to let on, though he’s not great at it, “uh… don’t mention it”. 

A silence falls between the two of you. For a moment you think it to be quite comfortable, that is of course until you realize Sans remembers. And then the silence makes you anxious. You feel his eyes burning into you, he hasn’t looked away from you ever since you pulled back from your hug. So, your eyes come back up from the ground, your gaze turning back to Sans own. You meet his eyes, and he seems to want to say something, his teeth parted as if he has something on the tip of his figurative tongue but he doesn’t want to spit it out until you were looking at him and giving him your full attention. Now that you are, you urge him on. His expression hardens. 

“I told you not to”.

You felt your face drain of colour. Now you knew for sure that he remembered. And he remembered far more than you expected him to. The familiar taste of acidic bile coated your tongue, you managed to swallow it down, much to the protest of your throat. 

“Sans, I…” you swallowed again, you didn’t know what to say. You weren’t even sure he cared to listen. 

“I told you not to,” he repeated, eyes going black. Your gaze returns to your feet, the snow beneath them packed down and slightly icy, “why?”

“W-what?” you stutter out, confused at his question.

“Why?” he repeats once more, “why did you do what you did last timeline?”

You shake your head, you wish you knew yourself anymore but, unfortunately, you didn’t. 

“Why did you reset it?” 

You didn’t exactly know that either. You could make something up of course, or say what everyone would want to hear were they in Sans situation. Say what you believed yourself but, the true answer was something much less… heroic, you supposed. 

“Why do you think, after everything… that I would ever want to comfort you with a hug? That I’d want to have anything to do with you?” 

His last question comes off more as a remark than anything, and it stings sharply. Briefly, you feel your chest tighten. You wonder if that’s the start of a broken heart. You can’t remember now the last time it’d been broken, the memories of your life above on the surface are even further away now than your memories of the last timelines. You’d been down here, underground, for a lifetime now, it seemed. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper once more, your voice tapering off until it’s inaudible. Sans eyes you with something that reminds you of boredom. You feel disgusting.

“Why?” He asks once more. Somehow, a part of you feels like he’s mocking you. But mostly you know he’s truly asking. 

“I don’t know,” you answer. And it’s true. Sans scoffs, the lights appearing in his eyes again when he looks up at you. 

“Whatever,” he pushes you threw the gate and over the bridge. You stumble, tripping over your feet, but you don’t fall, “you know the drill”. 

You remain standing next to him, much like the last timeline rather than hiding behind the conveniently shaped lamp in the snow. You sense Sans tensing, but this time you don’t remain standing there out of fearlessness. Quite the opposite really. You just want to see Papyrus, alive. You want to hear him. You want him to see you, even if he wont truly remember. 

“Suit yourself,” Sans steps in front of you. You know it’s not out of fear for _your_ protection. 

“Sans! You–” Papyrus cuts himself off, looking to you with surprise written on his skeletal face. You can’t help but smile brightly, tears stinging your eyes. He now looks concerned. 

“Who is this? Are they –”

“Human?” Sans finishes. 

“Yes!” 

Sans nods, and Papyrus claps his hands. He is clearly overjoyed, and you cannot help the tears that spill over your cheeks. You quickly wipe them away before either of the skeleton brothers can see. You drop the stick in your hand to the ground and approach Papyrus with a hand out, “it’s nice to meet you…”

You feign ignorance of his name, and he happily informs you of what he’s called around these parts. 

“It is nice to meet you too, human! I am The Great Papyrus, Royal Guard in training! Unfortunately, I must capture you! Fret not, though. In order for me to do so, you must first complete my puzzles! Nyeh heh heh!”

You gladly follow after him. Sans is never too far behind. He is still furious with you. Something in you is ecstatic at that realization. You don’t think it’s you. At least, you hope it isn’t.

* * *

Soon enough, you’re back in Snowdin. The quaint little town elicits so many good memories that the bad ones seem like some forgotten nightmare instead of a past reality.

Seeing the shop keeper at her station, her sister running the Inn… it fills you with such warmth that you find yourself tearing up again. 

Every major stop during your last timeline had been abandoned. Evacuated upon hearing about your rampage. This time around, everyone was happy to see you, much like your first journey through the underground. That is, everyone but Sans. 

He and Papyrus wait for you outside the shop where you are currently buying a few Cinnabunny’s for you and the two brothers to share. Sans has not talked to you since you met Papyrus, he seems to be refusing to even acknowledge you exist. If Pap has noticed, he hasn’t said anything about it. 

“Here you are, dear,” the rabbit woman says to you, handing over the three Cinnabunny’s, “that’ll be 75g”. 

You hand over the gold pieces, giving her a smile before leaving the store with your purchase in tow. 

“One for you, Papyrus,” he happily takes it from you, nibbling at the ears first. 

“Thank you, human!”

“And one for Sans,” he takes the treat too, though he simply shoves his in his pocket, not saying a word to you about it. 

You don’t fault him.

“This human is so kind, Sans! Feeding me before our fight!” Papyrus is beaming, although when is he not? He hums contently as he eats his snack, sure to thank you more than once. You don’t eat your Cinnabunny, a sudden wave of nausea rolling over you. 

“Human, I feel like I know you somehow! You seem awfully familiar, perhaps you just have that kind of face!” you are stunned for a moment. So much so that you stop walking. Sans quite apparently does the same, stopping just a few paces behind you. 

“I uh… guess I must, huh?” you say, hands in your coat pocket to keep them warm.

“Though I feel like I’d remember a face like yours had I met you already, it is not very forgettable”. Papyrus doesn’t seem to realize the weight of what he’s said, but you do. You can’t help the blush crossing your cheeks, the compliment not lost on you. You know Papyrus doesn’t mean it in a romantic way, but it still makes you flush. You feel your cheeks get even warmer when Pap turns to wink at you. Sans is silent save for his slippers shuffling in the snow. 

Despite wanting him to stay angry at you before, now you just wanted him to talk to you. But Sans was known for the silent treatment, especially in the last timeline. 

Snowdin was peaceful despite the less than tranquil thoughts racing in your mind. The soft snow falling over head landed on the sleeves of your coat, the flakes just big enough to see their patterns clear as day. The lights on the Christmas tree in the center of town, or you suppose as centered as it can be, fill you with something akin to nostalgia. You’d always loved the lights in the trees around the holidays, it always struck you as beautiful. And that was perhaps quite obvious, everyone and their mom loved the Christmas light shows, but it was still special to you, no matter what. 

Eventually though, the calm and peaceful walk had to end. The edge of Snowdin was in sight and before you knew it, so too was the silent peace. 

“Human! I, The Great Papyrus, shall be awaiting you not far down this pathway! I thank you for the snack! Unfortunately, I do still need to capture you,” he strikes a heroic pose that you cannot help but smile at, “however, I am a fair skeleton, as you know! Feel free to take as long as you need to prepare! I’ll be waiting!”

Papyrus headed off without so much as a wave goodbye. You could have sworn he had tears at the edges of his eye sockets. 

Completely immersed in his speech, you hadn’t even noticed Sans teleporting in front of you. 

He was perhaps a foot shorter than you and quite literally big boned. Of course, at this point, you were quite aware of his stature but it felt like a lifetime ago that you truly got this close to him. It doesn’t take you that long though to realize that his closeness is not for the purposes of a celebratory hug. Oh no. 

Sans grabs the furred collar of your coat roughly, pulling you down, face to face with him without much concern for your comfort. The coat strains on the back of your neck, digging into your flesh uncomfortably, you wince, but Sans holds your gaze and tightens his grip as he tugs you down just a little more so he’s looking down at you instead. 

“Let me give you a little advice about fighting my brother,” he grumbles, voice deeper than you’ve ever heard it. It’s, again, much more of a rumble in his bones than a vocalization. He tugs you in closer, the smile on his face growing wider into a twisted smirk, “ _don’t_ ”. 

And then he too is gone. His grip had been holding you upward and when he disappears, you tumble forward, landing face first in a snow puff. You groan, sitting up and wiping the fresh powder off your cheeks. You shiver, but it’s not from the cold. 

“I wont, Sans,” you say to the air. 

You swear, for just a moment, you hear a child’s laugh in your head. But, then again… perhaps it’s nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy.... 
> 
> We're going to be taking a little bit of a break for the next couple days! I have a test coming up and my goal is to complete my math credit by Christmas break which is, also coming up very freakin' fast... so that means actually I have... 2 tests... and an exam coming up..................... oh boy....... 
> 
> Please stay tuned, I'll probably still be alive..... Probably...


	5. Fight & Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you get schooled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time, no see! 
> 
> If you remember, I said I'd be on a mini hiatus for a little while! Well, I'm finally back! For those interested, last week was a bit of a doosie but, I only have my math exam left and I'll have finished the credit! I managed to get my test and the unit done and so all I have left is the review and exam. I've been breathing a sign of relief for the past week straight. 
> 
> With that out of that way though, let's get on to the important part! The new chapter! 
> 
> Sorry if it's a little short, I'll hopefully have another chapter out before Christmas but, I desperately need to clean before everyone comes over so... we'll see. 
> 
> Hopefully this will sate you all until then! Thank you so, so much for reading!

You stood, shaking in your boots, hands over your mouth in shock and disbelief. Oh man, had you messed up big time. How could you have done this? 

“Papyrus?” you squeak, voice small and fragile. You stare at your hands, they’re covered in a familiar, fine dust. Said aforementioned skeleton gives you a grin, his expression one of forgiveness. 

“Human!” he exclaims, voice so much more calmer than you expect, or that you deserve, “it is okay!” He assures you, nodding his head at his own words. You find yourself shaking your head almost immediately. It wasn’t okay.

Honestly, it was far from it. How could you do that? How could you have been so careless to have let this happen? You swallow thickly, brushing the Parmesan cheese on your hands off on your pants. The powdered cheese leaves a smudge of off white and a dash of shiny glitter on your thigh. 

“I can’t believe I did that,” you whine, hiding your face in your now clean hands, “I can’t believe I just did that”. 

“Human! It is quite alright! You must have been enamored by my incredible outfit,” Papyrus strikes a pose before giving you a friendly pat on the shoulder.

“That was definitely it,” you say, forcing a smile as you peak through your fingers. Your face was as red as the spaghetti sauce splattering the adjacent wall and floor. 

Papyrus seems pleased at your answer, however.

This timeline, your fight had ended in a similar way to your first. As well as in the way you’d promised Sans it would. 

Papyrus walked away from in unscathed, just like you’d said he would. Just like you’d promised.

Currently, you were on your ‘date’ with the younger skeleton brother, though neither of you had called it that upon setting it up. You knew it was technically supposed to be a date considering the way the timeline worked but, this time around you were simply hanging out as friends, having already established that once the two of you had ended the fight. 

You hadn’t spoken to Sans since entering his home, but you were quite certain he was here. In his room most likely. And most definitely, avoiding you. Or, perhaps flat out ignoring you. Although, you really couldn’t fault him for it. While you knew he didn’t remember everything, you knew he remembered enough. If you were in his shoes, you wouldn’t forgive you either. 

Speaking of the ‘date’ though, you were currently pitying yourself for making a mess. You were helping him to clean up noodles and sauce on the floor and walls. You had been messing around together with Pap’s action figures when you’d gotten a little… TOO into a scene and you’d flung your arms around, smacking Papyrus straight upside the skull. The spaghetti still under his baseball hat had flew off into the opposing wall, the plate shattering and noodles and sauce splattering almost everything within a 35 cm radius. 

Papyrus insisted it wasn’t a problem, and that it was an honest mistake but, after everything you’d done to ensure you wouldn’t mess up this timeline, you couldn’t help but feel terrible. Especially considering you’d smacked Papyrus quite hard in the face for the spaghetti to have gone flying across the room like it had. If he had skin, you’re sure you would have given him a black eye. 

“I’ll go get some paper towels!” you exclaim. Papyrus gives you a nod of his head, his ever present, toothy grin widening even more so.

“That should help immensely, human! They should be under the sink!” Papyrus goes back to scooping what he can off the floor and into his waste basket, to wanting it to stain. 

With a nod of your head, you make your way out of his room and down the stairs. 

You know this house now. In fact, in your first timeline it’d almost felt like… home. Almost. Perhaps it was only nostalgia making you feel that now though. It seemed likely after all. You’d only spent a day or so at the skeleton brothers house during your first run through, not long enough to call it home. But, the memories you had were incredible. You remembered where everything was, you remembered where everything should be. Perhaps it was just nostalgia but it didn’t make it any less important. 

With a sigh, you make your way into the kitchen and over to the too tall sink. It’s not until you open the cupboard that you feel someone watching you. You knew it wasn’t Papyrus. 

“What are you getting?” Sans asks, voice dripping with unvoiced accusation. You blink, and he’s in front of you. He’s nearly too close for comfort, standing between you and the cupboard door, you can feel his breath on your face. 

“P-paper towels,” you stutter, stepping backward and bumping into the corner of the table. You wince, rubbing your hip where you were sure there’d be a bruise forming soon enough. The splatters of parmesean cheese and sauce on your cotton sweater catch his eye. For a moment, he seems to startle before realizing what it really it. You feel a pang of remorse, but mostly disgust at yourself as you watch his expression change. 

You look around briefly, awaiting him to move out of your way. You hadn’t realized when you’d walked in but, all of the cabinets are open, and the drawers are missing. The shelves are empty, save for a box of cereal and a bag of chips, and there aren’t any forks or knives or spoons in sight. Especially no knives, you realize. The knife block that you remember had always been by the stove is no where to be seen now. Had Sans done this? Some how, you almost want to be angry at him but, you can’t muster up the ego for it. You deserve to not be trusted. 

When Sans is positive you aren’t going for anything dangerous, he finally steps off to the side and blinks out of your view and into sitting position at the table. You feel his eyes on you the entire time you are rummaging through the cabinet beneath the sink. 

“I promised you, didn’t I?” you begun, feeling brave. Or perhaps stupid, “I wouldn’t hurt him. I’m going to make things right again, I’m gonna fix my mistakes”. Definitely stupid. 

You hear Sans chuckle, it’s deep and dark and you know he’s not laughing because he finds it funny. At least, not in the traditional sense. 

“Kid, lemme make something crystal clear for you, since you don’t seem to fucking get it just yet,” Sans eyes are burning holes into your back. You refuse to turn and catch his gaze, because you know if you do you might piss yourself in fright. You swallow, forgetting about the paper towels. 

“You seem to think that you’re above everything. That your actions can just be wiped away with the flick of a switch. That the dust on your hands has been washed off. Let me let you in on a little secret,” you don’t want to hear this. But you know you deserve it. “No matter how many times you reset, everything you did last timeline will still be clear as a bell in my mind. I wont ever forgive you. I can promise you that”. 

You know he’s mocking your previous promises. You know he’s only saying this to rile you up because that’s who he is to people he doesn’t like. And boy, does he not like you. You didn’t need to be a Rhodes Scholar to figure that one out. Still. 

You turn to meet his gaze, having found the paper towels. His eyes meet yours in an instant, gaze strong and unwavering. It makes you feel so small. _He_ makes you feel so small. It’s not a good feeling. 

You nibble at your lip, beginning to feel uncomfortable as he continues to stare at you. He watched you fidgeting, and it appears to be his plan to make you feel unwelcomed. You definitely do. Your gaze finally falls to the floor, away from him. A voice in your mind tsk’s, you feel sweat on your back. 

Sans scoffs, and you hear the sound of his elbow resting on the table as he places his skull in his hand. When you look back at him, his eyes are shut, the grin on his face much more of a grimace than anything. 

“I’ll hold you to it,” you whisper above the pounding of your pulse in your ears. You don’t wait to see if Sans heard you, taking long strides across the living room floor and making your way up the stairs two steps at a time. You push open Papyrus’ door so quickly that you nearly fall into the room. Simultaneously, you nearly fall into Papyrus, who had been moment away from coming to find you. You’d hit him with the door. 

Papyrus exclaims in pain and surprise, holding his hands to his forehead where you’d hit him. The paper towels fall from your hands, a gasp leaving your lips once you realize what you’ve done. 

“Oh God, oh my God Papyrus I’m so sorry!” you stutter, kneeling down next to him when he sits on the floor, skull in his hands. 

“It… it’s quite alright human! I too can be very clumsy. I, The Great Papyrus, am not always Great, you know,” he gives you a smile and you can’t help but try your best to return it. He’s too kind and genuine for his own good. You give him a big hug, and he returns it happily. 

“Still, God I’m so, so sorry. First I smack you and now I’ve gone and hit you with a door, I’m a terrible friend,” you mumble against his basketball shoulder pads. Papyrus instantly seizes your arms, pushing you out of the hug so you can face him. He locks eyes with you, shaking his head.

“That is not true at all human! You are an incredible friend thus far. You have even bestowed upon me a hug and minor injuries! Is that not what friends do? They were all accidents after all, and you have apologized for them! A true friend, like yourself, would feel bad for injuring somebody they considered their friend! Do you feel bad?” he asks you. Somehow, you think maybe he’s asking something much deeper than he realizes. 

You nod your head yes, Papyrus’ hands falling to yours so you can hold them, “of course I do. More than you can imagine”. 

“Then, human! You are not a terrible friend! You are quite the opposite actually! Dare I say… perhaps a… _Great_ … Friend. Nyeh heh heh”. 

“Papyrus!” You exclaim, mock surprise on your face, “was that… a pun?” 

He gives a sidelong glance, eyes narrowing as his jaw clenches, his skeletal hands gripping yours a little tighter, “perhaps”. 

The two of your erupt into a fit of giggles, which end in Papyrus cursing himself and swearing never to do anything like that again. You can only giggle more at that. 

You pick up the paper towels you’d dropped, ripping off a few sheets before handing Papyrus the roll and getting to work cleaning up. As you work, you think back to the voice. You’d heard it very briefly in the kitchen. So briefly in fact that you’d nearly convinced yourself now that it hadn’t even happened. But, something deep inside you was vehemently denying that. You were sure it was real last timeline, but… why? And more importantly… why could you still hear it? Shouldn’t it have left? You wondered just who it was, or perhaps… maybe it was just your own mind playing tricks on you. You didn’t know what to think anymore. You give a small sigh, shuddering at the sight of the finely grated white cheese on the floor. The sight of it reminded you of something much less… innocent.


	6. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I'm trying to get all these chapters typed up, so I can post them... I like to write them on paper first because, well. Y'know. Anyway, enjoy! This one is a little bit longer so hopefully that'll sate you guys until I can get tim to type up the next chapter! ;) 
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy some confused Sans!

Sans had promised Papyrus he’d never do this again that he’d get his drinking under control. Yet, here he was. Holed up in Grillby’s, the late night taking most patrons home. Except him. Wasted as per usual. Mostly, he was good at hiding it. Papyrus didn’t really catch on unless Sans was particularly hung over but, the tolerance he was beginning to build made that something of the past. Instead, he’d drink, he’d get wasted, he’d get cut off, he’d go home. Then, he’d fall asleep and that’d be that. 

He was already wasted, slurring his words and spilling his drink on the counter, droplets of alcohol on the bar top from where he’d moved the glass too fast as he spoke. Tonight though, he wasn’t here for his usual reasons. His doubts and anxiety, his depression and his meaningless out look on life. No. Tonight he was here because he didn’t want to do this again. 

God, did he not want to do this again.

Last he’d heard of you, you were spending the night at the Inn down the way. That was all he’d cared to listen to. He’d tuned Pap out after that and simply nodded and smiled when needed as his brother continued to speak. He just couldn’t bring himself to care about you or your escapades anymore. He just could not care less about what you were doing or who you were with or how you were doing. Or… at least, that’s what he was trying to tell himself. 

Unfortunately, the very reason he was at Grillby’s in the first place was you. His logic coming back here for a drink was to get as wasted and piss drunk as possible, all so he could forget about you. If only for a moment. Forget that he was ever friends with you. Forget that he’d ever even cared. But, it wasn’t working. 

All the alcohol did was make reminiscing more frequent; more painful. The memories stirring behind his eyes when he shut them, the moments spent with you as friends. Standing on the surface, taking it all in; the sunlight on his bones, your hand in his as you pointed to the stars poking out as the sun began to set… God. He could only remember certain bits and pieces, like the end of the first timeline. But, it was enough to form opinions. To build a timeline and guess what might have happened between. Most importantly, it was enough to remember how you’d acted, and why. 

The first timelines events pointed to the obvious conclusion. Your kindness, your overall careful nature and the fact that you were as fearless as you possibly could be; the fact that you’d saved everybody without so much as a second though well. That all pointed to one simple notion: you were a good person. 

But, then… if you were such a good person, why had you reset and come back and done it all over again so violently? So brutally? If you truly were friends with everyone down here, why had you come back with the intent to demolish monsterkind? If you were such a good fucking person, why had you killed everybody? Good people didn’t do that. 

He couldn’t make any sense of it. Everything about you at first had pointed to someone with angel wings. Somebody with a halo behind their head at all times; someone probably too good for this earth, especially considering the species they belonged to. 

But, jeez. That second time around? You were the Devil incarnate himself. Horns, tail, and all. Someone as good as the person you were before the reset couldn’t have been that good at all truly, if it were in fact you the second time around. And Sans was positive that it was you. There were no bones about it. Who the fuck else could it have been? You had done this. You had killed everybody. 

But… you’d stopped it too. You’d stopped the literal Genocide happening before his eyes. He had to remind himself of that, that you’d reset that horrible massacred timeline for this one instead. Only after you’d finally had a mental break.

And the more he thought of it, the more carefully he looked at those clouded memories, the more he realized that your face hadn’t looked… the same. It was most definitely you but it, wasn’t? That didn’t make any fucking sense. 

Sans slammed his forehead on the bar top. What a goddamn joke. He couldn’t even make sense of his train of thought anymore. What was he trying to do? What was he trying to piece together here? Why was he attempting to dissect you? Why was he trying to convince himself that you had some Ultimate Reason for your actions last timeline? 

Maybe instead of him rubbing off on Pap, it was Pap rubbing off on him. Even as his body turned to dust last timeline, Papyrus was still convinced you could change. That you could be better. Even as his ashes mixed with powdered snow beneath his boots, he believed in you. 

Sans grit his teeth, balling his fists in his pocket. His brother was too kind for his own good. It had literally gotten him killed last timeline. But Sans couldn’t fault him. Papyrus was kind because he saw the good in others no matter what. And while it might be dangerous to think like that, perhaps it was why Papyrus was so happy. As opposed to Sans constant dire outlook on life where everyone was guilty until proven innocent. Still. 

You’d been a good person once. Sans reminded himself once more that, you returning to the beginning for a third time proved it. Once, you’d been a good human. Once, you’d cared. 

 

* * *

 

The Inn’s bed is so soft and comfortable, the room homey and peaceful. You wish you could just sleep in it, but you lay awake and unable. Each time you close your eyes, all you can see is dust billowing in the wind. And you know it’s not the type to coat books or old furniture. It’s the kind you created with the swing of a knife. 

With a deep breath, you sit up and swing your legs over the side of the bed. You sit there for a moment, running a hand through your hair. Your boots lay on the floor next to the side of the bed, and you tug them on, double lacing them. Your exhaustion mounted heavily on your lids. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d actually slept well, but you were sure it was a long while ago. Perhaps when you were in the ruins, the first time. 

You yawn, almost considering climbing back into bed and trying again. Something tells you though that it’s futile. So, instead, you stand. You rummage through your backpack and pull out your wallet, tugging on your coat and sticking it in your pocket. You need a quick drink to calm your nerves, you think. Something of the… alcoholic persuasion. 

Tugging your zipper up to your chin, you make your way through what appears to be a mild blizzard. Trudging through the snow, the short trek to Grillby’s feels just that bit longer with the build up of powder beneath your boots. It’s nothing you can’t handle, even with the wind nipping at your cheeks. 

Grillby’s bright orange light streams through the windows to the outside. It’s warm and inviting but, you can’t help the little bit of dread hanging over your shoulders. Maybe it’s because it’s been a while since you’d last gotten drunk. You wonder if Grillby will even let you have anything to drink. Maybe the drinking age is different down here? Despite your worries, you head inside, shutting the door behind you. 

Unzipping your coat and tossing it up on the coat rack you take a seat at the bar, Grillby is in front of you in a flash. 

“One whisky, please,” you say, getting comfortable in your spot. It doesn’t seem too busy, but then again, you suppose it’s got to be pretty late. 

“Didn’t take somebody like you for the whiskey type,” Sans says from beside you. You jump, nearly off your stool. 

“Fuckin’ hell,” you breathe, hand to your chest to calm your pounding heart. Sans eyes meet yours, and you can tell by the deep aqua gracing his cheek bones that he’s drunk. 

“But who am _rye_ to judge ya,” he seems smug, though a little put off when he realizes what he’s just said. Almost like he didn’t want to joke with you. It takes you a moment but, you realize this is the first pun you’ve heard from him since you reset again. You wonder about the importance of such a realization. 

You see Sans still staring at you, though his expression is much different from the smug grin that had been there when he’d dropped the joke in the first place. Now, it’s much more… forceful. Like he’s trying to keep it together instead of simply letting his grin fall like his face wants it to. He seems to be waiting on something as well. Perhaps for you to speak? But you have nothing to say to him. You wish you did. The first timeline, all you did was talk to him. Now it just seemed redundant; wrong.

Grillby comes by once more, you hadn’t even noticed he’d left. He places a whiskey on the rocks down in front of you, the ice clinking in the glass making you wrinkle your nose. You’d hoped it’d be straight. Grillbz seems to have sensed your mood though and watered it down against your unvoiced wishes. Oh well. 

You take a slow, long sip. Monster whiskey has an odd but, nice after taste to it. It’s not made from real rye after all, it’s made from monster ingredients. So, of course it tastes different. Somehow, you think you like it better than the whiskey from above. 

“Ya just gonna ignore me, kid?” Sans slurs suddenly, splattering more of his drink on the counter. The ice in the top of it clinks on the glassware loudly in the nearly empty bar. 

You place your now empty whiskey down, waving Grillby over and informing him you’d like another. No ice. You think he shakes his head. Not to say no but, in something you think might be disappointment. It upsets you a little. What does he know. He doesn’t know you. You frown as he walks off. 

You realize when he’s gone down the bar that Sans had been talking to you. You decide to say whats honestly on your mind, “I just don’t know what to say to you…” your voice is meek. Pathetic. Sans snorts unattractively. 

“Isn’t that somethin’. Ya must be feelin’ pretty guilty huh? Is that it?” the grin on his face is more akin to a grimace if anything, “ya never did answer me ya know”. 

His odd accent, out of place compared to his brothers, is much more prominent in his drunken state. You wonder if it’s less of an accent and more of him being too lazy to finish his words. Thats… probably it, really. 

Grillby places your freshly filled glass in front of you, no ice just like you’d asked. You tell him thank you but, your eyes never leave Sans as you do, “what do you mean?” you ask, brows furrowed in confusion. 

Sans chuckles deeply, “why’d ya do all this?” 

Oh. _That_ question. 

“I… don’t know,” you say once more. Your answer the same as before.

Sans raises a brow bone, spilling his drink again before taking a big swig of it, “nah see, I think you do know. Ya just don’t wanna tell me because that means admitting what happened, ya know? And you, I know ya. You don’t wanna do that. Because you just wanna keep pretending that everythings gonna be a-okay now because you’re gonna… what was it?” Sans pauses before nodding when he remembers. You’re positive it’s for dramatic effect though. The longer you listen to him, the more aware you’re becoming of just how drunk he is, “oh right. ‘I’ll save everyone again!” 

His voice goes up an octave as he quotes you, he’s clearly mocking you. 

“What a joke,” he guzzles down the rest of his drink, you think from it’s colour and scent that it must be some type of rum. His deep chuckle is louder now, more genuine. You sit in silence. The thought to strangle him appears in your mind and you want to rip your brains out through your ears and smash them into mush. You keep telling yourself it isn’t you thinking those things but, it’s becoming hard to truly decipher whether that’s true. 

“I wanted to be your friend,” you whisper. You can feel Sans eyes wandering back over to you. You wish he’d look away again, “I wanted to be everyone's friend. I wanted to learn all I could about everybody. That’s why I did it”. 

Sans blinks when you look over to him, clearly confused. Honestly if you were him, you’d be confused at your train of thought too. It was backwards and you seriously could not even fathom what made you come to such a conclusion anymore. Maybe you just were _that_ fucked up. 

“So, you murdered everyone because you wanted to be friends? Well, that’s pretty fucking backwards,” he slurred. It’s almost like he read your mind with that one. Somehow though, it’s worse when he says it than when you’d admitted it to yourself just seconds prior. Maybe it was the fact that he now knew just how fucked up your train of thought had been. Maybe it was the fact that he now knew what you were truly like that made you feel so disgusting now. Nice, the alcohol was already hitting you and making you a self pitying disaster. You’d be disappointed if it hadn’t.

“You know what’s more backwards than that though?” Sans voice seems far away. You can nearly hear the memories in his tone as he continues, “we were already friends the first time around”. 

You knew that. 

You were very much aware of that actually. But…

You had wanted to be closer. 

You had wanted… you had. You still did of course but, now you wanted to do it the way you should. The way it was supposed to happen. Naturally. 

“I know,” you say finally, “I miss it”. 

“I don’t,” Sans doesn’t miss a beat. Your heart however, does.

He knows just what to say to hurt you; to upset you. Something in you is wriggling at the negativity filling the conversation; filling your heart. The blatant hatred makes a foreign feeling in your gut jump for joy. You’re disgusted with yourself. 

“I might have, a long time ago. But, now? Now I really just want you to hurry up so I can go to the surface again and get me and my friends as far from you as possible”. 

You don’t think you’d ever heard Sans more serious. The sincerity dripping in his voice stunned you into silence. Something in you was ecstatic. The verbal beat down you were receiving made your heart flutter in both sorrow and excitement. God, you were fucking vile.

Sans hops off the stool, leaving Grillby’s without another word to you. 

After five drinks, Grillby cuts you off. Monster alcohol seems to be much more potent. 

Snowdin is no longer bearing the brunt of a blizzard, it seemingly had moved past and into Waterfall where it turned into a rainstorm. Despite that though, it’s still freezing here in the little town and so, you bundle up like you had before you’d gotten to Grillby’s and then head out again toward the Inn. Luckily the whiskey warms you from the inside out so, you don’t need to zip you coat up too much. You snuggle into the fur on your hood anyhow, trying to ignore the blatant sting of tears in your eyes, blaming it on the cold winter wind instead of your own aching guilt. 

“Feeling a little remorseful, huh?” you jump for the second time tonight, the peculiar voice of a little yellow flower catching you off guard. 

“It must be difficult to have emotions,” it’s voice travels from an alley way between a couple of houses to your right. The snow is nearly up to your knees there, and you try your best to wade through it. It’s either the alcohol or your own suicidal idealization but, you don’t currently care for your well being. Which is, of course, made clear when you stumble up to the little flower, standing in front of it nonchalantly. 

“It is,” you reply. Emotions had never been a friend to you. Even before you’d fallen. Flowey gives you a smug know-it-all look that would make your blood boil if you were sober, or awake enough to care. 

“I wouldn’t know,” Flowey hums, the smug look on his face not fading for a second. You shove your hands in your pockets for warmth as a chilly breeze blows by. 

“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest,” you murmur, rolling your head to crack your neck, “something you want?”

Flowey grins wildly. Perhaps if your mind was not addled with alcohol, you might be the slightest bit frightened. 

“Nope! I simply wanted to check up on an old pal”. Somehow you feel like that’s only half the truth. Whether it is or isn’t though, Flowey doesn’t say. And you never expected him to. 

“Did you now?” your words are slurred, Flowey seems to be grinning wider each time you speak, “what makes you think we were ever pals?”

He laughs loudly, a shrill goosebump inducing, hysterical kind of laughter. It makes you want to cover your ears but, you don’t. 

“Oh, buddy. You have no idea. Although… maybe you do, too”. Flowey’s words are cryptic, as per usual. You wish you’d just walk away from him but, you don’t want to move at the same time. Something about staring death straight in the face is calming to you. Which, all things considered, really did not surprise you.

The sound of crunching snow interrupts whatever Flowey was just about to say, his eyes falling behind you a moment. He looks back up to you when you hear another crunch behind you but, you dare not turn. He waves a small farewell with his leaves, “well. Too bad this got cut short, but… I’ll be seeing you, partner! I’m sure we’ll have longer to talk the next time!” 

He disappears below the snow, and you suppose somewhere into the ground. You don’t know how the flower travels and frankly, you really don’t want to know. 

You stay standing there, and although it couldn’t have been for more than a moment, it feels like at least an hour. The alcohol in your system has impaired your sense of time too, it seemed. It isn’t until you hear the snow crunch again that you realize there was someone behind you. Their voice still startles you anyway though.

“Hey,” you jump, for the third time tonight. Turning around, you spot Sans. His cheeks are still flushed but, besides his obvious drunkenness, he seems… concerned? If only for a brief moment. You simply stare at him, and he stares back. 

You lips part, voice bubbling up before you can even think. The alcohol had also impaired your logic. 

“I reset because I’m selfish, ya know, like…” Sans seemed surprised at your admittance. He makes no move to walk toward you, although he doesn’t turn away either, “I reset the second time because I felt like shit for invading your privacy. I reset because I didn’t want to see you unhappy anymore”. 

You walk toward him, wishing you could reach for his hands just to have something to steady yourself with. However, he has them tucked away in his pockets. So, instead, you sway and balance yourself on the side of one of the houses next to you. Your eyes sting, and you know this time it’s not from the wind. 

“Us humans we -- we feel like the world owes us every piece of information we can get our hands on, ya know? Like, that if we exist it means we deserve to know everything. That’s… why I reset. Because... I’m human”. 

Sans expression is wrought with concern, his hands flying out to catch you when you stumble and slip on some ice. The alcohol finally catches up to you then, you feel your eyes fall shut, Sans hands wrapping around your middle.


	7. Once More, With Feeling

The dull Snowdin light pouring in through the window does nothing to calm the pounding headache behind your eyes. Somehow, you’d made it back to your hotel room last night. You barely even remembered anything. On top of the migraine eating away at your sanity, your head was swimming. Everything that had happened last night was a blur. At the very least, you’d managed to sleep. Thank you, alcohol!

Oh, but God, screw it too. Nausea swims over you in waves, forcing you to sit up to get it to dissipate. Your sure wish the monsters had something like Ibuprofen down here but, you supposed you’d just have to manage. Whatever. Despite sleeping all through the night, you feel like you didn’t get a wink. You’re exhausted and in pain and you want nothing more than to just lay down and go back to sleep. But you know it wont come. And you know you need to move on. Staying in Snowdin any longer was just delaying the inevitable. 

So, you stand, tugging on your boots and trudging into the bathroom off to the left. Your hair is in tangles, stale whiskey on your hot morning breath. Lovely. Grimacing, you manage to find a toothbrush and some tooth paste under the sink, both unopened. At least you can help your mouth somewhat. 

You spit the foam into the sink, wrinkling your nose to the strong after taste of mint running down your throat. Despite your best efforts to keep the tooth paste away from your esophagus, it always finds its way there anyway. You stick out your tongue, giving a comically loud noise of disgust before making your way back out of the bathroom. 

Quickly, you gather your things. Your coat, your mitts, your hat, your backpack and all of it’s supplies. Your jacket spelled like Grillby’s you realized. Taking a deep inhale, you couldn’t help but be reminded of Sans. How cliche it would be for him to smell like a damn bar and grill. You wipe the silly grin off your face as you finish packing. 

Tossing your pack over your shoulder, you give the room one last look over before closing the door behind you. 

“Wait, what do you mean someone already paid for me?” 

The bunny at the front desk gives you an odd look, her ears twitching. She simply shrugs, “exactly that, darling”. 

“Well, who was it, at least?” you ask, brows furrowed in confusion. The idea that someone had paid for you was odd, and although you were thankful, you couldn’t possibly think of who could have done this for you. 

“Hmm, if I remember correctly, it was one of the skeleton brothers,” the bunny says. You blink. A beat passes. 

“Seriously?” your voice is low, like you cannot believe it. For a moment, you think it’s all some elaborate prank, or a dream. You pinch yourself discreetly. Ow. 

“Mm-hm! He brought you in last night asleep and said it’d just be easier to pay for you himself”. 

“Oh… uh… okay” you stand their a moment, really not sure what to say to that. But, it sure _sounded_ like something Sans would do. And you hadn’t seen Papyrus since yesterday afternoon. You rubbed the back of your neck before jumping a bit, startling the bunny monster at the counter. You pull your wallet, fishing through it for the monster currency you’d collected rather than your human money, “here! At least let me give you a tip,” you offer, handing her 40 gold coins. 

“Oh! That’s not necc–” 

“I Insist, please”. After much pleading, she finally takes the money, a grateful smile on her face. You wave goodbye to her, making your way out into a much less windy Snowdin. It’s still snowing but, it’s not as harsh as it was last night. Underfoot, theres a couple decent inches of fresh packing snow. Despite your headache, you can’t help the smile that comes to your face as you crunch through it. Packing snow could always cheer you up. 

It wasn’t too long before you bumped in Papyrus. Although, this was quite unsurprising considering he lived right on the border between Snowdin and Waterfall. 

“Ah, human! Are you continuing your journey now?” You give him a nod, offering him a pleasant smile. Papyrus was some guy. And you meant that in the best way possible. It nearly pained you to be half as energetic as he was in the afternoon, let alone completely awake in the morning like he was. You tell him your bag is filled to the brim with as many Bisicles and Cinnabunny’s as it can handle. He gives you a thumbs up and a big grin, pleased with your preparations. 

“You haven’t seen Sans by any chance today, have you Pap?” you ask, wondering if maybe the stouter skeleton hadn’t left yet. Of course though, Sans followed his own rules. Despite whatever patterns you might have come across in him. 

“As a matter of fact, I have! He does live with me, after all!” 

You blush, realizing at Papyrus’ words that you had briefly forgotten that, “right. Uh… he wouldn’t happen to be home, would he?”

“Nope! That lazybones seemed to be quite the… busybody today! Nyeh heh heh!” Papyrus’ laughter fades, “he is rubbing off on me”. 

You snort, and despite his disgust with himself for the less than stellar pun, Pap seems happy that he got you to laugh.

“Alright, well… thank you, Papyrus. I had better get going”. Papyrus gives you a bright grin. Brighter than usual. 

“Should you happen to miss me, I, The Great Papyrus, am only a phone call away!” you give him a nod, smiling right back before you finally start on your way to Waterfall. You make sure to check that you do indeed have Papyrus’ number though, just in case you some how had forgotten to get it. But, it was there. A little shooting star and plate of spaghetti emoji next to his name, in all capitals of course. 

You take your mittens off and shove them in your beg, unzipping your coat as it begins to get a little warmer. You leave your beanie on, your bed head completely untamed. 

As you walk, you flip through your phone. You used to have Sans as a contact, in the first timeline. There was an entire thread of messages, just puns and silly photos exchanged back and forth throughout your journey. Now, with the resets, it’s gone for good. As is his number. 

You wish you had it now so you could call him to ask about the Inn. The idea that he’d taken you back there last night was off enough, considering the things he’d said to you yesterday. Let alone the fact that he’d paid for your stay. You needed to find him, just… so you could pay him back. And, maybe find out what had happened last night. You were pretty positive you had passed out now but, still. You’d like to make sure. 

Finally, you made your way out of Snowdin. The cold was finally replaced with the mild, temperate air of Waterfall. The sounds of water trickling from above calming and tranquil. The scent of the rain, the serene blue-violet stone walls… you’d always loved Waterfall. 

For a moment, despite your haste, you simply stop. You stop walking, you stop thinking. You simply soak in the ambiance of the place. It was so peaceful, so welcoming that you almost felt like it was your first time here again. There was always something new to see. Always some new nook or cranny to explore here. 

You knew it wasn’t your first time though. But, the feeling was still there. 

“Nice, isn’t it?” 

You turn to see none other than Flowey. Twisting and turning in his spot, he hums a tune you know you’ll hear later. In the rain. 

“I always liked Waterfall,” you say, giving the little flower the benefit of the doubt. Asriel had told you not to think of him when you looked at Flowey. Especially in a world where Flowey didn’t remember the first timeline. But, you couldn’t help it. You knew he was in there, somewhere. You knew there was a good kid in there just waiting for someone to understand. 

“I hate it,” Flowey says plainly, popping up next to you to wrap a vine around your ankle, nuzzling his flower head against you, “it always reminds me of what we don’t have down here”. There’s a pause where neither of you say anything. You wish you could hug him. Hug Asriel. Or even just Flowey, honestly. 

“Don’t you miss it?” he asks, you know he isn’t talking to you, “the stars?” 

You answer him anyway. After all, you’re the only one here who can, “not really”. You could lie, say you did. A long time ago, you might have. But now, looking up and not seeing that vast emptiness that was space… seeing rock instead, it felt peaceful. You felt so much less exposed. You felt safe. 

“They would have said the same,” Flowey pulls himself away from you, swaying in place again as he hums. 

_He knows me so well,_ that voice in your mind whispers, the sound of it clear as day. You feel sweat on your back, the desire to scream taking over your senses. You manage to reel it in, staying outwardly unfazed. For the most part. 

“I’m sure they would have,” you reply. Perhaps you’re indulging him too much but, Asriel, you decide, deserves it. He deserves the indulgence. You wish you could speak with him again, he’d know what to do. 

At the end of your first journey, he’d felt like a little brother. Someone you wanted to protect no matter the cost. Someone you wanted to save too. Maybe that was your other reason for going back. You wanted to try to help him. Do something more. You knew you could. Right? 

Silently, you begin to walk again, giving Flowey a passing glance as he slips away not long after. You can’t be sure where he’s gone but, something tells you it’s certainly not the last you’ll be seeing of him.

The road to the first main room of Waterfall is not long at all, and you soon find yourself standing in front of Sans empty sentry station. He should be here? Why isn’t he… oh. 

When you look over the counter, you see his familiar blue sneakers peaking out from underneath. There he is, curled up beneath the stand, seemingly sound asleep. You almost don’t want to wake him. But you know you have to pay him back. A little part of you also hopes he might ask you to lunch this time around, just like the first timeline. 

You decide it’s best not to get your hopes up though. 

“Sans?” you whisper, the echo flower to the left picking up your voice. 

“Sans?” it repeats. The voice is a little muffled, but entirely yours. The echo flower does the job for you after that.

Finally, Sans seems to stir. He opens his eyes, the bright dots of light floating in his skull looking around lazily as he stretches and yawns. When he catches sight of you looking down to him from above, you think for a moment he looks… affectionate? You blink though and the expression is gone. Sans stands quickly, taking a seat on the stool behind the counter.

“Here already, huh? I was beginning to get a little nervous, _tibia_ completely honest,” this is the second pun he’s told you all timeline. You decide you’re going to start counting now. You give him a grin before dumping out your coin purse in front of him. 

“Here,” you say. All 80g is sitting there, staring right at him. He blinks, briefly staring back at it before pushing it toward you. You must look awfully confused because he begins to explain. 

“Just think of it as a peace offering,” he says. You pick up the gold and shove it straight into his hands this time. 

“Think of me paying you back as a peace offering. You aren’t the one who needs to be making peace offerings,” Sans moves his hands away from yours too quickly for you to see and the coins clatter to the stone floor. 

“Then think of it as an apology,” Sans makes no move to pick them up, which is unsurprising considering his lazy streak. However, you are beginning to get annoyed. 

“You don’t need to apologize for anything!” you say, the echo flower repeating your words.

“Don’t I?” Sans closes one eye, resting his cheek bone in his hand as he leans against the grainy wood of his station. 

“What could you possibly need to apologize for?” you slam the collected coins down in front of him, though you hold your hands over the pile so he can’t shove them back off. He closes both eye sockets, giving a yawn. Then he shrugs. 

“I was kinda an ass to you last night,” you raise a brow. Is he talking about what he said to you in Grillby’s? If so you… sure it was pretty hurtful but… 

“No I… needed to hear all that. You were right. In the kitchen and at Grillby’s,” you blink, chewing at your bottom lip before you continue. Sans eyes remain shut, “I do think I’m above all this. That I’m untouchable,” your hands fall from his station, the pile of gold coins glinting briefly in some unknown source of light. 

“But I’m not,” you whisper. 

_But you are,_ says the voice only you can hear. 

“I’m not above it. I’m not untouchable,” you silence it. “I have to deal with the consequences just like anyone else”. 

The voice is silent now. Sans still hadn’t opened his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. 

“What was that?” Sans grumbles, pinkie finger pretending to pick his nose. You wrinkle your own nose, pretending like you hadn’t seen it. 

“I’m sorry,” you say. It sounds almost robotic. You grimace at your own half-hearted tone. You were trying to be sincere but, it didn’t seem to be coming across that way. 

“After everything you did, your first instinct is to just… apologize?” Sans says nonchalantly. You are seriously getting tired of his games but, you remind yourself he has every right to be upset with you. You sigh. 

“Sans I… I don’t know what you want me to say here,” you admit. He seems much more pleased at this admittance. Suddenly, he’s standing there, behind the counter with his hand offered to you. You blink, eyeing him suspiciously. Confused by his actions, you simply stand there, hands to your chest. Alarm bells are ringing loudly in your head, something is seriously not right about this. Maybe it’s just your ever present paranoia; or even you just wishing there was something wrong. Either way, it takes you a moment. 

Then, against your better judgment, you reach out to him and take his hand. His smooth and boney fingers feel warm against your own fleshy ones. They slip between yours, the two of you lacing your fingers together like it was a habit. His hand feels like home but, the sudden panic that fills your chest overrides that comfort. 

For a split second, you feel your feet off the ground, the light around you flashing blindingly before the feeling of hovering dissipates and is replaced by unbearable heaviness. You groan, touching your hand to your head when it finally leaves as well. 

You realize you had closed your eyes. 

Upon opening them, you’re in a room in Waterfall you’d never been in before. Or, at least… you think you’re still in Waterfall? The air is mild, temperate. The walls are still indigo-blue stone. In the distance, you hear the soft pitterpatter of rain drops and the crashing sound of rushing water. The room you’re in happens to be dry however, and save for the very dim light of 2 tiny blue mushrooms, it’s almost pitch black. 

You sense a patch of reeds behind you. Beneath your feet is very dimly glowing blue grass. Like the glow in the dark stars you had on your ceiling as a child, the grass does nothing to light the room against the inky darkness of the soil it’s growing from. Despite the darkness, you think if you weren’t so panicked you might find the room peaceful. 

You realize when he finally pulls away that Sans was still holding on to your hand. He must have teleported the two of you, you realize. 

“If the skeleton’s got your tongue, allow him to help you out a bit”. If you thought the room was dark before, it’s pitch black now. You realize Sans has turned off the little glowing mushrooms, the only source of true light in here. You shiver as you catch sight of his magic humming to life. It glows brightly but, like the blue grass, does nothing to light up the surrounding area. You blink, rapidly trying to adjust your eyes to the darkness, but it’s not helping. You don’t know where you are or whats going on. You’re terrified. 

It isn’t until you see a magic glowing blue bone heading your way that you finally realize just whats happening. 

Despite your shivering form, you manage to stand just still enough for the magic to pass through you without incident. You brace yourself to the onslaught of more attacks, your soul pulling from your chest and finally brightening up the room enough for you to see the expression on Sans face. It reminds you of a time you are still trying to forget. You gulp. 

“Let’s do this, one more time. With feeling,” he grins, though you know it’s forced. His tone is low, his voice lower. It resonates deeply with you, stirring in your chest as you manage to dodge his next attack in the nick of time. He waves his hand, and you tumble to the floor, pressed against it so hard that you feel a bruise beginning to form.

Now… you’re blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're certainly getting somewhere now! ;)


	8. Azure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swore I wasn't gonna post this until tomorrow but it's half an hour after midnight which means, it's technically tomorrow right? Close enough.... 
> 
> Enjoy! ;)

You make a desperate attempt at fleeing as soon as you see your soul change back to it’s normal colour. Sans has you pinned again though, this time with a regular attack. You bite your lip, the magic thrumming against your skin painfully, leaving deep cuts and burns in your flesh. He’s got you pinned against a wall now, your fight or flight response only hindering you as a series of blue bones come your way. You’re struggling against the bones holding you in place is just enough movement for the blue attack coming your way to do some significant damage. You feel them hit your soul, it pulses brightly with each attack before dimming between hits. It takes all you have to just stop moving, to stop struggling and calm your anxious mind. 

Everything in you though is telling you to move. Sans knows this, and each attack from then on is blue. They cast azure light against the cavernous room you’re stuck in, catching the glint of several crystals in the ceiling. Your breath is laboured; heavy. 

Sans takes a break and you know it’s your turn to fight back. Instead, you simply sit in the grass, shaking your head as you wrap your last gauzy bandage around your upper arm. 

“Sans, please,” you plead, tying it tight before standing on shaky legs, “I don’t want to fight you”. 

He doesn’t respond aside from a scoff in your direction. And then, it’s his turn again and it starts all over. You dodge and weave your way through each attack, standing still upon the onslaught of blue bones coming your way. What can you say to get through to him? What can you do?

In the bright light of his attacks, you think for the briefest second you see him grimace at your words. You can’t figure out why though. 

As his last attack of the turn sweeps by you, all you can think of is your last timeline. Meeting Sans in that shadowed hallway. The marble tiles beneath your feet had been as cold and lifeless as the knife you’d held in your dust coated hands. You breathe through your nose as you shake your head again. Your turn is over. Sans continues his attack. 

You remember one time during your fight back then the feeling of your neck snapping as he smashed you into the ceiling. What a strange and oddly painless thing it was to feel the vertebrae in your throat escape their positions and shatter on high impact. While it did not hurt, it carried with it the feeling of smashing a snail shell. So harmful and so devastating, but so easy. So effortless. You wondered how hard Sans had to work to send you soaring into the ceiling then, how hard he had to exert himself to snap your neck.

Another time, you remember your femur, splintered and sharp, poking out from above you knee. The off white beneath bright, sticky red had made you shudder. The voice that had accompanied you on your second journey however, had delighted in it. It practically jumped for joy at the sight of you bleeding out, your broken leg making it wriggle and writhe in ecstasy. You on the other hand remembered passing out at the sight of it. This was quite early on in your fights with Sans, before you’d gotten used to seeing yourself maimed and mangled. And you had gotten used to it. Jeez. 

Sans had caused you immense bodily harm. So much so that you could barely even remember any of it anymore, only the very worst injuries. However, it was no where near the caliber of injury you’d caused him _mentally_. 

Physical wounds healed, after all. Especially when you could simply reset. But mental wounds? When you remembered them… nothing made those better. Not even time, really. What had you let yourself do to them? Even with that ever present voice in your head, even with it telling you what to do and how to act… it was still, ultimately, you calling the shots. 

It was still you who had given in to it under the guise of wanting to be better friends. 

Despite it all, it was still you.

Your turn comes and goes once more, and you shake your head again. You wont fight him. You refuse. Sans shrugs; sends another wave of bones your way. 

You try your best to dodge them, but it’s getting harder to manage. Your movements are slower, your reaction time impaired by the injuries you’ve already managed to rack up. Its beginning to become too much. 

Sans sends another wave your way, his expression unreadable as he does. You stare back at him, taking a deep breath and dodging the first. But you miscalculate the distance of the second, and in an instant it’s right there, right in front of you. It whips past you, slicing away at the material on your coat and leaving deep cuts in your upper arm. You suck in a sharp breath. One, two, three more attacks graze past you, enough to do a decent amount of damage. Sweat beads on your brow and as your soul turns blue before you, you try your very best to prepare for the next wave. But, you’re growing tired. Your lids are heavy; everything hurts. It takes all of you to attempt to jump when you see a series of white bones coming your way. 

Your attempt is completely futile though. You can’t move at all. You’re frozen in place, the familiar blue of Sans eye flaring wildly as he flings his hand downward. Your feet slip from beneath you, all the air in your lungs coming out in a wheeze as he pushes you into the ground. 

You begin to panic. You can’t move. He’s holding you down so forcefully that you can’t even catch the breath he’d pushed out of you. Your fingers dig into the grass as you struggle, but Sans grip on you increases to the point that you can no longer even move them. His attack is growing closer. This isn’t fair. This isn’t _fair_. 

“Don’t move,” he says. All of a sudden, the attack swings upward, continuing on it’s journey a few inches above you. You can just barely turn your head to look at the white bones travel over head at breakneck speeds. You swallow thickly, holding your breath, afraid that if you even tried to fill your aching lungs that you’d hit the attack above and hurt yourself gravely. From your position on the ground, against the earth and grass, you were just out of danger. 

Was Sans… protecting you?

You lay as motionless as you can where Sans has you immobile against the ground. All you can do it wait, and reflect. The force in which he’d sent this attack toward you was too much. It was the very definition of overkill. You look up and over to him, the glowing blue of his eye still making goosebumps form on your flesh. The last time you’d seen it after all, the two of you had wanted each other dead. 

Or… at least one of you did. Right? You hadn’t wanted him… dead? No… you too wanted that. You wanted him to die. You’d even managed to convince your fucked up self that it’d been about being friends. Jesus Christ, you’d become a good liar. 

You lay your head down on the grass, the whir of magic above coming to an end. You didn’t get up though, even when your soul turned it’s normal colour again and disappeared back into your chest where it belonged. You could hear Sans breathing across the way. He’d worked too hard. But at protecting you or attacking you, you weren’t sure. Probably both. 

You lay in the bluegrass, the scent of the black soil it grew from was earthy and surprisingly sweet. You felt your eyes stinging with the familiar feeling of tears. From above you could hear Sans walking toward you. The shuffle of grass next to your still body as you sucked in deep breaths indicating he’d taken a seat next to you. Otherwise though, he said nothing. Maybe he was waiting for you. 

Your deep breaths turned shaky as you wiped away your tears with what was left of your coat sleeve. 

“I’m so sorry,” you say, your voice cracking and forced. Your words; your tone, is sincere. 

“I know,” Sans whispers. You try not to jump when you feel his bony hand rest between your shoulder blades. At first his touch is so gentle it reminds you of a breeze, then when you don’t move from him, he presses a little more. 

A long moment passes where neither of you say anything, and Sans simply sits and rubs patterns on your back. The moment is peaceful, and you wish with all your heart that it could stay that way. 

But you know it can’t.

“How?” you ask. 

“Huh?” it’s Sans turn to be stumped by your cryptic questions. You raise your head, looking to him with a question in your eyes. 

“How do you know?” your voice is barely above a whisper, quiet because you think if you’re any louder, the illusion would disappear and you’d wake up from a dream of some sort. 

Sans makes a noise of understanding in his throat, eyes shutting in thought as his hand continues rubbing your back. This sudden change in him is jarring to say the least, you almost don’t want to trust him. 

_You shouldn’t,_ an invisible voice chimes in. 

Now, you decide, you will trust him completely. 

“I just do,” he finally replies. You raise a brow. 

“But… why?” his grin widens. You feel like you’ve made a mistake. 

“ _Azure_ a good person,” he whispers, a flash of blue in his eye indicating he’s just told a pun. When you finally get it, you give an unattractive snort. 

“That was the worst,” you giggle. Sans shrugs his bony shoulders. 

“Hey, they can’t all be _wieners_ ,” you laugh again, rolling over onto your back. The ceiling is inky black, save for a few scattered crystals. The photo receptors in your eyes that react to darkness start making kaleidoscope patterns in your vision as you look around. 

“I’m really not though,” you say, your voice serious, but still barely a whisper. 

Sans shoves his hands in his pockets, giving a deep sigh. His eyes fall shut, and for a long moment, he doesn’t speak. Briefly, you think he might have fallen asleep.

“No, you aren’t,” he says finally. 

You’re confused now, quite unsure what to make of all this. Sans continues. 

“You aren’t a good person, no one is really. That is to say, you aren’t an angel or a saint or nothin’ like that. But, you are a decent person. Despite what happened last time around. You’re still here again, trying to fix it. It took me a while to realize that, even if it was still pretty damn selfish of you, and your reason for resetting was still mostly selfish, there was still some selflessness there for you to forfeit all your progress in the name of doing right by everybody, again”. 

His little speech catches you off guard and you find yourself tearing up again. You can’t remember a time you were ever called a good person, let alone decent. Sans always knows what to say to hurt you, sure but… he always knows what to say to cheer you up, too. You give him a big smile, and he returns it with one of his own. 

“I know a really good person, though,” you say. Sans raises a brow.

“Papyrus?” you laugh, shaking your head.

“Well, yes,” you begin, “but he’s a given”.

Sans nods, giving a soft noise of agreement. Then he raises a brow bone, “well, it it’s not Pap, then who?”

You look to him for a moment, really look at him for the first time in a lifetime. The little pinpricks of light in his eyes are filled with so much emotion that it’s almost overwhelming. His perpetual grin that was never not there, the sight of it always did make you want to smile too. The small blue tint to his cheekbones that gave him that look of flushed skin that only breathing beings had, despite him lacking flesh. You’d never understand how his body worked but, that’s what made him interesting. His fingers were much thicker than Papyrus’ long, thin ones. His legs, too. From what you could see of him, you were quite sure he was literally big boned. 

It was as you looked at him now that you realized you were in love with him. 

Not infatuated and obsessed like last timeline, wanting to know everything about him with his consent or not. No. You were in love with him. Genuinely. 

You wanted him to tell you all his secrets, all his likes, dislikes, hobbies, goals, dreams… you wanted him to tell you these things on his own time. In his own voice. With his own words. 

This stout, punny, chubby, lazy skeleton had captured your heart and soul in the best way. Your chest hurt deeply at this realization. Sans is still sitting before you, quietly waiting for you to answer him. 

You realize your gaze fell to his mouth a long while ago, quickly you look away, trying to ignore the bright blush on your cheeks.

“It’s you,” you finally whisper. Sans stiffens next to you, but again says nothing. You suppose there just isn’t much to say. Your gaze turns back to the ceiling, but now you feel Sans eyes on you. You want to look back, catch him staring but, you don’t because you aren’t sure he’d care. Mostly though, you know even if he did, he wouldn’t look away.

“How do you know?” Sans finally asks. His words are familiar. 

“I just do,” you reply. 

He chuckles, it’s deep and gruff and in the dim light of the glowing blue mushrooms, you think you see his cheeks burn a deeper shade of azure. Your heart flutters in your chest.

You’re in love, and you’re afraid.


	9. Days Like These

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And what kind of day is this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys saw but, the lovely Ale showed me an Undertale cover of Stronger Than You that fits pretty well frm the Reader's perspective for this story! Click here to listen --> https://youtu.be/-rmc0mahaig 
> 
> I also have a song to share, and mine is from Sans perspective! I've been crying about it for the past 2 days ever since I realized how painfully well it fit! :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj-mV8SaOoU
> 
> I'm in pain! :D
> 
>  
> 
> _You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you._

Sans doesn’t take you to lunch this timeline, but you don’t mind. As much as you love Grillby’s, and you do, you aren’t very hungry anyway. Not to mention, Sans speech there isn’t anything you haven’t heard before. 

You share a nice cream with him instead before moving on from his station (he’d thankfully teleported you back). Upon his insistence though, you take another nice cream from him, and luckily, you feel much better after. He doesn’t let on that he knew it would help at all but, you’re pretty positive that he knows it would. He’d given you a run for your money during that fight, and from the look on his face he felt awfully guilty for it. You couldn’t place why. If you’d been him, you’d have taken the chance to finish you off. You almost wish he had but, you try your very best to not discredit him. It probably took a lot of him to protect you from that attack. Jeez. 

You move on eventually, waving goodbye to Sans and feeling much better about everything, including your injuries. Which, now that you looked at them closer, were already healing up quite nicely. It was mostly your mind that was still trying to heal. 

As you walked through Waterfall, the stars over head catch your attention, as they usually do. It almost makes you tear up, you recall a conversation that took place a while ago in a couple more rooms over. You remember it clear as day though, you could nearly quote it at this point. 

You tear up. You wish you could bring yourself to miss the stars like the monsters down here who’d never even seen them do but, you just can’t. 

The stars always seemed melancholy to you. Sad, depressing. The moon a far off escape and the stars all around, lighting the dark sky were so old now that many of them were simply gone. Only the light still traveling through time and space toward the earth existed. Reminding everyone of them in some last strangled breath. When all the light finished it’s journey, so too would the star. It, much like you, would disappear. Forever.

But, the ‘stars’ down here, the magic infused crystals in the rock ceiling would be here forever. They, unlike real stars above the surface, were eternal. They would last even when the barrier was broken. 

You sigh, echoflowers around you becoming more common as you continued to walk. They keyed you in on less depressing conversations than the one you’d recalled. From dreams and wishes to pie recipes and philosophy of the soul. You listen in silence, not wanting to overwrite anything. Wanting to hear everything. Perhaps it’s a habit you’d picked up from being left out above. You want to know everything because no one let you know anything before. You sigh. 

When you’d first fallen, you’d missed the sky so deeply that it pained you to even look upward. But, as time passed, as you spent more days down here, being covered entirely in earth? It was somehow soothing. Calming. It felt safe, even despite the dangers you’d faced down here.

The dirt and rock around you felt warm and impregnable. You wondered if maybe it was some morbid fascination with death that you’d always held that made you love being in the earth. Some bizarre desire to start rotting prematurely and give your body back to Mother Nature. You couldn’t help but outwardly smile at your macabre thoughts. Somehow, they didn’t feel depressing anymore. They were more poetic.

You felt like a curious child down here rather than the depressed and pained adult you were on the surface. You felt so much less alone. You felt _secure_.

You hummed as you continued on your way, a familiar turn you had learned to play on the piano once. One Flowey had hummed to you a little over two hours ago. The song always reminded you of Asriel. Perhaps that was why Flowey had been humming it?

Either way. 

From a small distance, you suddenly hear a familiar voice. 

You recognize one as Papyrus, the other, you are quite sure, is Undyne.

Quickly, you hide in the tall grass, listening intently to their conversation, although you’d heard it once before. You remember suddenly that last timeline you did not get to hear it because Papyrus… never showed up. You swallow hard, heart pounding in your chest. 

He was here now. Stop thinking about it.

And now, so too was Undyne. Seeing her again makes you shudder. And this time, you’re positive it’s out of fear. Not because you don’t like her. Oh no. You and her had become terrific friends your first time around. No, the reason she scared you was because when you think of her, all you can think of is her determination to stay alive. All you can remember is watching her body fall apart in front of your eyes. Melting into a pile of soulless dust, a lifeless reminder of what you’d done. Perhaps, you think, you didn’t fear her so much as you fear yourself. 

To top it off, you remember wiping some of that dust upon your face, imbuing yourself with her essence, absorbing her entirely into your pores. Sucking away her determination to stop you and twisting it, bending it, melting it down into some sick messed up motivation to keep killing. The dust upon your cheeks then had burned so agonizingly that you nearly washed it off. The child in your mind convinced you that it was a good thing though. The burning. That the pain was what it took to learn all your could. So, you left it on, and your skin bubbled and blistered. Salty tears on your singed skin, you simply smiled the pain away. The thought that you were closer now with Undyne than you’d ever thought possible ever present in your twisted, murderous mind. 

You’d been sitting now so long in the tall grass that you hadn’t even noticed Papyrus had left. You hold your breath as Undyne stands silently over the field, looking into the grass, trying to spot something she knows is there with her single eye. It felt like an eternity before you move again, the grass shuffling as you do. 

Suddenly, you hear the heavy, armored foot falls above you approaching. You could have sworn Undyne had left. You stay deathly still, face turning blue as you force yourself to hold your breath. The shift in the air and the glow above, teal and bright, indicated the magic spear Undyne so favoured had been summoned to her hand. You sit shaking and cold in moist grass, eyes closed as your head starts to fog from lack of oxygen. 

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Undyne waves her magic away and heavy footsteps can be heard retreating. When you can no longer hear them, you take the deepest breath of your life. Your head is spinning, heart fluttering so quickly in your chest you swear you can't even feel it. You make your way out of the grass, hands resting on your knees as you take deep, pained gasps of air. The dizzy feeling begins subsiding. 

“Hey!”

You startle, jumping so high in the air you think you might hit the ceiling. Behind you, from the grass, emerges Monster Kid, or MK, for short. The little dinosaur, sans arms, that you’d met in Snowdin. You had forgotten for a moment that they would be accompanying you on your journey through Waterfall. They had effectively scared the crap out of you for the third timeline in a row. 

“That was Undyne! She’s so cool, isn’t she? You wanna meet her, don’t ya?” they continue. You couldn’t help but smile at them, nodding your head this time around. It wasn’t a lie. You really did want to meet her. You missed her. You missed all your friends.

“I do, but,” you pause, Kid gives you an incredulous look. 

“But?!” they ask as the two of you begin walking onward. 

“But…” you shrug your shoulders then, giving a tiny laugh, “do you really think she’ll like me?”

Kid looks at your with a huge grin, nodding their head without even giving it a second thought. 

“On days like these,” they start, looking up at the ceiling glittering with crystal starts, their bright grin growing ever brighter, “I feel like you can make friends with anyone!”

You return their smile as they run up ahead of you, though you cannot help but wince when they fall on their face, “and what kind of day is this?” you ask them as he picks themself up off the ground. They do a little jump in place before they continue to run off. 

“A good day!” they yell backward, disappearing into the next room.

Well, so far, you can’t argue with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'll be posting Chapter 10 sometime today as well since they are both relatively short. The one following chapters 9 and 10 though is a doozy so, prepare for that. See you around!!


	10. As One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The voice in your head wants you to die, how original.

You had traversed Waterfall in silent expertise, the rooms blue stone familiar and oozing with memories. Some your own, others very much not. You were not speaking of the echo flowers though, oh no. Rather, the voice in your mind was becoming increasingly present and loud the closer your inevitable fight with Undyne drew near. Several attempts to make you purchase or pick up discarded weapons later, and you’d already traveled through much of Waterfall. Luckily, the voice had not been successful. 

On top of it’s loudness, the more it spoke and made itself present, the more of it’s memories were shared with you. Good ones, bad ones. One that stood out though happened to be the one you’d dreamt after you’d fallen into the dump. It seemed to be the memory of the voice in your mind falling into the Underworld. When you recognized the voice in the memory a Asriel’s, the child in your head finally shut up. 

Of course, you could not be entirely sure as you had no frame of reference but, you thought you finally knew who was in your head. Their name escapes you now, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that it must belong to the child Asriel spoke of before. The one who he had grown up with; whom he’d watched die. Then, whose soul he’d absorbed and crossed the barrier with, only to return gravely injured. It had to be. You could not think of anyone else. 

You were sure when you met with Asriel again, he’d confirm it. Until then, you could only guess.

You consider asking Flowey, but that thought vanishes almost as quickly as it sprang up. The idea of doing that almost hilariously stupid. It would only give him the chance to manipulate you again, not that you’d let him but, you most definitely weren’t about to let him try. 

Even if talking to him about the child wasn’t incredibly moronic, you have no idea where or how you’d even go about finding the flower. Flowey was always the one finding you. 

And either way, you had much more important things to worry about.

Like visiting Napstablook. 

You arrive at their door, giving it a little knock before announcing that you were coming in. The door closed quietly behind you, Napstablook turning from their seat at the computer to greet you, “oh! You came,” they say, trying (and failing) to hide a smile. You can’t help but return one of your own. 

“Of course I did”. If ghosts could blush, the look on their face would indicate they’d be as red as a tomato. You stifle a giggle, making your way over to their music. Nothings changed, still the same three tracks laid out on the floor for you. You don’t mind though, they are classics after all. 

Napstablook recommends Ghouliday, saying they always like to sing along to it. You’ve listened to it so many times that you can’t help but sing along too. 

You and Napstablook had been good friends your first timeline. It almost felt like, sitting in their house with them, singing along to their favourite music, that you’d ever stopped. The music was spooky but cheerful. You felt nostalgic. 

“Are you hungry?” they ask suddenly. It took you a moment to answer, enough time for your stomach to growl and answer for you. Cheeks flushed, you gave a little nod. Napstablook smiled again and floated over to the fridge. 

When they returned, they handed you a see-through sandwich on a ghostly plate. You remember as you look upon it that you cannot eat it. Darn your corporeal form!

“Oooh...” Napstablook looks a little disappointed, offering you an apologetic look at they return the sandwich to the fridge, “I guess you can’t eat it. Sorry”.

“It’s alright,” you reassure them. It’s your fault anyway for forgetting. Maybe you should have eaten something before you came. 

“Well, anyway. After a meal, I like to lie on the ground and feel like garbage. It’s sorta like a Blook familiar tradition. Would... would you like to join me?”

You had them beat in the garbage department. Both in feeling it and being it. You offer them a smile though anyhow and nod your head. You always liked sharing a moment of peacefulness with Napstablook, they were easy to chill out with. 

Laying down next to them on the floor, you shut your eyes, the sound of Ghouliday fading away as Napstablook played something else. It felt familiar and it sounded spacey. It nearly made you feel like you were floating. 

You lay on the ground, feeling like garbage but, also at one with your mistakes. 

Your head, always swimming with insults and internal monologue, is surprisingly silent. The voice almost didn’t even feel like it was there, it’s presence, which never truly went away, felt far off. The only think you could hear was the sound of the music in your ears, and your own breathing. A few moments pass.

You wish you’d never gone back.

At this point, the end of your first timeline feels like an endless blur. You can’t remember much from it except for bits and pieces. You aren’t even positive anymore how long you’d been on the surface for.

A couple hours? A few days? Weeks? Months? Maybe... _years_?

That thought makes you shudder. 

You couldn’t remember if you’d taken literal _years_ away from your friends... from yourself. There was no way, that wasn’t possible was it?

You frown, wondering now if you’d have these reset powers for the rest of your life. _If_ it had happened to have been years on the surface before you’d come back, then you’d had your reset powers that entire time. You knew for a fact that you hadn’t had them before falling down Mount Ebott. Maybe you’d awoken them then when you passed the barrier?

Maybe your ability to reset was a type of magic? Were you magical, you wondered? If you were, you couldn’t help but think that your powers were pretty damn lame. Technically, you were immortal. You could time travel. But, only to a fixed point in space time. What kind of bull shit was that. 

Suddenly, a very startling thought crosses your mind.

What if, after all this, you get everyone to the surface again, live your sad little human life, and then die. Would you cease to exist; go wherever it was souls like yours went, living eternity else where? Or... would you wake up in the ruins again?

You swallow, brow beading with sweat. 

You sit up quickly, standing up off the ground so fast your head spins. 

“Oooh,” Napstablook opens their eyes and floats right side up. They float up next to you, “that was nice. Oh, thank you. For joining me, I mean. Are... are you alright?” they ask. 

It takes you another moment to answer, your face drained of colour, sweat on your back. Soon enough though, you nod. Swallowing thickly as you collect yourself.

You _really_ don’t want to think about this sort of stuff. 

“Y-yeah. I’m alright. Just... hungry still. I...” you shove your hands in the pockets of your tattered coat once you realize you’re trembling, “I better go get something _solid_ to eat”.

Napstablook pauses before chuckling at your pun, floating to door to wish you goodbye. You promise you will come see them again soon. They smile and promise to have solid food or you by the time of your next visit. 

Shutting the door behind yourself with a wave, you shuffle away from their home, mind foggy the entire time you are walking.

The whole idea that you might be trapped in a time loop made you extremely nauseous. How could something like that even happen? And in real life nonetheless? Maybe this was all punishment, you realize. Maybe you _had_ died during your first fall and whomever it was that had ownership over your soul when you’d bled out on the cave floor had sent you here. Maybe your eternal sentence for how you’d ended up at the bottom of Mt. Ebott was just that. Eternal. 

You supposed it made sense. Even before you’d fallen what had you possibly hated more than time? _Yourself?_

Jeez. 

What better a punishment than being locked in time with yourself for what you’d done. How you’d gotten here. That was, of course, if you actually were dead. That was just a theory. You sure didn’t feel dead. And you’d actually died many times in the first timeline, enough that being dead the entire time felt very unlikely. You sigh, really not wanting to think about any of this right now. Your mind was beginning to go to bad places.

The indigo of the stone around you was no longer calming, right now it only served to depress you further. Your eyes swim with tears that you try your best to wipe away before they can fall. It doesn’t work. Eventually, you give up walking, sitting down against the wall somewhere off to the side. 

You wipe at your cheeks, pulling your knees up to your chest. The floor is cold against you, but you almost don’t feel it. Thoughts are racing in your head now, flying past at incredible speeds. You can barely even pin point what one is about before another appears. Your heart is hammering in your chest. You think you must be having a panic attack. It sure feels like it. 

The voice in your mind is ramping up to say something. It pauses though, almost like it’s giving you the choice to ignore it if you so desire. You decide to indulge it instead. You deserve the brunt of whatever it has to say to you. 

_You’re right,_ it begins. 

You press your face into your hands, your entire body trembling as you sit in aching silence, the only thing you can hear now is it’s voice. You feel like garbage again; really feel like garbage. Not in the way that made you feel at peace but in the way that made you hurt all over. You deserved it though, didn’t you?

_You do_.

But why, you ask. 

_Because you’re a bad person, aren’t you?_ it whispers. You want to cover your ears, as if it would even help. _You’re a bad person who does bad things, aren’t you?_

Yes, you reply.

_That’s right. So, why don’t you just fix it then?_ it questions.

You still for a moment, though your fingers still tremble. You aren’t sure what it’s getting at now. You feel your heart quickening below your ribs, pounding in your ears, it’s nearly deafening. The voice waits patiently as you wrack your brain for a response. All you can manage is a shake of your head.

What do you mean? You ask. 

_You know what I mean, idiot! You’ve tried it before, haven’t you?_

... Oh. _Oh_. 

_Heeey. Come on, I know you’re still there moron. I’m in your head after all!_

You catch yourself staring out over the glowing water of Waterfall, mind swimming a the sounds of crashing water echo in the distance. The voice in your head is laughing now, a child like giggle that you shudder violently at. It’s not welcoming, it’s not joy filled. It’s evil, violent. You bite your lip, enough to taste blood on your tongue. 

_Oh, seriously. Don’t be like this,_ the voice begins, _you think you’re the only one here whose tried to off themselves --_

“Enough!” you shout, clapping your hands over your ears. You sit there on the ground, hands pressing tightly on the sides of your head. It doesn’t do anything but, pretending it does helps a little. Your breathing is shaky. You don’t want to remember this. You wanted to forget all of it. Now it was coming back in waves, washing over you so suddenly that it took all of you to hold in a sob. You should not have indulged it. You shouldn’t have opened yourself up to listening to it. 

You curl up tighter, it’s voice growing louder as it taunts you, pressing you to do the unthinkable. Or... it had been unthinkable to you, once. A lifetime ago. Now, it was all too familiar. 

For a moment, you consider calling Toriel but, you know from experience that she wont pick up. You are unsure what to do as you sit there, the child in your head prattling on and on, going in circles about all of the things it knows will make you feel worse. 

It occurs to you about halfway through it’s spiel about you not having any friends that you have Papyrus’ number. He’d given it to you right after your date. Well, ‘date’. 

You scramble for your phone, pulling it out of your pocket in record time. You fumble with it though, dropping it several times before you finally manage to pick it up and dial Pap’s number with shaky fingers. 

“Hello?” you hear him say on the other line. 

“Papyrus!” you gasp, voice startlingly loud. You realize when you speak that you’d started crying again. Or, maybe you’d never stopped? Most of them feel fresh though. 

“Human? Are you alright? You sound like you are most definitely not okay..." 

You swallow thickly, nearly convincing yourself to hang up before finally answering. 

“No,” you whisper, shaking your head as you take a strangled breath, “no, I’m not okay”.

There’s shuffling on the other end before Papyrus speaks again, “what is wrong human? Are you hurt?"

“I’m not hurt, I just... I’m not... _okay_ ”. You are not even sure you are making sense anymore but, Papyrus doesn’t seem to be confused.

“I understand,” he assures you, “would you like me to come get you?” You nearly say yes before remembering that Undyne is still looking for you. It would probably not be in your best interest to go hang out with Pap right now, despite seriously wanting to.

“No just... stay on the phone with me for a while.. talk to me, please?”

“Of course, human! What... what would you like to discuss?”

You smile, leaning your head against the wall as you relax a little. The sound of Papyrus’ voice, though loud and unpredictable, is soothing and familiar, “anything,” you whisper, “just talk to me. Please”.

“Hmm... oh! I know! Undyne has been teaching me another recipe as of late!” Papyrus begins. He discusses this and other things with you for at least an hour, it’s no wonder your phone doesn’t die with how long he’s been talking your ear off. All you can do is thank him when he finally does need to go. You really don’t want him to but, he says that he needed to call Undyne a little while ago. You think it’s best not to hold her up right now.

“I hope I have succeeded in helping you feel better, human! Even if you did not tell me what was wrong. I hope I was still helpful!” you can’t help the smile tugging at your lips.

“You always do, Pap. Thank you”.

The both of you share your goodbyes before hanging up. You don’t realize until you put your phone away that the voice has finally shut up. Your breathing is back to normal, heart still racing a little but, you think that might just be from talking on the phone. It always had made you a bit nervous. You sigh, standing on sleepy legs, the pins and needles making you pout. 

You decide this is the first and last time you’re ever going to indulge the voice.

You cannot get rid of it and so, you figure it’s stuck sharing your body with you, the two of you as one, coexisting. However. It will never manipulate you again. You refuse to let it. When you don’t hear it respond for once, you begin moving on, legs finally waking up again.

You walk through the rain, picking up an umbrella on your way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! I told you I'd have chapter 10 out today ;). 
> 
> I probably wont have chapter 11 out for a little while, maybe not until the weekend. I'm... not doing great lmfao. I'm sort of out of medication and have been for the past like, two weeks so I'm goin through zoloft withdrawals and lemme tell ya... _not fun_. So... lol. Hopefully it'll be out by Saturday. It's a doozy so, I want to be in the right mind set when I write it.
> 
> ANYWAY... enough of me being depreshun all over my own gotdamn fic... I hope you guys enjoyed a little bit of Pap, I missed writing him these past couple chapters! He's so fun <3.


	11. Where We Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A true Heroine.

The echo flowers depress you more so this timeline, the tiny conversations making you feel all that more guilty. You try not to focus on them; try to ignore it and move past. It barely works but, you try. The nice cream you’re working at helps you concentrate on other things at least. If only a little. 

Undyne’s been finding you much more often these past couple days, you weren’t even entirely sure you had time to set up camp most nights, sleeping an almost impossible feat with how quickly she could sniff you out. Sometimes, you almost considered going back to Snowdin but, you knew the Riverperson wasn’t working yet. They wouldn’t be back in business until you reached Hotland. Going back to Snowdin right now was just not in the cards. You sigh, picking the little hairs off of a water sausage as you walked. You knew you’d run into Monster Kid again in a moment, but for now you just wanted to enjoy a bit of silence. 

Not that MK was annoying or talkative, actually they were quite nice to have as company. You supposed nearly killing them last timeline though had made it a bit harder to be with them too long. It wasn’t their fault.

You approach the rock bridge a lot faster than you thought you would, pack filled to the brim with sea tea and crab apples. You thanked who ever was watching out for you because your pack was getting heavy. You leaned against the wall before the bridge with a heavy sigh before stepping onward. 

“Yo,” you hear from behind you. 

You turn, spotting Kid standing behind you. They’re kicking their feet in the dirt and rock, clearly anxious about something. You give them a patient smile, urging them on silently. 

“You… you’re a human right?” they say. Oh. You’d forgotten about this conversation. 

You turn to them, giving a nod of your head. For a moment MK startles, blinking a couple times, “yo that’s…” they gulp before shaking their head wildly, “that’s totally fine! Y’know because like… I-I can tell you’re good. I can tell you’re a good human! You’d never do anything wrong”.

You weren’t expecting this from them. Not at all. The surprise of a new conversation, and of a conversation like this directed at you, brings tears to your eyes. You wipe them away quickly, giving them a bright smile as you shake your head, “while that isn’t true at all, I… wouldn’t ever hurt you or your friends, Kid. Not this time, I promise”. 

You give them a hug, and although they can’t return it like an average hug, they nuzzle your shoulder back. 

“I’ve gotta go tell everyone back in Snowdin how cool you are; my new friend!” they say with glee, jumping in place before running off down the bridge. 

For a moment, the newness of the situation has you for a loop, and you forget exactly what’s going to happen next. As MK trips, and begins to tumble though, you remember immediately, panic rising in your chest. Undyne is standing there almost immediately, reaching her hand out toward MK as they tumble down and get their shirt caught on the sharp rocks of the cliff face. 

For a passing moment, no one moves and all is silent. Then, all of a sudden, Kid’s voice rises up from the deep inky blackness, telling you all that they were slipping. 

Undyne jolts forward, but you’re faster, tossing your pack to the ground, rushing over to help them, “hang on Kid! I got you!” 

Or, at least, you thought you had. Somehow (you think it might be from throwing off your heavy backpack so quickly, the weight difference must have propelled you forward too fast) you lose your footing as well. Stumbling forward onto the jagged earthen stone, Kid looking to you in shock as you tumble over the edge. You scream, fingers fumbling to grasp onto the rock face. 

Kid calls out to you, the ledge they were caught on slowly crumbling as you manage to hang off of it. You swing dangerously in the air, the feeling of nothing under your feet so very wrong and so very familiar. You grit your teeth, looking up to MK, your knuckles turning white as you grip tighter, the loose rock shifting beneath your fingers.

Looking upward again, you see the familiar gleam of Undyne’s armour over Kid’s shoulder. Her hands are reaching down toward them to pick them up, back to safety. Kid’s gaze falls back to you as they are pulled back up, the look in their eyes as panicked as the tone of their voice.

“Undyne! You have to save them. Please, you have to save my friend!” they say, or rather shout. There is sweat on your brow as you try your hardest to get your feet on something without breaking the rock already crumbling between your fingers. 

“Kid… listen…” Undyne starts but, as she looks to their face, their feet planted safely on the ground, you hear her sigh behind her armour. She says nothing more, quickly removing her gloves and helmet, kneeling down and reaching her bare hand out to you, “come on human! Grab on!” 

“I can’t, I –” 

“Yes you can! Come on, kiddo. I know you can do it! Just reach! Trust me,” Undyne flashes you a toothy grin. Your gaze stays on her face to force yourself to not look down. You can’t look down, _don’t look down_. 

The stone you’re holding onto crumbles more, you feel yourself slipping, skin on your hands teared to shreds on the sharp stone. 

Despite her bright expression, the trust in her eye, you shake your head, eyes squeezing shut as you take a deep breath. Undyne reaches her hand further toward you now, true concern written on her face as she looks down at you, beads of sweat forming on her forehead, dripping off her flat nose and past you into blackness. With one last deep breath, you remove a hand and quickly reach out to Undyne. 

The weight of your entire body on that one section of disintegrating rock however seems to be just what it needed to finally break apart. You feel the rock slicing your hand and fingers as the last little bit fights before giving way. Then, you’re falling again. 

There’s nothing under you. Nothing around you. Just emptiness, and the echo of your screams. Undyne’s voice cut through, calling out to you as she reached desperately toward your aching hands. She finds nothing but empty air. 

You think for a moment about how this was how you’d gotten here in the first place. You climbed, so high up the mountain for the sheer desire to find the perfect place to fall. When you fell the first time you felt nothing but peace. You felt calm, ready, _happy_. How fucked up was that. You felt so ready to embrace death then, and you could just barely remember why. 

Now, you feel anything but peace. You feel terrified. You want nothing more than to feel earth beneath your feet again. Solid ground touched upon with gentle footfalls rather than at breakneck speeds plummeting, gravity pulling you down toward whatever lay at the bottom. For the first time in perhaps your entire life, you are genuinely afraid to die. You’re scared of the pain. You’re scared of suffering; mangled and bleeding out fully conscious before you succumb. You’re also terrified of what happens after your ride to the bottom stops. Or maybe, it never will. Maybe you’ll fall endlessly in some kind of fucked up, demi-suicidal purgatory. The adrenaline in your veins as the cold wind stung your tear filled eyes was no longer calming your panic. Rather, it was painful, making your heart beat so fast it ached. 

You didn’t want to die.

You were afraid you’d crash to the bottom, your body a twisted gory mess, then you’d blink and wake up in the patch of golden flowers again. Forever stuck in a time loop. Forever burdened with having to restart and reset. 

But mostly, you were afraid you wouldn’t. That when you opened your eyes again, there would be nothing. Just aching whiteness and open space. You’d be nothing and you’d be no where. Just, stuck. Painful bright and sterile white with nothing else to be seen for miles and miles around. The abyss scared you so much more than the eternal. 

Your heart was pounding out of your chest, anticipating suddenly, the impact of sharp stone. You’d been falling now for over a minute and a half, you hadn’t realized you’d closed your eyes. The bottom should be here soon, right? You could feel a tingle on your back, like something was coming up behind you. 

But it never came. 

Instead, you feel an arm wrap around, forcing the air out of your lungs as you are stopped mid-air. You wheeze, trying your hardest to catch your breath but it’s just not happening. The way you’re being grabbed makes it impossible to suck in even the smallest bit of breath into your lungs. 

Above you, you see a flicker of teal light, shining brightly over head. From the light, you hear a desperate scraping sound. It’s nearly like nails on a chalkboard; the sound of rock being split apart grating your ears and raising goosebumps on your skin. Your eyes focus now on the arm around you, and in turn, the person gripping you for dear life. 

“U-Undyne?” you choke out. She’s gritting her sharp teeth, sweat pouring down her face as she grips tightly to her spear. She’s trying desperately to find footing on the rock face, face contoured in pain. Her chest is rising and falling in heavy, shallow breaths; hair falling in front of her face and out of it’s slicked back pony tail. 

The scraping on the rock comes to a grating stop before Undyne finally answers you, or looks to you for that matter, “hold on, kiddo”. She’s concentrating hard on her magic now, eye falling shut as she grips you tighter. Her grip is strong, the metal and odd contours to her armour digging under your ribs painfully. You are in no position to complain about how comfortable you are though, all things considered. 

“Just… hold on!” she grunts, eye flying open as another flash of teal enters your vision. Suddenly, you’re upside down, turning wildly as Undyne does a flip around the spear she was holding already. She lets go at her third spin, the spear disappearing as her momentum propels the two of you forward. She grabs on to another conjured spear, one she’d summoned seconds earlier. Luckily for this one, she only spins once, just enough for her to step on the length of the magic weapon. She adjusts her grip on your then, her armour no longer digging under your ribcage. It was still awfully uncomfortable but, at least now you could breath. Somewhat. This seemed to be as good as it was gonna get. 

“Did you get them?!” you hear from above. Monster Kid hadn’t left. Undyne gives the kid a thumbs up, and a big toothy grin. You aren’t sure how they could possibly see it from down here though. MK was a spec in the distance to you. You felt the colour drain out of your face. Just how far had you fallen? 

Don’t think about it, you remind yourself. Although, it’s incredibly hard.

“Sure did. We’re coming up now!” she then turns to you, her grip on you tightening to catch your attention. She pulls you out of your brief panic, “hold on to your horses, kiddo. ‘In for a bumpy ride!” 

You’re not sure you’d ever felt your stomach flip so much in such a short period of time but, you supposed there was a first for everything.

Undyne moved quickly, wanting to get up to safety as soon as possible. On one hand you didn’t ind. The quicker you got your feet on the ground again, the better. On the other hand though, you seriously regretted eating that nice cream earlier. 

By the time Undyne manages to make it back up the cliff, your face is a lovely lime green. 

Undyne, at the very least, sets you down gently. She then holds your shirt for you to make sure you don’t fall again as you retch over the edge. The contents of your small lunch fall below into endless darkness. You never hear a splatter in the whole two minutes you continue to puke. You shudder. 

Undyne helps you up then, her hand gripping your wrist rather than your torn hands. You weren’t sure if it was you shaking, or her. Maybe it was the both of you.

“You alright, human?” Undyne leads you and MK to safer ground, only letting go of your wrist once she was sure you were out of danger. You wipe a dribble of vomit off your cheek with the back of your free hand, grimacing at the sight of it. You are definitely trembling. 

“I uh… mm,” you nod, wincing as you look at your bleeding hands. They look hideous, “I’ve been better. Uh…”

You look up at her, the look in her eye one of worry despite her knowing just who you are. She’s been hunting you, and yet even in this timeline were she doesn’t know a thing about you besides the fact that you’re human. She’s still worried. And, if you know anything about Undyne, and you do, you know it’s not only because she would have lost your soul had you fallen and died. She genuinely, truly cares. Unlike you, she’s a good person.

You smile up at her, tearing up a bit. You can’t help but miss her, despite her standing right in front of you. 

“Thank you,” you say. She blinks, lips parted as she stares at you for a moment, unsure what to say. Then, she looks off to the side, cheeks flushed dark purple. Undyne rubs the back of her neck with a nervous laugh. 

“D-don’t mention it,” she mumbles, then looks at you, one eye piercing into yours, lips curled into a snarl. You can tell it’s mostly fake. Mostly, “I mean it. Seriously, don’t ever talk about it to anyone”. 

She shoves her helmet on then before grabbing MK and leaving you without a word. 

“S-see you around, dude,” Kid shouts back over Undyne’s shoulder. Undyne pinches their side and they cry out before dissolving into a fit of giggles. You can’t help but laugh as well, though the tears running down your cheeks aren’t just from giggles. You sit down on the ground, against the wall, pressing the backs of your maimed hands into your eyes to stop the tears. But they keep coming. Your manic laughter melts into hysterical sobs, echoing around the room ominously. 

The voice in your head hums loudly, and besides your crying, it’s all you can hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Gosh, I am so sorry this took so long to come out oh my god. I've just been having family emergencies like crazy lately and didn't have anytime to sit down and write until this morning so, here we are! Chapter 12 should hopefully be out much sooner, I wouldn't count on tomorrow but, you never know ;). 
> 
> See you then! (Told ya it was a doozy hehe).


	12. Sans Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For all that its worth I would have loved you until the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! First off I'd like to say thank you so much for reading! I think I'm gonna make it my goal to update at least once a week, and it'll probably be on the weekends. Until I'm in a better head space, I don't think once a day is reasonable for me but, once a week on the weekend? Totally do-able! 
> 
> Also I got a 91% overall in Math? Me???? The math stupid kid???????? What kiNDA --
> 
> ANYWAY, You should listen to this while you're reading! I used a quote from this song as the chapter summary this week, I think it fits pretty well. Also, it's just really damn pretty. Enjoy!
> 
> http://www.repeatmyvids.com/watch?v=Cbhobx0lt4I&kmdom=youtube

Sans finds you curled up on the ground in a patch of echo flowers. Covered in black mud and blades of glowing blue grass. Your hands are still ripped to shreds, but they’ve clotted and stopped bleeding now. Your shirt is lifted up enough that he can see a huge bruise on your right side, up and over your rib cage, black and angry blue. The tears staining your cheeks tell him all he needs to know. 

You’re curled up in fetal position, chest rising ever so slowly in your sleep, next to a smaller echo flower. Each flower around you has been over written with the sound of your snores, anything it had been saying before, gone now. Sans resisted the urge to find it endearing.

With a sigh, he brushes your hair out of your eyes, grimacing at the bright blue bruises on your cheek bone and around your shoulders. Your skin is spotted in bruises and dirt everywhere, it’s almost hard for him to see the lovely tone of your flesh beneath everything. 

He doubts you’ll wake up anytime soon, judging from the state you’re in. So, he double checks to make sure you’re still, well, alive, and then he gently takes your hands, cupping them in his and making sure not to touch your torn palms. 

He closes his eyes, and in an instant the two of you are in his and Pap’s house. He picks you up then and lays you down upon the massive, sunken sofa. He meticulously sanitizes the wounds on your hands, wrapping them in bandages and gauze to keep out any infection. When monsters got injured it wasn’t exactly the same but, from what he could remember from human movies and shows, this was what he was supposed to do. 

He sits there by your side for a moment, just making sure the bandages aren’t too tight, or too sticky against your open wounds. 

He… couldn’t just leave you laying there in agony and exhaustion. He wasn’t sure what exactly had happened but, he figured it must have something to do with Undyne. He hadn’t seen her around lately, and she hadn’t called Papyrus. For a moment, his bones chill and he double checks you for dust but, luckily finds none. He runs a hand down his face, disappointed his paranoia was getting to him again. He had every right though, didn’t he? To feel this way about you? To be worried you’d turn around and do what you’d done last time? You’d done it once before after all. 

He rests his face in his palms. He couldn’t just leave you there to rot. No matter how much he was sure an alternate version of him would have been happy to. 

His mind was fuzzy from back then, the only things he could remember being tiny scraps of paper he’d left laying around in the back room that hadn’t been reset, somehow. He wasn’t even sure how something like this happened. This was only the second time. Were you going to… do it again? How was it even possible? He sighed deeply once more. Whatever.

In any case, he tosses a blanket over you when he’s finished sulking. With one last look over your aching body, he shuffles into the kitchen to grab something to drink. Deciding half way trough brewing a pot of coffee that you might want some, he grabs a plain white mug down from the cupboard for you, setting it on the counter next to his. 

He leans against the counter top, resting his chin in his hand as he looks out the kitchen window. 

He didn’t think he’d ever felt this pathetic. 

He’d wanted so badly to stay angry at you. To make you feel guilty. But, when he saw you already did, when he heard you admit his faults, and apologize to him like you had, he found it so difficult. All his anger had melted away and he was left with remorse for making you feel even worse. It was pathetic and disgusting of him. But, something about you made him _want_ to trust you. 

He still hadn’t forgiven you. 

And he probably never would, he decided. But, trusting you was different. He trusted you, maybe… you’d never do it again? 

But, you’d done it once before. And then a second time. And wasn’t that enough to distrust you? To judge you before he’d really spoken to you again?

When you’d reset the second time, this time, when he’d started piecing things together, he wanted to wring your neck. He wanted to hunt you down and MAKE you regret your decision. Then, he saw you already did, desperately. Somehow, seeing your face that night when he’d you up at the Inn, he just couldn’t be angry anymore. He definitely tried though, going so far as to try and fight you again. He was trying so hard to be furious that it made him feel like a moron. Of all the things his lazy bones could have put effort into, and he chose forcing himself to be angry at you? Jeez. 

A large part of him ad wanted you to fight back, like you had last timeline. He wanted you to give him a reason to keep being angry instead of having to force it. He wanted you to slip up. And he tried so badly to get you to. Pushing himself to attack you at full force, even more so than he had before you’d reset. He gave it his all and you kept shaking your head no. The expression on your face that day, fearful and sorry… it made it impossible for him to pretend anymore. 

Now, he was just angry at himself. 

What a fucked up situation. 

The coffee pot stopped dripping then. He filled up both mugs, and made his way back to the living room. You were sitting up now, awake and staring at the bandages wrapped around your hands. You look lost in deep thought, something he’d seen on your face many times. He realizes though as he gazes at you longer that he’s never seen it this way. Usually, this expression graces your face when you’re about to reset, or more commonly, when you were preparing to attack. Neither of those situations made that face pleasant to look upon. But, right now, as you sat staring; trying to piece together your situation, he couldn’t help but find this much more innocent and thoughtful expression of yours… somewhat tolerable. He forced his thoughts away from the C-U-T-E word. No fuckin’ way would he be admitting that. Even if he wasn’t still angry at you. 

When you simply continued to sit there, Sans supposed you hadn’t heard him come in. He cleared his throat, offering you a mug filled nearly to the brim with creamy, sugary coffee. He wasn’t sure how you liked it, so he just made it the same way he made his. 

You jump, causing Sans to jump too, spilling hot coffee all over the both of you. His hands, and your arm are covered in hot milky coffee. You squeak, hissing as you pull your arm away and cradle it against your torso. Sans nearly drops the mugs before managing to set them down on the end table. He winces, wringing his hands in pain. 

“Fuck,” he mutters. Well, that fucking hurt. Judging by the huge red welt on your arm, he bet you weren’t fairing much better, “ah, shit. I’m sorry I just uh… want to get you something warm to drink”. 

The look you give him isn’t one he expects at all. He thought you’d be angry, or at the very least upset. Instead, when he locks eyes with you, he sees something explainable. A moment passes, filled with only quiet staring before your cheeks turn pink in front of him. He blinks several times once you turn away, clearing his throat. 

“Uh… t-thanks,” you stutter, “although I uhm… drink with my mouth, not my arm”. The little smirk on your lips makes him grin, though his own cheeks flush blue to match the warm pink of your own. He can always appreciate a good – or in this case, bad – joke. 

“Ha, ha,” he says flatly, rolling the lights of his eyes before pulling up a chair to sit next to you. He hands you the mug he’d filled for you, watching you blow on it before taking a sip. He looks away when he spots you licking a droplet of coffee off your top lip, the blue on his cheekbones only growing brighter. 

He sips his own coffee the best he can. Though mostly he simply pours it. Silence falls over the room, and for a moment it’s almost peaceful. Sort of. Soon, it grows awkward though. He wasn’t sure if he should say something. Maybe he should explain? 

“I don’t even remember what happened,” you interrupt his train of thought, your voice quiet and surprisingly sweet. 

… Fuck. 

“I mean, I remember Undyne saving me from nearly dying but, after that I think I must have passed out”. 

“Yeah, I uh… found you in a patch of echo flowers. You were definitely out of it,” your words before this surprise him though. Of course, he’d gathered your injuries must have involved Undyne but, she’d saved you? What? “Uhh… what happened with… you know?” he motions to your wrapped hands. 

“Oh uhm, I fell off a cliff,” you say it so nonchalantly that for a moment, Sans nearly forgets to be worried about it. 

“W-wait, what?” he sputters, coughing as his coffee goes down wrong. He stares at you, eyes as wide as they can get while he tries not to choke. 

You look over him with worry in your eyes, and he shakes his head to indicate he’s fine after a moment. You swallow, shrugging your shoulders slowly. A wince graces your features, the bruises on your body not appreciating the movement, no matter how slow you made it. 

Sans goes to say something now but, you beat him to it. 

“You know,” you begin. Sans notices a quiver in your small, raw voice. His hands shake a little as they wrap around his mug. Your own nails tap against the ceramic of your cup, a anxious movement. Your brows are knit tightly, and Sans can barely brace himself for what you admit to him next, “the first time I fell down here, I didn’t exactly… fall. I… jumped”. 

He blinks, clenching his teeth even more so than usual into a deep set frown. You’re watching him, and he’s watching your eyes as they scan his expression. He isn’t positive what for, but he might be able to give a guess given enough time. He almost doesn’t want to ask his next question, the guilt in your eyes enough to make him waiver. But, he pushes on. Despite the guilt there, there’s something else. A desire to talk, maybe. A twitch in your frown, in the way the tears are forming in your eyes that indicates you might want to talk. He swallows. 

“W-why?” he whispers, voice so low he can feel rattle in his own bones. He has a gut feeling he already knows the answer, but he hopes against it anyway. The idea that you could have… he shakes his head briefly, “did – did you know there were monsters down here or something?” he gives a chuckle, though it’s weary until you return it with a genuine giggle of your own. You shake your head and Sans feels a shiver run up his spine.

“No, no,” he hears you say, finally. He anticipates your next words but, it’s never something anyone can really be ready for. Still, he hopes against hope that he hears you wrong, that he’s imagining it or something as his coffee turns icy in his hands as the minutes tick by. 

“I jumped because I thought I’d um…” you trail off but, Sans gets it. He swallows hard, nodding his head, watching your lips as you continue. Your gaze is pulled downward, to some escaped piece of thread in the blanket he’d given you. He watches your fingers fidget with it, “I jumped down here because I didn’t want to… you know. I didn’t… expect to live”. 

His expression is solemn; weary and sad. I he had eye brows like a human, they’d be knit together much like yours. His brow bones at least were upturned in worry and sympathy. Your admittance makes a lot of sense to him but, at the same time it also confused him greatly.

Only bits and pieces, scraps and notes, of the first timeline came to mind anymore for him. He remembered much about you, at least. Even for all the things he remembered about you though, he couldn’t recall you ever mentioning this to him. Even on the surface, as far as his memory would carry him to that time anyhow. You’d never told him, or anyone to his knowledge that the only reason you’d been able to free everyone was because you’d… tried to kill yourself. 

You’d seemed so put together, so happy and carefree back then. He never would have pegged you as the type. His mouth tasted funny as this thought came to him. He wouldn’t really peg Alphys as the type either some days but, he’d seen her at her worst too. He scratched his previous thought, there really wasn’t a type when it came to stuff like this. He supposed it was more like, from the way you acted then, always so happy, he never would have guessed you had bad days. You just seemed so _happy_. 

Before he realizes what he’s about to say probably isn’t a good idea to put out there, his mouth is already spilling it out, “so, I guess in the end then that even you were still holding on to secrets, huh kiddo?”

He curses himself in his head several times, the realization on your face blossoming as he watches your expression tearing him apart. He was so stupid sometimes. 

You’re deeply hurt, he can tell when he looks up at you again but, somehow not angry with him? You looked far more lost than anything else. Sans goes to apologize but your hand rests on his for a moment before going up to wipe the tears forming in your eyes away. 

“Ha… no, you’re right. Jeez,” he watches you try to wipe them away with your palms. Even bandaged though, the salty water leaks through to pool in your open wounds. He watches you suck in a sharp breath, gritting your teeth when it happens. 

Sans, without thinking (something he seemed to be doing quite often these days), leans forward from his chair. His hands reach toward your face, skeletal thumbs wiping away the tears on your cheeks that had already fallen. His warm hands cup your face, thumbs brushing against wet skin now to calm you as he turns you to face him, “hey kid. Don’t cry, okay? Everyone keeps secrets they don’t want people to know”. 

He watches you roll your eyes, though he knows it’s at yourself. Sans half expects you to move away from his hands then. Instead, you nuzzle yourself closer to his touch, your cheeks hot against his skeletal palms. A shiver rolls down his spine slowly, his own cheekbones burning blue again. 

“Too bad I didn’t know that from the start,” he hears you murmur into his hand. Your breath is warm and humid. He shakes his head and your gaze drops again to the loose thread in your lap. 

With a gentle caress to your burning and bruised cheek with his distal phalanges, he’s managed to bring your gaze back to his. Your eyes are breathtaking. 

Dewey from tears, brightened further by the light catching on the moisture against your iris’. The colour is so stunning that he nearly forgets what he wanted to say. He’s just completely lost in your doe eyed gaze again. He remembered being lost in it before. Looking upon them in the distant past. The longer he gazes past your eyes and into _you_ , the more he realizes that back then, it hadn’t really been you in your steel eyed gaze. He swallows again, shaking his head so briefly that’s its nearly unnoticeable. 

“But, you know now,” he begins. He’d set his coffee down a long time ago at this point, his other hand tangling it’s fingers in the hair over the nape of your neck. He holds you steady, his own eyes staring into yours while he speaks, “and that’s what matters. You learned. And you’re trying to make things right”. 

You smile up at him. It’s genuine and it causes a flutter in his chest beneath his ribs. This one is nothing like the bleary smile you gave him before you’d reset. This one is bright and remarkably happy. There’s still pain there, unbearable guilt. But, it’s in the process of being mended. He sees the real you again, finally. He smiles back, the frown that had been pulling his expression down bouncing back to his grin. This time though, his ever present grin is an actual smile, one that reaches his eyes for the first time in a long time.

“I want to fix my mistakes. I don’t want any of you to suffer anymore. Not because of me, or anything else. Friends… even best friends, have secrets. I… just need to accept that”. Sans hands are still on your cheeks as you speak. He just doesn’t want to move them. 

Your brows knit together, expression changing on a dime from calm to terrified in seconds flat. Sans blinks, rubbing calming circles on your cheeks as he leans forward a bit more in his chair, “hey, hey. What’s wrong? Talk to me”. 

“We…” you reply immediately, albeit with one word. Then it takes you at least a minute to build up the courage again to let your voice pass your lips, “we… we’re friends still… right?”

A simple question but, one with a very complicated answer. Were you? Sans wondered if ‘still’ was the right word. Perhaps ‘again’ was better suited? After all, he’d rather have Undyne smash his skull to pieces with her bare hands than consider you a friend last time. But from what he could still piece together of the first run through, both from his memories and the way you talked about him and you, he had no reason to believe the two of you hadn’t been good friends. Maybe that’s why thinking of last timeline was so painful. He’d lost his whole family and a dear friend in less than a second. It… had been a lot to swallow. 

Sans sighs, finally removing his hands from your cheeks, folding them in his lap and fidgeting anxiously. Eventually, he just shoves them in his pockets again. All this while, he feels your eyes on him. It’s probably the first time in a long time he doesn’t feel uncomfortable under your gaze.

He clears his throat, “yeah”. 

It such a straight forward answer that he’s almost sure you didn’t hear him. It takes a moment for you to react after all. 

“R… really?” your voice is meek. Quiet. Almost like you expect him to take it back and laugh in your face. He calms a laugh bubbling in his chest and gives you a calm grin. 

“Kid, seriously. We’re friends... _sans_ regrets”. He watches your face, expression blank for a moment before it brightens and you begin to laugh. It’s such a pure, honest laugh that Sans can’t help but join in. Your giggle is like music to his non-existent ears. He wished he could hear it all the time. He suddenly felt the need to be the person to make you laugh like this for the rest of your life. His own laughter died off a little and he stood up from his chair.

In one fluid motion, your laughter still in the background, he grabbed both your empty mugs and shuffled back into the kitchen, voice cool and smooth as he told you he’d be right back. Once he passed the threshold of the kitchen doorway however, he plopped the mugs into the sink and threw his hands up to his face, cheeks flaming hot and bright blue. 

Holy.

Fucking.

 _Shit_. 

All he could hear as he tried to calm himself was your bell like laughter. A snort here and there causing that familiar flutter in his chest to begins again, almost painfully so. Just what was happening to him right now? After everything. After everything that had happened he… 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are approaching the end of my notebook. Which sucks. But it doesn't mean I'm done! It just means I sorely need a new notebook. Right now, I've been writing chapters on scrap paper which, isn't good for me from an organizational point of view but it's whatever lmao. 
> 
> Oh boy, poor Sans. Emotions are a bummer!


	13. Love & Swing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So… what's changed?_

You never used to be scared of dying. Rather, it was all you wanted for the longest time. You seriously could not recall a time you’d ever been scared of the idea of death. 

You remember only vaguely your life upon the surface now. It seems so far away. The time before you’d jumped. 

The family you did have wasn’t great. Quite the opposite. Only a week after you turned 18 they kicked you out, left all your things in garbage bags out in the rain and changed the locks. You’d come home from school to see you were no longer welcome. Not that you could ever recall being welcome in the first place. As far as you knew, it hadn’t been anything you’d done to them. On purpose anyway. Your mother ad simply always been awful to you, your father a drunk. While he never hit or yelled at you, he was simply too depressed and abused himself by your mother to stand up for you. And so, she simply packed up all your things and kicked you out and he said nothing of it. 

You’d lived half a year couch surfing, your belongings stuck in storage until you managed to land a job and a loft apartment with cheap enough rent. The only room in the whole place that was separate was the bathroom. There was no privacy but it was home. Things were stable, good even for about 3 and half years. Then you got let go, budget cuts they said but you were sure it was simply because they found someone willing to work for less. A month later, after missing only one payment on rent, you lost your apartment. You were given two weeks notice of eviction. You tried calling your parents, but they’d changed their numbers a long time ago. Taken themselves out of the phone book. You hadn’t been by to check out the old house but you were almost certain they’d skipped town. You were completely alone. 

So. On the eve of your eviction, after contemplating the decision for two straight weeks, you climbed Mount Ebott. Then… you jumped. The rest was history. 

Those two weeks were nothing though compared to the many other months you’d thought of it before getting kicked out. You’d wanted to end your life more times than you could count, long before you ever climbed the mountain. Your family, for lack of a better word, was a big cause of it. Your mother specifically. The constant yelling, and screaming. Her constantly breaking your things, things you’d bought yourself with your own money. Money your mom still didn’t know how you’d managed to earn. She had some guesses though, considering all the strangers you used to meet with in the backyard, hidden away behind crooked trees and a beaten down shed. Dealing was not something you ever thought you’d have to get into but, there you were. Luckily it wasn’t anything hard but, people still paid well. It was a living, for a while. 

Maybe that was why your mom kicked you out, you think suddenly. She must have put two and two together. Didn’t want the cops disrupting her ‘perfect’ life so, she simply kicked you out. At least she had the decency to pack your safe so you could sell the last little bit for food money. Whatever.

All of that seemed like a long nightmare now though. Far gone and abstract. Especially as you sat on Sans couch, waiting for him to return from the kitchen. 

Still, despite the distance from it, the feelings were still there. Up until a few hours ago, you still wanted to die. Perhaps even more so than before you’d jumped. So… what changed? 

You remember another time you never thought about dying once. You never wanted to hurt yourself, or others, or push others away. Or push yourself away. A time you didn’t want to end the pain by ending your life. 

Your first run through. 

Your first timeline. 

Watching the sunset with your friends? A golden halo encompassing the sun, the back drop to a magnificent view of the countryside, cast in shadow by the setting sun behind it. The sky was a brilliant red, redder than you’d ever seen it and it felt so warm. It felt like home. You felt loved. In that moment you’d wanted to be alive forever, if it only meant being with them. 

Then, you’d gone against your own wishes… because you didn’t feel close enough to them. You wanted to be closer to them. You needed to know everything about them, you needed to understand them as much as you could so that they’d never have any reason to leave you. So they would know,always, that they had a friend in you. 

You’d failed at that too. 

No wonder you didn’t have close friends on the surface. You wouldn’t want to be your friend either. 

The voice in your head remains surprisingly silent as you recount your troubled past. It’s taunting you. You can feel it’s presence just beyond the back of your mind, just on the tip of your thoughts. You can feel it smiling a cold, ever present smile. It says nothing despite itself being there. It’s like it just knows the silence is worse somehow. And honestly? It is. Perhaps because now, it’s just you berating yourself. Just you throwing around insults. Just like above. Instead of the voice that had infiltrated your head last timeline, you were the one causing tears to swim in your eyes now. 

You sniff, wiping them away with the back of your head as to not sting your cuts with salt water. Why did tears have to be salty. Especially when your hands were sliced to ribbons. What good was it? You sigh, hanging your head. 

You hadn’t felt like yourself in a long time. You try to think back, mind reaching further and further still until you reach your childhood and you realize you never really were just… _yourself_. You weren’t even sure who _yourself_ was. Up above you’d been a shell, just trying to get by. Someone who’d never even been given the gift of a personality past sarcastic and aloof. 

You didn’t cry often but, when you’d been let go you cried every night. Every single night tears stained your cheeks until you ended up here, whiskey on your breath when you’d jumped. You didn’t have the courage to face your death so blatantly sober. Sure, you wanted it but, you knew staring down that deep crevice in the earth without something to calm your mind, you’d have second thoughts. You’d wrack your brain for some excuse not to do it; not to just take that last step forward and tumble. So, you hiked up the mountain in bare feet. You drank a cocktail of straight whiskey and other liquors you’d managed to steal and save up for over the years. You reached the top. Then, you jumped. And you felt free. You felt more you in that 60 second fall then you had in 21 years of life. 

It was bizarre. 

And it made your chest ache with something unrecognizable. 

Sans returned some 5 minutes later, hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets. He wouldn’t look at you, and you thought for a long moment that it was because of what you’d shared with him. Maybe he felt awkward now. You wondered if he’d ever felt like that, and you hoped he hadn’t. You wouldn’t wish such thoughts on your worst enemy. Something in the dim lights of his pupils though told you he had something to say, and so you turned to him, prepared to listen. 

“Sometimes I feel like the world would be better off without me, too, y’know” he starts, and you have to swallow a sudden lump in your throat. You almost didn’t want to hear this, you didn’t want to know that the usually punny and chipper, if entirely lazy and tired look skeleton was anything but simply stressed. You didn’t want to know that you weren’t alone. It made everything too… real. But, you sat still and silent, nodding your head in agreement as he continued, his voice deep and rumbling. “Like… if I turned to dust all of Monster and Humankind would do some sorta collective sigh of relief”. 

You watch him as he speaks, his eyes never falling on you but, you feel him watching you all the same. Something more intimate like, he’s looking straight at your soul while he talks. You feel vulnerable, but safe. And warm. He’s sharing something so deeply personal to him, and with you. Your eyes swim with tears. 

Too Real was a perfect description of how this felt but, all the same, the longer you sat the more comfortable you began to feel with the idea of it. You understand him; he understood you. It was… comforting, if a little scary. 

You nod your head to his words, relating deeply. It was exactly how you’d felt. All those feelings, all those thoughts that had swam in your head until all of a sudden you finally did it and you jumped and they just… stopped. It had been so freeing. You’d felt like you’d finally done something right for once. All those thoughts ate away at you until you finally gave into them. Until you finally had the courage to do it. You toy with a loose thread again absentmindedly. 

“You know what helped me though?” he asked, gaze finally meeting yours. 

You thought once upon a time that, if he were human perhaps his face would be more malleable. He’d be more expressive beyond narrowed eyes and tighter grins. But, sitting here looking at the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and his sweet smile; upturned brow bones in an empathetic expression filled and overflowing with _something_ you couldn’t place… you realize he simply had been holding back. His bones _are_ expressive. You sit in silence, heart the only thing you can hear in your ears. It takes your breath away. _He_ takes your breath away. You feel yourself shaking your head, silently urging him onward. 

“Love,” he finally says, shrugging his big boned shoulders. You raise a brow, completely confused. 

“LOVE?” you ask, brows knitting together in concern. Sans seems to catch on and he gives a hearty laugh. You feel it boom in your chest like the bass at a concert, along to the flutter of your heart beat. 

“No, no. Love, like the feeling, kiddo”.

“O-oh,” you breath, stuttering over yourself. Your cheeks burn in embarrassment. Of course he meant _love_. You feel silly. 

“Love is pretty great for helping us people with the capacity for it. If I didn’t have Pap… _tibia_ honest with ya, I’d be in a bad spot”. You tug harder at the string you’d been playing with on your blanket as he says this, your fingers needing something to do. 

“I know,” you whisper, “you’re a good brother, Sans”. 

“I like ta think so,” he says with a chuckle and a shrug. He looks to you warily then, like he’s scared of the answer to the question he’s about to ask, “did – did you have any family on the surface? Any friends?”

You almost don’t want to tell him, it’s so pathetic. The whole reason you’re here in the first place though, in this timeline, is because of secrets. You think it’s high time to share your own. 

So, silently, you shake your head, tugging harder at the thread in your fingers,wrapping it around your index. Your flesh turns bright purple after a moment. “Nope.No family. No friends. I mean, I had parents but they kicked me out when I turned 18. They…“ you pause. You aren’t sure how to say it, so you opt for simplicity, “let’s just say they weren’t great people”. 

You hear Sans swallow, seeing him nod his head in your peripheral vision. You continue. 

“All my friends got tired of me sleeping on their couches; cut me off too. Even after I got a job and tried to pay them back. They just ignored my texts. All I had were coworkers but,” you wince, “well I did have them. But, I guess when I… uh, fell, I didn’t have them anymore”. 

“Why not?” Sans asks. You shrug, your finger starting to prickle now that the blood supply was thoroughly cut off. It hurts. 

“Got let go after like, almost four years. Then I got evicted from my apartment for missing like, one months rent”. Sans runs a bony hand down his face, you can hear the scratching sound, like two pieces of sand paper rubbing against one another but, softer. Less grating. He goes to say something, mouth opening but, you beat him to it. 

“It’s okay though because, even after all that I still have love,” you whisper. And it’s true. You offer Sans a smile, he returns it happily, though his expression is a bit confused. Honestly, the longer you glance at him from the corner of your eye, the cuter his expression becomes. You blush, quickly turning away to look at your purple finger. 

“I have you guys. All of you. I haven’t been all that lonely since I met you all,” you don’t think you’ve ever been this happy either. You wonder now if you ever were, you sure hadn’t even felt this way before, “love really does help”.

Sans is looking at you now, smiling so softly that he nearly looks sad. You don’t see any pity in his eyes though, something you’d been so desperately afraid to look and find in his gaze. All that’s there though is kindness, and understanding, and something else that had been etched on his face earlier. You still can’t place it but it makes you feel warm, and it makes your heart race. You can’t help but return his soft smile to the best of your ability, “it really does kid,” his hand reaches for yours, gently unwinding the thread and massaging the tip of your finger to bring it back to its normal colour. Your eyes never leave his face, and his never leave yours, “it really does”. 

***

You know you can’t stay in Snowdin forever. The timeline requires you to move on but, you can’t help it. Sans is oddly hospitable when he wants to be, and even with a steady diet of bisicles and cinnabunnies, you still aren’t feeling too hot. There’s no way you could face Undyne like this. Honestly, knowing her, there was no way she’d _let_ you face her like this. You had to heal.

The monster food was definitely helping but, only slowly. You guessed you’d damaged yourself pretty bad this time. 

Right now, you were sitting in the brothers’ kitchen, music playing on a shabby CD player, songs you foggily remembered from the surface playing from static sounding speakers. It must be a CD that had fallen down a little while ago. You hum along, tapping your fingers on the wood table. Sans hums along too, currently beating eggs for a quiche he said would have back on your feet in no time. You weren’t too fussy on quiche, you didn’t hate it or anything but, it sure beat a 10th bisicle. Ha… beat. 

“This is human music,” Sans asks, “right?”

You nod your head yes, giving him a smile when he looks over at you, “nothing I ever really listened to but, it’s nice. It sounds familiar. Like pop music or something”. 

“And what did you listen to on the surface?” Sans asks. He sounds genuinely intrigued, despite the way he tries to force in a tone of humor. 

You give him a look, hiding a smile when he catches you playfully glaring at him, “well. Almost everything. Lot’s of alternative rock. Top 20′s”.

Suddenly, you’re interested in his taste in music, “what about you? What do you like to listen to, Sans?”

“Hmm,” he pauses, then he turns to wink at you, “I’m a jazz man, myself”.

You blink, wondering if you should laugh; take his answer as a joke. The grin on his face, expression bright and all too real as he watches you tells you he’s telling the truth though. He’s being honest with you. He’s seriously telling you. You’d never learned his favourite genre of music in any of your other timelines. While it was a very small piece to the puzzle that was ‘Sans’, it was a piece nonetheless. You feel your eyes get misty for a moment, quickly blinking the blurriness away. 

“Jazz, huh?” you ask, resting your chin in your hands. Sans is mixing all the ingredients now in a bowl before he folds it all into a flaky pie crust. It’s ham and cheese he’d told you. 

“Yup. I like the brass. Monster Jazz is pretty good but, human jazz has somethin’ special to it,” the oven beeps, indicating it’s warmed up. He shoves the quiche in, sliding it to the center of the rack before closing the door softly. Oven mitts off, he reaches for the timer and sets it, clicking it to 20 minutes. 

It’s awfully domestic; watching him bake. You can’t help but stare, the flour on his apron and the little bit upon his cheek bone just barely visible against the off white of his bones. Even when his eyes flicker back to you, and he catches your gaze settling on him, you don’t look away. You do however, manage to play it off quite smoothly when his stare back turns questioning. 

You grab your phone from your pocket, simultaneously turning off the boom box as you unlock it.

“Here,” you begin as he sits down across from you, “I think you’d like this. It’s called _swing_. Well, specifically Electro Swing but… whatever. ‘Kinda like jazz but… more for dancing”. 

Sans gets comfortable in his seat, eyeing your phone in mild interest. You didn’t listen to it much but, you had an album on phone from… well you weren’t sure. You listened to that a lot though. Maybe it was from The Great Gatsby, you think. Ah, whatever. Didn’t matter. 

With something akin to nervous jitters, you silently pressed play. 

The deep plucking of the bass started, and then the distortion to go along with the electro theme. You smile, the melody drawing a grin from you. Sans nodding his skull discreetly though, like he didn’t want to enjoy it yet, only made your grin grow. 

After a few more seconds, the saxophones, trumpets, and trombones join the scene, setting the tone for the rest of the song. You can see Sans bobbing his skull now to the beat, skeletal fingers tapping on the table. You nearly felt smug that you’d gotten him to actually like something you’d shown him. It wore off though when you noticed him staring at you, his gaze not faltering. 

“What?” you ask. Sans just stares, the grin on his face growing wider into something you’d most definitely call shit eating. 

“Whaaaat!” you drawl, unable to hide the smile now growing on your lips. 

Sans chuckles before flicking his gaze to your phone and back to you, “you said this music was for dancing, right?”

You nod slowly, not sure what he’s getting at.

He reaches across the table, taking your hand covered in your sweater sleeve and then, suddenly, you’re standing up next to the table instead. 

You blink a few times, staring at Sans in confusion and then in embarrassment as he places a bony hand upon the dip of your waist. You mouth goes dry, eyes falling anywhere but him as a new song starts, the electronic touch much clearer in this song. From the sounds of it, it definitely _was_ from the Gatsby soundtrack. When the hell had you bought that? Ah well. 

The music spurs Sans to begin moving, Emeli Sandé’s voice sounding out over the music in a jazzy cover of Crazy in Love. You blush but follow his lead, letting him twirl you and step with you. Nothing too fancy but, nothing too off beat either. You have to admit, the skeletons got rhythm. Add that to the list of things you were learning about him. Things he was _letting_ you learn. Grinning, you finally fall into the rhythm of things too, following his lead more enthusiastically. 

Soon, the two of you fall into a steady pattern, him guiding you along and following after him. You hand rests upon his shoulder, both his and your other hands entwined with one another as he guides you along the kitchen floor. You feel something familiar in yourself as a new song starts up and he keeps going. You almost want to ignore the feeling pressing in your chest. The memories associated with said feeling weren’t particularly… good. But, when you realize the situation at hand _was_ good, you finally let it in. You completely immerse yourself in it; basking in the warmth of how it felt to be… free. 

A huge grin spreads across your lips, and you can hear yourself laughing along with Sans as he twirls you, another song starting up. And then another. And another. And even one more until finally, upon the last note, he pulls you close and dips you deep like he’d heard the last song before. 

You’re left hanging off him, chest heaving in your breathless state. Your playlist has ended, and all is silent in the kitchen besides the sound of you and Sans trying to catch your breath. He’s looking down at you, sweat dotting his skull. The grin on his face isn’t at all strained though, oh no. It’s wide, and it’s handsome, and it’s true. If your breath had’t already been taken away, he surely would have stolen it again just now.

It’s only after the scent of something burning wafts your way that the two of you finally break apart. 

“Oh no!” you gasp, Sans helps you stand before rushing to the oven and tugging on the mitts, “your quiche!”

“I’m sure it’s, uh…” Sans pauses as he stares into the oven, a thick black cloud rising when he opens the door. Just how long had you been dancing for? 

“Well… shit,” Sans whispers. 

You peak over his shoulder, stealing a glance at him, then at the burst, crispy quiche. It’s not… horrible looking but, it’s definitely burnt. 

“Well, that’s not… _egg-xactly_ what I had in mind when you said you were making quiche”. 

The kitchen is silent besides the click of the oven as it’s ignited again. Sans glances back at you and for a moment you think maybe your joke was Too Lame, even for him. Soon enough though, he’s chuckling before outright _guffawing_ , snorts and all. You stare, cheeks suddenly flushing so quickly you feel dizzy. Your face is so hot that it feels like you have a fever. 

He’s… laughing at your joke. Like, **really** laughing. And, more than that his laughter is… it’s adorable? It’s so genuine, and joy filled. _He’s_ so genuine and joy filled. You almost can’t take it. He sighs eventually, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye socket and giving you a look of disbelief and… what you think might be pride. 

“Good one,” he whispers, turning off the oven and zipping up his coat, “come on. Grillby’s on me for the _egg-xcellent_ pun game”. 

The sound of a burger makes your mouth water almost instantaneously, and while you’d really, _really_ like one you find you can’t move. Your face is flushed a deep scarlet, your voice nonexistent when you finally realize what just happened. Sans, lazy bones Sans, the same lazy skeleton who hates (hated?) your guts just willingly danced to electronic swing music with you. Like, twirls and dips and all. Then, he genuinely laughed at your corny pun.

You feel yourself trembling, being stared at from the inside. 

You’d decided on calling the entity in your mind a demon instead of a voice but, you think now that might sound far scarier. In either case, the moment you notice it’s presence, it gets loud. So loud in fact that a headache starts pounding against your forehead so intensely you think you might faint. 

You place your hand against your head, giving a small groan as you fall against the kitchen wall. Feeling Sans eyes burning into you in worry, you remember you hadn’t answered him. You slowly shake your head no, as to not hurt yourself anymore.

“I really don’t feel well all of a sudden. My head is like… pounding,” all you can hear in your mind is the sound of dark, hysterical laughter. It’s never ending, you can’t even hear yourself think, let alone make out what Sans is saying now. He looks disappointed, you think, as he nods. 

“Oh,” you hear him breathe out, “I uh, okay. Um,” he runs a hand over the back of his skull, scratching the back of his neck. After a second, he seems to brighten up a bit with an idea, “I’ll bring you something back!” he seems uncharacteristically excited. If you weren’t in agony you might have been able to offer him more than a pathetic half smile. 

“Sounds great,” you murmur. Sans says something else then but, you don’t hear him over the noise in your head. All you know is he’s now guiding you to the sofa and urging you to sit down. 

You don’t argue. 

“I’ll be back in no time,” he says, suddenly at the door when he’s satisfied with your lounging position beneath the blankets, “don’t get too… _yolked_ up while I’m gone”.

Despite the dark laughter in your head, you manage a giggle at his joke. Pleased with himself, he leaves then, saying goodbye once more, door shutting behind him with a click. You hear his sneakers in the snow on the front porch before the sound of crunching snow disappears.

Then, all of a sudden, the noise in your head stops. All the laughter and chatter in your head disappears and you’re left with heavy, aching silence. You can hear your heart beating in your ears so loudly you almost wondered if you had a stethoscope on. 

Your headache was gone with a flash and now, all you were left with was heaviness on your shoulders, something invisible weighing you down.

“I learned about who you were once, you know?” you say out loud to no one in particular. You feel nothing, so you push on.

“Asriel told me about you, when I saved him that first timeline. He told me your name, your story. Your plan. Mostly I found out about that on my own though, in the True Lab”. 

The voice; the entity, whatever, makes not a sound. But, you can feel it getting uncomfortable. 

“I forgot your name, you know?” it begins shaking, you can see it in your minds eye. Nothing concrete, but an outline nonetheless. It is not scared, rather it’s furious you realize. You continue, feeling haughty. You briefly wonder if what your doing right now is at all safe but, you suddenly don’t care about consequences again. 

“I don’t even remember what it started with. And I know that wasn’t your doing. You’d never want me to forget your name. Would you? It makes you angry that I forgot,” it’s shaking so much now you think it just may as well be convulsing, “doesn’t it?”

The entity explodes into a child like tantrum, shrieking so loudly you think that if it were here in the room with you, you might have a ringing in your ears for a long time. If it could throw things, you’re sure it would. Unfortunately for it, it’s trapped in your mind. 

You wait for it to die down, to relax and disappear again. It takes a long while but, eventually it tapers off and the entity’s presence disappears entirely. Sans returns then, sneakers crunching in the snow as he makes his way up the steps and opens the door. The smell of Grillby’s greasy fries and burgs reaches your nose in an instant and you nearly drool. 

It’s just regular burgers and fries like usual but, there’s something about eating them in Sans home that makes them that much better.

“You look a little better. Headache gone, kiddo?” Sans asks as he hands you a styrofoam container. The fries are loose but the burger is wrapped in grease stained brown parchment. You lick your lips hungrily and shove a fry in your mouth, nodding your head. Sans raises a brow bone.

“You just didn’t want to come with me, did ya?” his grin widens when he catches you nearly choke on your french fry, sputtering and shaking your head wildly, “I’m hurt”.

“That’s not it at all! I swear! Of course I wanted to go with you!” Sans gives a laugh, unwrapping his burger and taking a big bite, blue tongue snaking out suddenly to lick a dollop of ketchup off his front teeth. _Oh_. 

“Whatever you say,” he mumbles after he swallows. 

You know he’s teasing you, but you still feel bad. You sigh, pouting as you pick up a particularly crispy looking fry and shove it in your mouth, a content sigh escaping your lips. You feel Sans watching you. You lick some of the grease off your lips before turning to look at him, mind swimming with a million different words before you finally settle on one.

“Sans,” you say suddenly. He grunts in response to tell you he’s listening, his mouth full of food. You wonder briefly where it goes when he swallows but… you realize it’s monster food. It doesn’t go anywhere. Ugh! Whatever. Okay. You’re doing this. 

“Uh… have you ever… would it be weird if I told you… is it bad if…” you couldn’t do it. You can’t get the words out of your mouth. How were you supposed to tell him that there was a demonic child’s voice in your brain telling you what to do? Sans watches you, concern written plainly on his face as his eyes bore into you.

“Kid, what is it? Is something wrong?” the desperate tone in his voice sounds painfully familiar. You’re sure if the voice in your head wasn’t ignoring you right now, it’d be laughing at the parallel. You shudder.

“Buddy?” you realize you’ve been sitting silent for over a minute. Sans bony hand is on your arm, the feeling of him gripping your wrist so gently and so soothingly is what wakes you up. You furrow your brows, getting frustrated and flustered. 

you figured it should be easier to just come out and say it. Right?

“What would you do if you… had like?” you wince, pausing before carrying on. Sans gives your wrist a little squeeze for support, “if you had… a voice… in your head?”

You turn to see Sans blink in confusion before looking at you with a raised brow once more, “what like… when I think?”

“No, no. Like… a voice that doesn’t really, belong to you?” 

He looks even more confused now than before. You shouldn’t have brought this up. Dammit. 

Sans tilts his head to the side as he thinks, probably still trying to decipher your words.

Finally, he says something.

“Well, is it a nice voice?”

“No,” you answer, shaking your head.

“Does it make you feel safe?”

You shake your head again.

“Do you want it in your head?”

Once more, you tell him no.

“Then,” he begins, tone deep and calm and matter-of-fact, “I’d ignore it. Tell it it wasn’t welcome. Somethin’ like that”.

You stare at him, completely unimpressed, “seriously?” you ask. 

Sans shrugs. You realize asking a hypothetical to someone like that isn’t going to get you any helpful answers. You sigh, taking a big bites of your burger after you unwrap it from the parchment. Your eyes fall shut as you chew, simply trying to enjoy the food. 

It’s monster food, and while it doesn’t go anywhere after you swallow it, disappearing into nothingness, you still begin to feel full. More importantly, you begin to feel better in general. Your hands are starting to heal. 

You feel Sans watching you again as he chews, and you know he wants to say something. The only question is, should you let him?

He clears his throat and you think he’s about to speak, finally but, he simply leans over and steals some of your fries from your lap.

“Wha – Hey!” you laugh, reaching to try and take them back but, you only manage to reach too far forward. You tumble, nearly falling into his lap. Blushing, hands on his femurs as you push yourself back up almost too quickly into a sitting position. You throw your hands up in the air when you’re finally steady before turning and diving back into your food, shoving fries in your mouth as a distraction. You hear Sans snort, holding in laughing as he speaks with his mouth full. If you had the guts to look back at him, you’d notice his cheek bones with electric blue.

“Jeez, didn’t know you were so eager to jump my bones already, kid”.

You could kill him. You whip around, glaring daggers at him but, your cheeks must still be flushed because Sans simply erupts into bright, deep laughter again and you’re left pretending to be angry. 

You eat your burger, electing to give him the silent treatment until he finally apologizes. 

When all the food is gone, you feel much better. You’d nearly forgotten the conversation about head voices. That was, until Sans brought it up again.

“So… what was that whole hypothetical all about kiddo?” he asks nonchalantly, shoving the garbage in the brown paper bag he’d brought everything home in. You stiffen, staring at your now healed hands and simply shrugging. 

“Nothing. I was just curious, s’all,” you say, cracking a half-hearted smile. 

Sans isn’t buying it. His expression is unimpressed as he gives you a look as if to ask if you were seriously trying to brush him off. You don’t say anything. Neither does he. For a little while, it’s a stand-off before finally, you hear him give in to your silence. 

“Look. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to but, if something going on, maybe I can help?” he’s acting far too nice. Somehow, it’s not sitting well with you. You were so eager for him to talk to you again, and for him to treat you like a friend once more but, now it seemed… wrong? Too fast, maybe? You felt like you were swinging back and forth, not staying on something too long. It was making you ill. Dizzy. _Afraid_. 

You sigh, shaking your head slowly, “it’s nothing Sans but, thanks. Really,” he softens a little as you speak, and he looks like he wants to do something but you aren’t sure what. He simply rests a hand on your shoulder, “I’ll remember you said that”. 

He’s clearly not okay with your answer but, he gives you a gentle squeeze to the shoulder and with one last look at your face, he decides he shouldn’t push it. He simply nods, then his gaze falls from yours and doesn’t meet it again as he turns to head back into the kitchen. You shouldn’t have said anything. Too late now, you suppose. 

Your fingers find the loose string again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter might be the longest I've written but, maybe it was a little TOO long? I was going to split it into two chapters instead but I figured maybe you guys deserved a treat for it being late! I'm so sorry this took so long to get out but! Hopefully all the fluff was worth it and I hope you found it as... _egg-xciting_ to read as I did to write it!!! Love you guys  <3 (God my back hurts AAAAA).


	14. To Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wishful thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guess whose been busy at work making a playlist. It's me. B) I thought I'd share a song I heard, only because Wrexie introduced me to Bear's Den, that I think fits the theme of this fic really well! Or, at least the first half! Whatever lol. Anyway, please sit back and enjoy and have fun reading this weeks chapter!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhX1AZCo2Sg

You leave Snowdin shortly after. Papyrus returned home from sentry duty a little while before and insisted you stay the night when he heard what happened but, you were quick to decline his offer. He wasn’t pleased but he didn’t put up a fight. You think a quick glance from Sans though is what made him accept your answer. You feel awful regardless. You don’t want to leave either of them. You’d enjoyed being in Snowdin but, staying in one place for too long was starting to mess with your head. At least when you were moving you were focused on a goal. 

So, with that in mind, you bid the two of them goodbye and made your way through the outskirts of Snowdin an back into Waterfall. The last time you’d been here you’d nearly fallen off a cliff to your death. To say the least, you weren’t exactly comfortable. 

In any case, you gather up your courage and push forward, determination swimming in your gut many hours later when you finally make it to a familiar mountain tunnel. Beyond the cavern within the cavern lays the entrance to Hotland. 

Unlike the last two times you’d been here though, the familiar fish monster wasn’t here. No one was, actually. At least, that’s what you thought until you got a better look around the area. There, sitting off in a dark corner sat a familiar flower. Your eye narrow, jumping to the worst possible conclusion in an instant. You try to brush it off when you don’t see any dust anywhere but, a shiver remains against your spine anyway. You eye the flower in silent contemplation, it’s tattered leaves and petals making you frown. 

With a deep breath, you approach and kneel before him, sitting back on your ankles. You’d seen far more of him in this run then you think you ever had before, and in a way it made you feel nostalgic. Though, in a way that pained you. You wish he remembered you. Truly remembered you. What you wouldn’t do to speak to Asriel right now. You tried to remember that it wasn’t really him you were sitting behind right now, but no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself, your mind wouldn’t budge. 

The longer you stared at him, the more he seemed… almost peaceful? He doesn’t move besides what would appear to be… breathing maybe. Was he asleep, you wondered? Or perhaps just pretending. You found yourself not really caring either way. 

“Flowey?” you try, voice a simple whisper so as to not startle him. The flower stirs only a little. You think of no one but Asriel right now but, you push forward anyhow, “Flowey?” you repeat.

He shakes his browning leaves, yawning wide as he looks around for a moment, eyes wide and settling on you before he vanishes into the ground. You blink, standing quickly as your eyes dart in every direction, trying with all your might to spot a glimpse of his tattered petals. He pops up again, finally, golden head emerging from the ground at your feet. His vines wrap tight around your ankle. 

“Oh, look who it is!” he exclaims, face melting into a horrifying expression. Or, you think it would be if you weren’t so used to it by now. “You know, you really ought to tell your best friend where you’re headed off to, buddy”.

“Should I now?” you spit back, though your expression is brightened by a smile. You almost aren’t even afraid of him anymore. You know that’s a very dangerous train of thought to be on but, you can’t help it. Asriel is in there, somewhere. 

You take a seat next to him once more, he gives you a look of disbelief. You can nearly hear his shrill voice in his head calling you an idiot, his tone and phrases ingrained in your mind at this point. 

He gives you another look, one you don’t think you’ve seen from him before. His vines unwind from your ankle, retracting and curling around himself now where they were before. “Undyne left hours ago. She got tired of waiting for you. She’ll be back soon though, I bet”. 

Flowey’s expression twists, “I can’t wait to watch her run you through!”

All you can do is smile and give a playful roll of your eye. At this point, he’s trying much too hard to be scary. He knows you aren’t as terrified of him as you used to be. You wonder if he realizes this is a weak point for you but, you think maybe he doesn’t. Lucky. 

Perhaps, you wonder briefly, you’re letting yourself fall into some dangerous comfort zone, though. You just simply don’t want to admit that even if Asriel is still in there, Flowey is the one in control. Your smile falters, Flowey’s expression grow more deformed. 

“So, you can’t possibly have wanted to speak with me, could you?” he asks. 

You shrug, realizing after a second that, actually, you maybe had wanted to speak with him. You just weren’t sure how to bring it up without completely fucking yourself over. You think Flowey knowing about the entity in your head trying to control you may be a very bad thing. Worse yet, you weren’t sure how the entity would react to Flowey knowing of its existence. So instead, you stay silent, simply watching the flower quietly. 

Eventually, Flowey gives an animated sigh, grumbling something to himself before looking back at you with an extremely peeved expression, “you woke me up from my nap to stare at me?”

You shrug, smiling back at him when he just gets more annoyed. But then he pauses, staring up at you himself, not blinking. You catch his drift and continue to stare yourself, eyes never falling shut. A full minute passes and you are beginning to regret this decision as your eyes fill with tears and burn against the stale air of the underground. Finally, you give in and Flowey gives a loud, tinkling giggle, one that is completely undisturbed. You watch with a smile, rubbing the tears from your eyes one at a time as you let them rest, the burning sensation slowly leaving. 

“Hah! I win!” Flowey announces proudly, puffing out his stem in a way someone with a chest would puff out theirs. He’s furling and unfurling his leaves and you think he might be doing a little victory dance. When you give a giggle, he finally comes back to reality, expression darkening considerably. Though, maybe it’s just that he had looked so happy a second ago and the switch was pretty major. Either way. 

He gives a grumble and you think you spot a bit of a blush on his cheeks before he slips away muttering about how annoying you are. You blink, going over the events of the last minute. You think you might have just… played with… no. No, that’s impossible. You sigh, standing and leaning against the rock face. You’re left truly alone now, wondering just what you should do next. Maybe you should go to Undyne’s house, tell her you were ready to fight now. Maybe even avoid the fight all together. You could just, travel through the cavern and straight into Hotland. Undyne wouldn’t chase you through there. 

You seriously consider this option for a minute before realizing it’s wishful thinking. She’d find you eventually. 

You sit back down quietly, back to the stone wall as you simply wait. Maybe you should go through your bag? See if you’ve got enough food. 

Cinnabunnies for days, dog residue that you really needed to toss in the box, a couple sea teas, and in the bottom, a hastily wrapped, slightly charred piece of quiche. 

Wait.

Quiche?

You do a double take, pulling it out and staring at it. How did that get there? It was wrapped quickly but securely in plastic wrap. The top was brown gold and awfully crunchy looking, the crust nearly black. Had Sans packed you a piece? This one didn’t look nearly as bad as the quiche had when it came out. He must have snuck the best piece in your bag when you weren’t looking. After a moment, you smile. A familiar flutter tickles your stomach as you tuck it back into your bag for safe keeping.

It sure looked edible, and even if it wasn’t, it’s the thought that counts. He’d given you something he’d made, fully aware of who you were and what you were capable of. The things you’d done. The things you could do? Despite all that he… jeez. You really had to stop doing this. You needed to stop thinking about all that and just… focus on the present. On the future. 

For somebody who had never been good at such a thing though, you found it unsurprisingly difficult. The only thing that truly sated you about all this now was the fact that Sans had yet to actually forgive you. He promised he never would. While some small part of you wished maybe one day he might, you also knew you seriously didn’t deserve that much kindness. The quiche was already pushing it in your opinion. You hoped he’d be as good for keeping a promise toward you as he was for Toriel. 

You sit quietly, staring off into the distance as you absentmindedly repack your back. You want nothing more than to go back to Snowdin but, you know you can’t. You’ve got to keep pressing forward or else… or else… what? You pause for a moment. What… what _would_ happen if you stayed too long? You think back to the ruins. You’d stayed with Toriel much longer than you had the first and (especially), the second time. As far as you could recall, nothing had happened. Could you really just… stay down here? 

You swallow. No. No you couldn’t. Staying in one place too long messed with your head. Staying in one place too long brought with it false comfort and nothing to look toward. You needed a goal and if you just… stayed in Snowdin, the goal went away. Not to mention, it wasn’t fair at all. When you knew you could bring everyone above again. It was selfish to just stay behind in the safety of Snowdin. You’d promised not to be selfish anymore. With a small sigh and a shake of your head you resign to packing your bag again. 

That was, until you hear the familiar sound of heavy armor against the stone, shaking the very ground you were sitting upon. Your mouth runs dry.

You leap to your feet, scrambling to find some place to hide. In your panic it’s nearly impossible. In the distance marched Undyne, her helmet pulled up and out of the way of her face. You can hear her voice traveling down the canyon from where you’d finally managed to hide.

She was… talking to someone? You wonder briefly if it was Alphys, a smile pulling at your lips until you manage to pick up on her words. It’s not Alphys. 

“Sans, are you sure the human is here? I can’t see them. And don’t you dare make a joke about my eye or so help me – !” she stops walking, interrupted by the person on the other end. By Sans. You swallow, but it does nothing to help bring moisture back to your mouth. Was Sans… telling her where you were? Was he helping her? But… but why?

You gulp, retreating further into your hiding place behind some boulders when Undyne starts walking again. 

“Yeah? Yeah, okay. Um… no I don’t see ‘em. No one I talked to said they saw ‘em either. Huh?” her eye narrows, “should I be on the look out for some?” she pauses, “no. I didn’t see any”. 

Any what? The answer comes to you after a moment and it’s hard to shake after that. Dust. He’s asking her if she’s seen any dust. Your gaze falls to your shoes. He… still didn’t trust you? Somehow, even if that was perfectly reasonable, you couldn’t help but feel… played. 

You place your hand over your heart, still looking at your muddy boots. You don’t know how to feel now. Something in you feels… betrayed. Maybe? Who knows. 

Undyne’s wild laughter spooks you out of your trance and a hand flies to your mouth to hold in a surprised scream. 

“Ha! Okay, will do! Thank you, Sans!” she hangs up then, flipping her helmet back down and shoving her phone into her pocket. 

With a gulp, you watch her pass your spot. Her metal boots bang against the floor, the heaviness of her armor shaking you more than your nerves had already been. She gets further and further away, her foot steps more distant until you can barely hear them any longer. You stand then, deciding to make a break for it. 

Or… at least. You attempt to. 

In the middle of your second step, a glowing teal spear whizzes past your shoulder and lands where your foot would have fallen. You shriek, stumbling backward before you whip around and come face to face with Undyne, her visible eye looking down at you with an unreadable expression. 

Frozen in place, you can only watch as she steps closer to you, approaching so slowly it’s nearly painful. She holds up six fingers, saying the number aloud in her towering voice, eye trained on your in an act of dominance. You feel your entire body shaking. You know there’s nothing to be afraid of. You know she wouldn’t really hurt you. You think. You’re… you’re right, aren’t you? She’d saved you just a day or two earlier. You gulp. 

“Six,” she repeats, a spear conjured in her hand from thin air, “that’s how many human souls we have already. We need one more, you know. And you…” her gaze softens just the tiniest bit as she finally stands before you, her height even more impressive in her gear, “you’ll be number seven. I’m… sorry kiddo,” she barely gives you anytime to answer before your soul pulls from your chest. With the swing of her spear, you’re suddenly immersed in bright green light. You can’t move. 

“Just think of it like this,” a shield forms before you, you fumble, trying to grab it but dropping it to your feet. Quickly, you reach down to pick it up, just nearly missing an arrow as it flies straight at your soul. They’re much faster this time. Undyne gives you a pained smile as she takes a step back, getting into a fighting stance, “you’re going to save _everyone_ ”. 

You gasp sharply, several arrows grazing past you when you aren’t quick enough to turn around. You suck in a breath, both hands trembling as you hold steady, shield in front of your soul protectively. 

You cannot act, or fight. You have no time to reach into your backpack. You can’t even run, she’s got you stuck here. Green. It seems like ages until your turn finally comes and you hope against hope that her magic with wear off so you can flee but, you’re still glowing green.

With a pained breath you reach around to your pack and tug out a cinnabunny, eating it in three bites before Undyne gets back to it. The arrows get even faster, there’s much less of a pattern now. 

If you know Undyne, and you do, you know what she’s doing. You can piece it together almost immediately. She’s trying to make this as pain free as possible for you. She doesn’t _want_ to hurt you. You grunt against a particularly hard thrown arrow, and you know if you weren’t stuck in place you would have fallen backward. For once you aren’t totally annoyed with being stuck standing here. You turn in place, blocking several arrows behind you, and then to the right, quickly to the left. You’re facing the front again, several arrows headed your way. A yellow arrow up next is what catches your attention, you look up at Undyne, whose eye widens when she realizes something. It takes you another moment. 

Yellow. 

Wait. 

_Oh no – !_

It’s too late. By the time you realize you need to turn, the arrow is already pressing against you sharply. Your flesh gives way to it’s razor sharp edges, a cold, foreign feeling tearing through you mixed with the crackle and ache of magic. It cuts through you slow and agonizing. You feel the sharp edges slicing with precision through your insides, and suddenly you’re hyper aware of your organs. Tissue that isn’t supposed to feel pain, bursts to life with nerves it didn’t have at the presence of magic. All you can manage is a weak gasp when the tip of the spear, coated in blood and gore finally emerges diagonally through your gut. And then through your diaphragm. And then through your chest. 

You taste iron on your tongue. 

Looking down, you watch your blood, dark and shimmering, drip off the point. The wound is massive; devastating. You want to fall to the ground, so tired already as your pants are soaked in your own blood, but your soul still thrums green. The longer you stand there, looking at it, staring at it, the less it hurts. You figure it must be shock. Your fingers are trembling and it takes you no less than a second to realize that it’s because your entire body is shaking, wanting nothing more than to fall apart and crumple in a heap to the floor. You are practically convulsing, fingers finding the sharp edge of the yellow spear and resting against it earnestly. 

Finally, Undyne waves away her magic, your soul returning to it’s original colour. You immediately fall to your knees, the spear disappearing from inside you as you tumble. The wound remains. Undyne reaches out quickly to grab you, arms loose around your middle as she guides you to the ground and into a comfortable position. Or, as comfortable as you can be bleeding out on jagged, sharp rock. 

Undyne reaches down then with a gentle hand, something sickeningly uncharacteristic of her. You wheeze, something bubbling in your lungs as you try harder to catch your breath. You think you must be drowning in your own blood, at least one of your lungs is punctured. The fish monster brushes some of your hair from your face, the sweat on your forehead wetting it and making it stick. You feel anything but hot though. Undyne’s toothy smile remains on her lips as she blinks slowly, encouraging you to close your eyes. 

Is this seriously where you’re going to die? You… guess you aren’t surprised but you have to wonder. Why was fate so cruel? How could you just… die here? You had worked so hard to turn everything around, to make this right. To fix your mistakes. Maybe, just maybe, you wonder… _this_ was how you were supposed to help? You realize after a moment that, maybe this was how you were supposed to make everything right. By giving up your soul. 

Your vision is growing fuzzy from blood loss and lack of oxygen. Your soul glows above you but, it’s dimmer, pulsing along with your heart at a slowed down pace. You think you count in the minute you lay there, drowning and bleeding out all at the same time, maybe ten beats. No good. You really are dying, you realize. It’s slow but, it’s not agonizing like you feared. You think Undyne may have something to do with that. The shock helps too. You feel so cold, frozen in her arms as she cradles you instead against her chest now, realizing you aren’t comfortable on the stone. You nearly want to cry, the feeling of her holding you like a baby is so undeserving. She shouldn’t be this kind to you. She shouldn’t be wanting to spare you any pain. 

The entity in your mind stirs, and you think for a second about what it’s doing. You will it’s presence away, but it wont go. It doesn’t make a sound, nor any move to leave. Fine. Whatever.

“Thank you, kid,” Undyne murmurs. you blink, struggling to open your eyes again. Sleep sounds so nice right now. “For not hurting MK, I mean. As… as well as this. You’re gonna help a lot of monsters, y’know? I… I thought all humans were bad but, you’re pretty okay!”

Although it almost hurts to do it, you manage to meet Undyne’s grin with a smile of your own. If only she knew how wrong she was. That you aren’t okay, or good. Or even decent in the most blatant sense of the word. The refusal of her compliment dies in your throat, nothing more than a strangled wheeze leaving your lungs instead. Undyne pets your hair, an affectionate gesture meant to calm you. Leaning into her touch, you manage a gurgling hum, the blood pooling in your lungs finally leaking out and into the rest of your chest. Not that it mattered. You wouldn’t need to breath in a second anyway. 

You finally let your eyes shut, you’re so exhausted and so cold. You feel yourself convulse in a series of shivers, to which Undyne holds you closer to herself. It doesn’t exactly help, her armor and her skin both frigid, but you appreciate being wrapped up like this anyway. It’s like a blanket, so comforting and relaxing. 

You hear her whisper a thank you again, and then everything goes black. 

For the briefest moment, you can feel the pain of your impalement sear through you, but you don’t scream. You simply think of all the good you’re going to do. Of all the monsters you’re going to help. Of all the monsters you’re going to _save_. Then, the pain is gone. It’s vanished and you feel yourself floating in inky darkness. Something in you tells you to try opening your eyes, to wake up. You want to ignore it, to cast it away and tell it to leave you be. You feel at peace, finally. You feel _free_ here. You want to stay here forever wrapped up in the darkness that feels so familiar, like Undyne’s embrace when you slipped away. You could stay here forever.

That nagging feeling washes over you strongly again and you do all you can to try and push it away but, murmuring… you think above you perhaps, wakes you up from your slumber. Finally, you decide, you will open your eyes. If only to tell this presence to be quiet. 

You wake up in a patch of golden flowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you have fun? ;)


	15. Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck this sucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any 'H's missing, just know it's because my H key broke. I tried my best kjfdjgbdg 
> 
> Anyway, have fun!! ;)

Your eyes open to the sight of bright light. It hurts more than the phantom pains pulsing dully through your body, central to your abdomen. The wet feeling of blood no longer coats your front or back, but maybe you haven’t noticed because you haven’t sat up yet. You’re sure if you move it’ll… nope. You twist and turn your ankle, the rest of your leg following the movement as tense muscles move beneath flesh. Nothing. You’re pants are dry. 

Feeling around, a softness and familiar coolness brushes past the pads of your fingers. You make the connection immediately. Flower petals. You’re laying in a patch of flowers. 

Wait.

You sit up so quickly it makes your head spin. Loose petals fly around you, settling down on the ground and loosing themselves in the rest of the flowers. The perfume is so potent it churns your stomach. You tangle your fingers between the stems and leaves, pulling your legs closer to you as you look around. 

All around you is bright, sterile white. The only thing here besides yourself are the flowers you’re resting upon. You can’t make out any other discernible shapes. Everything is just… white, and bright, and cold. Just… where are you?

For the briefest moment you’d thought maybe you were back in the ruins. Back at the beginning. This isn’t the case you realize, looking around. You feel yourself calm, if only a little. Only to panic again when you realize you haven’t any idea where you are. Heart pounding in your ears, you twist and turn, trying to spot something, anything. Anyone. But there’s no one around. There’s no windows, no doors. No floor or ceiling. Just… nothingness. 

Nothingness except the buttercups beneath you. Just what is this place? Are you… stuck here?

The only sound you can hear is a deafening ringing in your ears and the shuffling of yourself against the flower patch. You realize, maybe this is limbo. Maybe you really were dead this time. You’d never been to a place like this before, after all. What other conclusion could you draw? Each time you’d died you’d come right back to your save point, or… at least, that’s what you’d elected to call it. You weren’t really sure what it was. It was just a point in the timeline the universe deemed important. Either way, each time you had died in the past, you’d simply opened your eyes again after your last breath to find yourself standing right before the battle again. 

The first time it had happened was with Toriel. Her last blow had hit you with such force, that you’d tumbled back, clutching a hand over your dimming soul. She’d looked so heartbroken, terror crossing her face as she realized what she’d done. You’d closed your eyes in her arms and awoken standing, her face stoic and cold once more as you gazed upon her. 

You’d been horrified, so unsure and upset over what had happened. You had tried to explain to her but, she would not listen. You weren’t even sure where to start at all. Then… you died more often. And it became routine. The amount of times Mettaton had killed you was unspeakable, but you blamed that on your own inexperience with crowds. 

In any case, waking up where you’d fallen moments before it happened had become expected. Now, you were some where entirely new. Somewhere with no exit or entrance. Somewhere lonely and cold. This had to be punishment, you realize. It had to be. 

Suddenly, a warm wetness rolls over your cheek and drops to your thigh with a tiny drip.With the never ending, seamless white around you, you hadn’t even noticed you’d started crying. You take a shaky breath, trying your hardest to wipe them away. They fell and continued to fall with no sign of stopping. With a frustrated sigh, you resign yourself to openly sobbing, falling back into the patch of buttercups with a whimper. 

Was the universe really going to force you to stay here? For _eternity?_ With no one around? This was too cruel. You knew you’d done some messed up things, made some terrible mistakes but… you had been trying to fix them. Didn’t that count for something? _Anything?_

“ _You’d be surprised,_ ” a voice rips through the deathly silence of the void, and it’s not unfamiliar. Your mouth runs dry, sweat beading on your back as you sit up with shaky arms to face the direction the voice is coming from.

A few paces to the left of your flower patch stands a child. No older than 10, you think. They wear a green and yellow striped sweater, auburn hair styled into a choppy bob with bangs that sat in their red eyes. Their skin was a sickly pale, save for distinctly rosy cheeks. They stare at you with a smile that makes your blood run cold. 

“Welcome to the Void!” they say, their smile never leaving. You stand on wobbly legs. 

“The Void?” you repeat. The child look at you like you have 3 heads. 

“Yeah, you idiot. That’s what I just said,” you raise a brow, wishing somehow that there was a camera to look into. 

The fallen child rolls their eyes before their beady gaze falls to you again, staring right through you. You know what they’re looking at. Your hand sits instinctively in front of your chest; they don’t seem to care. 

“Yeah. Anyway. Ain’t it nice? It’s peaceful, quiet. No monsters. No… _humans_ ”. You’d forgotten about the fallen child’s contempt for humanity. Though, you weren’t sure how you could have, it being such a key element to their story. Perhaps you forgot because you too hated humanity and didn’t want to share anything in common with a literal demon. 

“Well, half,” they say suddenly, “if I were a full demon, I’d have possessed someone by now”. 

You realize they can read your mind. 

“Sure can!”

They must still be in your head, somehow. 

“Sure am!” 

Narrowing your eyes, they simply stare back at you with that awful, empty smile. You feel a slow shudder roll up your spine as they approach you, coming closer until they stand a mere step in front of you. 

“I know you’re wondering why you’re here instead of, ya know, there,” the child waves their hand in a non discrepant motion, “well. That’s pretty simple”. 

They move to take your hand, suddenly right next to you. It takes almost all of you to hold in your scream, their hand feels like ice. Just what happened to this child to make them… like this? Their grip on your hand tightens almost painfully so, and you get the message as they give you a look. Don’t think about things like that. It’s none of your business. 

“I want to make a deal with you,” they say.

Your voice is barely a whisper, unheard to you over the ringing still present in your ears, “what kind of deal?” you manage. The fallen child’s grin widens. It’s frightening, and cold. There is no true emotion there, just emptiness. Nothingness. 

“The kind where we both benefit. The kind where I get your soul and… help you get that happy ending you want so bad,” the child’s grip on your hand tightens again. You realize when you take note of your stance that it’s because you had tried to pull away. 

You swallow, looking deep into their soulless eyes. They are red, flecked with brown here and there, like they were changing or something behind the mask they were wearing. Knitting your brows together in a frown, you rest your free hand against your chest again. You realize the child hasn’t moved in almost a minute; they’re holding their breath. 

In a moment of solace, you falter, pressing your hand harder against the middle of your chest, fisting the fabric of your hoodie and T-shirt. “I don’t… have my soul anymore”. You didn’t remember that until now. Undyne had your soul. Why else would you be here?

The fallen child looks at your for a moment before erupting in crazed laughter. It reminds you of Flowey a bit but, much, _much_ more unnerving. 

“Of course you still have your soul!” they exclaim suddenly. You feel something stir in your chest. After a brief moment, out emerges your soul. It’s light is much dimmer now, several cracks forming around the edges. You wonder if it’s always been like this or if… Undyne trying to take it, and it being returned to you did all that damage. 

“See, kid?” the child begins, “pretty fucked up but, whose isn’t?” It’s pretty jarring to hear a literal zygote drop the F-bomb and call you a kid but, you brush it aside. 

“Yeah. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that considering I’m even older than your grandparents. ANYWAY. There ya go. Your soul. Still mostly intact. What’d’ya say?” It’s your turn to stare at them like they have multiple heads. They can’t be serious. 

“You just told me all you need to do to be a full fledged demon is to possess someone. You aren’t too good at the whole monologue thing, are you kiddo?” The child blinks, your soul disappearing back into your chest where it belongs. You rip your hand away from the fallen child, taking a step back from them. 

A moment passes, a pregnant pause as the child collects themselves from the sudden whiplash of events. Then, when they put everything together, they lunge toward you. You side step them and they tumble into the flower patch. 

“Just give me your soul!” they scream as you step on their back to keep them down, “don’t you want to save everyone?!”

You narrow your eyes, choosing not to answer. Saying anything now would be just what it wanted to get into your head. You refused to do it. They wriggled and writhed under foot, shoving their face into the flowers as they shouted and screamed and kicked their legs in a tantrum you cared little for. 

“If you don’t give me your soul, you’ll never get out of here. You’ll be stuck in this stupid void forever! Just like me! Your soul will eventually just disappear and no one will even remember you – ” you move your foot up their back to rest on their head, shoving their open mouth down on a bunch of flowers. You don’t care. Hadn’t that been your goal all along? 

“Fine,” they mumble against the petals, “I can see you’re not in the right mind”. They disappear from underfoot and for a quick moment, you panic, wondering just where they had gone. They appear again no less than a second later, flower petals hanging from their mouth. You think you spot them chewing on one but, it must have been your imagination. Right?

“If you change your mind, just say my name!” 

Then, in the blink of an eye, they’re gone. 

Their name rings clear as day in your mind but, you dare not say it aloud. You wont give them the satisfaction. 

For now, you simply need to worry about how you’re going to get out of here. If… you even can. At least you knew where here was now. Although… you could do little with that information. You give a sigh that’s eaten by the ringing in your ears.

Looking around, you debate on whether or not to start walking. It was the _void_ after all. Either you’d get lost for eternity, walking forever or… you’d just go in circles, always coming back to the same spot.. Your only landmark is the flowers after all. You… aren’t really sure what that could possibly mean. 

With a gulp, you decide to walk. You’ll just… walk backwards. Always keep the flowers in your line of sight. Just in case.

Just in case.

You’ve been walking backwards now for what felt like an hour. After perhaps the fifteen minute mark, the golden dot in the distance that represented the flowers stopped shrinking. It stagnated, staying the same no matter how sure you were that you were still covering ground. 

You would have turned to walk forward at this point but, you were terrified that if you did, you’d turn back around and there would be nothing. You were scared to even blink. Each time you had to you felt your heart flutter, sure that this would be the time when the flowers finally disappeared. Luckily, such a time had yet to come. 

Another half hour of walking passes the same as the others. You think you’re starting to lose your mind. You’d already started spacing out to colossal degrees. At this point, you weren’t really sure how many hours or minutes had passed anymore but, if the tired ache in your legs said anything about it, it had to have been a while. A long, long while. Now, you had to keep convincing yourself that you were indeed still travelling backward and not forward. All while keeping your eyes on that damn flower patch. 

Holy fuck this sucked. 

One final step backward, you decide. Only one more and then you’re going to head back to that flower patch and rot in it. 

You pause in your spot, taking a deep breath. You realize you’re shaking, a shiver running up your spine in anticipation as you move to take that last step. You place your foot behind you, and you finally do it. You step backward for the millionth time. And, just like every time before, you feel nothing. You see nothing. Nothing new happens. The flowers don’t grow any closer or any further away. Just… where are you! 

You let out a defeated cry, falling to your knees and burying your face in your hands. You’re sorry. You’re sorry a million times over. Nothing you do will ever erase the sins you’ve committed; down here or above. But… this was cruel. Even if the punishment fit, it was too cruel. 

You’d been alone all your life, and now even in death… there was no one around. Your cries are eaten by never ending, soundless space. Whimpers die on your lips now before they can even make it into the air. You want nothing more than to open your eyes and awake in a bed. In your bed. In your apartment and realize all of this was just a dream. A bad, bad dream. Something cliche like that. Anything. _Anything_.

But, no matter how many times you blink; no matter how long you shut your eyes before opening them… it’s futile. Nothing ever happens. 

You sit, defeated and alone. You deserve this, you keep reminding yourself. Everyone else is happy. That’s what you wanted. Wasn’t it? So… why is it that you don’t feel happy for them? You try to tell yourself that it’s because you don’t even know for sure if they’re even okay, that you were only guessing that they were happy. And, based on the fact that you still had your soul, chances were they weren’t anyway but… finally you admit the truth. You aren’t happy for them because you wanted to be there with them. It’s selfish but, you wanted to be happy too. You wanted to be happy with them. You wanted that perfect happy ending for _all of you_. 

Another hour passes but, you haven’t moved from your spot. Your tears had stopped, for the most part. The only sound you could hear anymore was the dull ringing you’d grown used to after hours… or… maybe days, here. 

Sniffling, you wipe away your remaining tears, looking upward though there isn’t anything to see. A familiar name blinks into existence in your minds eye, you cheeks paling when you realize what you’re considering. You take a shaky breath. What other choice do you have? You… you have to get out of here. You have to make things right. 

Chara can help. 

They said they could. 

You sigh, head in your hands as you cry. You couldn’t believe you’re seriously considering making a deal with a demon. Half demon. Whatever. But, you realize, Chara must have had a hold on your soul before… right? What other explanation was there for your behavior last time line? That wasn’t you. You would never do that kind of thing without someone else behind it. 

Good. This was good. You’d shaken them before… you could shake them again. You take a deep breath and you go to say their name but, all of a sudden the ringing in your ears grows unbearable. You wince, throwing your hands up to your ears, trying desperately to block out the sound but it’s just getting worse. And with the deafening ringing, you realize you can’t breathe. Within seconds you feel the air sapped from your lungs, you breathe in but nothing fills your chest. 

Something in you tells you to look up from your knees. Something in you tells you to look forward. 

When you finally do, you see something entirely new. There in front of you is what your brain immediately names a ‘rip in space time’. It whirs, humming and pounding with electricity. With a distinct magical aura. One you think you recognize. 

Magic?

Suddenly, someone appears in the middle of this rip. Someone you most definitely know. Someone who forces their name from your mouth despite leaving you quite literally, breathless.

“Sans!” you shout. 

His eyes fly open, locking with yours in an instant and, just as quickly… he’s gone. 

You blink, able to breathe again with the rip gone. Was that… was that really him? You stand, legs shaky as you try your hardest to steady yourself. With nothing to hold onto though, you find yourself falling over quite a few times before your legs stop prickling with pins and needles. When you’re finally standing upright, properly, you turn yourself around, trying your hardest to spot Sans. Somewhere, anywhere. If only just a glimpse.

At first, you see nothing. Not even the golden dot on the horizon representing the flower patch. Your heart races in your chest, lungs still recovering from having the air literally sucked out of them. It hurts to breathe. It hurts more to look and find, literally, nothing. Just like you’d predicted, the flowers were gone once you’d turned around. You were stuck in an empty void. 

Then, all at once, the air is pulled from your lungs again, ringing in your ears so harsh you cry out. 

“Grab my hand!” you hear Sans shout. You whip around, spotting him behind you. His bony hand is outstretched toward you, determination and worry etched into his features as he pushes himself toward you, trying to grab some part of you when you don’t move toward him. Then, ignoring his plea and his hand, you take a running leap toward him, flinging yourself into the rip and simultaneously, into his arms. You wrap yours tightly around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck as you take a deep breath. Then, in an instant once more, your feet touch familiar carpet. 

You crumple to the ground, Sans following you. His bony arms wrap around you and so much more comfortable than you ever could have imagined. He rubs your back, assuring you that’s he’s got you. That everything is gonna be alright. You hear the shakiness in his voice though, his own fear and fright making it hard to take his reassurance seriously. But, you try. If not for you, him. 

And either way, you know that as long as you’re here in his arms, you’re completely and utterly safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. As mentioned above in my notes, my key board is like, busted. And my lap top is falling apart in general so... chapters might be slower until i can at least get a new usb keyboard. I'm sorry -_-. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER ANYWAY THOUGH, even though its... sorta late. Sorry omg...


	16. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody's got a first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA?!?! Surprised to see me? For those of you following my tumblr you may note that I said I probably wasn't getting the chapter out today. Well, you see. I kicked depression's ass and I am now a Neurotypical(tm). All of my goals have been completed. ENJOY THE FLUFF.

“Take deep, steady breaths,” he murmurs over you, fingers tangled in your hair, comforting and grounding while you collect yourself. 

To say you hadn’t expected to see Sans there would be an understatement. You still didn’t even know where _there_ was. The Void. Your worst nightmare. Somewhere you never wanted to face ever again. 

You breathe deeply like he’s instructing you to, each breath more satisfying than the last to your aching lungs. 

Time passes, as it does, though you’re not sure just how much. Maybe a few minutes, maybe longer. After the time you spent lost there though, you feel dizzy even trying to comprehend the concept of passing minutes. Silently, you finally pull from Sans comforting grip. Just enough to see his face. Hammering still in your chest, your heart beats heavily in your ears. Maybe you had hallucinated all of that, maybe it hadn’t been real at all. The thought stirs more panic in your gut and your breath is shallow again. 

Sans bony hands, oddly warm and rough, move to the side of your face, holding your shaking form steady as he locks his gaze with yours. Swallowing, you look back to him, eyes meeting his and fogging with tears immediately. He’s quick to grip just that little bit tighter on your cheeks. Not enough to hurt but, enough to remind you he’s _there_. 

“Just… what were you doing in there?” he asks. You blink, shaking your head in his hands. 

“Where was that place? Where was ‘there’?” your voice is a murmur, but Sans seems to hear you. His expression knits into something akin to a deep frown, grin pulled down at the corners. His eyes are pin points in pools of inky black, so dim they almost aren’t there. You notice briefly that his hands have gripped tighter to your face, only ever so slightly. 

His frown deepens, the light in his eyes vanishing completely. Sans voice is no more than a rumble in his bones, reverberating against your cheeks bones and shaking you deeply, “you didn’t try to… go back… did you?” 

Your head is shaking before you can even register the question, mind on auto-pilot. It’s frantic and quick, your voice a whole octave higher than usual, “no! No, no. I didn’t do that, I’d never… not anymore – “. At least… you hadn’t gone back on purpose, you realize. You must have traveled back some. Considering what had happened to you, you must have. 

“I… Sans. Have you called Undyne, yet?” your voice is small, expression unreadable by the look of confusion on Sans’ own face. He shakes his head slowly, looking down at his phone on the ground next to the both of you, it’s turned on, the screen dimming right as you look to see Undyne’s contact photo. Sans then shakes his head slowly, grip on your cheeks finally lightening as he stares at you. 

“No I… how did you…” he stops himself, and you register the look of understanding on his face. It seems whatever he remembered had slipped away already but, he understood at the very least that _something_ had happened and the two of you had been plopped back in the past. You swallow, and he follows suit. “I – I just saw you. You just left, I –” 

“Sans!” Papyrus’ booming voice erupts from upstairs, foot falls by the landing indicating he was on his way down, “Sans I thought I heard – wait. I did hear! Human! What are you doing back so soon? Ah, you must have missed me, right?”

Despite your panic still bubbling away in your veins, you can always make time for Papyrus. You offer him as a bright a smile as you can manage, standing up off the ground. Sans hands fall from your face to his sides and, after a moment, he fumbles to shove them into his hoodie pockets. Your knees are wobbly, asleep and hard to walk on but, eventually you make it over to Papyrus. 

“Of course I did, Pap. How could I resist coming back to spend a little more time with my best friend?” you embrace him, giving him a huge tight hug and he returns it almost immediately, jovial laughter bubbling up in his chest. You would never admit it out loud but, this hug was mostly for your own comfort. You thought you’d never see him again… you thought you’d never see anyone ever again. Trapped and wandering in that nothingness forever. Alone. 

“Human?” Papyrus says suddenly, pulling the two of you apart, “you are crying! Is… does this have anything to do with our prior phone call? Did I… not cheer you up well enough?” 

“What? N-no! Pap you – you did a really good job. You were so helpful, thank you. Thank you so much for talking with me then. You seriously helped me so much”. And it wasn’t a lie at all. He always knew what to say to distract you; to have you thinking happier thoughts. Pap was always ready and willing to listen too, even if you’d never taken him up on it. You much preferred to just have him talk your ear off. You could never get tired of listening to him. 

“Oh. O-of course I, The Great Papyrus, helped! I cannot believe I even doubted myself for a second! But then… why ARE you crying?” you lift a hand to your cheek, feeling that telltale warm wetness. You hadn’t even noticed they’d spilled over.

“I’m just… really happy to see you, Pap!” 

His grin widens, although it falters when you lean upward and press a chaste kiss to his jaw bone, the furthest you can manage to reach. He is quite tall. His cheekbones flare orange-red, eye sockets opening wide as he stammers unintelligibly. 

“Seriously, Pap. Thank you for the help. You’re… the first real friend I’ve ever had, you know”. At this, Papyrus calms enough to nod his head, his smile so sweet it almost sends a twinge of pain to your sweet tooth. He’s an angel, honestly. You don’t know how you ever managed to… don’t think about it. 

His gaze falls behind you after a moment, sharing a silent conversation with his brother before he turns back to you, that little blush returning to his cheeks again when he realizes he still had you wrapped up in his arms. He stammers, before clearing his throat and composing himself again, “of course, human! Should you ever need to speak with me or, if you simply want to ‘hang out’, as they say, I always have time for my best friend!” 

You can’t help but give him a big grin, and he returns it with vigor, “anyhow! It seems I interrupted an important and private conversation… so…” 

He wrings his hands for a short moment, and you simply give him a tiny nod. It appears that’s his queue to leave. With one more big smile he heads back upstairs to give you and Sans some time alone.

* * *

The kettle whistles sharply, the shrill shriek pulling you out of your spaced out trance. Lifting your head from your palm, you watch Sans bustle his way over to the stove, moving faster than you’d ever seen him.

He returns a moment later with hot tea in his hands. This time, thank goodness, he doesn’t manage to spill it on you. Although, actually… you think that may have been mostly your fault. You shouldn’t have been spacing out like that. 

Sans places the tea down in front of you, and you warm your hands on the cup, thanking him quietly after he settles in across from you. It’s hard… to remember just what the two of you were talking about before Pap came down. One on hand it’s, quite literally difficult. You cannot remember exactly what it was the two of you were discussing in a logical sense. But on the other you simply didn’t want to remember. You did not want to remember anything about that ordeal. Forgetting it was definitely the desirable outcome here but, Sans wasn’t having it. 

“I… I had literally just seen you. You only left a half hour ago. I went upstairs to grab my phone since I could hear it buzzing. I was about to call Undyne to see if she’d seen you yet and then I… you were there. When I teleported to my room you… were there. In the void. I heard you. _I saw you_ ”. He had indeed seen you. You were still in shock over that itself, not to mention the rest of it. If he hadn’t happened to… god you didn’t even want to think about. You really didn’t want to. 

You take a long, deep breath, trying hard to focus on something else. 

At least, it seemed, whatever higher powers there were looking over your journey, they’d dropped you back at this… save point. They’d plopped you down, with the help of Sans, to a time right after you’d left. Honestly you… felt a little better about that then being plopped right back down in front of your battle. This was… nicer. 

“Why… were you there?” Sans asks, grin much more of a grimace now. 

It’s your turn to wince. A phantom pulse of pain pierces your gut, a blatant reminder of what happened to get you here. 

“You want the long story or the short one?” you ask. Sans raises a brow bone. When you don’t continue after his silence he finally sighs, reaching across the table and taking a hold of your hand. It’s comforting, and his bones are extra warm from the hot tea in his cup. 

“Long version,” he whispers, “tell me everything”. 

And so you do. You explain every last detail up to your inevitable tumble into the void. You go over how you’d run into Undyne, how the two of you had fought. Sans grimaces when you recount getting run through. You don’t go into much description but, he gives you a sympathetic look regardless. His expression darkens when you talk about slipping away – waking up in a patch of buttercups against the expansive white void. 

It’s when you finally get to mentioning… Chara, that you clam up. You decide it might be best to skip over that detail for now, eventually getting to when Sans found you. 

You know you should tell him, talk to him about the fallen child but you _can’t_. You’re afraid, you think, that if you talk about them, something bad will happen. There’s paranoia crawling on your back, scratching at your shoulders in reminder of what may happen if you mess up now. You know it’s just your anxiety playing tricks on you but, it gets the better of you anyway. As it often did. 

“So… this has never happened before?” Sans asks when you finish. You nod as he pours some of his tea past his teeth, watching you as you mull over his question.

“Whenever I… died before, I just… closed my eyes and woke up again right before the fight. I’ve never been trapped in the void. I’ve never even seen it,” you take a sip of tea yourself, mostly as a distraction for the panic rising in your chest. By the look on Sans face, something very wrong had happened. 

Sans paused for a moment, looking like he wanted to say something but catching himself as he thought a little more. Eventually, “how long were you there? Or… how long did it feel like you were there?” he finally asks. That spark of panic flares up again, sweat beading on your brow as you recall. It hard for you to remember still. You simply don’t want to but, you know Sans will press you. He wants to know so he can help, or… at least you hope that’s it. You shut your eyes, forcing the answer out of yourself.

“A few hours, I think that’s… what it felt like”. When you open your eyes again, you think you might have seen Sans face pale if he possessed skin. His hold on your hand tightens in a squeeze, and its meant to be comforting.

It only helps a little. Your heart races now for a better reason, at least. A much more happier one. You squeeze his hand right back, looking at his expression as you do. 

He’s thinking.

 _Really_ thinking.

You can practically hear the gears grinding in his head. He’s trying to figure all this out. Why you were there, in the void. How you had gotten there if it had never happened before. You swallow, squeezing his hand again as you let your mind wander.

Everyone has secrets. 

Everyone has things they can’t even tell their closest friend. You are no exception, something you’d learned only an hour or so ago from Sans perspective. Everyone had things that other people really didn’t need to know but… was this really along those lines? 

A sudden thought occurs to you about half way through your epiphany. You think you know now why you woke in the void. The true reason.

Chara had heard your biggest fear. They’d overheard you mulling over what would happened come impact when you’d fallen off the cliff. They’d used it to their advantage in an attempt to claim your damaged soul. In an attempt to possess you. You swallow thickly, realizing Sans has been staring at you. 

“Is… is there something you haven’t told me?” he asks. You feel sweat on your back. He knows you haven’t told him everything. And you know not telling him isn’t just dangerous for you. Especially now that you’ve managed to figure out the _why_. If Chara traps you there again, if you die again and they manage to get a hold of your consciousness before you can load your save… you don’t think you’re strong enough to resist them a second time. You had been so close to giving in before Sans had appeared. Had he not, and by complete chance at that, you don’t know what would have happened. You feel your blood run cold, a shiver rolling up your spine. 

Finally, you look back at Sans. Really look at him. And then, you nod. 

“Yeah,” you finally breath out, “there is”.

You tell him about the voice, this time in detail instead of in vague hypothetical. You tell him your theory, how you think all this happened. Then… you ask him the most important question. 

“Could it… trap me there again?” Sans quiets when you finish your question, save for his breathing as his eyes dim. Both of your hands are now in his. He’d reached across half way through your explanation of the fallen child and offered you his other hand to hold. It was the first time you’d ever held hands with a skeleton, let alone someone in general. You’d reached across to take his hand in yours almost immediately after he offered it.

Sans grin falls once more into a frown before he slowly nods his head. 

“I think it can. Especially if it’s serious about this. And I… from the sounds of it? I’m pretty positive it is”. 

You swallow thickly. 

“So… what can I do? If I get trapped there again, I mean?”

“D o n ‘ t,” Sans answer is immediate, like he had already anticipated your question ages ago. His voice is a low rumble, reverberating again through his hands and against yours. It is much more of a sound than a voice. You purse your lips, hands shaking in his as his eyes turn completely dark, “I wont always show up to get you outta there. It could take me minutes to find you, or even years. Or, I might never,” your face drains of colour, tears swimming in your eyes at the thought. You really could have been lost in the void forever. Wandering endlessly. Never to see your friends again. Their happy ending ripped away, again. 

“Besides,” he begins, the pinpricks of light that made his pupils did not return, “I don’t know how persuasive that demon can be. If they really want your soul, I don’t wanna think about the things they’d do to get it from ya,” he squeezes your hands again. You squeeze back. 

“So don’t… don’t die or reset again. Okay?” you nod. Finally, the swimming lights of his eye sockets return, though you note that they remain awfully dim.

“I wont,” you say, “I promise”.

* * *

The two of you together finish off the kettle. Two cups of tea between you both. Sans has been trying to distract you from dwelling too long on the days earlier events now that he’s got the information he needed. But, you can’t help it. It was all so horrifying, so damn horrifying. You want nothing more than to move on but, it’s hard.

You’re sitting on the sofa with both brothers when a knock on the door brings you out of your game show induced coma. 

“Who could that be, I wonder?” Papyrus mumbles as he stands. Or, well, as mumbled as his loud voice can get. Which isn’t much.

You sit up a little straighter on the sofa, looking over sans head to watch Papyrus open the door. 

“Oh! It is just Undyne!” Papyrus announces, inviting her in. For a moment, you panic. You need to find somewhere to hide! She just stabbed you through the damn gut. All the way through; less than a day ago! You swallow – though it is much more of a gulp – as you sink back into the lumpy couch, realizing it is far too late to hide. Shit.

“Hey Pap. Sorry to drop in without a call. Brought somethin’ though for havin’ me!” she’s out of her armour, all bundled up in a toasty looking lime green, cable knit sweater and jeans. She also seems to have a scarf on from the looks of it but, you don’t think it’s hers. It’s black and white polka dots, and it looks an awful lot like something a brainy lizard monster would wear. You hide a tiny smile. Alphys must have given it to her, was it a sister accessory to her dress you wondered? Undyne really needed to give that girl her letter.

In the midst of you picking apart Undyne’s outfit, you realize she’s still yet to notice you. The couch and it’s massive size seems to be good for hiding you so far. 

“I still haven’t found the human again since yesterday. Have they happened to come through here again, Pap?” Papyrus takes the container of cookies Undyne brought with her and heads off into the kitchen. With him gone, it gives Undyne the chance to let her eyes wander. 

“As a matter of fact, the human is –” you interrupt Papyrus before he can say anymore. And Sans, it seems. His head whips around at the sound of your voice, eyes wide as he stares at you. Undyne’s eye falls on you immediately. 

“I’m uh, right here,” you mutter. Undyne simply stares, slack jawed as you keep talking, “thank you… for saving me yesterday!” 

She’s trying so hard to look menacing now but, her good eye gives away her humbleness, the misty look to it a clear betrayal by her body of how much she appreciates the thanks. Undyne really was a great friend. You missed her, despite her quite literally standing right in front of you.

“Uh, don’t mention it. Seriously. I did what anyone else woulda done”. Undyne could certainly be humble when she was flustered. You don’t think if you were in the same situation that you would have been quite as… kind. But, then again, Undyne was a good person. And you… well. 

An awkward silence flooded the room, even as Papyrus returned. He wasn’t sure what to say either, looking between the two of you with confusion painted on his face. He locked eyes with Sans though and you could see the flash of realization on the younger brothers face that he had made a bit of a mistake inviting Undyne in. You looked to Sans just in time to see him offering his brother a warm smile, all was forgiven. It was just a mistake. Undyne wouldn’t do anything in the house, after all. 

Undyne cleared her throat, rubbing the back of her neck out of nervous habit. 

“Uh… how are your hands? I know they got pretty torn up,” she says, finally breaking the silence. 

“Oh! Um, good as new actually. Had some Grillby’s and it fixed me right up. _Soul_ food does that I guess”. The room pauses once more before all the tension melts away at the sound of Papyrus’ exasperated groan. Sans chuckles happily, giving you a bit of a hidden thumbs up. You can’t help but feel at least a little proud of your corny pun, especially when you look over to Undyne trying to hide a toothy smile. When her gaze meets yours though, she doubles over and lets out a snort of real laughter. 

With the cloud of awkwardness gone, you get a little more comfortable on the couch. Or, at least, you try to. You place your hand down to move and instead of touching the cushions, you feel warm bone beneath your palm. You jump with a tiny shout, apologizing profusely and putting your hands in your lap. You don’t think you’d ever felt your cheeks burning so hot, at least when you look over at Sans to see his tinted blue, you feel a little better. He shakes his head, shoving his hands in his pockets, “it’s cool, kid. I get it. Sometimes we all get a little… _handsy_ ”. 

Your blush melts away and you give him a flat look, though as his own grin grows, you can’t help smiling back. 

The room stills with comfortable silence then, Undyne excusing herself to the kitchen with Papyrus. All you can hear is hushed whispers, the sound of tea cups, saucers, and the kettle. You wonder what they’re discussing in there but, by the sounds of it (or rather, lack there of in both Pap and Undyne’s cases), it’s probably safe to assume it’s about you. You sink into the couch again, tugging the sleeves of your sweater over your hands, fingers feeling like ice. Where is this supposed to go from here? How are you going to move on from this? 

You feel yourself shaking, rigid and trembling but, Sans notices as he usually does because, his hand finds yours and all the panic building inside you is expelled in a shaky sigh. Fingers twine together, tangling between each other with that familiar feeling of belonging.

“It’s gonna be alright, kiddo,” you hear him say. He’s brushing his thumb over the back of your fleshy hand. Over the straining muscles and over worked tendons. Over the bones of your knuckles and settling between each tiny gap were the bones of your palm are separated and spread apart. He’s easing the tension from you, one finger at a time. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay. You’re going to –”

“Make everything right,” you interrupt, voice barely above a whisper. You see him nod in your peripheral but, you simply look down at your lap. 

“I can’t fight Undyne again,” you mumble, “I’m so scared I… I don’t want to be stuck _there_ again. I don’t want that thing back in my head… controlling me. I don’t want you asking Undyne if she’s seen any dust. I don’t want there to be any dust at all”. Sans is staring at you, expression unreadable. 

“I never asked Undyne –”

“You did! Well, you… were going to. In that phone call. You called here where I came from. And you told her where I was”. You have to calm yourself for a moment. You were getting angry, and you knew you hadn’t any right to. “You… you asked her if she’d seen any dust piles”.

Sans blinks, opening and closing his mouth like a fish before he simply pauses, and chuckles, holding your hand a little tighter. You give him a confused look, brow raised as he continues to laugh. 

“What’s so funny?” you ask. He shakes his head. 

“I was just… oh man. Huh. Okay. I called Undyne or… I was about to call her anyway, to tell her where you were only because she’s been texting me like crazy about you. She was asking me where you went. Wondering if you’d gotten lost, or worse. She was really worried about you, kid. So, I called her, told her you’d be waiting for her”. 

It’s your turn to blink. Undyne was… worried about you? Surely it must have just been for MK’s sake but, it still made you blush; embarrassed that you’d thought Sans had ratted you out in spite. Of course he hadn’t. Like Undyne, he was a good person. 

Something still irked you though. something about the call that had yet to be answered. 

“But – but what about… the dust? You asked her about dust. I’m positive”. Sans stills again, only for a moment but, not out of panic. No, he’s got his thinking face on. He snaps his fingers suddenly, and you briefly wonder how he did it with no flesh before he’s talking again in that same, rumbling voice. 

“Oh! I was gonna ask her if she’d seen any burnt slices a quiche layin’ around. I uh…” that familiar blue dusts his cheeks, the grip he’s still got on your hand growing a little tighter as he rubs the back of his head, “packed ya one of the better slices. Was just worried ya mighta thrown it away.

“N-not that I’d blame ya! It was really burnt I just…” you’re staring at him and you don’t know why but, it shuts him up. You realized when he was particularly emotional he’d shorten his words some, and you found it sort of endearing. His eyes make contact with yours and all you can do is just smile. Happy and embarrassed and in love. He was worried over a slice of a quiche, not about dust. 

He trusted you. 

He _trusted_ you. 

“You… you trust me,” you breathe out the thought. Sans cheeks burn brighter, his eyes falling from your face and you can tell as he looks anywhere but you that he’s debating with himself. Should he be annoyed at this revelation or… laugh it off? You’re glad he picks the latter. 

“Sure,” he says with a grin, finally looking back at you, “just don’t trust your treatment of burnt quiche”. You snort, knocking into his shoulder with yours, to which he begins to laugh at as well. A deep, gravelly laugh that makes your heart flutter and soar. 

“Hey goobers! You’re needed in the kitchen!” Undyne calls, and you startle for a moment. Sans looks your way with a reassuring smile. 

“Better go see what they want,” he grumbles, stretching his arms over his head after letting go of your hand. Your palm feels cold now. Then, all of a sudden, he’s leaning toward you, “I’m glad you’re here – “ he whispers, his teeth brushing so gently on your cheek you almost don’t feel it. The feather light pressure lingers for only a moment before he blinks away, standing a meter in front of you instead, “here safe I mean. I’m glad you’re here… safe. And not… y’know”. 

All you can do is nod, watching as he quickly makes his way back to the kitchen, informing you that its probably fine if you stay here. You put up no argument as he ambles off without another glance your way.

“SANS! You do not just make and burn the strange egg pie and then leave all the dirty dishes on the counter!” comes Pap’s voice. Undyne’s boisterous laughter follows, a lazy “sorry, bro” from Sans only making her laugh harder.

You might have been inclined to join in were you not sitting still as a tree trunk on the couch. Your hand raised to cup your cheek, fingers brushing over where his teeth had touched your face in a kiss. A _kiss_.

He _kissed_ you. 

Your cheeks ignite, fire engine red and you swore if someone looked close enough, they might see steam rising off of you like an old cartoon. Of all the things that had happened today, this had truly been the least expected. 

_He kissed you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY HELL OKAY. 
> 
> Here we are. At the end of Chapter 16. I'm exhausted. I hope you liked it and if theres any typos... feel free to point them out because I just wanted to get this posted before Sunday was over because I am NOT a liar!


	17. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything has to start somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for missing last Sunday, I've been having a tough time lately but luckily I'm here this weekend! Please enjoy! I might even have a surprise update sometime Monday morning, since I had to split the next 4 chapters in two each, respectively. So, I have lots of content to show you! Anyway, please enjoy reading! <3

Grey light filters in through the dingy window of your apartment. Through the blinds and onto your bed leaving horizontal lines of light on your blankets. The plants in your window sill have started to wilt with two weeks of dry soil but, you can’t be bothered. It’s not exactly your apartment anymore anyway. At midnight tonight, you’d been asked to leave. 

You run a hand over your face, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you look out your window. For as little as your apartment was, at least you had a beautiful view of the mountain on the edge of town. The morning light coming in is much dimmer than usual from storm clouds above your little city. You can hear the thunder rolling in the distance. Mt. Ebott is foggy from here, emerald green and lush with morning dew. It’s only growing thicker as the minutes tick by and you think, maybe if it was any other day you’d be down there taking photos instead of staring at the massive mountain face with the idea of death in your brain. Mt. Ebott. Salvation. _Freedom_.

* * *

Sans brings you a plate of spaghetti a long while later. It’s covered in glitter but you try to eat it anyway. You’d been sitting on the sofa alone for a few minutes now, maybe a half hour you think. He must have needed to talk to Pap and Undyne. Probably about you, you realize. Undyne must be awfully confused.

Speaking of Undyne, she follows Sans in a little while later, expression unreadable. You can tell she wants to say something. The spaghetti on your plate isn’t fresh, it’s been reheated from the fridge you think as you take a bite, watching Undyne sit down, surprisingly, right next to you. 

She clears her throat and you eye Sans for a quick moment, slurping a noodle up as he gives a shrug and heads back into the kitchen. You swallow your mouthful of food with a gulp. 

“I don’t know how much of our history you’ve heard but, Pap thought maybe you’d wanna hear it”. You’d already memorized it but, you let her tell you every detail anyway. You let her go over the events, major and otherwise. You wanted to know what she was getting at. “Usually I only tell all this to people who make it far enough. But, I figured maybe telling someone like you… it… it’d make it easier for you to…”

You watch her bite her lip, your spaghetti long forgotten in your lap. Her expression is pained, an idea on the tip of her tongue that she doesn’t seem to want to voice. 

“Undyne?” you whisper. She closes her eye before a familiar hum of magic fills the air. The hair on the back of your neck raises, goosebumps decorating your arms. A flash of teal, a quick slash of movement in front of you, green dancing in your peripheral against your chest. The blanket on your lap is less for warmth now and more for safety. 

“You’re going to help a lot of monsters, y’know?” her good eye meets yours. All you can see there is an unsaid apology behind clear determination.

* * *

You’re going to help a lot of people by doing this, you remind yourself silently.

Your backpack is stuffed with baggies and bottles of pills. There’s several glass bottles clinking as well, filled and half filled with alcohols of all sorts.

You lose your balance briefly, already quite tipsy. Stomping your foot down on scuffed hardwood, you right yourself again after a long minute of half-heartedly trying to. With a huff you grab your keys and your phone, leaving the rest of your things behind. You don’t need them where you’re going anyway.

* * *

“Undyne!” you hear Papyrus call out, bursting into the living room and standing between you and her spear. Breath quaking and shallow, you don’t realize until Papyrus cuts in that you’d jumped to the far corner of the sofa, your plate of spaghetti having tumbled to the ground, shattering on the floor. Your hands settled on your stomach but, no one other than Sans and yourself know the reason why. Undyne flashes her teeth at Papyrus, he doesn’t waiver in the slightest.

“Pap come ON! Can’t you feel it? The human WANTS to do this! I can feel it, can’t you? In their soul! They WANT to help, Pap!” she gestures to you and all you can do is look down at your now green soul, the edges dimmer than you remember, tiny micro cracks tattering the outside curvature, even little pieces missing. Down the middle a much larger break is forming, if you squint tight enough you can see it just slowly beginning to deepen. Had this happened in the void? It had looked like this when… it… had pulled it from your chest back then but, you couldn’t remember it looking this tattered before. 

“Human! Your soul!” Papyrus gasps, turning toward you to get a better look. Sans steps into the living room then too, stopping dead in his tracks at the sight before him. Undyne’s magic dissipates and with the appearance of the true colour of your soul, a vibrant rosy red, so too appear more cracks – deeper cracks – you hadn’t noticed until now. You swallow, “it didn’t look like that when I fought you! It was so much brighter then… perhaps a few cracks but, it was not dim like this,” Pap’s says, so much quieter than usual. He sounds so contemplative, it unnerves you. You exchange a questioning glance with Sans, he’d fought you too only a few days prior. To your horror, he nods in agreement with his brother. You gulp.

“Monsters can see tiny things like that but, this –”

“This is _weird_ ,” Undyne cuts Sans off. “It’s not just that it’s dimmer either it’s…” She trails off and it takes her a moment to compose herself or, perhaps to gather her words. “It felt like… I could almost read your mind? It was like, you WANTED to give your soul up when I sat down. Like, I just tuned into its wavelength or whatever. It was… asking me to take it”. 

You’re staring at her, breath still incredibly laboured as you try to calm your hammering heart. This was… you didn’t like this one bit. 

“It almost felt like, you’d given it to me before. Like I had this… weird vision of you handing it over to me?” she finishes. She isn’t looking at you when she does, instead she’s resting her elbows upon her knees, holding her head in her hands as she seems to be thinking. You can hear your heart in your ears. You have no idea what she means by a vision but you’re quite positive you know what she saw. You wonder if Sans and Papyrus can feel the tug of your soul toward them just like Undyne can. The longer you focus on the steady pulse around your soul, the more you do happen to feel that pull against you; that tug toward the monsters in the room. Your brows knit together, concern written plain on your face as you cup your soul protectively, sinking further into your corner of the couch.

* * *

Mt. Ebott towers over the valley in which your little city is nestled into. It’s almost a little intimidating but it’s also kind of inviting, you suppose. You stare up at it through your windshield, parking your car in the gravel lot at the base of the mountain. The closer you get the harder it is to see the peak until finally, you have to crane your neck over the dash and look straight upward just to see the smallest glimpse of it. It’s definitely not the biggest mountain in the world but, it’s also not the smallest either. You feel something inside you tugging you toward the peak. This didn’t surprise you though, you’d always been drawn to the Green Giant of a mountain.

The mountain no one came back from.

You’d spent all day inside, preparing and writing your note and getting as drunk as you possibly could before it’d be impossible to drive. Luckily, it never hit you until you stood up so, driving was as easy as pie, that was of course until you had to stop to pee and then, getting back into your car and staying on a straight line was a lot harder than you’d planned, especially on the wet backroads. Thank goodness it’d yet to start raining. Double thank goodness the gas station you’d stopped at was only point five miles from the mountain. 

It was about 2 AM now, much too late for regular people to be out here.

The second thing you see besides the mountain when you finally park your car is tattered and broken caution tape littering the entrances to the trails. High up in the deciduous trees near the front part of the forest hung nooses and ropes of all sorts. God knows who put those there but, they’re far too close to the front for anyone serious. Must be some sort of dumb prank from the teenagers who lived in this shit hole town. 

Your keys clink together, filling the silent white noise around you with a soft tinkling as you kill the ignition. The hum of your beat up car comes to a stop, headlights fading out to reveal a certain darkness that makes your skin crawl. The forest is dark – too dark. The stars aren’t out tonight, nor the moon past the cloud cover above. The clouds had been nearly black early in the morning and the storm stayed hovering above the city for the past 24 hours; it had barely moved an inch. You were surprised it’d yet to start raining, but you didn’t want to stand around and wait for it to start, otherwise the mountain would be too slippery to climb. 

With a sigh, you step out of your car, closing the door and locking it out of habit after grabbing your back pack. The last you’d heard Mt. Ebott in the news was less than three weeks ago; a teenage girl had gone missing and if you recalled correctly, it did happen to be summer exam week in the high schools. This caution tape looked fresh. 

You recall they never found her body but they did find a note. Briefly you wondered how that had to feel, from a parents point of view. You wondered if your mom and dad would care when you turned up missing, worse yet dead. You doubted they’d care. You doubted anyone would care. 

Next to the wooden sign naming the mountain, talking about it’s history, and giving you a detailed map of the trails, you left your shoes. Ratty old, beat up converse you’d gotten over five years ago now. You’d bought them with your own money. Just like you bought everything with your own money. You left them sitting next to the moss covered leg of the sign, socks tucked neatly inside. No going back now. 

Unzipping your bag, phones flashlight turned on to help guide you as you rummage around, finding just what you were looking for. The burning feel of rye passes your lips, settling in your empty stomach only moments later and crackling away like a fire in your stomach, the embers tickling at your esophagus and causing you to cough. You pat your chest, taking another drink to settle the irritation in your throat. 

As you go to zip your bag up again, you spot the pills sitting in their baggies and bottles toward the bottom, sandwiched between several bottles of cheap whiskey. The pills are… a last resort. Just in case you can’t find a good place to tumble. Or, just in case the alcohol doesn’t kill you first. 

With that bottle of rye in hand, your phone in the other, you begin your barefoot trek. Something in you is pulling you ever closer to the peak. You wobble off the path, the rope nooses from the entrances start turning dangerously more real. The longer you walk, the less you’re able to convince yourself that each one you see is a prank. Notes hammered into trees, backpacks discarded and possessions thrown haphazardly on the ground, the less determined you’re starting to feel on your hike. 

Perhaps… you should have brought some rope, too.

* * *

“Whats wrong with it?” you finally manage. Everyone gives you a look of sympathy and you have to bite back the regret pooling in your stomach at their expressions. Your soul sits ever present before you, pulsing dimmer than you could have ever imagined it. You’d put the pieces together on your own but, you wanted to know what the others thought. Maybe… hopefully… you were wrong.

Sans is the first to shake his head, coming to stand next to Papyrus. Even he isn’t sure but, you can tell he wants to say _something_. 

Papyrus and Undyne shake their heads together, they can’t figure this out either. You’re stuck sitting and wondering… is this harmful? Is it going to get worse? Obviously, it’s no good, but how bad is no good? How ‘not good’ is this? 

Undyne can feel the pull of your soul toward you, and you keeping wondering about Papyrus and Sans; can they feel it too? They don’t seem to but, perhaps they just haven’t said anything. 

You look down to it again, it’s edges dim, muddy silver and almost – nearly – translucent. The cracks around it and through the middle make you shudder at the sight of them, they seem wrong. They seem dangerous. Now that you’ve been staring though – gotten a better look – even you can see that many of these cracks are old, formed a long time ago and simply extending now because of God knows what. Though the cracks are terrifying, it’s the dimming and loss of colour that concerns you most. How could you save everyone like this? How could a broken, dysfunctional soul do any good? How could you do any good? 

Your soul pulses plainly, dimmer again than just a second ago. The colour begins to drain more fully around the edges and suddenly, instead of the grey loss of pigment decorating the edges, the greyness pushes inward and around the contours of your soul comes a crystal clear, translucent glassy finish. It reminds you of a glass paperweight; a dried flower forever encased inside it. Inside is the light of your soul hovering between glassy walls. 

You blink, mouth running dry as panic rises in your chest, the three monsters in front of you gasping. Papyrus is the first to jump from his spot toward you, wrapping you up in a hug that you don’t even try to struggle away from. 

“What’s happening to me?” you choke out, trying so desperately to hold in your tears. Pap’s gloved hand pets your head, smoothing your hair against your skull. You feel so…

* * *

Undetermined. The longer you walk the mountain face the harder it’s becoming to convince yourself anymore. You take another long drink, smashing the now emptied bottle on the side of a rock. There. Much better. It’s coming back again. The bravery. Your _determination_.

Stumbling, you sit on a rotting log, pulling out another full bottle of something. It’s clear and it burns like rubbing alcohol on the way down, but you couldn’t care less. You were already wasted enough for two, why not make it three? 

With a long chug, the burning long forgotten, you stand and start your walk again. Feet bleeding and blistered and bruised, going back not just isn’t an option anymore. Not that you want to, oh no. You shake that thought from your head as quickly as it bubbles up. There’s nothing for you to go back to. No job, no friends, no family… no home. 

You have to press forward. 

Heart pounding in your chest as you climb, breathing ragged and laboured, you realize the peak was only a little further. Only a little more. You had to push yourself. 

You can do this. 

You had to do this. 

You’d heard stories of people who’d survived their attempts feeling like they were cowards. Just before they jumped, or just before they swallowed that last pill that finally made them vomit, they recalled they felt like cowards. You couldn’t imagine feeling braver. As you eye the dripping mouth of a cave in the side of Ebott’s enormous peak, you feel anything but cowardly. You feel _determined_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you guys liked this chapter! We get a bit of a look into readers past again; how they ended up under Ebott more literally! Things are going to be growing even more serious in the next few chapters, as if things aren't serious enough as it is lmfao. So, keep an eye on the tags for trigger warnings and stuff! Anything super serious, I'll be tagging right at the start but, I do want to avoid spoilers so... 
> 
> ANYWHO... we'll be back next Sunday! Or... maybe earlier ;)


	18. Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was all me. Everything. I… I thought that it had some control of me before. But… it never did. Not once”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Detailed Suicide Attempt in this chapter, proceed with Caution, lovelies!**

* * *

“Determination,” Sans grumbles. 

“What?” you ask him. 

It’s a day after Undyne visited. You think by the tired expression on Pap’s face as he went to bed last night that he must be the reason Undyne left without so much as a glance in your direction only a little while after midnight. He must have convinced her not to ‘capture’ you. For now, anyhow. Judging by how Undyne’s shoulders had relaxed though as she tugged on her sweater, you didn’t think she was all that disappointed at the loss.

It was very early in the morning now. 5 AM according to your phone. Sans must have not been able to sleep, otherwise he wouldn’t be awake right now. Not that you had been able to sleep yourself. The night had been… pretty rough. Luckily you’d been able to distract yourself with some music on your phone but, the night turned out to mimic many other nights you’d had on the surface. Dreary and just plain depressing.

“Determination,” he mutters again, taking a sip of some sugary sweet coffee. He’d gotten you a mug full too of the same but, you’d yet to touch it. 

“Again, what?” you repeat. Sans yawns, stretching his arms high above his head after putting his mug down. You hear his shoulders pop before he sags, face painting with relaxation. He then reaches forward and taps his finger on the left side of your chest. You try your best not to recoil in embarrassment. 

“Your soul is made from determination. Well…” he pauses, focusing on something before you feel a familiar crackle in the air. Your fading soul sits before you once more. “Every human soul is made from determination in one way or another. But yours is _pure_ determination”. 

You look down at the tattered thing, the cracks and micro cracks only having grown over the night in size and number. It’s dimmer than yesterday. “Okay. So what’s your point?”

“To _patella_ you the truth, I forgot,” he grins, his sly smirk only growing larger as you give him an incredulous look. 

“Sans,” you start, tone flat and tired. 

“Okay, okay kid. Don’t get your knickers in a knot,” your cheeks grow warm and you give him a glare, to which he only chuckles at. You gather as he continues talking that he’d only been trying to lighten the mood. What he tells you next isn’t exactly… cheerful. “So, determination. Your souls lump sum is made up of it. There’s other things in there, of course. Like bravery; perseverance. But, determination is the most concentrated”.

You give him a nod when he pauses to make sure you’re still on board. With that, he nods his own head and continues, “your soul didn’t look like this until after you left the void”. You nod again. You’d been hoping that his theory would be different than yours but, it seemed it wasn’t. This made you shudder. “So,” he begins, “I’m thinkin’… the reason your soul looks like this is because of that… entity you mentioned. In the void, it must have done somethin’ to your soul. Maybe they even have the same soul?”

“You mean it’s… sapping the determination from me?” 

“Precisely,” Sans states. For a moment, all you can do is blink, completely silent. Did Sans just say ‘precisely’? For some reason, this struck you as uncharacteristic of him. He seems to realize this too, cheekbones flaring blue as he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. He clears his throat, “I mean. Yeah. Exactly”. You raise a brow but, say nothing of it. 

“Okay, so. How can I… get it back?” you ask, your voice quiet and far away, almost like you’re asking yourself. You meet Sans gaze so he knows he’s allowed to answer your question. 

“I… wish I knew, kid,” his voice is a mumble. Brows knit together, you look down at your soul in worry. It floats in front of you like it always had but it seemed foreign now. Like it wasn’t yours. But, you knew that was only the appearance. The feel of it still had you written all over it. It was bizarre, and something primal in your was terrified at the clear, glassy edges. They shouldn’t be there, this wasn’t right. What happened if your whole soul turned see-through? You shiver, the thought making you especially aware of the danger you were in.

“Maybe… maybe I’m just not determined enough anymore. Maybe that’s what’s happening. Maybe its…” you take in a shaky breath, “maybe it’s my fault?” You get to watch up close and personal this time as your soul pulses weakly, edges turning completely glassy as more grey permeates toward the center. You and Sans both gasp, and he’s the first to reach out to cup your soul. Something about his hands next to it, buzzing with magic… it makes your soul pulse just a little brighter, although the colour does not return. You notice at the very least that its no longer getting worse. 

His hands remain next to it, although he doesn’t touch it directly. Your soul glows dimly all the time but, occasionally it will pulse just a little brighter, usually syncing up to your heartbeat you’d realized. The colour of its light reflects off Sans hands, illuminating his palms in graying red. A long moment passes before you hear Sans click his jaw, “it’s using your state of mind to sap away your determination”.

Swallowing, eyes wide, you simply stare back at him. You can’t find the words to speak, what are you supposed to say to something like that? How are you supposed to respond to finding out that your nearly constant state of being is doing more harm to you now than you ever thought possible.

“I think that… anytime you’re unsure of something or, y’know… feeling grey,” you don’t appreciate the pun. Sans winces, realizing too late he’d made one by accident. He shoots you an apologetic grin, and you realize it hadn’t been intentional. He continues when your expression softens, “it’s managing to drain the determination from your soul. It’s using whatever magic its got to… manipulate the monsters around you too. If they happen to look at your soul, they’ll see anything they want to see”.

“That… that explains Undyne,” you whisper. Not a second later, Sans takes his hands quickly away from your soul. The broken thing eases back into your chest where it belongs, wrapping around your heart and filling the hole in your chest you always feel when it’s out in the open. You look up at him, bewildered before asking, “what… what’s it making you see?”

Sans is staring at his hands, expression horrified. You think… no. You _do_ see him shaking. The air shifts, the pull of his magic dissipating and, after a long moment, he shakes his head, voice just barely above a whisper, “nothing”.

Your gaze hardens, and you reach out to take his hand. He doesn’t flinch away, a good sign. “Sans,” you start, treading as lightly as you can manage, “it made you see _something_ ”.

He shakes his head, grip tightening on your hand almost painfully. You bear it. “No. No, that’s just it,” he murmurs, voice so low it’s less of a voice and much more of a rumble, “it was just… nothingness”.

* * *

The cave mouth had hummed with something, raising the hair on the back of your neck. It felt like… well, you weren’t sure what. Just that it felt permeable. Like there was something buzzing in the air. You don’t see where its coming from until you navigate your way deeper inside, rain pouring almost as soon as you make it under the rock ceiling. Lucky.

Your phone light guides you deeper inside and, after a couple minutes you find yourself coming up on a dimly glowing hole in the cave floor. As you get closer though, you realize it’s much more than that. It’s a massive hole, seemingly going on forever. There was no way to jump over it either, and it seemed to stretch the width of the cave floor, meeting the walls on both sides of the cavern. Walking around was impossible so, instead, you stare down into it.

Was that… water in there? It moved slightly, almost… vibrating against an invisible, non-existent current. You wondered, as you peered over the edge, what gave the water it’s dim glow? Maybe some bio-luminescent organism like the blue algae you often saw pictures of online. It glowed like glow-in-the-dark stars, but the light didn’t fade when you shone your phone light on it.

Taking a seat on the edge, you dangle your legs over the deep hole, giving a sigh. All you had left was a cheap plastic bottle of gin. You didn’t think (if your dizzy state said anything about it) that you need anymore, lest you just throw it up and then everything would be pointless. Besides, going on the vomit note seemed… bad. At least staring at this glowing pool was peaceful. You feel calm, for once in your life.

You put the pieces together now, realizing the hum of energy in the air you’d felt upon entering the cave was coming up from the water below. The longer you stare though, the more you realize it really doesn’t look like water. Not like water you’d ever seen before but, it’s the only word you can think of for it. Maybe it’s some sort of… portal, to the Underworld maybe. Spooky.

Ha!

As if. You snort at your joke. A portal to the Underworld? That would imply God exists, and if he exists well… you wouldn’t be up here.

Huh. Well, no, maybe you suppose, that wasn’t true. Who was to say Lucifer couldn’t exist without God? Or even some entirely different, dark spirit? It would explain a lot about the world, you think. All the misery in it. The fact that nothing ever got better for long. You realize half way through your silent musing that you’re crying again.

You’d cried more in the past 14 days than you had in your entire life. You couldn’t even be sure why anymore. Maybe you pitied yourself. At least someone did, you think.

Grimacing at the train of thought your brain was on, you finally turn your gaze away from the strange water, standing on wobbly legs.

It’s time.

You abandon the alcoholic and medicated contents of your bag, thinking of it like a pay it forward kinda deal. Hopefully the next person to come up this mountain would leave something behind too.

Turning your phone off, you tuck it in your bag and throw your pack back over your shoulders. Without the flashlight of your phone, you realize just how dark this cavern is. Vines scatter the floor, stalactites and stalagmites littering the place. It’s almost… beautiful. There’s rain pouring in from above, you notice a hole right above the hole in the ground, giving you a lovely glimpse of the sky above. Well, it would be lovely if not for the storm clouds. It’s just a blanket of fluffy black and dull grey tonight instead. You think, finally, this is a good place to die.

The soft glow from the water pulses brighter the closer you step to the edge. Maybe it’s just because you’re drunk, you think. That’s gotta be it. Your eyes must be playing tricks on your… right? Right.

You’d left a note on your blog. It was queued to post around noon tomorrow. Not that anyone would read it. You had a fair amount of followers but… no one really cared or interacted with you.

You’d left your computer on, the printed had been queued too to print off a document detailing what to do with your things because you wouldn’t be returning. It said nothing of where you were going, or what you were planning to do. Just that you wanted everything donated and that the landlord could keep any money he made from things he couldn’t donate. Or… didn’t donate.

Who cares.

You stand above the glowing hole, the hum against your skin growing, goosebumps scattering your arms. You were really going to do this. You were really about to do it. Only one more step. You hold your breath and, with a sudden surge of drunken bravery, you take that last step forward into eternity.

You’re falling and falling and falling still. The stale air around you rushes past your ears and you know you’re crying but, it’s not out of fear, or regret, or anything simple like that.

You’re crying because you’re _free_.

You hit the strange water no less than a minute after you jumped. It wraps around you like a security blanket, surprisingly warm and… alive. There’s a pulse around you, and then a couple more as time seams to stop in this strange, glowing pool.

You realize it’s not water only when you’re just about to exit from it. You hadn’t even realized you’d still been falling. You feel like a heavy stone, gravity pulling you toward earth again. Emerging on the other side of the strange glowing barrier (that seems to fit, you realize suddenly) the cool air around you feels frigid after falling through such warmth. You can’t see past the barrier as you fall, looking up toward it, your hands grasping at your backpack straps. Everything you came from is gone now. You can’t help but let out a breath of relief. Thank goodness.

You plummet and plummet until finally, you feel your back collide with something, knocking the air from your lungs. Thank God for the alcohol in your system, or else you think that would have hurt a hell of a lot more than it did.

The last thing you see before you succumb to a warm, welcoming darkness are yellow flower petals by your feet.

* * *

Your face is painted in confusion, the quick and dismissive wave of Sans hand telling you as much. You don’t let him dismiss you.

Nothingness? Sans saw… nothing? But you thought it had been showing monsters what they _wanted_ to see? Or… that had been Sans hypothesis. You wonder suddenly if that hadn’t been the case at all. Maybe… it was showing them their worst fears?

“What – what did it look like?” you ask, trying to keep the conversation flowing. You didn’t want to end it in a place like this. 

Sans suddenly looks angry, and he grabs his other hands away from you, too quickly. You feel like you’ve gotten whiplash from the sudden shift in the air.

“It was the underground but, it was empty. Just… dust everywhere. God, it was _everywhere_ ”. He’s shaking, the lights in his eyes dim, nearly invisible. You realize a moment later what he saw. You know immediately. “That demon you mentioned. I could feel it there but, I couldn’t see it. It… it just showed me you. But with two souls. Like it hadn’t crawled into your body yet”. 

You blink, none of this making sense to you. Two souls? You didn’t have two souls. You had one, your very own soul. The only person inside you until now was you. You… 

Your hands move slowly, covering your mouth in shock. The dots are laying themselves out to you and you – you’re putting them together; finally. 

Sans had seen this scene before you fought him, standing in that judgement hall, more dust than human then. He’d seen you stand before him, behind you… literal nothingness. 

You’d carried the void on your shoulders. You wrapped death around like armour. Behind you, he saw The End.

And in his vision he saw two like souls. One your own, the other belonging to an unfortunate kindred spirit. Someone you’d awoken but never engaged until your second time around. 

You could see this vision now too but, for you it did not stop at the sight of your face, oh no. It went on and on and on and with the final swing of your knife, whoever had been standing before you crumbled to dust. The two souls over your chest merged, sinking back into you as one. The way you moved after that was not you. The smile on your face as you watched yourself approach the throne room was not yours. 

But, the expression you wore as you watched Sans disintegrate before you, the stance you took before dodging his attacks. That was all you. 

_”If I were a full demon, I’d have possessed someone by now”._

In your vision, it had gained full control of you only after you had killed Sans. But, in reality… you’d never killed him. You’d reset before you could. 

You realize you’ve been staring off into the distance, Sans shaking your arm bringing you only slightly back to reality.

“It was me,” you say under your breath. It’s Sans turn to be confused, and when you look back at him, you can’t find the words to explain. You simply shake your head, taking in a shaky breath. “It was all me,” you repeat. Sans narrows his eyes before shaking his head once more. You aren’t making any sense to him. You aren’t really making sense to yourself, to be perfectly honest. But how do you explain _this_ to someone you love? You press forward regardless.

“It was all me. Everything. I… I thought that it had some control of me before. But… it never did. Not once”. 

Sans slumps in his chair, you can tell he’s slowly putting the pieces together. Your words a jigsaw puzzle, and he a master of puzzles. You’re holding your breath, shaking in your spot on the couch. You can’t even look at him. You think, if you do, you might start to cry. You don’t have any right to cry now. Especially not now. Not when you’d finally realized… “it was all me. I killed everyone”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! Reader's not in a good place right now, clearly. Uh oh. ;3c


	19. Metal & Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you know Cherry Wood represents Rebirth and Awakening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday! I had to split this chapter in two as well so, part two of this chapter will be up next Sunday! Meaning.. theres a cliff hanger... I'm sorry omg. 
> 
> ... Enjoy!!!
> 
>  
> 
> **Warning for Disassociation in this chapter, just so you know!**

Standing here, staring at the sunset – golden yellows and humbling reds – you realize you’ve found a family here. These monsters; your friends. Your family. You can’t help the tears burning as you close your eyes, soaking in the sunlight after so long. Sunlight you thought you might never see again. It’s warm and palpable on your skin, you can’t even comprehend how once upon a time you thought you’d never miss it. The late summer sun had always been your favourite. Not too hot, not too cool. Just right, just enough to remind you that you were breathing. You breath in deep, a smile gracing your lips after a long moment. 

All that pain and fear and self-hatred and loneliness had brought you to this moment. All that negativity drew you closer and closer to this happy ending, something you thought you’d never come to deserve. You’d found friends – family – because of all that pain. They’d convinced you to keep going; that life was worth living. They’d opened their hearts to you, welcoming you despite being human. You don’t think you’d ever felt so… happy. 

“So, my child,” you hear Toriel begin. Her voice is a bit forced, raw as she holds back tears. You both were trying not to cry. The view was breathtaking – the city line rising above the horizon – the implications behind the visible sunset even more so. Monsterkind was finally free. After centuries, they could see the stars again. “What will you do now?” You look up at Toriel as she placed a pawed hand on your back, her gaze is so warm and so motherly that you simply stare at it for a while. You wonder how someone can be so caring; so invested in the safety of others. Toriel was a stark opposite to your own mother. You take in a shuddered breath as she rubs your back. 

You aren’t quite sure how to answer her question. You aren’t sure how she _wants_ you to answer her question. You promised to be the monsters ambassador, whatever that entailed. You hoped humankind would listen to you but, it was hard to take someone who’d nearly killed themselves seriously you think. You shake your head to yourself, you can worry about all that later. Right now, Toriel is waiting for an answer that you’ve still yet to come up with. 

Sooner than later, a thought occurs to you, memories flooding you and forcing the tears swimming behind your eyes to finally stream down your cheeks. You have no where to go off this mountain. No home to return to. No one waiting for you at the end of that trail. There’s no one waiting at your apartment to embrace you and say they missed you. None of your material possessions are there. Nothing. 

So… what would you do?

You swallow thickly, Toriel turning to you with a dainty gasp and wiping your tears away, a kiss placed to your forehead. You melt into her affectionate touches, something you’d never had the privilege of experiencing from your biological mother. Ha… when had you started thinking of her like that? Did that mean… huh. 

As Toriel begins to pull away, you fall against her, embracing her tightly. Her fur is warm from magic and from late day sunlight against her. You can hear the thrum of her magic in her chest, just like a heartbeat. B-bump. B-bump. 

Toriel tenses a moment, gasping as you melt into her before finally, you hear her sniffle, her arms wrapping warmly around you. You feel her nuzzle her snout into your hair. 

“I want to stay with you,” you murmur, pulling away just enough to look up at her; to look up at your _mom_ , “I’ve finally found a real home”.

* * *

Sans feels like he’s staring at a car crash.

He can’t take his eyes off the scene in front of him. Your trembling form, the tears spilling over your cheeks. There was a genuine tone of surprised horror in your voice as you admitted to him your realization. You’d completely convinced yourself otherwise. Being in the void, trapped there by the very demon you were trying to blame must have only proved to solidify your theory – you weren’t the one in control then. But… as it turned out, you were. 

He wasn’t sure how to feel.

Mostly, he thinks, he’s confused. Terribly confused. On one hand, he wants to comfort you. He wants to wrap you up in a tight hug and hush you and tell you no, no. It wasn’t just you. Something had been influencing you; at the very least persuading you. Something had been behind your gaze then. No matter how foggy the memories, no matter how far away it felt anymore, something had been there that wasn’t you. Something not right. 

But on the other hand, he was furious. With you for confirming his suspicions, and with himself. He was livid. He’d put his trust in you again and again, you’d broken it. He should have known better. He should have _known_. For all those times he’d seen something behind your eyes that he didn’t recognize, he had dozens of other times he _had_ recognized the look on your face. You’d been in there. Why hadn’t you stopped it? Why had you kept going? Had you not known there was something wrong with you? 

Sans shakes the thoughts from his head, looking upon you and noting you were no longer meeting his gaze. You weren’t really looking anywhere, really. You were staring off into the distance with a thousand yard stare, a familiar look that made a shiver run up his spine. He could see you shaking so badly that he didn’t even need to hold his breath to catch it. It was as easy to pick up on as your laboured breath. His eyes remain on you, staring wide eyed at your features. A pang of… pain he thinks, flashes across your expression but, then it leaves. His hand is reaching for yours before he can even try to stop himself. 

Fists balled tightly, he pry’s fleshy fingers apart as gently as he can. One… two… three… he’s starting to see something now. Your nails are stained bright, dripping red at the tips. When he finally manages to unfurl your pinkie finger, he sees why. Along the fleshier part of your palm lay four perfectly carved half moon cuts. They’re oozing, and he thinks maybe they look deeper than they are, even despite all the blood pooling to the surface. You’d been clenching your fists so hard that you’d punctured skin. Sans guesses the situation is the same on your other hand. The far away look in your eyes isn’t as familiar as he thought before. He understands it well, and he’d seen it on somebody else many times before but, never on you. He’d seen Alphys with such a look many times in the past, he recalls. 

You’re disassociating. You aren’t here right now. The panic and shock of your realization must have had you retreating into your thoughts. 

Sans untangles the fingers on your hand, the story is the same there, like he’d predicted. Despite the blood, he holds your hands anyhow, trying to talk you out of your trance as his fingers massage yours slowly. He shouldn’t be doing this he thinks suddenly. 

He should be mad. Furious. Happy with your suffering. Relishing in your pain. But… he can’t be. Some part of him just wont allow it. Some small part of him is tired of being angry, even if a much larger part of himself knows just how illogical that is. 

His thumb runs over the inside of your wrist, pulse hammering beneath his touch. It reminds him of a monsters pulse. It too is central to the chest but, that’s only because that’s where a monsters magic manifests. Or, at least it did in monsters WITH chests. It was more like, it manifested in the central most part of monsters, and that usually happened to be the chest. He sighs inwardly, as his thoughts ramble on. _Either way_. The hum of magic could be felt all over a monster, in a similar pulse to a human’s heartbeat. Usually in similar places too. 

Human heart beats were quite fascinating though. Some times it’d sync up to the pulse of their soul but, other times their hearts could be hammering and their soul would be beating at it’s usual pace. He’d hypothesized that this was because the human soul had little to do with the cardiovascular system or with exercise. It was emotional – just like in monsters. Which is why, he thinks, a human soul (or… yours anyway. It was the only one he had to look at after all) would pulse faster along with a human heart when scared, or even happy. Lot’s of emotions. 

Your heart right now was beating at… 162 beats per minute. He counts each one over 60 seconds. Your soul however was beating the slowest he’d ever seen it. Something like, 50 beats per minute and only growing slower. Not good. His hands move slowly up your arms to rest on either side of your face, urging you to look at him but, your gaze is still far away. 

“Hey kiddo. I need you to focus on my voice, okay? I need you to come back to me here,” he couldn’t let your soul grow any dimmer. There was no telling what would happen if it did. He’d never seen anything like this. He wasn’t positive how human souls worked besides what he’d seen with his own two eyes. From you; before all this. And, of course, what he’d heard about determination from Asgore and Alphys. In any case, there was no telling how dangerous the literal emptying of your soul was. There was no telling how dangerous it could be for everyone. And especially you. 

He can’t see much on your expression besides the sudden appearance of tears. They swim in your eyes and he finds himself reminded of yesterday. Yesterday, when you’d sat on this very couch telling him about your journey before… falling. He could only imagine the thoughts swimming in your head now. Insidious, dark things. Latching onto your realization and forcing you away from him; forcing you to forget reality in favour of retreating into your head.

God, how had he woken Alphys up in the past? How had he brought her back to him? Back down to earth? It seemed like a lifetime ago anymore. He sighs, sticking to his usual method for now, running his thumbs over your cheeks and whispering comforting words, begging you to keep looking at him. To keep focusing on his voice. 

Soon enough, the pinky he’d strategically placed upon the pulse of your jugular as he cupped your cheeks felt something good. Your pulse was beginning to slow. He’s come to love the feeling of it, and the sound, slowly but surely. Though the memories were almost gone entirely now, he remembers a time where you explained heart beats to him. Your first timeline. He’d asked, he thinks, what the secondary thrumming in your wrist was when he’d grabbed a hold of you, once upon a time. You’d explained, with some vigor he recalls, that it was your pulse. Of course, he hadn’t any idea what that meant, and so you happily explained it to him.

Mostly, he remembers the aftermath. You’d apologized for rambling, said biology had always interested you and he’d followed up by saying, “S’okay. Didn’t have the _heart_ to tell ya to hush up”. To which you’d laughed heartily (ha) for a long moment before telling him to can it. 

It was little things like those that were fading the slowest. It was so odd, too. All his scraps of paper and notebooks turned journals only detailed important things from then, and barely so. After all, how was he supposed to know about the time travel? He’d just been lucky the first reset that he’d left his journals in there. He always left it in there, it was the best hiding spot in the house. Although, each time he went down to check on those journals he noticed new things cropping up inside them. Things he hadn’t seen before. At least for the last couple weeks it’d just been things he’d already seen. He shook the thought, nothing had been dated on those other notes. Must’ve just been stuff that he’d forgotten about. 

Suddenly, you move; stirring under his touch for the first time in what feels like an hour. Sans returns his focus to you just in time to feel your head thus against his sternum. Your arms wrap around his middle, grasping at the ribs that helped to make up his back. It’s awkward, and it feels weird as all hell but, it doesn’t hurt. He notices you shaking, a certain wetness soaking through his shirt that tells him you’ve begun to cry. 

Slowly, he wraps his arms around you and then, all at once, he squeezes you tight, crawling on to the couch with you and holding onto you as you sob. Your grip on him tightens as he holds you, legs circling around his middle as you pull yourself closer to him. His own rest on either side of you, squeezing you back tightly. He’s tangled with you on the sofa, you crying against him harder than he’d ever heard you cry. 

If anyone else knew what he knew – knew what you’d done – they’d call him insane for all this. 

For each time he ran his fingers through your hair, each time he hummed and hushed and reassured, he’d be deemed crazier and crazier. A tick added to a hidden file until finally, they’d take him and lock him away forever. They’d throw away the key, and he’d be some place he probably belonged even long before you arrived. But… even despite all this, he can’t stop himself. He can’t make himself hate you anymore. 

He wants to trust you. You wants to believe you can do better. Just like Papyrus. Just like he had then. Despite it all, Sans had watched you kill his brother. The memory like most others was (thank goodness…) fuzzy now but, he’d seen a falter in your hard expression. As the wind carried Pap’s away, he’d seen your neutral gaze turn into a frown. He watched a shadow of pain cross your features, a glint of something touch your cheek before it fell to dusted snow. He knew he’d seen it. He knew he’s seen you falter. 

Pap’s must have seen it too. His head still laying in front of you. He’d seen you waver. For all his brothers optimism, it couldn’t keep him from seeing the truth. That you’d slaughtered hundreds. But Pap’s saw a glint of regret there. Sans had seen a whole Universe of it. He’d seen the very culmination of your remorse. And so, if it was reasonable for Papyrus to see the tiniest glimmer and believe in you still to do better even as he finally crumbled, why too couldn’t he? He’d seen you disintegrate before him and finally, all that faltering came to a tidy breakdown. Followed soon there after by a steady, genuine reconstruction. 

If someone thought he was crazy for how he felt now, perhaps they’d have to take that up with Papyrus, too. And, he remarked to himself and the anonymous crowd of ‘Crazy Doctors’ in his head, he’d like to see them try.

* * *

Home.

Had you ever truly had one, you had wondered back then? 

It had been a week since monsters surfaced, and none had yet to leave the Underground since. Not that anyone was allowed. The military had everyone still stuck beneath the surface, yourself included. Everyone was growing restless, well… almost everyone. In any case, you’d been talking nonstop to soldiers and captains and sargents and colonels and generals. Almost every waking minute of your life was now taken up by speaking with military personnel. You discussed with them in and away from the company of your family and friends. Your statements never strayed. Never changed nor wavered and so, today was the day monsters would be officially free to leave the Underground. Not the mountains, no but, the Underground at least. 

You feel… odd. In some way, you felt like something was off. Like something was wrong. 

You’d been living in New Home now since the barrier fell. Both Asgore and Toriel lived with you here, which had been incredibly awkward at first. Although, now that things were going so well with the Humans above ground, Tori and Asgore had been getting along far better than before. They still slept in separate rooms, and barely talked to one another besides good mornings, good nights, and royal discussion. It still rubbed you the wrong way but, you try not to worry about it too much anymore. You could deal with awkwardness. At least they didn’t fight or yell in front of you. 

Right now, it’s about 8:07 AM, currently you’re tidying your room. Or, you would have been had you not gotten distracted.

“350,” you say aloud, under your breath. You have about 350 Gold. 

Pretty decent, considering you’d only made it by helping other monsters. Decent but, not fantastic. You’re sitting on your bed counting it, over and over again. You think you might be delving into old habits. Counting cash and trying to think of how much you could get to deal with all this. What was the exchange rate on Monster Gold anyhow? You may not even be able to get a gram with this, you think suddenly. Yikes. But then, maybe you could buy an entire pound with this. How much would you make back on _that_ investment? 

You shake your head. You don’t need to do that anymore, you remind yourself. The thoughts keep coming though. Even with your boring job above ground, you’d always done the math in your head and wondered just how much you could make back if you spent half your paycheck on weed just to sell it back, inflated as all hell, to unknowing highschoolers. It was a habit you were clearly still trying to break. 

The ticking of a grandfather clock somewhere in the house begins grating on your last nerve, anxiety ready to bubble over at any minute today. All of this was just… too high stress for you. You seriously need to take a walk before the soldiers arrive. They’d be here around noon to begin escorting monsters out of the Underground. 

No one was allowed to leave the mountain yet, and probably wouldn’t be for a long while but, everyone seemed content just being able to see the stars whenever they wanted now. You on the other hand, find yourself sick at the idea of it. And sicker still that you couldn’t just be happy for everyone.

You tug on a hoodie, a warm and cozy thing with a fur lined hood that a certain skeleton had given you as a thank you gift. You think it must be threaded with magic because, it keeps you warmer than any winter jacket ever could. This, of course, is a problem the minute you reach Hotland, but luckily the Riverperson is still working.

“Snowdin, please,” you offer them a smile, though you cannot tell if they return it. They simply nod their head in recognition and you sit down in the boat. It takes off in a slow crawl and you can’t help but be thankful for it. You think with the migraine you’re starting to get that if it went any faster, you might drop dead on the spot. 

The Riverperson hums and you sit back, enjoying the view. You’d forgotten your cellphone back home, at least… the one you’d fallen with. It was useless down here anyway. No bars. Monster phones were much faster anyway, they didn’t run on cellphone networks, they used magic. And, it wasn’t like anyone but your phone company texted your overground phone anyhow. Actually, no one really texted the phone in your hands now either. Not for lack of caring… it was just because everyone you had programmed into this phone was always in New Home everyday anyway. Except today. Everyone was bustling around, starting to pack this morning. They wanted to get ahead of the game by packing their most important items first, just in case housing above came sooner than predicted. 

There were a couple old and abandoned houses along the foot hills of the mountain, far enough away from the city and country side to keep the monsters out of trouble. A few monsters had been cleared to move into these homes within the next month. Toriel and Asgore being two of the first but, that was a month from now. Everyone else was just antsy about it. _Optimistic_ might be the best word to use, you think. 

You’d realized not too long ago that you didn’t want to return to the surface. What was up there for you, anyhow? Nothing but heartbreak and regret. You no longer had anything to your name up there. not even your beat up laptop. Or your crumb filled comforter. Not your posters, not your figurines, not your DVD’s, nor your old books on topics that had long since become a bore to you. Not because they were boring but simply because that’s just what depression does. It makes things you used to love dull and grey. 

You leave 5g in the boat despite the Riverperson never asking for payment. Then, you head south into Snowdin Town. It’s bustling in the dawn light, early morning snowfall twinkling in the light cast from above. It’s closer to the real sun now that everyone’s seen it. Not that it wasn’t close before it’s just that, not… it’s nearly an exact replica. Asgore had seemed to forget just what the sun had looked like, being down here for as long as he had. You didn’t blame him. You’d forgotten eventually too. 

The shop as you walk past it is busy – busier than you’d ever seen it. The line to go in is never ending and you have to wonder how she’s got any stock left. 

Snowdin wasn’t why you were here though. You toss the hood up over your head to keep you warm, as well as to keep people from recognizing you. You were… pretty popular around here for helping take down the barrier. But honestly, you hadn’t done anything. It had been Asriel that had taken it down, all on his own. You sigh, tucking your hands away in the fur lined pockets. Toasty.

Passing by the Snowdin Town sign, you make your way over the long wooden bridge, quietly maneuvering around puzzles, smiling at memories passed. Everything down here had been a dream. You couldn’t remember the last time you were ever this happy. And now… it was being taken away. 

Snow fades to purple stone after a half hour of trudging through white powder. Your legs feel like noodles as your shuffle through the ruins. You know exactly where you’re going. You want to talk to _him_. You’ve got to see _him_. 

There aren’t many people in the ruins anymore, and Toriels home has been picked clean for her move back to New Home. All that’s left are some pieces of furniture and some plants she couldn’t take with her. It almost makes you sadder to come up from the basement and see nothing. You have to remind yourself she’s in New Home now, you with her for goodness sake. You just saw her this morning. 

You pass by the corridor to the right of the house and, for a moment, you consider just walking onward but, something catches your attention.

The very last door, the one that was always locked, has been left ajar. The room that had always been ‘Under Renovations’, you you never once heard a peep from behind it when you were here for those couple of days. Looking around like you might be caught red handed, you tip toe down the hall and to the room. The light inside was off but, it was clear there were things in there. With a deep breath, you slowly push the door open and flick on the light, taking a step inside. 

On the floor and piled high enough to reach the ceiling are boxes upon boxes. Many are coated in thick dust, the distinction each enough to make from real dust and, monster dust. The was real dust, the kind that coated old rooms. 

Under the dust on some boxes you could spot fading pawprints, you guessed from where Toriel had grabbed these boxes a long time ago. Most just had old trinkets inside them, one containing her old Queen garb from… wow. The surface. In that box, you could smell the strong scent of lavender and sandalwood. It’s relaxing. 

Her dress from back then, or at the very least this one (you supposed this was the only one she’d managed to save), was a beautiful deep plum. Lace accented the sleeves and the bodice, pearls and precious stones scattered over the chest. It was a beautiful dress, fit for the Queen of Monsters herself. Who could be so frightened as to lock her and her people away in a dress like this? Suddenly, you feel selfish. Much more than you think you ever had before. You should be happy for everyone, not sulking because the surface has mistreated you. It had mistreated everyone down here as well but, they were still so excited to go back to it. You sigh, running a hand over the silken material of the dress. 

It was a lie that you had nothing to go back to up there. In one months time, you’d have a home once more, on the surface with Toriel. Your mom. 

You give a nod to this thought, feeling far better now than you had all week. You had a family now – you had a home. You had hope up there now, in the form of your friends. Smiling, you close the box up again, satisfied and content. 

Standing up, you prepare to leave and head back home but, just as you’re about to a chest catches your eye. It’s a lovely cherry wood thing with a place for a skeleton key lock but, it’s been taken out and replaced with a maple wood carving of three people. No, you realize as you sit in front of it, it’s four people. It’s a beautiful family portrait, and you discover as you wipe away the dust, that it is of Toriel and Asgore and Asriel. A human stands next to Asriel, Asgore’s powerful hands resting gently on their shoulders. A flower has been carved in front of the human’s face, it looks like they’re holding it there on purpose. 

That must be the fallen child who died… who killed themselves, you realize. The one Asriel told you about. You cannot gather much from the carving but, you see that they have a bob at least, their hair styled a fair bit longer than your own. 

This chest has no paw prints on it, you realize it hasn’t been touched. Probably not since it was placed here. What could be hidden away inside it? 

Swallowing thickly, you push away the regret bubbling inside you and reach to lift the lid. You may as well find out.


	20. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you really have no idea?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh hey guys what's up? I am SO sorry I've been gone holy hell um. I've been having a Not So Good Time lately. I kinda got expelled again and my dog finally succumbed to his hemangiosarcoma. So I'd been spending time with him and dealing with all that and trying desperately to chill out for 5 minutes so I could start researching the GED test. Luckily I managed to do that but, lmfao. Ho buddy... what a shitty week.
> 
> Well, in any case, new chapter! Finally! 
> 
> Updates are probably still going to be pretty sporadic... but I promise I'm not even close to being finished writing this story! So, without further ado, please enjoy chapter 20! 
> 
> **WARNING: MORE dissociation, self-harm, suicide references, and a pretty huge flashback featuring all of that lmfao.**
> 
> Shouldn't be too bad but, it's always good to be given notice!
> 
> Psst... you should listen to this while reading! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ekx-WUSVp78

Your head rests against him, his arms wrapped around you so tightly you forget to breathe. He shouldn’t be comforting you. He should be mad, livid. He should want you far, far away from him but, here he is with you instead. He’s as close as he can possibly make himself. You choke on a sob. 

You don’t deserve any of his kindness. Not after what you did. Not after this realization. Your grip on him tightens and you realize you’ve been whispering apologies over and over for the past minute and a half. As if you even deserved forgiveness in the slightest now. 

How had any of this happened? How had you gotten here from such a horrible place. A place you created. A place you ruined. 

You keep reminding yourself that you need to stop doing this, that you’ve got to snap out of this. Sans is reminding you too, you can feel his smooth bones vibrating against you as he speaks, voice reverberating but, you can’t hear him. You just know that’s what he’s saying.

“I’m so sorry,” you repeat again. He hushes you, you feel his hand rubbing your back comfortingly but, the movement stops at your next words, “I wish I’d died like I planned to”. 

He moves too quickly for you to do much else but jump, wincing before you realize what’s happening. He’s moved his hands to your cheeks, forcing you to look up at him. The pin pricks of light floating in his sockets are so dim you can hardly see them, even from mere centimeters away. His brow bones are knit together in a determined but worried expression. There’s anger mixed in there but, not the type you deserve. His grin is pulled tightly into a knowing frown as he locks his gaze with yours and gently shakes his head, “don’t you ever think that. Not ever,” he tells you. His voice is gruff and low and wise. And for once, it does nothing to comfort you. Instead, you grow angry. You tense in his hold, you shiver and shake as a rage grows and ignites inside you. 

He doesn’t deserve your outrage. He’s done nothing to deserve it but you cannot stop it. Your hands follow his forearms up to his wrists before ripping his hands off your face, too much force you tell yourself. Too much but you cannot stop yourself. You push away from him, knocking him toward the floor. He stumbles, flailing and managing to grab the back of the couch. His gaze follows you as you wriggle out from beneath his chest, breath ragged as he swallows. You can see the gears turning in his head as he attempts to piece together what just happened. 

Standing, you stumble backward, tears staining your cheeks. Sans turns around in time to catch your gaze again and all the anger that had just bubbled over freezes. Freezes far too quickly and you’re left with heavy breath and blurred vision. You take another shaky step backward, gaze flicking to the kitchen in realization. Before Sans can even get off the couch to fully face you, you’ve already made your way to the knife drawer. In your panic, you don’t open it quiet enough and Sans is standing between you and the half opened drawer in an instant. He pushes you back into an awaiting chair. Manifesting in front of you is your graying, emptying soul. He turns it blue with a flick of his wrist, weighing you down heavily against your seat. His breathing is laboured, the pulse of his magic around you hammering away only adding to your own panic. 

A beat passes before he gives you a dangerous look. He’s trying much too hard to maintain his composure. “What do you think you’re doing?” he finally asks. You swallow, and you know you’ve retreated into that dangerous part of your mind again. The part that seeks to get hurt. The part that willingly looks for violence and danger and adrenaline. You aren’t sure how to answer him. He asks again, voice much more level this time. 

“Kid. What are you _doing?_ ” He sounds so exasperated; so tired. Your throat tightens, and you try to swallow past the lump forming but you can’t manage it, and you simply choke on another sob, shaking your head and shrugging your shoulders. What _are_ you doing? 

You drag in a shaky breath, and go to speak but you can’t find the words. All you can do is sit there, under the weight of crushing gravity. The weight of what you’d done sat on your back, crawling and writhing like spiders up your spine, resting upon your shoulders and holding you down, taking the words out of your mouth. You only manage to shake your head, tears spilling over your cheeks, landing on your torn blue jeans and leaving small damp spots. You hide your face. You hear Sans sigh slowly. 

“Look at me,” he whispers, his voice calm and welcoming and so very Sans. He sounds like the first time you met him, and it only makes this so much worse. That anger boils inside you again but it’s entirely at yourself. You turn to look at him again, and you falter once more, voice cracking under his gaze. 

“Finishing what I started”. He hesitates, opening his mouth to speak. His voice is dangerously low, but he’s trying his hardest to appear level. 

“And what does that mean?” he takes a cautious step toward you and you feel yourself recoil, nearly knocking the chair over before he weighs it down too. “Kiddo...” his voice is a whisper once more, much more inviting and warm. Your heart aches in your chest, emotions swirling between your lungs. You’re exhausted but, your head will just not give this up. All the anger and apprehension is gone from his face as you look back up at him. There’s something else there, hidden sloppily behind his worry. You can’t quite place it but it makes you feel less anxious. The tears keep spilling, hot and wet over your reddened cheeks. “Talk to me. Please. I wanna know whats goin’ on in that head of yours. I wanna help-- ”

“Why?!” you snap, interrupting him. You see him jump a bit as your voice raises, but otherwise, he has the same odd expression on his face. He’s making this too hard. Falling back against the chair, hanging your head and looking toward the floor, you realize you’ve fallen far too fast. You weren’t used to having people in your life who genuinely cared about you. And now, you did. It was...? You bite your lip, much too hard, worrying the inside of your cheek. He’s making this much too hard. “Why do you care about me or what I’m thinking?” you murmur. Your voice cracks again, vision stinging with more tears, “don’t you realize what I did?” 

“Of course I do,” he sighs. He still hasn’t moved from in front of you, his hands hang awkwardly by his sides. He isn’t sure what to do with them, you realize. You wish he’d just put them in his pockets. 

“Well then why do you give a shit?” your tone is as harsh as you can make it, eyes meeting his, a forced anger burning behind your gaze. Sans meets your harsh gaze with a soft one of his own. There’s no anger behind his eyes, just a complete look of empathy and compassion and... God, you wish he’d stop. 

“Because you’re my friend, remember? And I know that’s not you. That wasn’t you”. 

“Sans, you don’t know me. You have no idea who I am”. 

“I know enough to know that this, right here? Is an act. You’re trying to push me away to make hurting yourself easier, and I wont let you”.

You blink, taking in a shaky breath. Your gaze falls once more to the ground, sob escaping past your lips, the tears never ending. He read you far too easily, and he wasn’t about to give up any time soon. If you knew Sans, and you think you might at least have a good idea about him, when he put his mind to something, he didn’t stop for anything. 

You suddenly recognize your behaviour. Up on the surface, the circumstances were entirely different but, the outcome is all the same. It’s what brought you here in the first place. 

A breakdown. 

You are having a mental breakdown in Sans kitchen. Could you get anymore pathetic? 

“Ki-- pal,” Sans begins, you refuse to look at him. He doesn’t push you to; only wants you to listen. “Why do you want to hurt yourself so bad?”

Your immdiete thought is ‘what a stupid question’ but, the longer you sit there in silence -- the more you genuinely think on it -- the more you realize: you aren’t sure. Now that you’ve realized your in the middle of a breakdown, it’s become much easier to think logically. Still, some part of you is still completely panicked and entirely over the edge, “I... look what I did,” you whispers, staring at your hands as if there was still dust coating them. In your opinion, there still was. “I killed everyone. I killed _Papyrus_ , Sans”. 

He flinches and finally, you think, finally you’re getting somewhere. Your voice is shaky. 

“I deserve to die”.

“No you don’t,” Sans reply is quick, a shake of his head punctuating his words. 

“I _want_ to die,” you cry. 

“No you don’t,” he says again. 

“How would you know?!” your voice is raw and mean, insinuation piled upon insinuation. _He doesn’t know you,_ a voice tells you. It’s sickly sweet and deceitful, the image of a small child with hair styled short and choppy flashes behind closed eyes and you know exactly whose returned. _How could he? No one knows you. And if they do..._

“How would you know?” you repeat aloud, the tears streaming never ending still over blotchy, dampened cheeks. Sans doesn’t reach to touch you but, he does pull up a chair in front of you, looking at you with that now familiar worry. You simply repeat yourself under your breath, hiding your face in your bloodied hands. Sans simply sits with you and you want so badly for him to leave. You want him to just throw you outside and leave you but, he wont and you can’t understand it. You can’t understand.

* * *

The chest creaks open, hinges needing badly to be oiled. A cloud of dust flies up, has you coughing and wheezing as you wave it away. It really hadn’t been opened in a long time. If you had to guesstimate, you’d say it was packed and then forgotten. A dust collector among other dust collectors. The engravings on the rest of it included the ancient rune, the angel who was going to free monsters. You run your hand over it fondly, thinking only of Asriel. It had been him. Wings and all.

The dust finally clears enough for you to look inside. What you see seems to be an entire timeline worth of possessions. Albums and childish artwork. VCR tapes and stuffed toys. Beneath it all you spot two sweaters. Almost identical in colour but still so very different. Both are lime green and yellow but, one has two stripes while the other has one block of solid yellow in the middle. On the tags are two names, one familiar and one just barely ringing a bell. Asriel, of course, and... Chara. 

Huh. 

Somehow, that name escapes you. You remembered Asriel telling you the name of his sibling but, somehow ‘Chara’ sounded off. Clearly though, it was the right name. Odd. You chalked it off to your ridiculously awful memory. Everything had happened so fast since you’d fallen down here, forgetting a name wasn’t that far fetched.

You sit quietly in front of the chest, going through one of the bulkier photo albums you’d found tucked neatly under some crayon drawings. Inside of it were pictures of Asriel and... Chara, you recall. Playing together, drawing pictures together. You find the photo the engraving was based upon, a bright and giant yellow flower in front of Chara’s face. They look to be smiling behind it. You run your hand over the photo, wondering briefly why Toriel had yet to tell you of her children. Weren’t you close enough that you should be allowed to know? You supposed it must just be painful to talk about. Stop getting worked up over nothing, you remind yourself. She would tell you when she was ready. After all... you still hadn’t told them how you’d... you shake your head, focusing on the photo album again.

Flipping the pages slowly, you take the time to take in each picture. Above, your family didn’t hold onto many pictures. After all, whenever anyone was home, all that happened was fighting. You left the house on holidays, those were the worst times. There were only baby photos and photos from before you’d been born. But this... Toriel and Asgore had been sure to get as many pictures as they could. You felt jealous.

You take in all the photos, envious as you flip from page to page; the life Toriel hadn’t talked about. It felt like an invasion of privacy but, you shook the thought. You’re sure she wouldn’t mind you looking, they were just pictures. Mostly, you just wanted to see Asriel happy. And, you wanted to know more about Toriel. You’re sure she wouldn’t mind.

The negative air of being nosy began to weigh down harder though once you reached the pages where Chara was starting to grow ill. They looked so sickly but, they posed for the camera, that odd smile never gone from their face. Asriel was next to them the entire time. 

You might have assumed from the photographs that Chara passed away from natural causes, an ailment that couldn’t even be cured above ground. But, you knew the truth from scattered videotapes in the true lab. How could a child no older than 10 want to die so badly that they would endure what looked like weeks of self poisoning? You could barely even jump without needing assistance from alcohol.

“Sad, isn’t it?”

You jump, the album flying from your hands at the familiar voice behind you.

“Asriel!” you exclaim, his form unexpected, though you do not waiver.

“Flowey,” he replies pointedly, gesturing to himself using a leafy vine. 

You give him a look, apologize quickly when you remember what he’d told you only a few days ago. When you’d first returned to the ruins. He wasn’t Asriel. ‘Please don’t think of me as a flower’. You couldn’t help it but, you tried anyway. For his sake. 

“Right, Flowey,” you mutter. His vines lower, twist around himself as he looks away abashedly, eyes locking on the hardwood floor with what you gather must be a shrug. 

“S’alright,” he sidles up next to you, picking up the album again and setting it down in front of himself. There’s a smile on his face as he looks up at you, and you feel it’s as genuine as he can muster, “sorry if I scared you, uh.. so. You’re looking at my... her photo albums. This is when Chara...”

You nod, leaning into the little flower to have a peak at the pictures he’s looking at. It’s one of Asriel sitting on the bed with Chara who looks, well... awful. That smile is still on their face though, and it seems warmer and much more genuine in this candid of them. Chara is looking at the Prince, hand resting on his as Asriel shows them a drawing.

“This was taken a day before they died,” Flowey whispers, “I come in everyday to look at this photo album but, I always chicken out”. To your surprise, Flower has begun to silently cry, tears falling faster than he can wipe them away. 

Slowly, you reach for the album, closing it and putting it back. You then reach down, hugging the little flower as best you can. He puts up no protest, wrapping a few vines around your middle to return the hug.

You’d never seen him so blatantly emotional. You weren’t even positive that was possible for him. Maybe it was the after effects of turning into _him_ again. In any case, it didn’t matter. He still deserved a hug. Everyone did.

On your way back from the ruins, through Snowdin town, you catch sight of Sans and Papyrus. Undyne was there with Alphys too if the sound of cheek smooches behind the shed had anything to say about it.

You’d noticed, over the past few days that the monsters were a little reluctant to talk to you about.... well, really anything? They weren’t super open about their lives before, obviously but, you were beginning to realize you didn’t really know _anything_ about anyone. Not really, anyway.

You didn’t know about Toriel’s family, or about the true lab until long after you fought Flowey. The only one who was truly open with you was Undyne, and even then she kept her crush a secret from you.

You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing, you realize. They’re your friends. They’ll tell you these things when they WANT to. You’re being selfish. 

Sans and Papyrus seem to be deep in conversation before they spot you, and then it turns into a punfest with Papyrus throwing his arms up and storming back into the house, door slamming behind him. Huh. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Sans greets you, lazy smile and all, “didn’t expect to see you here. Where ya comin’ from?”

“The ruins,” you say with a smile of your own. He gives a whistle and you stare wide eyed, wondering how he just did that with no lips. He gives you a wink. 

The two of you fall into small talk, as you usually do, and you can’t help but wish you knew more about Sans. Something more than just funny skeleton who cares about his brother but, the conversation never gets passed the point of some puns and then rebuttal on your part. 

You sigh, shoving your hands in your pockets. “Liking the sweater?” he asks, nudging your side with his elbow, “it’s pretty _cool_ looking”. 

“You _snow,_ ,” you begin, “I actually got it from a skeleton monster. _Ice_ don’t _snow_ if you _snow_ him but he’s pretty _cool_ ”. Sans snorts, and the two of you dissolve into a fit of giggles and unattractive snorts of laughter. 

“I can’t believe you just used the snow pun like, three times in once sentence,” he chuckles, wiping an invisible tear away from the corner of his eye. 

“What can _ice_ say? I’m just _snow_ good at this!” you shrug your shoulders, trying your very best to hide a grin. Sans only laughs harder. Any other day you’d be ecstatic that you’d gotten him to laugh this hard but, you think, maybe it’s just your nerves. You’re just... really anxious today. “Hey, Sans?” you ask quietly, when both of you finally stop laughing. 

He makes a noise to let you know he’s listening. You shrink in on yourself, mostly out of habit as you lean against the front of his house. Your voice is shaky, “aren’t you scared?”

You see him look at you from the corner of your eye, expression of confusion on his face. “Scared of what?” he asks, his own hands fidgeting in his own pockets. You shrug your shoulders, gaze pointed upward to the rock ceiling of the underground.

“I dunno... of like... the surface”. You wince, what a linguist. You figure being direct instead of poetic is probably the best course of action here though, you just want to talk, not have a philosophical breakthrough. 

Sans follows your gaze, his own shoulders sagging a bit as he mulls over your words. He sighs, shrugging as he looks back down at the snow, “’little bit but, I’m also pretty excited. I... what’s it like up there?” 

Your first instinct is to tell him it’s awful. It’s a horrible place that you feel sick at even the thought of returning to. But, you can’t do that to him. There’s so much hope in his eyes, so much genuine curiosity plastered on his face that you can’t manage to tear it town just for yourself to feel validated. You sigh, looking back to him with a small smile, “the earth is beautiful,” you whisper, settling on complimenting nature rather than the humans above. Sans nods, not catching on. He seems sated with that answer. You quickly turn your gaze elsewhere, looking anywhere but the ceiling. There’s a churning in your gut that wont go away, no matter how hard you try. 

“You scared?” he asks you and once again, you have to force yourself to lie. This isn’t about you. How you feel is insignificant to how a whole species feels. You remember how you felt standing on that cliff side with Toriel, looking at the sunset only days ago. You cling to it like it’s the only thing keeping you alive.

“Nah,” you whisper, “maybe a little nervous”.

The two of you slowly veer away from the conversation, and eventually you come back to the small talk. Just like always. And it’s fine you remind yourself. It’s okay but, considering each time you see him your heart flutters between your lungs, you’d like to at least know his favourite colour.

“That information is classified. For Super Best Friends only,” he says with a wink. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth. 

You take the long way home, arriving in Hotland by 12:30. There are several missed messages on your phone from Toriel and a few very urgent voicemails from Asgore. You ignore all of them, settling in at Glamburger instead. You don’t order anything.

“Hey little dude,” a familiar feline monster says from behind the counter. You wave him over, taking the rolled up catnip cigarette from his mouth. You take a long drag yourself. It’s monster catnip, not the real stuff. It settles in your lungs and you let it stay there for a while before breathing it out, head fogging already. Much better. 

“BP, I’m older than you”.

“Right,” he replies, taking his toke back and holding it between his lips. You’re feeling light headed, a little dizzy already. You wonder how he gets away with smoking at work. Work for METTATON. The guy was brave, you’d give him that. “The usual?”

“I already have a usual?” you say with a smile. You did come by here every damn day you remind yourself. Snail pie was... nice but, no thanks. 

“There’s only like, four things on the menu my dude,” Burger Pants says with a crooked grin, handing you the glamburger combo like he’d been waiting for you today. You take it and hand him the gold. 

“Touche,” slipping out the door with food and drink in hand, you give him a half assed salute, “see ya later, BP. Keep up the good work”. You think you see him blush when you give him a wink but, coulda been your imagination.

Nothing like glittery fast food to rid you of the ‘my friends aren’t that close to me and I’m terrified of returning to the surface’ blues. You pick the sequence off your fries while you walk.

* * *

“I just do,” sans says finally. His hand rests gently on your knee, reassuring you that he’s here; that you’re here. You look up at him, hands falling from your face as you give him a confused look.

“What?” you whisper, voice raw and over used. He hears you though, and give you a smile. Tears swim heavier, falling as soon as they appear when he speaks. His voice is so comforting, you don’t deserve it. 

“You asked me how I know, I just do”. You recognize what he’s saying. It’s from the other day, from what felt -- again -- like a lifetime ago. You’re an absolute mess today and you’re only getting worse. You wish he wasn’t right but, no matter how many times you utter, “I want to die,” under your breath, he simply replies, “no you don’t”. And theres no way to prove him wrong without killing yourself. And somehow, for everytime you repeat your now mantra, you still don’t believe it yourself anymore. 

“I want...” you stop yourself, pausing when Sans squeezes your knee in reassurance. You don’t meet his gaze, don’t return his smile. Instead, you remain achingly silent for a beat, heart hurting in your chest. 

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

Your voice is soft, but it’s truthful and powerful. Sans takes your hand in his before pulling you into another hug, which you slowly manage to return.

“I wanna be happy,” you choke out. His bony hand rubs your back and he squeezes you ever tighter, the magic around you fading away. You melt into him, crying against his hood. There’s a figurative weight lifting now off your shoulders, as heavy and over-bearing as his magic. He pulls you in tighter against him and you can smell him, hear him, feel him. He sighs against you, running his hand through your hair. 

“I know,” he whispers, “I know you do”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'll ~~hopefully~~ see you all next Sunday! (Sorry if there's a crap ton of typos. I really, really wanted to get this chapter up for you guys, you've been waiting so long! Feel free to point them out to me if they're really annoying lmfao).


	21. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Who was he kidding? He was no where close to being a sane and respectable monster._

Being happy was easier said than done, something Sans is well acquainted with. Hearing you say you wanted it though, hearing you finally admit you deserved it well, it took a lot of stress off his shoulders. He hoped it would be enough; to finally convince you of the family you had down here. Finally teach you about all the love surrounding you, even despite how angry he might have been only a couple weeks prior. Most of it was gone now. 

He was sure it took a lot of stress from you as well. It meant you hadn’t lost hope yet - you were still determined. And in turn, so too was your soul. Which, as of now, may be more important than he’d originally thought. 

He makes you promise to stay here in Snowdin for a few more days because of it. He just wants to make sure your soul will be alright. Ever since your breakdown a few hours prior, it was looking glassier and duller than ever. He had to make certain that nothing bad would happen. He couldn’t be sure what might happen if you did in fact lose all hope. All determination. He doesn’t want to think about it. 

It took him forever to finally admit he was worried. 

Shoving his feet in his running shoes, he laces them them up as he’s done millions of times before and leaves his slippers at the door. Pap had been sure to remind him this morning that even with a guest in the house, Sans still had to work. Of course, he didn’t feel comfortable leaving you home alone. Both because he was a paranoid ass and because he knew being alone after a panic attack was not the best thing for someones psyche. Monsters and humans alike. 

So, he waits patiently at the door as you tug on your scuffed boots and your tattered winter coat. Sans tried to offer you one of his other hoodies but, you insisted that your coat was fine. He didn’t want to make you feel babies, so he didn’t push the issue. Papyrus always coddled him after attacks or nightmares, he knew how unhelpful it could be. Still, he felt extremely guilty for ruining your coat. It had been his fault after all. Yeesh. All that was only a week ago at this point but, it felt like a lifetime had spanned the time between then and now. Time really fucked with him these days. 

First the little yellow flower, then you. Timelines and resets and saves? He didn’t know who was up there dealing out weird ass superpowers but, he really didn’t like his life being reduced to some sort of fucked up video game. Whatever. It wasn’t your fault, he kept reminding himself.

He knew what he saw back then.

He knew you didn’t come to that kind of decision yourself. Someone - or something - had to have convinced you. The kind, generous, happy person he knew the first time around wouldn’t have done something like that unless serious convinced to. 

Sans walks slowly next to you, hands in his pockets as the two of you make your way through the outskirts of Snowdin. It was off to sentry duty and he was bringing you along with him. You’d only agreed with a nod of your head but, he could tell you didn’t want to be left alone in the house. 

He looks over at you, at the flakes of powder snow caught in your choppy brown hair. At the puffy, swollen skin beneath your eyes from crying. Your gaze is still glazed over, lost in thought as you walk silently next to him. He wonders what there was to talk about, though? What was there to discuss that wouldn’t loop around once more to this morning? He thinks, only for a second that, maybe you might want to talk about it. But, luckily he corrects himself before he opens his mouth. He knows full well that wouldn’t be the case. 

He keeps a very close eye on your soul in lieu of the silence. He hums to himself, pleased to see it hasn’t gotten any worse. In fact, he thinks for just a moment, he sees the vibrant red in the center flash and permeate some of the glassy, reflective grey. As it happens, he catches sight of your hand emerging from your pocket. Your fingers are tinged reddish-pink, splotchy spots of white on your palms from the chill. You’re offering your hand to him, he realizes. 

With a shuddered breath, he slips his fingers between yours and pulls your hand into his pocket. Your soul (and your heart for that matter) flutter in your chest. 

Your hands are warm and clammy in his pocket. It isn’t uncomfortable really it’s just, nice. He’s sure his hands are quite clammy as well, he got sweaty just like anybody else. Even if the biology of it escaped him. In any case, it was like a reminder for him. Your clammy, warming hands. Fingers squeezing his in his jacket pocket. You were here. He was here. Things were getting better. Slowly. 

Walking with you like this, hand in hand in silence gives him time to think. He feels his mind wandering and stalling, twisting and turning back to previous thoughts. He knew what he saw back then; the look in your eye. Maybe he’s giving you too much credit but, he can’t stop himself anymore. He still feels pathetic, wanting to believe in you after what you’d done. He was still trying to convince himself you weren’t selfish.

He slows to a stop, mind stopping at a very specific idea, a very obviously bad train of thought that had already pulled into the station long before he realized it. 

Sans lets his thumb rub calming circles on the back of your hand, squeezing a little so you knew he was there. He feels you squeeze back to let him know you were there too. Hand in hand like this, with only the forest around you both, he realizes how soft your skin is. Here with flakes of fallen snow caught in your hair, he realizes how soft you look in entirety. 

Soft hair, he notes as he reaches to run his fingers through it. Soft cheeks he decides as his hands settle on either side of your face. Soft gaze he meets with his own before pinpricks of light fall to look upon soft lips. He feels your rigid muscles relax as he leans in toward you, your hands finding his coat. You grab gently onto the material as he simply stares at you. He doesn’t have many humans to compare you to but, for what it was worth, he thought you were beautiful anyhow. A soft soul too, to compliment a soft personality. Warm and mesmerizing. Harsh and troubled all the same. Perfectly imperfect. 

He wants so badly to refute all these feelings about you. Lay waste to them and bury them and bury them 6 feet under where they surely belong. But, a peak at that soft, broken soul in your chest, ‘round your heart, embracing; flicker of his eyes away from your face downward… something. Something there draws him in. Something slowly glowing warmer deep within you had him convincing that logical part of his brain to shut up for give minutes. Something about made him want to… but could he? No, _should_ he?

It’s you who finally closes the distance - soft lips just as he’d imagined brushing his mouth in something akin to a kiss. It was hard for him to return it with no lips but, as both his and your eyes fell closed, the feeling of closeness and intimacy was still there. It’s a simple, long peck against his teeth but, it takes his breath away anyhow. He feels you pulls away, too soon he’s thinking but, you haven’t moved away. You kiss the corner of his mouth, slow and deliberate, and he feels you press a kiss to his cheek next. Then down, down to his jaw, your face nuzzling into his neck to press more soft kisses against his vertebrae. His breath catches, soul aflutter in response when you wrap your arms around him, your warm breath brushing past his collar bone. He feels himself shudder, his own arms wrapping around you as well.

His hands find your waits, moving slowly up your sides so he can pull you as close as he can manage. He nuzzles his skull against your hair - just as soft as he thought - he breathes you in. He never would have thought he’d end up holding onto that crush he’d caught so long ago. When he woke up back in Snowdin, in his room only a couple weeks ago, it was the last thing he ever thought would happen, falling in love with you completely. There was nothing he could do about it now. 

Your voice comes as an oddly welcomed surprise. He hasn’t heard a peep from you since much earlier in the day, he figures you were too exhausted. He can’t blame you. He runs his fingers slowly through your hair as you speak, rubbing your back with his other hand.

“I’m sorry, Sans,” a whisper, barely audible against his fluffy coat but, he manages to pick up on it. 

“You don’t need to apologize. Like I said you -”

“Sans,” your face is darkened in the shadow of nearby trees; expression on your face so filled with remorse and guilt that he feels a tightness in his chest at the sight of it. He used to think he’d savor such an expression. Used to believe it was the only thing you deserved to feel anymore. Used to think any other expression was far from earned and now? Well… now he never wants to see you looking so disgusted with yourself again. He wants you to know it was going to be okay, he wants you to know he… well. “I do need to apologize. I’ll always need to. Nothing I did deserves mercy or kindness. You don’t need to do all this anymore. You’re allowed to be mad at me”. You close you eyes, your grip on the front of his coat tightening, “you’re allowed to hate me, Sans”. 

He brushes his teeth to your forehead, kissing you as best he can. He doesn’t need you to tell him this. It’s all he’d been telling himself for the last two and half weeks. Longer if he takes into account the last timeline. But, he doesn’t want to be angry anymore. 

He doesn’t want to hate you anymore.

He doesn’t want to be unforgiving anymore.

But that’s silly isn’t it? There’s no way any sane, respectable monster would be thinking of forgiving you for what you did. Or developed feelings for someone like you. Nor would they be standing here with you now, comforting you and caring for you like he was.

Who was he kidding? He was no where close to being a sane and respectable monster.

“I don’t want to hate you,” he replies, kissing your cheek too for good measure. He feels your skin burn beneath his bone and it’s the most fascinating thing, feeling your blood rush to the surface at his touch. He lingers there a moment longer than strictly necessary. “And I don’t want to be mad anymore”. It’s his turn to kiss down your jaw, teeth parting to nip so softly at the flesh of your throat that your gasp has him soaring. High, high above Ebott he flies, past the clouds and high above the horizon. He sighs against you, feeling your hands tangle in his ribs through his sweater. 

“You don’t need to apologize anymore,” he tells you quietly, hugging you closer to him. Your cheek presses flush against his sternum and he hears your breath catch and shake as you breathe in. You go to speak but, he interrupts you with another squeeze, cheekbone resting against the top of your head as he beats you to it, “you don’t need to keep apologizing because I…”

He swallows and its like the world stops around him. He can feel your soul thrumming had against him, or perhaps it really is just your heart he realizes. He can’t be so sure anymore but the snow stands still around him, the magically forged breeze whispering through the trees silenced as the world stops turning in a brief second of reflection; of pregnant pause. He clicks his jaw, popping it into place out of nervous habit, eyes falling shut as he takes in a greedy, deep breath. 

“I forgive you,” he whispers. 

All at once he feels the world begin to move again and it knocks the air out of the both of you. He feels you sag against him, your hands gripping so tightly at his coat he can see your knuckles turning white. You let out a shaky breath. It’s quivering, trembling just like the muscles of your body in his arms. This hadn’t been his plan today but, truly when did anything ever go as planned for him? Looking down upon you - fingers running through your hair, and teeth placed upon the top of your head in a kiss - he realizes, he can’t think of a single time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry about the weird, off schedule updates lmfao. I've been goin through a rough time lately obviously and I'm trying my best! I'll probably be like this for a while yet... bear with me!


	22. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet Memories...

Sans convinces you to stay in Snowdin a little while longer. In your exhausted state, you don't put up much of an argument. Leaving now to journey on your own probably wasn't the best idea. Besides, the murdering everyone all on your own realization cast aside for a moment, the whole deal with your soul had you absolutely terrified. You didn't want to be alone when, or if you supposed, it drained completely of determination. 

You can't help but wonder what your soul looked like when you jumped down here. 

Had it been cracking and dull then too?

Back then, you remembered feeling determined though. No matter how sick and twisted that determination had been. It had still been there. You'd felt empty, sad, forgotten... but not undetermined. You'd felt brave enough to die. Or, perhaps cowardly enough. Your face twists at the thought. All those other people you'd read about had felt cowardly. How messed up did you have to be to feel so free in the face of death? To feel the overwhelming opposite of cowardice? To feel euphoric at the prospect of finally ending your own life?

_How disgusting._

Their voice is back. Clear as a bell in your mind, reverberating and cutting through your own thoughts in an instant. It'd been quick to try conversation since your panic attack. You hadn't bothered to answer. Sans was here. You had him to talk to again, finally. As much as you hated it, he wouldn't insult you. There was a part of you still speaking up inside that wanted absolutely nothing to do with everyone's kindness. A part of you that completely believed you didn't deserve it. But, so too spoke a part of you that was tired of the self hatred. Tired of of martyring yourself. Instead, this part was ecstatic at the turn of events. Even after your attack. Even after the realization, it jumped for joy at Sans forgiveness, although still, a part of you doubted him. 

To say you were torn was an understatement. 

You follow after said skeleton monster, holding his hand the whole way. Your cheeks are blushed, not from the cold but from the butterflies fluttering their dusted wings against the lining of your gut. Heart hammering in your chest, you recall just minutes earlier. He'd kissed you. Well, you suppose it was you who had initiated the kiss itself but, he had kissed you back to the best of his ability. The butterflies, and the blush, had appeared seconds later and refused to leave. You hide a giddy smile behind your hand as Sans pulls you along. Upon cloud nine, even the child in your head couldn't knock you down but, boy were they trying. It took a fair bit of effort on your part to ignore them. Sans hand in yours helped. 

"Why did the skeleton want a friend?" he asks. Oh jeez, here it comes. As if you hadn't heard this one from Toriel a million times before.

You humor him. It was the least you could do after today. And it was only 8 AM. "Why?" 

"Because he was _bonely_ ," he snorts, bumping shoulders with you until you finally let out a laugh. It's less for the joke, of course, and more from genuine happiness. Sans seems happy, which in turn makes you happy. 

"How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?" you ask him, he shakes his head, grin widening as he makes an attempt at the punchline. 

"He felt it in his bones, come on kid, I know 'em all," you put on your best confused face, letting the answer linger in the chilly air for a moment before shaking your head.

"No, he checked the weather forecast you dork," a beat passed before Sans double over with hysterics, snorting and guffawing like it had been the funniest joke he'd ever heard. You couldn't help but think he was playing it up to make you feel better but, you blush anyway, turning bashfully away as he knocks his hip bone into your side.

"Good one," he breathes, wiping a tear from his eye. 

How you'd managed to get him to laugh that hard at a joke like that you'd never know but, it cheered you up nonetheless. 

The rest of your walk, Sans tells you as many jokes as he can before you have to remind him that you're going to be out here until noon. To which he replies, "my arsenal of puns and jokes wont ever run dry, sweetcheeks". To which _you_ reply by turning red in the face and quickening your pace to run up ahead of him. He appears beside you like magic as he always does, taking your hand in his once more. You don't put up a fight, lacing your fingers with his. 

Finally, around 8:15 AM sharp, you and Sans arrive at his post, condiment bottles and jars still sitting beneath the counter. You decide you're going to ask about them. It was now or never. 

"Hey so, what's up with... all of this?" you mutter, gesturing at the many varieties of condiments he had sitting frozen next to a package of hot dog buns. He gives you an odd look. 

"I sell hotdogs for a living," he says casually, although he also seems a bit confused. You raise a brow in his direction, "what? You think I eat it or something? Like right outta the bottle?" 

"What?! No, no," you turn red again, remembering a time when you had watched him straight up drink a whole bottle of ketchup. You wrinkle your nose, "um, _maybe_ ". 

Sans laughs again, snorting in an incredibly undignified manner before shaking his head and pulling your hood over your eyes teasingly. "Nah, that was just because I was gonna prank ya. The ol' loose cap trick. Ya didn't want any ketchup though, so... had to figure out another way ta' pull your leg. You can _relish_ in the fact that I eat regular monster food like everyone else 'round here". You give him a look, pulling your hood back off your head and placing your free hand on your hip. You'd just opened the door to condiment jokes. He really wasn't kidding when he said his arsenal would never run dry. Today was going to be torturous. 

Sans takes a seat behind his sentry station, kicking his feet up onto the counter and pulling his hood up over his eyes. It wouldn't take long for him to fall asleep. Maybe you could explore. 

You don't get far. 

There isn't really anywhere to go except into the woods from here. You really don't want to do that though, especially with Flowey still lurking around. Besides, you only make it to the wooden bridge with the too far apart bars before you're overwhelmed with emotion. Perhaps nostalgia, you think?

This is where you first met Sans. And just beyond this bridge, the door to the ruins; where you first met Toriel. Where your whole journey began. Where everything started. Where it all went wrong. 

You look back, toward Sans. His expression is relaxed, his eyes shut. He's sleeping already, of course. You can't help the small smile tugging at your lips as you watch his rib cage rise and fall. The anatomical mysteries of Sans and Papyrus were not lost on you. Not one bit. You'd spent countless hours simply wondering how either of them even stayed together without ligaments, much less how they ate or breathed. If you asked Sans, you're almost certain he'd simply say "magic," and leave it at that. You weren't too sure he'd be lying if he did tell you that. In any case, you shake the thought from your mind and make your way over the bridge when you're positive he wont stir. 

All you wanted to do was go to the doors, you were sure it would be fine, right? You weren't a child after all, you didn't have to ask permission. 

You make your way through the snow, never lingering off the trail as you walk. The massive stone door tower over you as you approach, making you feel smaller with each step. Something is drawing you to them the closer you get. Perhaps curiosity, perhaps the hope that Toriel may actually be on the other side. Whatever it was, you find yourself pulled closer and closer until you're sitting right in front of them, running a hand over the porous, purple stone. 

A memory floods your mind... one you'd forgotten a long, long time ago.

* * *

_You're not happy. Are you?_

The voice in your ear was sudden, loud. You were in the middle of no where, no one around. You'd never heard this voice before. You turned round to your left, then to your right, saw no one in either direction. You were hearing things now? Add 'auditory hallucinations' to your ever-growing list of mental fuckery. 

_I'm not a hallucination._

You heard it again and slapped your hands over your ears. It was already trying to deny it's existence as a figment of your imagination! Fantastic. The thought to return home crossed your mind but, you remember why you had run out here and gotten hopelessly lost in the forests outside Snowdin immediately after.

You'd said something bad. 

_Really_ bad. 

You'd come back home - Glam Sauce spattered on your cheek - to Toriel worried sick, her head in her hands. Asgore had been trying his damnedest to calm her but, she just wouldn't stop. She was crying into her paws, sitting in her chair in front of the fireplace. You walked through the front door and into the living room, unaware until you saw her of the gravity of the situation around you. 

The whole gang was sitting in the living room. 

You wiped the Glam Sauce off your cheek. 

Undyne, Alphys, Sans, Papyrus. Even Mettaton and Napstablook. Just what was going on?

"We'll find them," you hear Undyne say from her spot upon a cream coloured chaise. "Someones got to have seen them down here". 

Asgore was the first to look up and see you standing in the archway, and the first to rush over to you. Your phone chimed again very briefly in your pocket. You noticed Sans pressing a button on the screen of his phone, and you'd realized he'd just been trying to call you. 

Asgore scooped you up into a warm hug, nuzzling his snout to the top of your head before pulling away to place his huge paws on your cheeks. 

"My child, you're home!" Toriel cried. She made her way over to you as well, wrapping her arms around you and squeezing tight. Had she really been this worried about you? Your mind wanders to fuzzy memories of the surface as you pulled away. She finally lets go, "your room was empty and your suitcase wasn't packed! I was afraid you... and then you wouldn't answer your phone or any of my text messages. Or any of Asgore's..."

The gang from the living room had placed themselves near the archway, listening intently. You felt your cheeks flush, "my phone died," you lied. It was not a very good one either. Said phone suddenly chimed in your pocket again, playing the default ringtone as Sans holds his phone up for everyone to see.

"Ya sure about that?" he remarked. You felt you might explode as you grabbed your phone from your pocket. You'd hit end call perhaps a little too forcefully. Your phone suddenly felt like a 1000 pound weight in your pocket when you shoved it back in. You crossed your arms, take a tentative step back. 

"Why would you lie about something like that, my dear? Don't you know how worried we all were for you? Sans was the last person to see you, don't you -"

"I don't care," you'd cut Tori off with practiced grace. 

"I beg your pardon?" she asked, although she did not have the tone of someone who'd been offended, rather she sounded oddly tearful at your outburst. It made you feel guilty. "My child, today is the day we can return to the surface! Yourself included! Are you not happy about that?" You didn't answer her, the guilty feeling crashed over you in waves. You think, briefly, you'd managed to get over yourself on the way home but, now everything was boiling over again. You wanted nothing more than to slam the door behind yourself and hole up in your room like you used to on the surface. 

Speaking of the surface, that was the last placed you'd wanted to be. All the feelings and thoughts from the last few hours finally began to pressurize in you. 

"Don't you want to see the stars again?" No. 

"Don't you wanna see your friends?" Undyne asked. No, you wanted to say again. You had none. 

"D-don't you w-want to see your family?" Alphys chimed in. You stiffened, fists clenched at your sides. You didn't have one. 

"Don't you want to go driving again?" Papyrus gasped. All you remembered then was your car parked at the foot of the mountain, facing the trail where you'd started your walk toward death's door. You'd started shaking. 

"Don't you want to introduce me to those famous human celebrities?" Mettaton. 

"Don't you want to show me your favourite music anymore? Oh... I guess not..." Napstablook. 

"Don't you want to see all the beautiful greenery again?" Asgore's powerful voice was barely above a warm whisper. You'd shivered at the sound of it. 

No. 

"Don't you want to go home, kiddo?"

As Sans finished speaking, all that pressure finally became too much. You feel yourself explode. 

"No! No! _No!_ " you shouted, taking another step back. You never wanted to return to the surface again. The place that chewed you up and spit you out. The place that never gave a shit about you. The place filled with liars, and cheaters, and thieves. You'd - quite literally - rather jump to certain death than spend another agonizing minute above ground. You'd rather the Milky Way implode than go back to the surface. You didn't care anymore. You were an adult. You could feel however you wanted to feel about it. You could be as selfish as you wanted now. As cowardly as you wanted. As childish as you wanted. You, were an ADULT. 

"I don't care about the stars. I don't care about my car, or celebrities, or music, or plants or - or anything else! I don't care!" you shouted, your voice had echoed around the front hall. Everyone had looked taken aback, perhaps even a little hurt. Everyone but Toriel. She looked... worried. So worried. 

"My child, please. Tell me what is hurting you," she paused for a moment, realization written on her face and, for a moment, you were scared she'd put the pieces together - figured out why you'd ended up here. How... you'd ended up here. But, that was not the case. "Is this why you wouldn't answer our phone calls? You ran away to gather yourself, did you not? It's okay to be scared to return. It's okay to be nervous -"

"I'm not scared and I'm not nervous," you cut in, tone vicious as you looked her dead in the eye, "I hate the surface. I hate it up there I -" you'd cut yourself short, realized you'd been too close to telling everyone how you'd ended up here in the first place. 

But, you couldn't. You can't. That was a Super Best Friend secret only. 

"I hate it up there," you'd repeated, voice a mumble. Toriel's worried expression never wavered, it had begun to unnerve you. Get mad, you wanted to shout at her. Yell at me! Get Angry! Your mother on the surface had always done so. She'd have dragged you out the door and locked it behind her by now, leaving you out for the night like a dog who'd pissed on the carpet. 

Toriel on the other hand simply looked at you with kindness behind her eyes, the worry etched plainly on her face had never disappeared. She took a gentle step forward, cupping her hands to her chest. 

"Talk to me, my darling child. Tell me why. I want to help you. We all want to help you". And it was the final straw. You just can't understand how she could be so kind to you and not have an ulterior motive. You just can't understand. 

You took another step back, reaching the front door. You took hold of the door knob. Toriel takes a few more steps forward, toward you, trying to make it to you before you could open the door and leave again. "Where are you going? I will help you pack, sweetheart. You needn't do it alone if that is what would help you feel better. The humans above are waiting for us..."

"I don't care!" you repeated. You opened the door, only to have Toriel slam it shut as she crossed the room to tower over you.

"Well - well you should!" she finally shouts. Well, it isn't really a shout but, it's a shout compared to how quietly she'd been talking prior. You felt the tears as they began to well up in your eyes, but you'd managed to blink them away. 

"Well I don't!" 

"You should! Don't you care about the surface at all? Why do you hate it so much? Talk to me. I can help you!" 

You'd exhaled, shoulders sagging. For a moment, you had truly considered it. Truly let yourself want the help for a moment, but then in that small space of time, you'd felt so overwhelmed. So cornered. You turned your back on the feeling, the desire to talk; put your guard up again. "I don't want your help," you snapped, "I don't want anyone's help. I just want you to leave me alone!" 

You'd tried the door again, but Toriel had held her ground despite the protesting from Asgore behind you both. Just let them go, he'd been saying. Let you go to clear your head. You'd come back and return to the surface with them later today instead, he had remarked. 

"No I wont!" you tried desperately to open the door, nearly convincing yourself as Toriel pressed firmer still against it to simply leave through the window. 

"No you wont is right!" Toriel's voice had boomed, a for a split second you thought maybe you'd finally gotten through to her. You jump at the volume of her voice, but cringe as she continues to speak, "because you will be coming with us all right. This. Second!" 

"I'm not some child you can boss around and coddle to replace the ones you already lost!" you'd shouted. Toriel had stumbled back, away from the door, paws covering her mouth in shock. You thought you saw tears in her eyes but, you didn't stick around to find out. To your regret, you made sure to slam the door behind you. You run off to the Riverperson again. 

Which had landed you here.

Lost in the woods. 

With voices in your head. 

Terrific. 

_Still not a hallucination. You haven't answered my question my question, y'know!_

You breathe into your hands to warm yourself up, "and what question is that?" you couldn't believe you were asking questions out loud to a hallucination. 

_I asked if you were happy._

Oh. 

"What are you? My therapist?" 

_Nah. Just a concerned citizen. Answer the question._

You sat down on a snow covered rock, roll your eyes before sighing in defeat. 

"No, of course not," you replied. 

You had been happy down here. Emphasis on had. And now, it felt like all that was being ripped away. You didn't want to return to the surface. But, you seemed to be the only one who felt that way. Everyone else was looking forward to it, they were all ecstatic, and here you were. A selfish, petulant child. 

_Well, what if I told you, I could help?_

You scoffed, the idea of listening to anything this voice in your head had been saying sounded more ridiculous by the second. But, you decide, if you were going to freeze to death in the Snowdin outskirts, you may as well humor your head voice. It might make slowly freezing to death a little more exciting. You sure loved excitement. 

"How?" you managed through chattering teeth. This hoodie kept you warm but, not quite warm enough. You tug the hood over your ears. A laugh fills your head that is not particularly benign. 

_You have magic inside you that can fix this._

"Magic?" you said with a laugh, "sure". 

_Oh, but you do. It's okay not to think so. Many humans have magic but don't know it. It's quite common. Don't you remember-_

"Many humans are also horrible and I'd very much appreciate if my hallucination didn't remind me I was one of them". The voice laughed again and you had the urge to cover your ears like before. Even if it didn't work. 

_What an idiot you are. Do you think you're above other humans? Do you think you're above your own kind?_

What was this, you wondered. Philosophy class? You sighed to yourself, mulling over the question in your head despite how corny it sounded. _Did_ you think you were above humanity? Actually, from where you were now, you'd say you were pretty below them. Ha! Oh, you'd have to tell Sans and Toriel that one. 

Oh. Wait. You forget again. After what you said to her, you doubted she'd ever want to see your face again. Neither would any of your so called friends. You wrapped your arms around yourself to warm up. It wasn't helping. 

"No," you finally answer. "I don't think I'm above humanity. I'm just as bad as they are. I'm just as awful". 

_You too steal... and lie... and cheat. Just like any other human being._

It was right. Above, you stole sometimes simply for the thrill of it. You lied. For goodness sake, you lied about how you'd gotten here, saying you'd just fallen when you were asked - which thankfully wasn't often. You cheated. Instead of getting a real job when you were a teenager, you sold drugs. Instead of trying to pick yourself up and get your life back on track, you called it quits. You were just like any other regular human being. 

And because you were human, you'd hurt Toriel. 

_But she hurt you too, didn't she?_

Did she? You wonder. All she wanted to do was listen. All she wanted to do was help. But, you supposed, she'd tried too much and like a cornered animal, you had bared your teeth. You weren't used to people caring about where you'd been or how you were holding up. You were used to people ignoring you. People being angry. People yelling. 

You realized deep down though that, perhaps you had been hoping that Toriel would never yell at you. Even for all her kindness though, you'd pushed her to hard. She'd snapped too; tried to force you to do something you really didn't want to do. She tried to force you to go somewhere you truly didn't want to go back to. Just like you hoped she would. So you'd stop getting attached. So you'd stop caring. 

And it had worked. 

It didn't matter anyway. No one down here truly cared about you anyway. They couldn't possibly. Not with the secrets they hid from you. Friends didn't keep secrets. _Family_ didn't keep secrets.

"They all hate me," you say, voice shaky with the chilly breeze that blew through you. Your tone is low, and frankly, scary. Even to you, the one it was coming from. "I want to be their friend. I want to be everyone's friend by, I know nothing about them. They wont tell me. I'm so fucking childish," you lamented. The voice in your head hushed you though it's less comforting and far more condescending. You rub your arms for warmth. 

_Hold onto that childishness. You're allowed to feel that way. You have every right to. They should tell you everything. After all, what kind of friends don't tell each other their favourite colours._

You feel like a baby. An infant getting so worked up all over this but, your head isn't letting you be rational. You think you really must have flipped the crazy switch this morning. 

_Well, what do you say to a little help?_

Help being happy from a voice in your head. Something doesn't feel right. 

_I have a fool proof plan. Maybe, instead of being friends with everyone... you try being... enemies._

"Enemies? How will that make me happy? That's the opposite of what I want!" 

_You want to know about everything this world has to offer, do you not? You want to know all it's mysteries and all it's secrets?_

"Of course. I want to understand. I want to be someone everyone can come to. Someone who gets it... somebody who knows just what to say. Someone better than everyone I ever used to know". 

_That's right. That's exactly right. Enemies tell each other all sorts of things that they're too afraid to tell their friends. For fear of their friends turning into enemies._

"I guess that makes sense," you muttered aloud. The whole 'talking to yourself in the middle of the woods is really weird' thing is lost on you now completely. 

_Of course it does. All you have to do to make everyone your enemy instead of your friend is... go back to the beginning. Go back exactly where you started and, simply do the opposite to what you did this time around._

A chill rolled over you, and it wasn't from the winter air around you. "You mean... hurt them?" 

_Exactly._

"You mean I... shouldn't save them?" Your voice was raw. You really didn't like this plan but, what you liked the least was the fact that you'd managed to find zero faults in it. 

_Yes._

Well, all except one. "How... how do I go back? The barriers already fallen?"

The voice doesn't answer immediately, which for some reason, you find peculiar. You can't place why though, and before you can sit and wonder any longer, you hear them speak again. 

_We simply have to reset the timeline._

* * *

You'd agreed, clearly, to do it. To reset the timeline. And you had done far more than hurt people. You'd killed people. And in all that time hurting, and killing... you never even learned anything new or worthwhile. All you'd learned was that you were a horrible person which, arguably, you already knew. Knowing Sans forgave you after such a memory resurfaced made you sick.

Your hand falls from the stone doors, and you shove both into your pockets instead. You feel nauseous. Panicked. 

You'd been so selfish; so stupid. So childish. 

You'd been so scared to return to the surface - and not even for fear of your friends safety - that you'd played with time. Gone back and slaughtered everyone over nothing. Over secrets you'd never earned the trust to speak about. And, in turn, Sans had been right. In the end, even you had hid things from everyone. For an adult, you sure had acted like a child. 

You take a step back from the ruins, turning around with a sigh. Your sigh quickly morphed into a shriek when you looked up in front of you. On the path in front of you stood a panicked looking Sans, lights of his eyes pin sized, dim points in inky blackness. His breathing was heavy and, you think maybe, his skull drained of colour. Was that possible? You don't get long to wonder. 

"You went back. Again," Sans mutters, skull in his hands as he stumbled backward. "Why don't I remember it? Why don't I remember?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry about disappearing omg. SO! Please have this special Saturday update, we learned a bit more about Reader, how they really got to this point... and of course, some much needed fluff. 
> 
> I'll see you guys tomorrow, as well. That's a promise!


	23. Best Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Whats… the first best medicine?”
> 
> “Huh?”
> 
> “For fixing a broken soul, I mean”.

Witnessing a panic attack is very different from having one. You don’t think you’d ever seen anyone besides yourself have a panic attack. Maybe Alphys but, you couldn’t recall at the moment. In any case, experiencing one at least helps you in recognizing that that is indeed what Sans is having right now. A panic attack. You take a steadying breath and step forward as calmly as you can manage, not wanting to scare him anymore than he probably already is.

You take his hand in yours in an effort to bring him back down to earth, trying to calm him the way he always calmed you. “Hey, hey - Sans. Shh… look at me, look at me”. He does, thank goodness, his gaze flickers upward to lock with yours. “I didn’t go back, I promise”. His hands squeeze yours and he’s shaking so much you can hear his bones rattling inside his coat. You swallow thickly, offering him a small smile.

Guilt washes over you suddenly, and you realize this is your fault. You should have just told him where you were going. He said he trusted you. Where would you even have run off to? You bite your lip, gathering your thoughts. This isn’t the time for you to be guilting yourself. If you keep doing that, how are you ever going to help Sans? You focus on him instead, his hands in yours, the clamminess of his palms. Gently, you rub your thumbs over his knuckles, looking him in the eye as you repeat your prior promise.

But he isn’t convinced, and the more you say it the more jittery, shaky, and anxious he’s becoming. A rattly, horrified mess in front of you.

What can you do to convince him? How can you prove you didn’t reset again? Suddenly, you feel a sharp sting on the palms of your hands, and you nearly rip them out of his grip at the feeling. The salt of his sweat was stinging you, but…? 

The reason for the stinging hits you immediately. It might be just what you need.

Slowly, you ease your hand away, keeping it palm up as you urge Sans to look down at it. There, along the fleshy part of your hand are four half moon cuts that have only just begun to scab over. They’re from this morning. From your own panic attack.

“Look, babe. Look at my hand,” you’ll worry about your pet name slip later, you tell yourself. “If I went back, would I have these?” You notice a tear in the sleeve of your coat and gesture to yourself, “would my coat be all wrecked?”

Sans takes a shuddering breath, looking you over from head to toe before focusing on your chest for a brief moment. The peer at your soul visibly relaxes the tension in his expression, his gaze falling to the snow as his shoulders sag.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes.

“No, no! Don’t be sorry, don’t apologize… it’s okay,” you reassure him.

He falls against you and wraps his arms around your shoulders, melting into the hug when you return his embrace.

“It’s just,” his voice is muffled against the material of your coat, “I woke up and you weren’t there and then I… I didn’t even look for footprints or anything I just. Looked toward the Ruins and I saw you and I… God I’m so…”

You hush him and wrap him up tighter, apologizing yourself, “I’m sorry, Sans. I just… I didn’t want to tell you I was exploring because I…” you pause, almost wanting to lie and say that it was because you didn’t want to wake him up. Instead, you tell the truth. Lying never did you any good, “I didn’t trust you enough to not just. Tell me no. That’s my fault. That was me being stupid. Not you”.

His breaths are shaky and forced as he begins to calm in your arms. If you’d just told him… you sigh, burying your face in the crook of his neck. Forget it. You didn’t need two panicked people to calm down right now. You run a hand down Sans spine to comfort him, your focus turning back to him entirely, “it’s alright”.

He’s breathing less shallow now, more natural. You ease yourself away from the hug a bit but, only enough to see his face. His cheeks are tear-stained, grin flipped into a grimace that makes your heart clench in your chest.

“You aren’t stupid,” he says finally, sighing and running bony fingers under his eyes to wipe away fallen tears. You beg to differ but, he quickly shuts you down with a shake of his head, “I mean. I wish you’d told me but I don’t blame ya, kid. S'not your fault”.

A chilly air rolls by and you realize as you shiver that there isn’t much else to say. You straighten your posture, hands moving down Sans arms to take both his hands again.

“It just… spooked me I guess,” he begins and you give him a confused look. He sighs again, the lights in his eyes glowing a little brighter, “Undyne is still trying to capture you, even if she hasn’t really been by again. The rest of the royal guard around here is tryna find you too, ya know. I thought for a minute you’d been captured then I… saw you over here and I… guess I just panicked”.

You feel yourself pale a bit, you’d forgotten all about that, though you couldn’t be sure how. Even if you were sort of friends with the Snowdin faction, there was still the fact that they all knew there was a human down here. It was only a matter of time before they put two and two together. You were still in danger. Sans had thought you were in danger. You shiver, wrapping your coat around yourself tighter, “are you sure I’m safe here, Sans? Here in Snowdin?”

“Safer than anywhere else. Especially Hotland”.

Shuffling in place, you sigh, looking out toward the forest. You can’t figure out why your memories from back then were resurfacing. Would you remember more, you wonder? What else was there to remember?

You feel a headache coming on. You need to sit down. “So long as you’re in Snowdin, I can keep an eye on you. Make sure that soul a yours doesn’t get any worse”.

“Sans, I don’t think I can this anymore”.

Where did that come from? You feel like you’re on autopilot all of a sudden. Sans seems just as confused as you.

“What do you mean?” his voice is wary, his eyes no longer trained on your face. You feel yourself walking forward, toward his sentry station but, you aren’t doing it. It’s like you’re watching yourself from above.

“Sans I… came down here tired. I jumped down here having already given up. And then I…” your voice cracks and you stop walking. Sans is in front of you and you feel in control again. But, you don’t stop talking. “Then I… met you - everyone. Toriel and Undyne and Alphys and Papyrus and I… for the first time in my whole life,” his hands are in yours, you feel so weak all of a sudden. Sans guides you to his station, sitting you down and kneeling in front of you. “I… wanted to live. I wanted to keep going. I was happy and then… then I did something _really_ bad. I said something _awful_ to Toriel and I ran away and I ruined everything. I’m so fucking selfish”.

Sans doesn’t know what to say, his silence only making it easier to ramble. He’s listening to you but, he’s watching your soul too. His expression doesn’t make you feel any better but, you can’t stop.

“I thought I’d come back here and I’d fix everything and it’d all be great again. I’d right my wrong. The universe would forgive me or whatever, for everything I’ve ever done wrong. I was so angry. _So_ mad. And I can barely even remember why. I…” Sans is wiping tears from your cheeks again, “I think I was scared?”

“Of what?” he finally speaks, voice soft and rough like it always is. He’s looking at you now, the smallest smile gracing his mouth. You feel a tug at your chest, and a flash of red on your eye lids, you’d closed your eyes.

“Of being loved,” you whisper, “I was scared of finally having a family who cared about me”.

When you open your eyes again, your soul - it’s tattered, broken self - is sitting in front of you. Sans hands are cupping it so carefully, you think it might finally shatter if he moved away. It sure looks like it might. The crack running through the middle is branching out, almost splitting your soul entirely in half. It’s muted-red and clear around the edges, just like before but, around the edges of dull-red, you spot a hint of bright, glowing red that hadn’t been there before. You look closely at it, gaze flickering up to watch Sans as he looks as well. The colour inside does not grow or shrink, and you can’t see any new cracks forming. Aside from it’s usual pulse of light, your soul is unmoving. You aren’t sure what to think of that.

“Looks like, for now, it ain’t gettin’ any worse. If I had ta’ guess, I’d say that bright red around it is your Determination coming back. Might be a barrier your soul made to to stop whatever’s draining your Determination… you’ve got a strong soul, kid”. There’s something in Sans expression that makes the butterflies come back again. You feel a blush creeping up your neck.

“Doesn’t look so strong,” you mutter, a breathy and forced laugh punctuating your statement. Sans raise a brow bone, looking down at you with a smirk.

“Well it is, I wouldn’t pull your leg on somethin’ like that”. You think there’s supposed to be a joke there but, you decide not to humor the shit eating grin on his face, so you don’t think too long about it. “Souls are pretty cool, especially human souls, at least I think anyway. Not that I’ve seen a lot, just yours. Read a lot about ‘em though. Positivity’s the second best medicine to healing a broken soul. 'Least for monsters, 'spose it’s gotta be the same for humans. Ya gotta stay positive, kid. Keep comin’ ta’ terms with what happened. Ya gotta start forgiving _yourself_ ,” he pauses to let your soul float back into your chest. The empty feeling that always accompanies when it’s out in the open subsides as it eases itself back around your heart. His shit eating grin comes back, “babe”.

Oh crap. You’d forgotten about that. Blushing, you hide your face in your hands with a groan, trying your very best (and failing) to stifle a laugh. Sans wraps you up in a hug, which you promptly pretend to hate.

A beat passes, after about a minute of him struggling to keep you wrapped up in his arms, you finally gave up and hugged him back. You scoot over on your seat and he sits down next to you, resting his head on your shoulder. You clear your throat out of nervous habit before you speak up again, “hey Sans?”

“Hm?”

“Whats… the first best medicine?”

“Huh?”

“For fixing a broken soul, I mean”.

There’s silence for a moment, before you hear him give a little chuckle, lacing his hand with yours and pulling it into his pocket to keep you both warm.

“Love,” he whispers, “told ya that already, remember?”

So he had.

Smiling to yourself, you rest your head on his, squeezing his hand in his coat pocket. Everything, for once, felt calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie dokie. Hey everyone! So, technically from a literary perspective one might call this... the end of Act 2 Part 1... from a literary perspective... from my perspective it's just a pronounced point in time where I, the writer, maybe thinks perhaps there's a pause in the narrative where the characters manage to settle for a bit. 
> 
> Or, it's just Act 2 Part 1. Who cares. kdjhkjdfg. In either case it means a big part of the story is over! Meaning... starting with Chapter Twenty-Four, we're finally moving on to Bigger. Better. More Mettaton-y things. (Oops... did I say that? ;3c)
> 
> Anywho~ I'll see you guys when I see you! I might take a break next Sunday just to get some notes in order but, I will try my very best to have a chapter out! <3


	24. Lights, Camera... Action!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The DRAMA!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm _so_ sorry for being gone! But I'm back now, and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It's a bit more light hearted, kinda... lol. It is the beginning of a second act of sorts so, I wanted to keep it light but establish some new stuff! Thank you so much for reading, and make sure to read the end note for some important news regarding the rest of this story!! Much love  <3

Time is an interesting thing, though almost completely horrifying as well. For starters, you'd never imagined time travel to be possible. The whole idea of it struck you as something from a corny sci-fi. A trip to the future to find almost-humans decked out in space-age silver. Or a trip to the past where the smallest, most insignificant thing would completely alter the present. It all seemed too much to you. And perhaps it was. After all, your version of time travel only took you backwards. A set point in time, an important constant the universe had deemed unmistakably precious. 

Despite this constant, the fact that the future still existed remained. Time always found a way to move forward. Always. No matter how small, or how peculiar. Time would always march on. 

Two weeks had passed since you'd first started staying in Snowdin. A tick mark appears on a mental chalkboard as you awake on the sofa once more... this makes four weeks and 3 and a half days total. A month. You'd been in the Underground for a month. Well, if you were only counting this timeline of course. Who knows what the collective amount of time was that you'd spent down here.

All you knew was that you were taking far too long. And, in taking too long, the universe was putting the pieces together itself. Building it's metaphorical cobblestone pathway to the future for you, and all you had to do was take that first step. But... for some reason... it was easier to stay planted where you were. You knew it wasn't right, you knew you needed to move on, and many nights you almost had but, you just couldn't. You and Sans had barely discussed your kiss, just hardly touched on any of those feelings at all but, even then you and him were mending things. You were finally feeling... happy. 

You knew it wasn't real. You knew all these happy feelings bubbling in you weren't _real_ , but they _felt_ real enough. They felt warm, and they made you smile. Really, _truly_ , smile for the first time in years. Staying here with Papyrus and Sans, staying here in Snowdin... you felt like you had a family here. Like there were people in this town who actually cared about you. Leaving, even if you'd promised to do just that, made your stomach churn. 

You were being selfish. 

You knew that. 

You knew.

But... you couldn't help it. 

It's around 10 AM (at least that's what your phone said, who knew what time it ACTUALLY was down here) when the world started turning again. When that path in front of you tripped you and forced you to keep walking. 

"I have some tag-alongs today, Pap! Pap?" Undyne's loud voice startles you on the couch, and you nearly spit your coffee all over yourself and your opened book. You pound your fist against your chest as you cough and try not to choke. Sans looks up at you with worry from his bean bag, you shake him off as you catch your breath. "Oh! Hey there, human! Didn't see ya there!" 

"Human?!" 

You feel your face drain of colour. 

That's a new but, still completely familiar voice. "Let me get a look!" 

And there he is, in all his boxy, calculator glory. 

METTATON, star of the underground. Fuck...

"Gasp!" You're struggling to keep the smile on your face as you turn to face him, his wheel squeaking as he approaches you. Honestly, you had nothing against Mettaton, really you didn't. After your first timeline, after the fight, the two of you hit it off like old friends. He admired your knack for preforming. Whatever that meant... you couldn't preform your way out of a wet paper bag on the surface. Maybe monsters like shitty acting? 

... No, you think, just Mettaton.

"Such beautiful features! Those lips are to die for, darling!" 

"M-Mettaton... maybe y-you shouldn't... stick your hands in peoples... peoples mouths...?" Alphys' chirps from the doorway. Mettaton pauses, removing his hands from your face once he realizes what he's doing. You feel the headache already. After all, it wasn't until AFTER your fight that you'd taken a shining to the robot. 

"Undyne! You are early!" Papyrus calls from the balcony above the living room. "And you brought friends!"

"Well, heh. One friend," Undyne mutters, though it was not at all under her breath. Mettaton doesn't notice. 

"I-I hope you don't mind, Papyrus... um... uh... M-M-Metta-Mettaton wanted t-to..." Mettaton interrupted Alphys with a wave of his gloved hand. She shrinks back, wringing her hands and giving you a sidelong glance. You try your best not to stare back.

"I wanted to watch the two of you spar! I'm making a new action movie, darlings. There'll be drama! Romance! _Passion_ ," he purrs, looking right at you as he speaks. Not that he'd stopped looking at you. Actually, it was beginning to become unbearable. You look away from him, cold sweat on the back of your neck as you shrink in on yourself. 

In the past two weeks, you hadn't really left the house much. Really, you hadn't done much of anything. You'd sat around reading, playing on your phone, watching TV. Sans wanted to keep an eye on your soul -- it wasn't getting any better -- and you were too scared to venture out again. Getting stuck in that void was on the very bottom of the list of things you wanted to do. If you happened to die again... you might be stuck there forever. Or, worse... you might end up making a deal with a demon. You shudder at the thought. 

"Heya, Alphys," Sans familiar voice rumbles from in front of you as he makes his way toward the front door. It shakes you from your thoughts, and you watch him as he leaves.

"O-oh! Sans, h-hello!" she adjusts her glasses, hands a bit shaky as she does. She and Undyne are standing awfully far apart. It strikes you as odd until you remember that they aren't together yet. Sitting around doing nothing has made it easier for the three timelines to melt together for you. Which... is as bad as it sounds. 

"How are things in the lab going?" you hear Sans ask, and the two of them fall into easy conversation, as do Undyne and Papyrus and, suddenly, you and Mettaton are the odd ones out. You pay the robot no mind though, gaze falling to the carpet before you turn back to your book.

A moment passes quietly before you hear a robotic sigh from next to you. You pause your reading, looking up a bit to see Mettaton has wheeled himself in front of you. You decide to ignore him, going back to your book. _Siiigh_. You look up at the robot through your lashes. "You want something?"

Mettaton immediately straightens his posture, taking your book from your hands and setting it down over his shoulder. Which is to say, he literally just threw it half way across the living room and on to the floor.

"Hey!" 

"You simply _must_ be in my new feature film!" he announces, clapping his hands together, "a human... gracing the monster silver screen! I'll be the talk of the Underground!" 

You give him a look of disbelief, stunned into silence to find that, somehow, he was even more overbearing in this timeline. And he was still a calculator for goodness sake. "I don't think I --"

"Nonsense! I wont hear any rebuttal! I wont take no for an answer, my dear!" Of course he wouldn't. You give him a look that says it anyway though, and he simply replies with a flicker of yellow lights across the LED panel on his front. 

You blink, unimpressed, pulling your phone out of your sweater pocket. "How rude," he gasps, wheeling backward a little and holding a gloved hand to his chest. You open up the app for Undernet, scrolling through it quickly. 

Sans had set it up for you, not much to do on a phone without Wi-Fi. Of course, the only updates on it were from Sans and Papyrus. A couple posts from the Snowdin Town group page, Grillby's account for his restaurant and -- oh! A friend request from Napstablook! You go to accept it but, it disappears, having declined itself. You blink, sighing and going back to scrolling.

"Darling, I really do think you should reconsider being in my film!" 

"The film!" Papyrus exclaims, earning you the attention of everyone in the house. Everyone must have been too caught up in their own conversations to hear yours and Mettaton's. "Human, this is your big break! You must do it!" 

Great.

Sans gives you a look, and you return it. There is no way in _hell_ that you are doing a movie. You know what Mettaton's real goal is, you're not getting caught up in that. Beside's, being on TV the first time you fought him for your entire fight was bad enough.

"Paps... I really don't think I --"

"Nonsense! You must! But..." he jumps onto the back of the couch, earning a small shriek from you as you nearly go flying. He strikes a pose, his scarf flapping in the wind... somehow. "Will they be the hero? Or..." he moves and lifts his scarf up to cover his lower face, like some sort of skeletal vampire, his pose growing more sinister, "will they be a dastardly villain?"

You resist the urge to shrink in on yourself anymore than you already have. It's not working. 

"The villain obviously!" Undyne exclaims, jumping onto the couch as well, "they could be an evil mage, come to slay monsterkind! But to make their character relatable, they're murderous because their life above was awful and made them super resentful!" Undyne strikes a pose, "it's like the total opposite of how sweet they are!" 

Your heart squeezes in your chest, what little breakfast you'd managed to eat wanting to come back up. You don't even bother looking up at Sans, you can only imagine the expression on his face. 

"W-what if th-they fall in love with a monster and ch-change their ways?" Alphys stutters. You cover your face with your hands as Undyne vigorously nods her head. 

"And then they go back in time and fix everything and free the monsters!" Papyrus chirps, but then he shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest, "no that's silly. Time travel isn't real!" 

For a moment you wish there _was_ a movie camera near you, just so you could turn and look it straight in the lens. 

Mettaton's front screen blips with a series of red and yellow patterns, his arms crossed in front of him as well. "These are all very good ideas. I'm impressed! But, who should be the love interest?" 

Fantastic. He was actually considering his. Of course he was. Had no one heard you say no? 

"I could do it," Sans grumbles from his spot on the floor. He'd laid down unceremoniously in the middle of the living room, his feet up on his bean bag as he looked up at the ceiling. You turn to look into that metaphorical camera, disbelief written plain as day on your face. 

Mettaton waves his hand dismissively, but it's Undyne who ultimately speaks up. "That's super unrealistic! They'd totally fall in love with someone important down here, ya know? Like someone everyone knows... someone who no one would expect would fall for a human in return..." Undyne trails off, thinking to herself for a moment before her eye grows wide. The room falls silent, everyone but yourself waiting with bated breath. She whispers so quietly that you just barely hear it, "King Asgore". 

"The DRAMA!" Mettaton exclaims, throwing his hands up over his head. There are computer blips and beeps in his voice as he says it. You think he might short circuit. Alphys is quick to run up to him, checking over his front panel. "I, of course, will play the King. A hero, convincing our dastardly (but lovably relatable) villain to cease their actions through the power of love!"

Undyne and Papyrus are jumping on the couch next to you with excitement. You quickly stand and move before you get jumped on.

* * *

An hour later, Mettaton has a full script written (time travel included, despite it not being 'real'). you're all currently in Sans and Papyrus' backyard -- much to your protest -- watching Undyne and Papyrus sparring. "To get ideas for the final fight between your character and King Algore," Mettaton has said. King Algore was a play on 'Asgore' for 'creative purposes' (all you could think about was Al Gore. The weatherman).

You sit with your chin in your hands, bored out of your mind. Sure, watching Undyne fighting Papyrus was exciting, especially when she was wearing a fake beard on her face but, watching your life story being played out unknowingly by your friends was... weird. You say life story loosely of course, after all, you definitely did not fall in love with King Asgore -- King... Algore...

... but still. Mostly everything else about the script was scarily spot on. It was beginning to freak you out, that little earthworm of paranoia burying itself deep in your gut, trying to convince you of something you knew was impossible but, something you were currently having a hard time disputing. Essentially, your stupid brain was trying to tell you all your 'friends' knew everything already and they were just making fun of you right now. And that they weren't really your friends. That they were lying to you. That none of this was real... that you were actually dead at the bottom of that massive abyss and this was your punishment for being a complete failure. Ya know. The usual. 

Sans sits next to you on the back porch, his hands stuffed in his pockets. You still hadn't discussed any of the... romance stuff. And none of it had really happened again. You made no move to discourage it, neither did Sans but... it was just. He was usually working... and you were usually... sleeping, or mindlessly watching television. Despite two weeks living here, you hadn't really seen much of him. 

So, when he leans his head on your shoulder, you have to bite back a gasp, turning to look at him with surprise. You think for a moment that he's sleeping but, you turn away again too fast to be sure. He doesn't seem to move though, softly breathing, his head heavier than you'd expected. Slowly, you rest your head on his, holding your breath as you wait for him to react. To your surprise, he doesn't. You let out that breath, shoving your own hands in your pockets, watching Undyne and Papyrus as they jump around the backyard.

Despite how weird all of this is, you suppose it's better than staying inside all day doing nothing. All those thoughts that had been churning in your head are gone again, and you distract yourself with the sound of magic, the soft and distinct hum of both Undyne and Pap's respective abilities. Slowly, you snuggle closer to Sans, his heat radiating off him and warming you as you both sit there together. He gives a content hum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Chapter 24 took me a long time, I'm not great at writing Mettaton, nor do I find writing him underground... fun. Haha. He's pretty difficult to get ahold of character wise! I think I did alright... 
> 
> Anywho, I'm sorry it took so long and, I'm sorry in advance for the news I'm about to tell you involving Forgiveness, since I know a lot of you have been waiting a long time for this update! 
> 
> It's good news... and bad news. I'll get the bad news out of the way first! 
> 
> There wont be anymore updates of Forgiveness. 
> 
> The good news? 
> 
> At least not until November is over!! (gotcha... see what i did there?)
> 
> I'm going to be finishing up the story for NaNoWriMo! To do that, I need to focus completely on the story and get my ass in gear and write! I can't do that when I've also got my Ao3 schedule to follow, unfortunately! I'm pretty good at multi tasking but, not that good lol. 
> 
> So what this means is, this will be the last update until December... Forgiveness' One Year Anniversary!! :D (December 5th to be exact!) I hope to have the whole story written and finished up by the end of November, and then I will begin posting it chapter by chapter each week until we reach the end of the story! I may post more than one chapter a week if I end up writing more than I intend to, or if there's a big enough demand for it! 
> 
> So, keep your calender's marked for December, and please help cheer me on this month! I absolutely love this story, and I want to finish it for you guys, you've all been so kind in following me on this journey, and I want to give you all the best! So thank you SO much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this update!! <3 
> 
> \- Ellie


	25. Ketchup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You were gonna make it better. You were gonna free Monsterkind. You were gonna be happy._
> 
>  
> 
> _You had to. For your friends sake..._
> 
>  
> 
> _for your sake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! 
> 
> November was a long, tough journey but here we are and... with a completely finished fic too! Need to do some tweaking on the ending just to get it perfect but, we're there guys! I can't say how many Chapter's are left because I'm not yet finished editing but, it's well over 30 at this point! 
> 
> I'll be updating every Monday and Friday until I'm done, and there will very likely be an Epilogue as well! 
> 
> This week is special though because... today, December 5th, is the anniversary of Forgiveness! Today is the day I posted the first Chapter a whole YEAR ago! So, to commemorate the special-ness of our anniversary, I've planned to post a chapter Monday, Wednesday, AND Friday! 
> 
> So, this week will be three chapters! Then we'll jump into the regular schedule next week until the story is finished! 
> 
> Thank you so much for following me on this journey and for sticking with me through that long, big hiatus if you did!
> 
> And, if you're brand new here and have just found the story for the first time: welcome! I hope that you're enjoying it so far!! Please stick around because I'm absolutely determined to finish this story! 
> 
> Thank you so much everyone! And Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

Something about the snow always made you feel... uncomfortable.

Maybe it was the reminder that Christmas was coming. A holiday that had been all but grueling for you in your childhood. Not that it was any better after you 'moved out' either. Sure you'd gone to office parties for your job but, each Christmas day was usually spent entirely alone, wrapped up in blankets to keep yourself warm in your apartment that didn't have a working radiator. A tree worse that Charlie Brown's wilting off in the corner of your studio flat, collecting dust, not a present under it. 

Snow sucked. 

And it especially sucked right now, actually, everything about all of this sucked right now, not just the snow. The whole damn situation. 

"So is this like, really necessary?" you ask, tugging at the fabric of the sweater Mettaton had pulled over your head. He'd made the outfit for you all by himself and to say you hated it was, well, a grave understatement. It consisted of a pair of hideously short shorts, tube socks (at least he let you keep your boots), and a purple and blue sweater. When you'd asked him why it was ombre instead of striped, Mettaton looked at you in (what you could only assume was) disbelief and said, 'darling, only children wear stripes down here'. To which to had simply nodded your head and replied, 'sure. Okay'.

Your legs are freezing. They're turning red from the snow, and you're almost certain that your ears are blue. They sure felt cold enough to be. Shivering, you look to the robot pointedly and ask him again, through chattering teeth, "Mettaton! _WHY_ do I have to wear this?!"

"Because it's your character, darling!" he doesn't even turn around to face you as he speaks, you try not to let it annoy you any further. It's honestly getting difficult. 

"Well, why can't my character wear something, I dunno... warm?" you ask, wrapping your arms around yourself as your teeth chatter, your relentless shivering starting to grow uncomfortable. Mettaton lets out an exaggerated sigh. 

"She fell down unprepared! Do you really think she would have warm clo--"

"She?" you ask incredulously, blinking your eyes in disbelief. 

"... yes?" Mettaton murmurs, "your character, dear. She wasn't prepared to fall down here, why would she have warm clothing?"

You swallow, trying not to let it get to you. It's a character. You're playing a character, albeit not of your own accord (how many times had you said 'no' at this point?), it's still just a character. _She_ isn't you. You wont let it get to you. You _can't_ let it get to you it's... 

It's getting to you.

"Um, Mettaton?"

"What is it now, darling?" he asks, a series of blips and beeps sounding off as his display changes colours. He doesn't sound terribly annoyed but, he doesn't sound all to pleased to hear you speaking again either. You cringe... maybe you shouldn't say anything? Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut. Surely he wouldn't change the character's gender now just for you right? After all it was just a character, God you were being stupid... it didn't matter. It... oh, you're talking. 

"Uhm... can we maybe... refer to my character as... they... instead?" 

Mettaton is silent for a moment, almost just a moment too long before his display beeps, the colours representing an exclamation mark as he turns to look at you again, "of course, dear!"

You blink, caught off guard by how quickly he'd accepted your request. And without any questions either... "r-really?"

"Of course, darling! Why not?" Mettaton sounded confused, terribly confused. Coupled with your own confusion and the snow in your socks freezing you half to death, you don't have the heart to explain your shock so, you simply shrug your shoulders. 

"Can I wear something else?"

"Nice try. No!" you pout, giving him a look. Well, it was worth a shot.

* * *

Somehow, Alphys had let herself get dragged into this whole fiasco. Undyne too, though you were sure she was mostly just in it for Alphys. The two of them are sitting at the table when Mettaton finally lets you come inside to warm up and get a snack. He'd come over today to take glamour shots of you in your character's costume. You didn't know much about the movie industry above but, you assumed that the whole like, photoshoot part of it took place AFTER filming had wrapped. And also that it didn't take place in sub-zero temperatures. All in all, you were having a pretty bad time.

Papyrus is quick to wrap you up in a big quilted blanket that smells like hot dogs and... well, dog. It isn't pleasant but it's toasty. 

And when you say wrap, you mean it quite literally. He picks you up, flips you horizontally, lays you down on the end of the blanket (it's spread out on the floor), and then rolls you into a blanket burrito. He then shoves a hat on your head, much to Mettaton's dismay ("It took me hours to tame that bedhead!"), and plops you down on the couch next to him and Sans; he blips into existence next to you and immediately falls asleep against your new quilted exoskeleton. 

You shake your head, the whole of that situation happening in about a second. Your attention moves back to Undyne and Alphys. Well, specifically Undyne. 

She'd arrived unannounced the first day you'd slept on the skeleton brother's couch two weeks ago. After the whole situation at the ruins, and the whole... business with your soul. She hadn't made any attempts since to get your soul again and she'd even had a movie night with you and Pap's. Sans had stayed close that night just to make sure. You knew it was uncomfortable for her to be around you though, based on the whole 'your soul is currently showing monsters like, their worst nightmares' thing but, you appreciated that she made the effort anyway. Besides, as the night had gone on and you, Pap's, and Undyne had gotten more comfortable, laughed a little more, had more fun, the uncomfortable tinge to her expression seemed to melt away. As did the one on Papyrus' face you were sure he was convinced you couldn't notice.

You wondered what he was seeing when he looked at you...

You tried not to think about it. You didn't want to imagine hurting Papyrus. The thought unnerved you more than the colour draining from your very soul. 

Undyne caught you staring all of a sudden, offering you a toothy grin from her seat in the kitchen. You sent a small smile back, nuzzling into your blanket burrito again and staring mindlessly at the television set.

Not much had happened in the last two weeks. Besides this whole... Mettaton thing anyway. 

Your soul hadn't really grown any dimmer, nor had anymore cracks shown up. No one else had really said anything _about_ your soul the odd time you did go out of the house. But, maybe it was because you hadn't really let yourself feel _bad_. Up on the surface it was easy to sink into your usual spell of self-loathing. Let yourself self-pity until the cows came home. But, that was because you hadn't really had a reason not to let that happen. No one around you that wanted you happy. Let alone like, the whole 'you might get stuck in the void if you get sad' bullshit you were currently dealing with. It was, to say the least, 'motivating' you into being at the very least apathetic when you wanted to give in to feeling like shit. 

Plus, being around Papyrus made it hard to stay depressed, if only just not to upset him. Which, you knew wasn't healthy but, you knew in your heart that even if it did upset him he'd just try his hardest to cheer you up instead of worrying about himself. Far more than anyone on the surface had done for you.

You fall over a bit, resting your pillowed head on Sans chest as he rested his head in your lap. You probably looked ridiculous sitting here, like a pretzel almost but, it was mad comfortable. And soothing honestly. The blanket was super warm, and so was Sans; and Papyrus too you noted as the taller brother snuggled up to you as well. It was a nice change of pace from the usual fast goings Underground. 

Undyne, Alphys, and Mettaton were all in the kitchen writing away at their script... and if you didn't need to be warmed up, you're sure Papyrus would be in there too. For now though, he, yourself, and Sans were all cuddled up on the couch together, and you wouldn't have it any other way. It was peaceful... it was warm... it felt like home. You felt like you belonged again.

Being here in Snowdin, not really doing much of anything, you got a lot of time to think about your past timelines. About the things you'd done in said timelines. Specifically you thought about what had happened to get you here. If and when the opportunity presented itself again... would you be scared to go to the surface? Would you be terrified of what it meant for you? Would you let yourself be selfish again? You try to convince yourself you wouldn't, tell yourself you know better now but... maybe you aren't too sure? 

After all, it was just plain easier to give up. Go back to the beginning, start over again and hope with time you might grow up some more. Leave it for your future self. 

But you knew you'd have to become your future self eventually, lest you delay the inevitable. And, you'd made a promise. One you fully intended to keep. You were gonna fix everything. You were gonna make it better. You were gonna free Monsterkind. You were gonna be happy. 

You had to. For your friends sake... for your sake.

You feel your eyes growing heavy, and soon enough, you're falling asleep to the sound of pen on paper, of Sans snoring, and of the dull ambiance of the television.

* * *

You're awoken about an hour later by none other than Alphys shaking you gently. You can't move your arms, still stuck in your blanket cocoon, but you manage to open your eyes at least.

"H-hi um... sorry to wake you up. Uh... Mettaton made you some lunch i-if you want it..." she stutters, helping you sit up and unwrap yourself. 

Your stomach gives her an answer before you can, growling loud enough to wake Papyrus and Sans as you sit up. Blushing, you curl up tighter in your blanket, much to Alphys' dismay. She covers her snout with a clawed hand as she snorts, trying to pry the quilt off of you with no luck. Sans is still laying with his head in your lap, chuckling away, but Papyrus is rushing to Alphys' aid as quickly as 'Papyrus'ly possible. 

"Fear not human! I, The Great Papyrus, shall save you from this comfortable blanket turned dangerous cotton foe!" he snatched the blanket straight from your hands, unwinding you from your blanket burrito and somehow managing to scoop you up in his arms all at the same time. Sans landed somewhere with his head on the floor and his feet up on the sofa, out cold. 

"My hero," you joked, giggling when Paps' actually began to blush, trying to play the deed off. 

"Just doing my job, my dear human friend! Now, let us get you to the kitchen so that you may replenish your energy through the means of digestion!" 

Alphys stayed behind to make sure Sans was alright, though she gave you a smile as Papyrus carries you off. He sets you down in an empty chair, and Mettaton almost immediately places something in front of you. It... certainly looked interesting.

"Uhh... what's this?" you asked, and Mettaton looked at you in robotic disbelief, his screen flashing the way it did before he got condescending. Then it ceased it's blinking and an exclamation point appeared instead. 

"I forgot darling, you aren't from around here!" he pushes the plate closer to you, encouraging you to take a bite, "this is an Underground specialty! I made it all by myself, it's really quite a delicacy". 

Okay, that didn't answer what it was. Although, the longer you looked at it, the more afraid you were to ask. It was... indescribable. 

"Hm. You know what, I think I want to get back to work!" you say suddenly, pushing yourself back from the table and standing up as quickly as you can. "Come on, those pictures aren't going to take themselves!" 

Undyne is sitting at the table kicking her feet, trying her damnedest to hold in her laughter behind her hand, and failing miserably. Mettaton, somehow despite not having a face, is clearly stunned. For a moment you think he's going to force you to eat... whatever that... thing was that... did it just move? You swear it just moved. Ugh... 

Lucky for you, he instead claps his hands, a smile appearing on his LED screen as he jumps in place, "yes! Yes of course! I love your work ethic darling, maybe we can even start filming some scenes today, we're ahead of schedule!"

You catch Sans' eye as you're being pushed out the back door, giving him a look you hope he understands. You see him look at the food on the table, then look back at you with a grimace before he nods his head and blips out of sight from behind Alphys. He got it, loud and clear. Burgers from Grillby's coming right up.

* * *

Sans keeps thinking about your Soul.

That was an obvious enough statement but, he felt the need to make it more obvious to whomever might be listening. 

He couldn't stop thinking about it. Couldn't stop seeing the flash of a vision in his mind. Couldn't stop seeing all that dust. Couldn't stop thinking about what might be happening to you. Couldn't stop thinking about what might happen if... god forbid, your Soul really did drain completely of Determination. What would happen then? Would you... would you die for good? Would it all reset? Would you come back to the beginning? Would you try to be good again or would you... 

He shudders, not just from the cold. He didn't want to think about this but, there was little he could do but let his mind wander. 

He'd been watching your Soul for the last two weeks, always taking the chance when he could to peer past your physical body and see into your magical core. See that once vibrant red Soul now just barely hanging on. 

Your Soul was practically in a fishbowl, choking itself off from the world inside a glass prison cell. He'd never seen anything like it, not that he'd seen many human souls. It was almost as if your Soul had built itself it's own protective wall. A barrier of sorts, to keep people out. To keep the whole world out. And with the cracks running down your actual, physical Soul, he wasn't surprised by it. It didn't catch him off guard to see that sort of thing. Sure it was... jarring... but, human Souls rarely weren't. And even in the past timeline, he recalled your Soul being particularly hard to read. Now he knew why. It had a literal wall around it. 

Your whole self was caged off. Unable to free itself of it's self-made container. Like a necklace locket, but on the inside. Holding the most valuable part of yourself. And as your actual Soul drained away, the glass around it only seemed to grow stronger, filling the empty space. Cold, lifeless. Was that what you'd become if it finally drained completely? 

It was... horrifying. 

Not to mention the whole, seeing your worst nightmare thing. Papyrus had shared a snippet of what he'd seen with Sans and, it truly made him want to cry. He hadn't gone into detail but, Sans could tell the moment he mentioned it that his brother was talking about your Soul's sudden magical powers. 

_'Do they not want to be friends with me, Sans?'_ he'd asked one night, and Sans had nearly dropped the storybook in his hands. 

_'Huh? Bro whaddya mean? Who are you talkin' about?'_

_'... Never mind, Sans. It's... nothing. I am sure I'm just... thinking too much about it. That's it! Forget it!'_

Obviously, he hadn't. 

It had happened a couple nights ago, during your movie night with Paps and Undyne. The sudden fall of his brothers expression as you'd gotten up to grab the popcorn, it tore Sans apart. He could only imagine what his brother had seen. But Sans knew at the same time that, Papyrus' fears weren't as shallow as 'they don't want to be my friend'. It had to have been far worse for him to see that kind of look on his face. He'd looked completely crushed. 

This whole, new type of magic couldn't have been helping your recovery either. Showing monsters their worst fears? Showing them what they absolutely did not want to see, or feel, or experience? Being the cause of their discomfort? You wouldn't talk about it but, he could tell it was tearing you up as well. He was well aware of the way you'd shut down when something would happen but, you knew you couldn't pity yourself for it. The minute you'd start thinking something, and he'd see and feel that twinge of pain in your Soul, he'd notice also that you'd start growing less responsive. You hadn't had any panic attacks in the past two weeks but, that was only because you willed yourself out of them by not feeling at all. And that was just as unhealthy. 

But he couldn't scold you for it because he knew full stop that if you did give into feeling upset or depressed that you'd only speed up... whatever all this was. 

It was a double edged sword. All he could do for you was show you, as much as he could, that he'd be there for you when you came out on the other side of this. That they'd _all_ be there for you. That you weren't alone. And all he could do after that was hope and pray that you'd accept that, and let yourself be happy. 

Sans gives a sigh, his thoughts carrying him all the way to Grillby's counter. His old friend sparks and pop's, giving the skeleton a wave and a questioning look. 

"What can I do you for, my friend?" he asks, cleaning a glass as Sans approaches. 

Sans orders the usual. Or, double the usual since they had guests. 5 burgers and 5 fries. Mettaton didn't exactly eat and, he was really only ordering a burger and fries for Pap to be nice (he knew his brother wouldn't eat it but, he didn't want him to think he forgot about him). Either way, Grillby nodded his head and headed off into the kitchen to prepare his order.

By the time Sans got back, you and Mettaton were back inside, your feet resting in a bucket of steaming water. The burrito blanket was wrapped around you again, though much less burrito this time and much more blanket. You nose was running, and you looked completely spent. Why you were doing this, Sans had no clue but... he appreciated you getting up and doing something other than watching TV. 

... Not that he was really one to talk.

"Picked up lunch, everybody. Dig in," he announced, shutting the door behind him before making his way over to you and sitting down on the sofa by your side. You fell against him, icy fingers sneaking out from under the blankets to grab at the air. 

"Gimmie," you said through chattering teeth, "I'm starving". 

Sans snorted, opening up the bag and passing you a wrapped up burger...... which he took back and unwrapped for you when he realized your fingers were practically frozen solid. Just what had Mettaton had you doing out there? At least, he noted as he looked downward, this was the brightest he'd seen your soul in a long time, and the fastest it'd been pulsing as well. Despite the cold, despite all the hard work Mettaton had been putting you through today, you seemed... happy? Well, maybe content was the better word. You seemed... content. 

Sans feeds you a fry, content to feel content with you.


	26. Thunderclouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday y'all! Enjoy this special middle of the week chapter! Next week will be Monday's and Friday's only until we reach the end of the story. 
> 
> If y'all read Would That Make You Happy by OnaDacora or Chill or Be Chilled by TotalSkeletonTrash by the way, there's a stream on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday hosted by TST and Wrexie (an artist who does a lot of the artwork for WTMYH and COBC!) and sometimes Ona that I'll be attending tonight! You should stop by and hang out it's super fun! 
> 
> https://picarto.tv/Wrexington
> 
> The stream starts at 5pm EST!

Mettaton wasn't happy.

Well, not completely. 

He was happy his project was going so well. Less than a week into production and they already had a finished script, head-shots of his actors, and two major scenes already shot. So, why wasn't he happy? Well, it all started with his co-star. They were stealing his spotlight! Completely ripping it out from under him. 

This wouldn't do. 

Perhaps it was shallow. Perhaps it was just, plain silly of him to be thinking of this but... of course! Of course a human would outshine him! Down here, human's were already stars. Already far more sought after as famous beings than himself. They were rare, and a change of pace from the drab, repetitive lifestyle down here in the Underground. Everyone wanted to meet a human. Everyone wanted to see what they were like, if they were truly as mean as everyone said. And of course, the Royal Guard seemed keen to get their hands on his co-star as well. Even Alphys! She'd heard news from Undyne weeks ago that a human was in the Underground, and ever since then she'd been scheming and planning just to bring the human down and turn them in to King Asgore. 

So. What had happened? 

Well, Mettaton thinks, what always happens with Alphys. She gave up. 

That was awfully mean of him to think but, it was true. She simply just... gave up. She met the human, finally talked to them face to face and decided she just couldn't go through with their plan anymore. That it would be silly, or cruel to have him pretend to be a human killing robot just so she could... honestly he couldn't even remember anymore. Win Undyne's heart? Impress Asgore? Somehow atone for her sins in the True Lab? Probably all three and then some. But, she'd given up before she'd even started on her plan. She'd met the human and become friends with them off the bat. The biggest taboo in show biz. 

The moment he'd met the human he'd thought too that they were incredibly lovely to be around. Charming and kind, though they were rare to show it. Perhaps for fear of being embarrassed. Mettaton admired it at first. But then, then he started noticing people watching them. Noticed them gaining more attention. It was like for everyone who recognized him, the human would have ten more monster's recognize them! 

He was _not_ happy about it.

* * *

Alphys' tail flicks as her anxiety mounts. It's piling higher and higher and she feels like she's suffocating. 

She knows, reasonably, that nothing is wrong. Nothing's happening to her but, something's just not right. Something feels like it's going to happen. Like the silence and quiet is a facade, and it's only a matter of time before the other shoe drops. She knows it's not healthy to think this way, she's quite aware that this is just her paranoia but, she can't stop it. There's a nagging feeling in her gut that something is _wrong_ and she's virtually _powerless_ to convince herself otherwise.

She keeps feeling a tug, like somethings pulling her in. In feels... magical almost? But not like any monster magic she's ever felt. At the same time it feels like it's repelling her as well. Each time she closes her eyes she sees a vision of... of something. Of something that's making her want to cry and curl up into a ball and never close her eyes again. It's horrifying, and she feels, deep down, like she knows what it is. It only takes a moment but, she finally realizes it's her deepest fear. What triggered this now? Why was she thinking about this right now? She was in the middle of the Skeleton Brother's house... going over the manuscript for Mettaton's new film... why was she thinking about this _now_ of ALL times?

"I-I-I'm sorry I... ah..." she can feel sweat beading on her brow and the concerned look from Undyne immediately makes her feel worse. "I've got to go... g-get.. get some air I... e-ex-excuse me..." 

She pushes past Mettaton on his way back in to the kitchen and runs out the back door, almost collapsing on the back porch as she tries to compose herself. She'd never had a panic attack like that... never one that visually intense... just what was that? And... how... why was she feeling virtually better already? It couldn't _just_ be the air that was calming her, could it?

* * *

You're organizing loose papers of the script when Alphys excuses herself and bolts out of the kitchen. Faster than you'd ever seen her run before. You're aware almost immediately of what's happened. You'd seen the same look on Undyne's face the first time she'd seen a vision of fear from your soul. The same thing must have finally happened to Alphys. 

You share a look with Sans, your whole body rigid as he looks back at you. 

Had you been thinking too much again? Had you opened yourself up to her seeing something? Mettaton seemed to be in the same state, though he was far less physically expressive, especially when he wanted to be. Something felt off today. Like someone elsewhere was just... trying to pull the strings... trying to force an occurrence. Trying to make _something_ happen. It was maddening. 

You spot Undyne taking a deep breath and calming herself across from you. She looked up when you looked her way, offering you a half-hearted smile that didn't reach her good eye. She wasn't completely clear on the details, you and Sans just hadn't had the time to discuss it with her. Or, rather you did but, you just opted not to. She was aware of the visions, of the pulling and pushing, of the magic you'd somehow gained overnight that showed a monster their worst fear. But she didn't know how you'd gotten it, or why. She didn't seem to care though, Undyne had never really been the type to be interested in the logistics of something. 

You figured you'd give your friends a break from you for a bit, opting to follow in Alphys' footsteps. 

"I think I need some air too, I'll be back," you mutter, standing up and making your way to the front porch instead. You pass by Mettaton on your way out of the kitchen but, he doesn't say a word to you. You already know what Sans and Undyne see when they sense or look at your soul... and you can take an educated guess on what it is Alphys saw or felt, same with Papyrus. It was Mettaton's that you hadn't a clue about. You think, maybe if you tried hard enough, you could guess close to it but... you might also be far off the mark as well. And in any case, whatever it was... it was enough to send a shiver up your spine as you passed by him. Something didn't feel right. _At all_. 

You brush the snow off the front porch with your hand, pausing every couple seconds to breathe hot air onto your fingers. When there's finally a place to sit that isn't covered completely in white powder, you sit down, wrapping yourself up in your tattered coat. Even now, it still smells so faintly of cinnamon and butterscotch. Of Toriel. 

You feel your eyes stinging, and you think you're starting to cry but, after two weeks of not letting yourself, it's hard not to. Besides, your tears are warm on your frost nipped cheeks, leaving streaks of wet warmth against reddened skin. 

You let them fall, let them slowly stream down your face as you curl up upon yourself and silently think. It feels... nice to let yourself actually cry. After bottling it up for so long and, while you know you can't tell yourself if your Soul is growing smaller, it doesn't _feel_ like it is. It feels... normal. Just as fine in your chest as usual. Maybe the difference is that these tears aren't only from self pity? They're from... well. From missing Toriel. Someone in your life who had been completely, and unconditionally kind to you. You'd never met anyone like that until you'd met her. 

You sigh, rubbing at your face until the streaks of tears are gone and your eyes are no longer stinging. 

You take a big breath of cold air in... holding it just for a moment... before letting it out and watching the hot puff of air as it leaves your mouth in a cloud.

Up on the surface, it was the little things like that that always got you interested in learning something new. Things like why snowflakes all looked different, or why your clothes darkened when they got wet, or why you could see certain previously invisible elements in the cool winter air. 

Apparently seeing your breath was just simple condensation. When you exhaled in cold air, the water vapor in your breath condensed to form small droplets of ice and liquid water, in turn causing, quite literally, a cloud. It was kind of cool, honestly. To think that living things could make clouds all by themselves. Something so untouchable, so high and far away in the ozone... could be made right on the surface of the earth if only it were cold enough. You sigh again, watching another puff of air as you exhale. 

You feel a sudden pang in your chest... and while you can't be certain what it is, a thought occurs to you almost instantaneously. 

You miss the clouds. 

You miss watching the cotton candy cumulus clouds floating by in shapes of puppies and flowers and teacups. You miss watching the cumulonimbus clouds towering from the ground to heights like fifty thousand feet, flickering and crackling with electric energy. Even the small wisps of cirrus clouds... the massive super-cells you'd seen on those one off journey's to the beach through the country side. Even the jet trails from planes high up in the atmosphere. You wonder briefly in the monsters miss clouds too? You know they miss the stars, that much had been made obvious to you. But... what about clouds? You personally hadn't ever been big on stars, they scared you. The vast nothingness of space felt suffocating... but clouds. Clouds could see the whole surface of the earth, floating from here to there, but never floating too far, never floating past the barrier of the atmosphere. And that was just fine with you. 

You think, surely monsters must miss clouds. Constellations were cool but, you could never make heads or tails or anything but the big dipper. But clouds were of endless possibilities. And always moving and changing shape as the wind and light reflecting bent them and molded them. 

There aren't any clouds in the Underground. There's fog, in certain parts of Waterfall. There's steam in Hotland. Puffs of condensation when you breathe in and out here in Snowdin. But that's about it. 

"Whatcha' thinkin about, kid?" 

You jump, looking up and spotting Sans just as he starts sitting next to you. Swallowing, you quickly wipe your face just to be sure there's no more tear stains before shrugging your shoulders. 

"Clouds..." 

"Clouds?" he asks. 

You nod. And for a moment you think you might have to explain them to him, which honestly you wouldn't mind. You enjoyed teaching him about the things up above, when you could. You couldn't really talk about the surface to anyone else down here but him and Papyrus, or the others in the house behind you. So, it was nice to be afforded the chance when you could. But, it seemed to click with him what you meant after a second and he gave you a grin. 

"Oh... right like, those puffy things up in the sky..."

You nod, returning his smile happily. "Yup. Those puffy things up in the sky". 

"What's your favourite kind of cloud?" he asks suddenly, and for a moment you feel put on the spot. What _is_ your favourite type of cloud? There were so many... 

"Cumulonimbus," you say quietly, unsure for a second but, then you finally nod your head, "thunder clouds". 

"Huh..." Sans seems sated with that answer, nodding his head. "I haven't seen much thunder or lighting in my days but... I'd _light_ too". You turn to him, giving him an unimpressed look, to which he just winks at you, and suddenly you're laughing just as easy as you always did around him.

"That's eleven by the way," you say, counting it over in your head again for a moment before nodding your head, pleased with your math. Sans raises a brow bone, looking at you in confusion. 

"Eleven?" 

"Yup. Eleven puns since... this timeline started," he's staring incredulously at you, and all you can do is shrug. "Well, eleven plus one. Plus... the like, hundreds of knock knock joke puns you told me two weeks ago on our way to your sentry station. Eleven plus one being that grey pun you made a little while ago". 

When you turn back to look at him, his cheek bones are blue with an embarrassed blush, the expression as he's watching you with almost unreadable. He seems... stunned? Surprised? After a moment, he lets out a breathy laugh, which dissolves into giggles. "You counted all my puns?" 

You shrug, blushing yourself this time. "After I left Snowdin the first time, I realized you hadn't told me a single pun until right before you tried to fight me... so I decided to start counting them. Is that... is that weird?" You suddenly feel awfully self conscious. You didn't want to make Sans uncomfortable, especially by keeping a tally of how many jokes he'd told you thus far. Especially with the implication of it. That each pun or joke he told you meant you and him were getting closer and closer to forgiveness or whatever. And you knew how opposed to that Sans had been at the beginning of this timeline. 

His smile only grows wider though, and he doesn't seem to mind, or perhaps he isn't really thinking of it like that. All you can do is watch him, and it's your turn to be to shocked and surprised. "Of course it's not. Just shows me you've been paying attention. And that you're a huge dork". 

"Hey!" you gasp, laughing as you shove him gently on the shoulder. Sans chuckles as well, bumping his shoulder against yours in return. 

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a moment longer before he finally speaks up again, voice low as he does. "Why do you like thunder clouds so much?"

Huh... that's a good question. 

"Well... uhm... I guess because...? They're... they're really over-bearing? They seem so dangerous, so frightening at first. They're big, and they're huge, and they block out the sun. They're loud, they're scary, y'know? But... most of the time, they're harmless?

"Or at least, they aren't usually super-cells... which are really super dangerous thunder clouds that can turn into tornadoes. I mean, I like super-cells too but... haha, just regular thunderclouds are my favourite. They just pour rain in the summer on plants who need it, they usually come after a huge heat wave... and just re-hydrate everything. They're loud but, at the same time the thunder and lighting is calming? It's cozy I guess... to curl up in your house when the rains pouring outside and the thunder is crashing... I guess I like them because... well. Whenever there would be a thunderstorm, it would be the one time when I was little that... my parents would pay attention to me".

Sans finds your hand, holding it gently as you talk. You hold it back, giving him a warm smile. These things feel so far away now that there is just the bare minimum of a twinge of pain when you think of them anymore. It's just, the faintest ghost of sadness. It hasn't healed... just... been forgotten. 

You'd been afraid of storm clouds as a child. But your dad had scooped you up with each crash of thunder and rocked you until you fell asleep to the sound of rain on your roof. To the sight of sharp shadows dancing on your childhood bedroom walls with each lick of lighting blindingly crackling across the sky. The sight became calming. The thunder became a lullaby when he was too drunk or depressed to get up off the couch to actually soothe you. And, soon, you just grew accustom to it. They no longer scared you as much as the things that could actually hurt you in your own home. Lightning and thunder no longer accompanied the monsters under your bed, or in your closet. Instead, the monsters own voices and roars would be it's tell tale sign before it emerged through your very bedroom door, and the closet became the safest place. 

"That and... well at night, when there's lightning... it turns the sky purple". 

Sans gave you a smile, returning the one you'd given him. For another long moment the two of you simply sat there, hand in hand, watching the snow slowly fall from up above, from no where. "How are you feeling?" he asks, rubbing his thumb along the back of your hand. 

"I feel... better than I have in a long time..." you pause, looking over to him, eyebrows knit together in worry, "is this about Alphys leaving the table all of a sudden? Mettaton seems... really odd today too? I think something's wrong..." 

Sans nods, agreeing with you almost instantly. "I think something's wrong too. I think... I think that demon is getting a better grasp on you somehow. Your soul hasn't changed much in the last couple weeks. It's, sort of stagnated. And now, even when you're in a good place it's showing monster's their worst fears. Have you heard it's voice in your head recently?" 

Come to think of it... you hadn't? It'd been two weeks of radio silence, not even a giggle. Not even a sigh, or a misplaced laugh. Not even a disembodied 'you're worthless'. Just... nothing? 

You shake your head. Sans isn't sure what to make of that. Neither are you. 

"We should keep a closer eye on it. Just to make sure," he says, though a little to himself. All you can do is nod; agree and just nod your head. Because he's right. 

There isn't anything else to do _but_ watch. Watch, wait, and _hope_ that this storm didn't turn out to be a super-cell.


	27. Break A Leg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!! Sorry I'm posting this so late today, time sorta slipped away and I ... maybe also probably forgot kjdfhgjkdfbg. Enjoy!!!

That metaphorical storm on the horizon was growing darker.

You're sat at the kitchen table, early in the morning, a bowl of cereal in front of you growing soggy as the minutes pass. Things were... well. They weren't good.

A week had gone by since you'd sat on the front porch with Sans and all you could do since then was _worry_. You knew you shouldn't let yourself, knew you needed to calm down but, you couldn't. In the early hours of the day, before everyone invited themselves over, before the brother's woke up, you had your head to yourself. And all you could think about was how quiet it really was now. There was, nothing? No body. No one coming through. 

You couldn't hear that small child. That almost-demon. _Chara_. 

This week, coupled with the two weeks spent in Snowdin prior... and the three and a half days it took Mettaton to make your outfit and get started on the script meant... ugh you sucked at math. You opened up the calculator app on your phone, quickly add it all together. 

Two weeks, two more weeks. 3 1/2 days there... 3 1/2 days here... one more week. 

... A month and a half. Give or take. You'd been Underground for a month and a half. 

Huh. 

You couldn't remember now, everything was growing fuzzy in regards to your first timeline but, you wondered just how long it had taken you that first time around. Had it taken you upwards of 2 months to get out of here the first time? You think you recall that your second time around took about 3 days. 3 days to reach Sans. 3 days to slaughter the entire Underground. 

Your spoon drops from your hand, clattering into your cereal bowl and, thankfully, shaking you from your train of thought. Heart hammering in your chest at the scare, you drag your hand down your face, picking the spoon up again and getting to work eating your breakfast. 

Worse than the time it was taking you was the dark feeling looming over you that... _something_ was going to happen. Something was about to move forward. Time had already brought Mettaton to you when you'd stagnated, and now you'd stagnated again. What was it going to bring this time? 

By the time you finished your cereal, it was time for Papyrus to be waking up. And, right on time, you heard the taller skeleton gently making his way down the stairs and toward the kitchen. 

"Ah! Good morning, human! I see you've already had your early morning meal!" 

You nod, stifling a yawn behind your hand, "mhm. Do you want me to pour you a bowl?" 

Papyrus shakes his head, reaching up to open up the cupboards and pulling down a box of... oh! Oh. Oh boy, how OLD was that? 

"Papyrus is that...?" 

"Hm? Oh! Why yes it is THAT, human! THAT being of course, the oat breakfast with the small eggs in it that turn into DINOSAURS!" 

You hadn't seen that oatmeal since... well. Since you were 6. Did they even make it anymore? Was it specially made down here in the Underground or something? You couldn't imagine a lot of boxes of it washing up in the dump unscathed. Maybe it was... best not to worry about the details of it. 

"That's awesome Pap's! I wish I'd known you were making oatmeal, I would have put the kettle on for you..."

He waves a gloved hand, turning on the electric kettle to heat up his water. "It is not a problem at all, friend! This electric kettle heats water up quite quickly. Sans likes the one on the stove because it gives him time to nap while it heats up, the lazy bones". You... can honestly see that. You hide a smile behind your hand as Papyrus turns around to give you a grin. "May I ask you something?" 

He's smiling brightly but, for some reason his words catch you as serious and not at all in relation to anything you'd previously been talking about. Your own smile falters and you give him a nod, sitting up a bit straighter in your seat. "Of course, Paps. What's up?"

He takes a seat across from you, wringing his hands for a moment as he looks off to the side. Whatever it is he wants to ask you, it's making him awfully uncomfortable. You swallow, waiting patiently. 

"It is just that... well..." he swallows as well, though it might be more of a gulp. "Human, excuse me for saying this especially if I am out of line but, you are not well". 

Blinking, you simply stare blankly at him, unsure what he means. He seems to catch on, so he straightens his posture and tries again. "Well it is just! Your Soul! It is... it's dimmer than it used to be and it... doesn't look like any Soul that I have ever seen. You are not well..." he scoots closer in his chair, placing a gloved hand on your chest over your heart. His hand lingers there for a moment before falling back into his lap, "in there... I mean". 

You replace his hand with yours, placing your own above your heart, where your Soul always sinks back into you after being brought out. You're quite aware of this, it's... sort of been your entire issue of worry for the last three weeks, after all. So you wonder why now of all times, Papyrus is suddenly bringing this up. When he doesn't keep talking, you give him a shake of your head, looking up at him in confusion. "No I... I guess I'm not". 

He clenches his jaw, and though he doesn't have the same glowing pupils that Sans does, you can tell he's looking toward the floor. After a second he looks back up at you, shaking his head. "Is... is that why I sometimes feel like..." 

He sighs, and for a moment it appears like he might give up but, eventually he manages to find his voice again. "Is that why I feel like you don't want to be my friend?" 

You feel a familiar pang in your chest, pain. Hurt. Is that what he was seeing when he saw his worst fear? Papyrus looks down again, wringing his hands and tugging at a loose thread in his gloves. You think, for just a moment, that you feel someone at your back but, the feeling goes away just as quickly as it's come on. 

"This is a lot to burden you with, and perhaps it is actually just my fault but... sometimes when I am near you, when I tune in to your Soul... it feels as though..." he stops speaking, trailing off again and you aren't sure if he's going to keep going. You don't want to force him to speak though, because then you're sure you'd just upset him. So all you can do is wait and give him an encouraging look. For just a second, he opens his mouth to keep going, but then it's lost again and he instead turns his attention to the archway into the kitchen, expression switching instantaneously from that of worry and seriousness and instead to something close to happiness. Though, from this close, from your awareness of his mood prior, it seems quite fake to you. 

"Sans! It's surprising of you to join us this early in the morning!" he says, voice much louder than it had been a moment ago. You jump, though quickly regain your composure. The feeling of something behind you makes much more sense now. Sans had been trying to listen in on the conversation. He mustn't know what Papyrus was seeing either. Maybe you should have encouraged Papyrus to keep talking before he noticed. Damnit... 

"Heh, yeah... sorry bro. Couldn't sleep," he shoots you a look, silently asking if you heard _anything_ besides what he'd already heard. Papyrus turns away at the sound of the kettle, and all you can do is slowly shake your head. Sans shoulders sag and he shuffles himself over to the table, silently sitting down next to you and watching his brother's back. 

You manage a soft "good morning," to which he replies with a grunt in return. In Sans that means 'same to you'. 

After that, the conversation prior is mostly forgotten. The silence of the morning taking it's hold, everyone quiet except for a soft popping in Papyrus' bowl of oatmeal. Sans is asleep at the table, Paps quietly eating as he scrolls through his Undernet newsfeed. 

It's nice. It's calm. Nothing like the mornings you used to have as a kid. The yelling, the dirty looks. You wonder if anyone else on the planet had ever had their mom angrily eat toast in their direction? Or have their dad nearly spit up on himself from a hangover when he caught a whif of his orange juice. You think for a moment and realize that, yeah, probably. It took a long time for you to realize that these things weren't normal. And that you weren't the only one who had to deal with them growing up. Your blog on the surface helped with that. 

Jeez... what would everyone following it be thinking now? Your note must have posted like you'd planned it to, right? You wish you could check it... see if... anyone actually cared. 

"So! Human!" Papyrus' voice cuts through your thoughts. He's already half finished his breakfast. "What do you have planned for the day?" 

Huh, well, now that you thought about it... you didn't know. Today was an odd day off from Mettaton's impromptu movie casting, "a break to recharge your artistic mind, my dear!" he'd told you. Although, honestly... from the way he'd been acting lately (stand-offish... which was, odd for him), you don't think that's completely it. 

Sans and Papyrus still had their sentry duties to do today though, so it wasn't as if you had anyone to really hang out with. Therefore... "oh uh... I'll probably just read a book or something..." 

"A book? That's wonderful! What kind of book?" he asks, giving you his undivided attention. You give him a nervous smile, shrugging your shoulders. 

"Oh uh... I dunno... I might go the library? Or.. oh! I found a forum on Undernet where monsters post their own novels! I might read some of those!" Papyrus clearly knows what you're talking about, his grin growing wider.

"How fun! I have heard nothing but good things about the forum in question, just make sure that you give your eyes a break once in a while!" 

"Of course, Paps". He smiles again, finishing off his oatmeal probably a little too fast before tossing his empty bowl in the sink and waking up Sans with a less than gentle shake. 

"Well Human friend! My brother and I shall see you later! We must go and guard the town from other potential humans whom I hope to befriend as well! Please enjoy your day of reading!" 

And with that, Papyrus made his way out of the kitchen and straight out the front door. Sans lingered for a moment, still pretending to be asleep before he peaked out from over his arms. "Hey. Good mornin'". 

"Good morning," you replied, resting your head on your own arms against the table. You offered him a half smile, which he returned soon enough. 

"Sorry for interruptin' yours and Pap's conversation. Wasn't my intention..."

"I know. I wish... hah..." 

"What is it?" 

"Nothing... I was just thinking. What if... human's used to have magic right? Mage's and shit... what if like, ha. I mean, I'm not, this is definitely... their power not mine, but what if this was like? My magic? Wouldn't that be fucked up?" 

Sans doesn't say anything, only watches you in concern. If you weren't strictly aware that his concern was necessary, it might be starting to make you upset. The looks he'd give you whenever you so much as mentioned anything that wasn't small talk or happy thoughts. He always looked... well, he looked like your coworkers or your old high school friends when you'd mention feeling down. They just... pitied you. You're very aware that's not what Sans is doing but, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. 

"Never mind, it's nothing. Sorry I just... I'm trying". 

"I know," he replies, sitting up and placing a hand on your back, gently rubbing your shoulders. "I think though, that if you did have magic, it wouldn't involve showing monsters or people their worst fears. Besides, I don't think that's how red magic works anyway". 

You give him a look, hiding a smile behind your arm. Duh. Of course it wasn't. "What do you think my magic would be then, bone boy? If I did have any of my own?" 

For a moment, it seemed like you'd stumped the stumper. Sans movement on your back ceased for a moment, and he looked off into space, thinking quietly to himself. "Huh... now that is a good question... 

"Red magic is usually associated with time shenanigans. Sometimes with probability and outcomes... you strike me more as a human who'd have the later. So maybe you'd have the magic to affect whether or not the toaster would burn your bread in the morning". 

You snort, sitting up straighter in your chair. You give him pointed look, and all he does in return is shrug and smile. 

"Could have come in handy... I burn a lot of toast," you shake your head, jokingly forlorn about it. 

Sans chuckles in return, going to say something else but, the door bursting open cuts him off. "Sans! Come along already! We've got to get to work, the humans wont watch themselves!" 

You nod your head toward the door, getting up from your seat and taking your dishes to the sink, "go on. He's right". 

"Alright, alright. I'm comin' bro". 

"Good! I will wait for you outside!" 

You hear Sans get up, half expecting him to just wave goodbye and blip out of the kitchen. Instead, he comes up beside you, taking your hand and gently tugging you down a bit before brushing his teeth against your cheek. Blushing, you meet his eyes as he pulls away, eyeing the blush dusting his cheek bones as well. "I'll see ya later. Stay outta trouble, babe". 

Your own blush grows darker and it's all you can do not to give him a playful shove, "get outta here," you giggle, turning back to the sink. Sans shrugs his shoulders out of the corner of your eye before turning on his heal and slowly making his way out of the kitchen. You turn to watch him go, waving a little as he opens up the door and peaks back at you, "see ya later, Sans. Tell Papyrus I said have a good day!" 

"Will do!" 

And then the door shuts, and you're alone in the house. 

It's alright light outside. It may not be the real sun but it's close enough to it. It's about 8 o'clock at this point, still awfully early in the day. You could get some reading in like you said you would, maybe even get some more sleep. The world's your oyster today! 

Who are you kidding. 

Sighing, you get to work cleaning up the dishes, scrubbing them with a sponge and running them under warm water. Something about chores was kind of soothing... when you wanted to do them anyway. Right now there wasn't really anything else TO do so, you figured you may as well clean up from breakfast. But, otherwise, when you did want to do chores... it was a nice break from people. At least, up on the surface. When you cleaned your house up there it was usually a time where your mom would (thankfully) ignore you and not say a word to you. Occasionally she'd even thank you for sweeping the kitchen floor. But that was awfully rare. 

It was still... nice though. It was like cleaning up gave you a break even from her yelling. At least for the moment. She always had something to complain about when you were done after all. 

But it didn't matter. You hadn't seen her in 3 years at this point, and by the looks of things, you doubted you might ever see her again. So what did it matter. Besides, by the end of this? When you finally made good on everything? You'd have Toriel. And this time, you'd be sure to accept her help. You'd be sure to let her in. 

The sudden buzz of your phone startles you, and you nearly dropped a glass, catching it before it could slip any more from your fingers. Who was texting you? 

You had both Sans and Papyrus on Undernet, and both Undyne and Alphys had added you not to long ago. Monster Kid, despite not having hands had also ended up befriending you on the site just a couple days ago... as well as Grillby's actual personal account. Actually, you were racking up quite the number of friends on your Underground social media account. It was... nice. 

You put down the glass you'd been cleaning as well as your dish rag and wipe your hands off on a paper towel. Grabbing your phone, you tap the power button, waking it from it's sleep and unlocking it. There at the top of the screen is a notification for Undernet. 

_Friend Request from METTATON_

...

Interesting. 

You accept it, navigating to his profile and seeing just what you expected. Photos of him, photos of him in his movies, photos of his movies, photos of his sets for his television shows. It seemed to be both his public and private account. 

_Ding!_

You click on the notification the moment it pops up, opening up your inbox and direct messages to see a brand new one from Mettaton himself. 

**METTATON said:**  
_Hello, darling! I couldn't help but notice that you didn't have any plans for the day! As it turns out, I need an extra set of hands for some costume designing for the next couple scenes of our film! Would you like to help me?_

You ponder that for a moment, pretty set on saying, "nope". But, well. There really _isn't_ much else for you to do today... and you wouldn't mind the opportunity to get out of Snowdin for a little bit... hmm. 

**You said:**  
_Sure... why not. At Alphys' lab right?_

**METTATON said:**  
_That's the place! I'll see you soon. Break a leg my dear!_

You shake off the bad feeling, chalking it up to paranoia. Oh, and the fact that you really didn't know how to sew. Whatever. 

Grabbing your coat and boots, you tug them on a little quicker than you planned to and make your way out the front door, shoving your phone in your pocket and heading off to the Riverperson. 

Plans were plans, you think. And besides, Mettaton had been nothing but accommodating and kind this timeline. Maybe you'd get the chance to talk to him about what he'd been seeing when he looked at your Soul. And of course, become better friends _before_ he tried to fight you. 

Plans were plans.


	28. Out Of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Onward to our new schedule. Each Monday and Each Friday of every week there will be a new update, until I run out of updates, thus... the end of the story! Until then though, please enjoy and thank you again for reading! <3

Time would always catch up.

Time. 

Would _Always_.

Catch.

Up. 

It was inevitable.

* * *

Hotland is just as hot as it's always been. The red stone and sheer cliff faces give way to steam and lava, though you guess if it's still in the mountain it's really just called magma. In any case, the molten rock shines brightly, bubbling and popping far below you. Smoke billows, and the steam from the core wisps in almost-clouds high above you.

You discard your tattered winter coat into your backpack as soon as you can manage, the heat already getting to you. 

It had been some time since you'd been in Hotland... a month and a half actually. You hadn't been back here since your reset. It's... unnerving to say the least. The last time you'd been here it'd been so empty, devoid of the life it had your first time around. The people who had been around had been terrified of you during your second timeline, and with good reason. Now, they seemed anything but. A Tsundereplane blushed in your direction, huffing to itself before turning away with a smile on it's face. Even the little Vulkin's talking away off by the elevator in the distance seemed to be paying attention to you, and this time not in fear. They each gave you a little wiggle, and you waved back in return. 

Sighing, you throw your backpack over your shoulder again, rolling up the sleeves of your shirt, happy you'd worn those tiny shorts from your costume at the very least. Asgore might be bad at picking names but, well... he wasn't inaccurate. It was Hot in Hotland. At least Alphys had air conditioning in her Lab. 

You scroll through your phone as you walk, spotting a selfie of Sans with his brother, a pile of snow on top of Papyrus' head. Snorting, you give it a like before putting your phone away again as you approach the Lab. Or... actually... 

Maybe you should tell Sans where you'd be? After all, this was your first time in Hotland, and despite Mettaton being suspiciously kind to you so far, you were still very much aware of his plans for your Soul... whether he was yet or not. Yeah, you think as you pull your phone out again, it was always better to be on the safe side. 

**You said:**   
_In Hotland! Mettaton asked me to help him with some stuff for his movie. Want a Glamburger?_

**legendaryfartmaster2 said:**   
_nope. also. thought i told you stay safe._

**You said:**   
_I mean. Ya did. Then Mettaton asked me for help. Just... if I don't text you in the next couple hours... call me._

**legendaryfartmaster2 said:**   
_... okay. stay safe. please._

**You said:**  
 _Will do. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Promise._

**legendaryfartmaster2 said:**   
_i'm holding you to that._

Smiling, you shove your phone back in your pocket and give the Lab door a knock. At least if Sans knew where you were... and if something _did_ happen to go wrong, he's find you before anything super bad happened. Hopefully. _Maybe_. Oh boy. 

There's some shuffling from behind the huge metal door, something rolling around, some blips and beeps and the occasional boop. Was that banging? You contemplate knocking again, thinking that you can hear people talking but, the door suddenly lifts upward, and you can no longer hear it. Behind the door, Mettaton is standing there in all his boxy, calculator-esque glory, fabric and thread strewn about behind him. Alphys doesn't appear to be here right now, which is a little... anxiety inducing to say the least. You shake it off. 

"Hello, darling! I'm glad to see you've made it in one piece!" he pulls you in for what you can only assume is a hug, shutting the door behind you before grabbing your hand and leading you over to a sofa sitting along the wall. You spot your likeness in the giant security camera screen off to your left, taking yourself in for the first time in a long while. 

Sure, Sans and Papyrus had a mirror in their bathroom but, it was rare of you to actually... look in it. It was incredibly tiny as well, and almost comically bad at showing you your own face. Honestly, you think it might be a cheap fun house mirror. From one of those carnival rides. 

Looking in this screen though, you finally see your actual face uninhibited by tricks of the light for the first time in almost two months. You look... well. You don't look _terrible_. 

"Ugh..." and you realize to late you've said it out loud. Mettaton, who is still holding on to your hand squeezes into the shot, looking at you in the screen. 

"What's the problem, dear?" 

You look down at him, then back at the screen, reaching a hand up to run your fingers through your half matted hair. It's getting way too long. "I look like shit". 

Mettaton fumbles for a moment, actually giving an undignified snort before placing a hand over his screen in disbelief of himself, "excuse me, darling... I just... wasn't expecting such a straight forward answer". 

You give him a look, though it quickly dissolves into a smile. "Sorry". When you'd first met him this timeline, you'd thought he was even more unbearable then your first and second time around but, for some reason... he seems... awfully nice now? And not at all like he's faking it. Though, you suppose, the first time around you weren't really staring in a film with him. And the second timeline, well. He didn't exactly have a chance to pretend to be nice to you. "Um... so what were you working on?" 

Mettaton's screen blips for a moment, silent before he claps his hands together, wheeling away from you and toward the couch again. "Right! Well, I was thinking we could start on some of the outfits for our extras! It's important to have a well dressed background cast, you know!" 

"Right..." so when exactly were you supposed to tell him you couldn't sew, you wonder? You follow him over to the sofa, flopping down into the comfortable cushions. There were all sorts of fabrics strewn about, laying over the back of the couch, some even on the floor next to the coffee table. On top of the coffee table was a box full of almost hundreds of spindles of thread and bobbins for a sewing machine that sat in front of you. It didn't seem to have been touched yet. Off to the side was a pin cushion with a bunch of pins and needles sticking out of it. 

You had used a sewing machine maybe... once in your life. It was for a Home Ec. class you'd been required to take in tenth grade and, all you remembered from it was the word bobbin. 

"Hey, Metta--" 

"Sorry, darling! I'll be right back, I just need to go find something before we can start!" And, without even waiting for a response, Mettaton wheels himself off down the hall. You think you hear the elevator opening to go down into the True Lab but, that couldn't be right could it? What could he possibly be looking for down there. You were going to ask him about Alphys but, from the sound of it, he'd already left. Huh.

... Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. And speaking of Alphys, where was she? She was usually home around this time... it was still so early in the morning. 

Something's not right. 

God, you were so stupid. You needed to get out of here. If all was good and you were just being a paranoid ass, you'd text Mettaton and apologize later when you made it back to Snowdin. Right. Perfect. Okay... 

You quickly sit up, grabbing your backpack and making your way to the front entrance. A sudden noise behind you though has you turning around. It's the back door, opening up in a quick flurry of mechanical noises. Alphys is standing there behind it, huffing and looking awfully upset. After a moment, she looks toward you, the expression of worry and panic on her face falling and replacing itself with surprise. She looks as if she's about to say something, stepping toward you until she freezes in place, head whipping around to the left, gaze locked on the elevator. 

Frozen in place, all you can do is watch as the lift dings and opens up in, possibly the most over dramatic fashion you could ever imagine. Fog pours out from between the doors, blanketing the floor as the lights in the Lab flicker off, hot pink spotlights flashing on and pointing straight toward the elevator. There's a beat of silence before a deep, electric guitar cuts through it and Mettaton emerges from the elevator, looking just as boxy as usual. 

"M-Mettaton?! Just _what_ do you think you're _doing_?!" 

He turns his body toward Alphys, his display screen flickering in realization as two camera's emerge from behind him, hanging off of drones only Alphys could have built. Before the scene even flickers to life on Alphys massive computer, you already guess he's broadcasting this to the entire Underground. Fantastic. So much for staying in hiding. 

All you can do is stare, locking eyes with Alphys just as Mettaton wraps his arms around her and gently pushes her back outside, past the door. 

"The switch! Th-the switch on the back of him! Flip it!!" she calls out to you, the door slamming shut behind her and locking when Mettaton hits the button. 

Remembering such a switch, you drop your bag and run as fast as you can toward the robot, skidding along the floor before flicking his switch just as the door shuts and locks behind Alphys. Your momentum and the slippery floor has you smashing into the shut door, falling to the floor in a heap as you hold your nose. God, please don't be bleeding. That was the last thing you needed right now.

You hear Mettaton chuckle to himself, the room growing dark again as the spotlight turn off. The guitar is back, sounding off in a deep, slow rift. You hide your now bruising nose behind your shirt sleeve, throat itching the more smoke you breathe in. From your spot on the floor, you watch in horror filled realization as Mettaton grows taller in front of you. In your shock, you'd completely forgotten what that switch actually did. It didn't turn him off, like you thought. 

Through the smoke you can see him taking shape, taking the form of the body Alphys had been building for him for months. For _years_. The spotlights flash on again in a blinding display of special effects, flickering and strobing before settling on Mettaton's new form. Towering over you, two camera's floating over his shoulders, Mettaton EX stares right at your now shaking form. 

You're still holding your nose, trying your best to will away the pain of smashing straight into a metal door. It's not working. 

"Not even a human will steal my spotlight, darling," his camera's, previously focused right on you, turn now to face him instead, the guitar in the background (you now realize it's coming from the speaker in his chest plate) low and heavy in your ears as he practically purrs. "And with my new body, I'll be sure of it". 

A dark, cold place flashes in your minds eye. A child with auburn hair, silently asking you to make that deal. Your shattering, broken soul hovers in front of you, it's dim light reflecting off of you. 

"Your 15 minutes of fame are up darling, you're out of time". 

It's inevitable.


	29. Get Out Of Hotland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friday is here already! The Holidays are coming up pretty fast and I have a really nasty cold, RIP.

The world keeps turning, even underground. Even if you can't see the sun down here, the earth was still chugging away at it's yearly journey around it. 

Time. 

Everything was linked with time. And you were running fresh out of it.

* * *

**You said:**   
_Will do. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Promise._

You'd made quite a few promises already this time around. Sans was beginning to wonder if you'd actually be able to keep them all. Nonetheless...

**legendaryfartmaster2 said:**   
_i'm holding you to that_

The past couple of weeks had been almost maddening in that... nothing had happened. Nothing was _happening_ at all. Time was marching forward but at the same time it was stagnating again. It was _almost_ worse than the actual resets. Almost. 

What put right now on par with time shenanigans was... Sans didn't know what was going to happen. He didn't know what the future held. Would you just be stuck down here forever? Forever watching your soul and making sure you didn't die again-- didn't fall back into that abyss; into the Void? 

Would you end up dying? Would you end up making a deal with a demon? Or... perhaps even worse... would you just stay there in nothingness forever? What would even happen to Monsterkind? Would everyone keep moving forward, regardless of what happened to you? 

Then... what if you did end up breaking the barrier again? What would happen then? What would the surface be like? What if there was a better reason than selfishness that you'd reset in the first place? Well, no okay. Probably unlikely. But, still. What if the human's above weren't as immediately accepting of Monsters presence as you had been? 

There were too many unanswered questions -- that may never actually get answered -- it was making his head hurt. 

An hour had passed since he'd promised to call you if he hadn't heard from you. But he's debating now whether an hour is too little time to take you up on your request. Had you meant more than one? Had you meant two hours? Three? You haven't been online on Undernet either, his chatlog showing you that the last time you logged in was to message him an hour ago.

Maybe he should refresh his feed to be safe... just double chek, make sure it wasn't just his phone acting up. Before he can, Papyrus comes bounding over from working on his puzzles and traps, shoving his phone in Sans' face. 

"Brother look! The human and Mettaton are premiering a teaser for their film!" 

"Huh," he replies, because it's all he _can_ say. "They uh, they sure are..." 

They sure _weren't_ but, then again... you could never be sure with Mettaton. Sans could barely remember anything about the robot from the first timeline... just that you and him had fought at least once. He thinks he might have... slept through most of it. 

In any case, this was most certainly not a teaser for that stupid movie said previously mentioned calculator was making with you. Not if the blood from your nose had anything to say about it. 

"The special effects are simply incredible!" Papyrus exclaimed, moving to stand next to Sans so the two could watch together. All Sans could think about was how he was going to get in there. How he was going to stop Mettaton without causing a scene. He thinks though that... that might be far too late now. If this was on Papyrus' phone, surely it was being streamed throughout the Underground. Nothing less for the star of Monsterkind himself.

"Can you believe it, my darlings? A _human_ in the Underground?" Mettaton's voice cuts through the background music, the camera flicking to a different angle, showing you in a crumpled heap on the floor. 

"Our human friend is very good at acting!" 

"Pap's I don't think they're --" 

"Shh! It's getting good!" 

"Mettaton please... please just let me go..." Sans feels a pang of pain in his chest, your voice breaking for a moment as you look up at the Monster towering above you. If Sans didn't know any better, he really would think this was a movie teaser. And it wasn't that Monsterkind or his brother was stupid, quite the contrary. It was just that... well. Mettaton's production value was smarter. The way he filmed things, the way he framed every shot... it made it seem contrived. Made it seem completely fictional. Even despite the very clear look of fear in your expression.

All he could do now was just watch... watch and hope you made good on your promise.

* * *

You're dizzy. 

Your head is spinning and you think you're going to be sick. Had you really banged your head that hard on the door, Jesus Christ. What was your skull made of? Clay? 

It could also be the running. That could also be it, you think. 

With camera's following your every move, you're jumping all over the place, running and dodging and sprinting and ducking. Every last move Mettaton throws at you, you've managed to avoid. For now. But you can feel yourself growing tired. You can feel that little bit of you begging you to give up, to rest your lungs. To rest your legs. To just sit down. 

To give up.

And then there's that piece of you that's screaming in your ear, endless in it's mantra. 

Do _not_ give up. 

Do _not_ stop fighting. 

You _cannot_ die here. 

_You must not die here_. 

You've got to stay Determined. You've just got to. 

It was a little hard though when you had no way of fighting back.

You duck again, narrowly avoiding a cluster of bombs. Mettaton raises a brow in your direction, chuckling for a moment before you realize why. He lifts his hand and all of a sudden the bombs are flying back at you in reverse. 

Gasping, you side step them again, cupping your soul to your chest as you make a break for the door. You need to get out of the Lab at the very least... make it somewhere safe. 

Get out of Hotland. 

As Mettaton recharges his attack, you use the time to sprint full force at the door, slamming into it once again but thankfully avoiding your face this time. You practically punch the button to activate the opening mechanism, again and again you press it until finally, the door is open enough for you to squeeze under it. The camera's follow you under, but at this point you're simply worried about getting out of here. You need to get to Waterfall at the very least. 

Aaaand... of course. The entrance to Waterfall is blocked off by Royal Guards. That's just fantastic. And of course, because it's not like you had enough to worry about, they immediately recognized you. 

"Hey bro, isn't that the human from on the TV?" 

"Yeah, bro... I think it is. King Asgore will wanna see them, don't you think?" 

Great, fantastic! Just... incredible. Good job thinking nothing was gonna happen coming all the way out here to see Mettaton. Fuck. What kind of false security bullshit had you let yourself get lulled into down here? What a moron! 

Alright, enough self pity. There was _always_ time for that later. Right now, you needed to figure out how to get past these guys. Get out of Hotland... and get away from Mettaton. Or... maybe... 

Grasping at your pockets, you realize that you still had your phone on you. Oh thank goodness. You back up a bit from the guards, making a mad dash north as you tug your phone out of your pocket. You needed to get to the other side of the Lab, you had to find Alphys. 

You hook a left, nearly tripping as you sprint as fast as your legs can carry you. It's a dead end... why hadn't you expected that? Dammit... shit okay. Come on Elevator.... 

By some stroke of luck, the thing actually manages to make it to you just in time. Climbing in, you mash the button to close the door, waking your phone from it's sleep. 1 missed message. From ALPHYS. 

**ALPHYS said:**   
_I am SO sorry... I should have known he was up to something. It... shouldn't have come to this. But! He's vulnerable now, he'll be a lot easier to beat in this form, I swear! Anyway I... please don't be mad. I should have known I'm so sorry. Uh... there is another thing I need... to tell you though...._

The camera's hadn't followed you into the elevator, thankfully... they were probably off shooting Mettaton again but, you knew they'd be waiting for you on Floor 2. You had probably 30 seconds, tops. 

**You said:**   
_I'm not mad. Alphys what are you talking about? What's this other thing?_

**ALPHYS said:**   
_I kinda maybe sorta took your phone without your permission and made some... adjustments..._

You loved Alphys, you really did. And of course, this wasn't her fault. Not at all. It was yours for fucking around and going back in time to a point where she didn't know you but... who were you kidding... 

**You said:**   
_Alphie... not to be rude. I really do love you but, PLEASE get to the POINT!!! I'm kind of in a hurry!!!!_

**ALPHYS said:**   
_You love me??? That's... oh! Right! Right sorry! Right okay so, I took your phone (again, sorry) and if you look in your apps section, there should be one in there that will help you fight Mettaton! It'll connect to your Soul's wavelength, all you have to do is activate it by pressing the icon!_

Thank you based Alphys. You really would have to apologize properly later for yelling at her through text. 

As instructed, you press the app icon and let it do it's thing. Alphys appeared to have done more than just install an app. After all, this WAS your phone from the surface... there was no way it would be able to work with such a thing if not for her tampering. You think Sans probably had something to do with it as well, he and Alphys must have tuned your phone in to the Monster network. Monster internet was kind of, inherently Soul based and magical, so it was not out of the realm of possibilities that it could connect to your literal Soul and affect it's make up, if only for a short while. Just enough time to defend yourself from Mettaton and get out of Hotland. 

**You said:**   
_Thank you Alphys!!! <3_

The elevator dings, and you're watching the doors slowly open to the second floor of Hotland. There's the camera as expected, right in your face. Glaring at it, you push yourself past the doors before they're given the chance to fully open, running again down the narrow pathways. There are Royal Guards everywhere, they're practically convening on your location, and these camera's are <>not> helping. 

"Darling, please! Get ready for your close up, it wont hurt a bit..." Dammit, dammit, dammit! 

"Not if you stay still, anyhow..."

Well, you weren't getting out of Hotland anytime soon. Not if Mettaton had anything to say about it.


	30. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to post this uno momento ago and I uh.... well i messed up the html kdjfhgf. HERE IT IS AGAIN! 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Also, I may not be able to get these chapters out at a 'Reasonable Time' anymore since it's Christmas Time. They'll still be coming out every Monday and Friday!!! Just, not in the early afternoon like I had planned. Probably more like around 6 pm EST or, whenever I remember kdfhgdfgkb ANYWAY, without further ado...

With an agility you could have only dreamed of upon the surface, you manage somehow to bolt straight past Mettaton, right through his legs and back up again, sprinting as fast as you can carry yourself. You hear the robot behind you give a gasp of surprise, his heels clicking behind you with every running step you take. 

"Crap!" you come to a skidding stop, a sheer drop to the magma below signifying a dead end. Desperately, you look around, trying your damnedest to find a path through. Those stupid cameras are still following your every move. Though, honestly... you think the fact that you're on TV... announcing your presence to the entire Underground (and thus, the King himself)... it might be giving you that needed adrenaline boost. 

Whatever, thanks for nothing cameras. 

You can hear Mettaton gaining on you, monsters crowding around to watch you in interest. There had to be a way out of here. You could only just barely remember this room but... 

_Wssshhh!_

The vents! Right! 

You jump over to one, landing right on it as the steam shoots up from below, propelling you in the air. With a (quite embarrassing if you're being honest) shriek, you cross the pit of molten rock below, crash landing on the other side of the room. Groaning, you shake your head, slowly sitting up and making it back to your feet on shaky legs. The camera hadn't followed you, but was filming you from across the gap. Right where you had been standing before now stood Mettaton, a look of sheer, unadulterated anger on his robotic face. 

Maybe you really were going crazy but, something in this whole scene just, flipped a switch inside you. Mettaton, cast in luminous spotlights from... _somewhere_ high above and shrouded still by steam and smoke... he looked like a true Hollywood villain. It was... almost comedic. That, coupled with the monsters just _staring_ at you... despite the ache in your Soul, and the pain your entire body was in from everything already... you couldn't help but place a hand on your hip, facing the camera. You raised your other hand, finger pointed straight at Mettaton as you struck a pose. 

"You can chase me forever, Mettaton, but you wont ever catch me! That's a promise!" 

If looks could kill, you think Mettaton's just might. The monsters crowding on the cliff faces, and around the steam vents began to talk amongst themselves, exchanging gasps and giggles. With renewed vigor, you take a step back, sticking your tongue out at Mettaton as you do. 

Mettaton's angry expression falls, revealing one of complete shock before he scoffs, expression becoming haughty. "It's not one you'll keep, darling! I'll catch you eventually, if I have to search the whole Underground!" He strikes a pose in return, pointing his finger toward you as well. 

And with that, you're off again, racing the camera's, Mettaton, and the gathering crowd to the next level of Hotland. 

This fight wasn't just going to go away. Not when you'd just given Mettaton a challenge to fulfill. 

... why had you done that again? Maybe this is what he'd meant your first time around about your, what was it? Knack for preforming? Right now you wish you didn't have said 'knack' and that you had instead just played it safe and stayed in the elevator. Oh well. This fight was going to happen no matter what, it WAS Mettaton after all. 

Anyhow, right now you needed to make it to the Hotel. Specifically, to the Burger Emporium. You had a whole Goose Egg worth of Healing items on you. Which was to say, you had jack shit. You couldn't fight a robot with no Healing items. And besides, it gave you a nice break to go see old Burgerpants again. You missed that guy. 

You make it to the elevator again, the one that would take you up to the Hotel, taking out your phone again. No messages but... oh! A missed call from Sans! 

You press his contact photo, calling him back as the elevator doors shut. It barely rings once before you hear the sound of slight static, Sans voice coming through on the other end.

"Kid! What did I say?!" You hold the phone away from your ear, wincing as he practically shouts at you. "Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?" 

"No! Of course not. I mean, I dunno. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking when I came up here. I guess I kinda just hoped he... ya know... wouldn't pull this kinda shit again..." 

Sans sighs and you can almost see him dragging his hand down his face. "He's Mettaton".

"Touche," you reply, watching anxiously as the elevator's number shines brightly to tell you that you'd arrived at your destination. "I mean... at least the elevators are working?" 

This time, you can almost feel his dead pan expression glaring at you. Actually, you wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't. 

"Do you at least have Healing items? Something to defend yourself with? ... Don't hurt him". 

"Nope, but I'm on my way to get some. Yes, Alphys hacked my phone or something with some weird Monster Tech that'll like, tap into my Soul or whatever? I dunno. It's blurry but I uh... think I remember it being Yellow magic? And, duh obviously I wont". 

Sans is silent on the line for a moment, you take the opportunity to leave the elevator, hooking a right and walking in to the restaurant. There, at the counter like usual, Burgerpants stands unimpressed with a joint between his lips. He fumbles for a moment, almost going to snuff out the laced cigarette before realizing it isn't actually Mettaton walking through the doors. 

He doesn't make a move to ask you what you want though, seeing that you're still on the phone. Shrugging his shoulders, he takes another drag and goes back to his own phone, scrolling endlessly through the Undernet newsfeed. 

"Yellow magic... right okay... good. Alright. Um..." Sans shifts on the other end, "when did Alphys even get your phone?"

"Um. Probably when Mettaton was fitting me for costumes or taking my picture for his dumb movie. At least, that's the only time I can think of. Honestly, I don't really care when or why, I'm just happy she did. Now I just... gotta make sure he doesn't kill me". 

The silence on Sans end isn't comforting. 

You hadn't fought anyone since you fought Undyne three weeks ago now, and even that hadn't _really_ happened. Not in this timeline anyway. The timeline where you died had... well, you weren't really sure? You wondered if it continued on... if the Monsters were free there now? Or if it had just ceased to exist. It was... really weird to think about that. Your stomach pangs with a phantom pain for a moment and you find yourself wincing at the thought of it. It wasn't a good feeling to die, you realize. 

When you'd first jumped down here, you didn't remember any of that regret as you fell. None of it as you hit that flower bed, sure that it was the end. But... falling off that cliff? All those times you'd died now but come back due to time magic fuckery... it wasn't... nice? Maybe _real_ dying was much different but, it wasn't exactly an option right now. While you'd take dying and coming back immediately over whatever was going to happen if you dropped dead _now_ , it was still just the lesser evil. It was weird, wanting to live. Having a goal you needed to work toward. In a way, despite being tied down to these specific promises you'd made (freeing all the monsters, trying your very best to work toward being happy, now of course... promising to stay safe as well...) felt... more freeing than actually free falling to your supposed death. 

You felt like you were living for the first time in your life. And you wanted to hold on to that feeling... even without the added fear of what might happen if you did die, timesed by a thousand. 

"Just... make it back to Snowdin in one piece. Okay?" Sans voice finally comes through, a deep sigh preceding his words. He seems awfully tired, his tone laced in worry. You can't help but feel the slightest bit... stupid, again. You should have known better but, then again at the same time... you're advancing the plot. Yeah... like a book. A novel. You're rising and falling through plot points and conflicts, on your way toward a (hopefully) bright conclusion. This was just the final big push toward the finish line. 

"Of course. I promise". 

"Okay..." 

"Hey... Sans?"

"Yeah?" 

"I... uh..." spit it out, you tell yourself. Just say it, what if you never got the chance again? You had to say _something_ , "I... I lo-"

"Hey, little dude. Ya gonna order anything any time soon, or...? Because it's almost time for my break". You jump, remembering exactly where you are, cheeks flushing when you realize what you were about to say. 

"Oh, jeez. Sorry, sorry. Yeah um... just a sec..." your nerves are gone now, melted away and puddled metaphorically at your feet. "Sorry, Sans I uh... gotta go try not to die now". 

A moment passes before he gives a small chuckle, and your gut fills with butterflies again, your heart practically in your throat. You should have just said it. Damn it. "Right, of course. When you get back to Snowdin you're in a _Mettaton_ of trouble". 

Snorting, you hide a giggle behind your hand, "I mean, I'd say I kinda already am". 

Burgerpants takes a pointed drag of his joint, though it doesn't seem like he actually cares all that much. It's just the action of it that makes you realize you really _do_ need to get going. Mettaton is going to catch up to you eventually, and even if he wont attack you in his hotel, it didn't mean he wouldn't when you left it. You look over your shoulder, out the door of the Burger Emporium and toward the front entrance to the hotel, double checking that you were still in the clear. 

"No, yeah. You're right. You absolutely are," Sans replies, chuckling himself. "I'll be watching ya... I'll see you back here by dinner time, in one piece, okay?"

"Okay. I promise," you reply. 

"I'll hold ya to it". And with that, his end of the line goes dead, ending the call on your side as well. It's easier than saying goodbye, for... possibly the last time. Sucking in a deep breath, you shove your phone back in your pocket and grab your wallet from your bag, approaching the counter, leaning in to read Burgerpants name tag, even though you already knew his name. 

"Burgerpants... huh. Nice to meet you. What's on the menu?"

* * *

A pleasant conversation, a quick (and honestly unneeded but completely unavoidable let's be honest) drag of "catnip" (it's weed), and a practically _dripping_ bag of greasy fast food later and you're on your way out of MTT Brand Burger Emporium. You'd gotten a disgusting amount of face steaks and burgers. You had money to spend, so why not? You also splurged on a crap ton of Starfait's which, lucky for you, had a bottled version so you weren't carrying a cardboard tray with regular cupped drinks.

Still, it was. A fucking _lot_. But, again, you had a lot at... _steak_.

That was a good one. You plop your greasy bag onto a table near the exit, opening it and taking out your phone, snapping a picture of all the steaks wrapped up inside it before sending it to Sans. 

**legendaryfartmaster2 said:**   
_that is a lot of steak, pal_

**You said:**   
_Well, I do have a lot _at steak_ , after all._

He takes a moment to reply, and when he does it isn't really a response. Instead, it's a photo of Papyrus, giving the camera a smile. You're about to ask him what he was sending this to you for until you saw another photo beginning to load, of Papyrus' smile falling, and it was when he sent you a third one of his brother looking absolutely livid that you realized that he was sending you pictures, live, of Papyrus reacting to your absolutely terrible pun. The last picture is of Papyrus' face planting the surface of Sans sentry station. 

You try your best to hold in your laughter, though it's a little hard after the drag you'd had just moments prior. You wonder if maybe getting _slightly_ faded was breaking your promise? It's not like you were trashed. You were just... giggly. Actually, though it's foggy in your head, you think this might even help you in your fight against Mettaton. After all, he was broadcasting it. You think you can recall something about viewers... about ratings maybe? This could help you let loose some more, get into it... give the audience what they wanted to see. Maybe even bring the ratings up enough that Mettaton would stop the fight before anyone got hurt. 

Wishful thinking but, a thought you decided to hold onto nonetheless. 

Sans wished you luck again, and you thanked him for the support before finally making your way out of the restaurant. 

Now, you just needed to figure out a way out of Hotland. With Mettaton far behind you, maybe you could make it back to the elevator before he even managed to catch up and just run out of Hotland without him or his stupid camera's even noticing. An... ideal situation but, one that might work in your favour nonetheless. 

Or, maybe you were being too hopeful. 

The sudden appearance of spotlights outside the hotel lobby has you stuck in your tracks. The doors practically fly open and immediately you're locking eyes with the robot, his expression perking up when he sees you. "There you are, my dear! You've just got to stop running, this is our last show after all! After this... I'm going to go to the surface... and you're going to help me". 

Don't think so. You give him a half-assed salute before sprinting toward the back exit, straight out the door, running full speed ahead toward a flashing neon sign. 

CORE. 

When you finally cross the threshold, making it inside, your phone begins to buzz and chime in your pocket. Why could that be? You fish in your pocket, grabbing your phone and checking the screen. Ah! 

"Hey Alphys!

"O-oh uh... oh jeez... I hate phone calls..." she stutters, clearly speaking to herself. 

"Don't worry about it, me too honestly". You give a shrug, though you know she can't see it. You find yourself a nice corner to sit in, resting the warm fast food bag as far from you as you can before fishing around in your knapsack for some hair ties. 

"Oh.. heh.. s-sorry though a-anyway... it was.. ru-rude of me to start the call o-off like that, huh?" 

"S'okay. No worries. What's up?" 

You finally find your hair ties, buried in the very bottom of your bag, beneath your coat which you opt to leave here. For now anyway. It was just taking up space at this point in your bag. There's a sudden buzz of your phone, another chime sounding off that surprises you. "Ah! Sorry, I just thought we could video call! It might make this easier!" 

Blinking, you pull your phone away from your ear and, sure enough, there's a notification light blinking on your screen. You unlock your phone to an accept and decline screen from Alphys. Clicking accept, you brush your bangs out of your eyes and give her a smile as she comes into view. 

"Hi, Alphys," you say with a smile, giving her a little wave. She returns it, clearly at her computer. 

"Hi! O-okay so... uh. I dunno how much you've looked around on your phone but, when I added that app I also... added some more monster tech that would give you uh... e-extra dimensional boxes! S-so you could store your stuff in your p-phone..." 

... Huh. That was... helpful. "Guess I don't need to leave my coat here on the ground after all". 

"Exactly!" she grins, nodding her head, happy you understand what she's talking about and not yelling at her for messing with your phone. As if you'd ever. It didn't matter to you. "Just open up the app again, and you should have some extra space in there to drop your stuff! Human tech is a little weird but, I managed to get it to work just fine, especially since your coat has magical properties!" 

You do as asked, Alphys instructing you to hold the 'Deposit' button at the same time that you touch your coat. Your coat disappears in a flurry of pixelated, transparent, yellow squares. Said squares move toward your phone, being sucked into it by the screen. You watch in amazement, blinking as you see said coat listed now in the app. "T. BomberJacket". You guess 'T' stands for 'Tattered'. 

You recall a bunch of other clothing items and weapons of sorts laying around the Underground. You think they might have been owned by other kids that had fallen down here forever ago... ballet slippers, ribbons, notebooks, even a frying pan. You wonder if this coat was one of your metaphorical dropped loots that stayed behind after you died. It'd been with you throughout your entire journey down here after all... even your first and second time around you'd had it. It was just, now it was kind of destroyed. But, that's what happened when a skeleton attacked you and you almost fell to your death off a sheer cliff face. It was fluffy around the hood, with cream fur and draw strings to tighten it. Your coat was a bomber jacket so it wasn't super warm but, it was warm enough. Almost like a safety blanket. It's olive green colour complimented the fur on the hood, though the green was covered in dirt and grime that, despite your best efforts, you hadn't managed to completely clean off. 

If this coat would be one of your drops, you think your boots might be the other. Or maybe you backpack! It'd been with you even on the surface, unlike the jacket, which you'd grabbed from a wardrobe back at Toriel's. But, in your honest opinion, it was like the thing was made for you anyway. It fit you like a glove, it was as much yours as anything else you were carrying in your pack. 

"Oh man, this is _super_ helpful, Alph... thank you so much!" 

"O-of course! It should help you a-a lot... I know those boxes l-laying around are nice a-and all but... th-they aren't everywhere! A-and you can only... c-carry so much. I figured... i-it might come in h-handy!

"Um... I-I see you're in the CORE. It's... it's kind of a maze in there... d-did you want some help n-navigating outta there?" 

"Do you think you could help me just until Mettaton loses my trail? I just wanna get outta here... Asgore knows I'm here now, ya know? Not... not great". 

Alphys nods her head, her expression growing worried as she meets your eyes through her webcam. "I c-can definitely do that! The good thing a-about Mettaton EX is that... I-I still haven't... completely i-implemented any optimal energy s-saving yet so... h-his battery will run out soon! M-maybe long enough for you to g-get out of Hotland and make it b-back to Snowdin!" 

The must be why he looked a bit tired back in the hotel, you think. Well, that was certainly good news for you. "Sounds good, Alphys," a thought suddenly occurs to you though, and you give her a look at you stand up, throwing your backpack over your shoulders again, hearing the glass bottles of Starfait's clinking together. "How did you know where I was though?" 

"Ah!" she blushes on your screen, hiding her snout behind her hands, sweat clearly beading on her brow. "I ah... uh... I-I... ma-may have... ha-hacked into y-your G-G-G-Geolocator...". 

You raise a brow, looking at her through your own camera. She's apologizing profusely now, but all you can do is giggle and shake your head, "it's fine! Alphys it's okay! Seriously, I wouldn't be able to get out of here if it weren't for you. Tell me you have one on Mettaton too though?"

Alphys stops apologizing, getting serious as she meets your eye again, and it's all you can do not to start laughing again, "are you kidding? Who makes a robot you can't track?" The way she delivered the line, completely devoid of stutters as well, just makes it even funnier, especially coming from Alphys. You snort, rounding the corner and coming to a cross roads. "Th-that said... Mettaton is _very_ close to your location... t-take a right". 

You do as instructed, walking right until you come to another cross roads. 

"L-left!" she instructs, sipping at some ramen noodles before tapping away at something on her keyboard. "H-hey... uh... so... is it okay if I... ask you about something?" 

"Yeah, shoot, Alphie!" you can see her blush when you look down at your phone again, blushing yourself when you realized you'd been calling her by a nickname today. You wonder if maybe you should stop. She seems a little flustered by it but, not at all upset. You think you almost spot a smile. 

"Uh... keep walking s-straight!" she sips her noodles again, and you do as told. "Um, s-so I was wondering if... a-are you and Sans like... d-d-dating?"

You're definitely blushing now as you stare down at your phone, swallowing as you stop moving for a moment. Alphys pushes you forward with a quick and quiet, "l-left! Take a left, quick!" You run, as quietly as you can, taking a right at her next instruction. She calms down a bit more and you figure it's now or never to answer her question before she just... assumes. 

"Uh... no. I mean... I don't think so?"

"O-oh..." 

"I mean. I love him..." your face is alight, practically glowing you think by how warm your cheeks feel. Alphys' own cheeks are bright red as well on the other end, her hand covering her snout as she stares at you, wide eyed and listening intently. You think this might be the first time you'd admitted this out loud. It was... well. It was something. "I mean, I think! I dunno. I like him at the very least, let's go with that. And I think he likes me too? We've never really talked... about it? I mean... he's kissed me. And I kissed him... and we cuddle a lot. I guess... I dunno what 'a lot' means when it comes to cuddling? I've never done this kinda stuff before I... I dunno..."

Alphys tells you to go left again, and at this point you have no idea where you are. Thank God you had her to direct you. 

"We-well... I'm sure you don't care what I think but uh... I-I... I think he does like you in return! M-maybe even loves you. He d-definitely likes spending time with you, a-and when I do talk to him h-he just... he's a-always talking about you, ya know?" Oh... well... that was new information. You... you think you like the thought of that. It's... a weird one but... it's nice. "I... I'm just asking because I was curious. Sorry if... if I'm out of line there..." 

"No, no! It's cool," you say, though you can't look at the screen, even as she tells you to hook a right. It's a bit embarrassing knowing someone had so clearly seen the two of you interacting in a romantic fashion. But... it was also nice to hear that Sans was thinking about you. Talking about you... that he enjoyed your company. It was... more than nice. But you couldn't think of a word that described it well enough so, nice would have to do. "I have a question though, for you Alphie". 

"O-oh! O-okay, shoot!" 

"You like Undyne, don't you?" 

Alphys gasps, hiding her snout behind her hands again, her face more red now than yellow. "H-how did you k-kn-know that!!!?" she whines, hiding her face now in her claws. 

Smiling, you almost want to laugh, it was so completely obvious but, you know it would be kind of cruel to do that... so all you do is offer her a smile and a shrug. "Which way, Al?" 

"L-l-l-left," she stutters out, swiveling in her chair for a moment, spinning around in it and trying to gain her senses. 

Left takes you to a dead end, the only way being north. Or... right. You go right, Alphys doesn't say anything. 

"Well, I mean. Undyne definitely likes you too, ya know. It's... pretty obvious. You two are a mess near each other". 

"Ahh! J-jeez..." 

"I really think you should talk to her, Alphie. I'll even help... i-if you want that is?" 

"Would you?" she asks, her tone bright and excited. You're at a three way crossroads again, the right ending in a dead end. You decide it's a better time than any to take a little break and head that way, noting the familiarity of it and the elevator next to a doorway. Huh? 

"Oh I... I couldn't. N-no... she... I don't think she'd accept my feelings if she..." you piece together what she means, even if she's unaware that you know and back pedals, you get her point. And you also know she's wrong. You sit down in the corner of the dead end, wiping the sweat off your forehead and finally pulling your lengthening hair into a low ponytail. You... really needed to cut it soon. It wasn't even _that_ long, it was still well above past-shoulder length, but it was certainly getting there. If you could pull it into one ponytail, it was too long in your opinion. 

With your hair off your neck, you grab your other hair tie from your wrist and collect the excess fabric of your shirt, winding the elastic around it and securing it in place. You can't keep your sleeves up (no safety pins) but, it's a start. You roll them up at least, making sure they're tight above your elbows so they'll stay in place for at least a little while. Jeez, it was hot in the CORE. You sip at a bottle of water you'd had sitting in your pack for weeks now, it helps a bit. 

"I dunno, Alphys. You never know till ya try, you know? Hey, I'll make you a deal... okay?" 

"A... a d-deal?" 

"Yeah! A deal. If I tell Sans I... _like_ him," she nods when you pause briefly, to show she's following your train of thought. You nod back, giving her a smile, "if I tell him... then... you gotta tell Undyne you _like_ her". 

"Wh-what?! I-I dunno..."

"Hey! It's cool, I mean I dunno when I'll actually tell Sans. I never really thought about it 'till now, ya know? But I'll do it if you promise to do it. I'll tell you before I do though, so you have a chance to plan for it". 

"Uhh.... I-I... oh no!" 

"Oh no what? Alphys it's not --" 

"O-oh no! Oh no!!! You need to get out of there, y-you gotta go now! Y-you... o-oh no... oh jeez..." 

The sound of heels clicking a short distance from you has your heart sinking into your stomach. Oh. _Shit_. 

There, straight ahead and standing tall on two (frankly, amazing) long legs is Mettaton in all his robotic glory. His camera's are following after him, one facing him, the other hanging over his shoulder, facing you. 

"O-oh... oh no. Oh no oh no, I'm so sorry! I'm s-so s-s-sorry!!" 

You had time, right? You had time to backpedal. Go back the way you came. If you just got up now you could... it's too late. You rise to your feet and go to run again but Mettaton's legs are carrying him too fast, damn those things. Alphys why did you have to make them so long and quick to walk on?! Damn it...

"Oh, my dear! Is that our lovely mutual friend Alphys on the other end? Please, do tell her I said hello and thank you for leading you right to me!" 

"I-I'm so sorry! I should have warned y-you I--" 

You look down at your phone, giving her a smile and shaking your head. "It's okay. It's Mettaton. This is bound to happen one way or the other, right? Buuut... you gotta make good on that promise now even more, you got that?"

She gives a worried chuckle, sweat dotting her forehead, her gaze falling off to the left... she's probably watching Mettaton's live feed at the same time that she's talking to you. After a second though, your phone buzzes and a notification appears at the top.

**ALPHYS said:**  
 _Run. That room to your right has a door that will lead you away from Mettaton. I'll close it behind you so he'll have to go around!_

You blink, staring at her for just a second. "Got it". 

"G-got it!" Alphys replies, you think maybe to your previous statement and to your acknowledgement of her instructions. Then, the call goes dead and you sprint again. Mettaton bristles, standing just that little bit taller as he thinks you're going to try and go past him. You catch the smallest bit of his surprised expression when you take a sudden right, dashing down the narrow path toward the center of the dark room, heading toward that bright light at the end of the tunnel. 

You don't hear Mettaton behind you, oddly enough. And, thinking you're home free, you sprint faster, the door at the end of the room closing in. 

And, then, it's quite literally closing, too quick for you to slide under. You try to skid to a stop, and instead you just trip into the metal door for the third time today, smashing against it and taking a shaky step backward. "S-shit..." 

Your phone is buzzing in your pocket again, and you fumble for it, quickly answering the call as you hold your nose, definitely feeling a trickle of blood now. 

Alphys comes through, a panicked and stuttering mess. "Crap crap crap! I dunno what happened?! I-I'm locked out of the system! I-I tried to keep it open I... someone kept overriding my command I... oh no. Oh no, are you okay? I'm so sorry!" 

"I-I'm alright... I'm fine. Shit... mmn," oh man, that one hurt. You try to remember if you'd ever hit your nose so hard you'd gotten a nosebleed before. Or, if you'd ever actually gotten a nosebleed ever in the first place. Maybe once before, you think. But... this one might be worse. There's tears blurring your vision, the sting of pain in your nose bringing sharp tears to your eyes. They pool, dripping hot and wet down your cheeks. You squeeze your eyes shut, holding your phone to your ear. 

"J-just hold o-on okay? I-I've almost... I ca-can do this... I can o-open it. J-just... a little b-bit..." 

"Oh, Alphys. Tsk, tsk". Another door slams shut, the one now behind you. It's almost completely dark in here now besides the light leaking in under the doors and the faint pink glow of Mettaton's mechanical workings. "I'm a star! I can get my hands on anything, you know? How hard do you think it is to close a door, darling?" 

You watch through tear filled vision as Mettaton approaches you, reaching toward you and grabbing you by the collar of your shirt, pulling your body despite your struggling toward the middle of the room. "Let's finish this, dear. The surface wont wait for me forever!" 

The floor under the two of you suddenly shoots upward, smoke filling the air as hot spotlights blare down on you both. Alphys apologizes profusely before finally hanging up. Mettaton lets go of you once the floor stops moving, and you manage to shove your phone into your backpack. 

You... almost appear to be on a stage? The sound of cheering, whooping, and hollering almost straight in your ears indicates there are other monster's around and, when the spotlights finally move from center stage to sweep across the audience, you realize there most definitely is a live, studio audience. You pull your sleeve down, wiping the blood from your nose off on your shirt sleeve, standing on wobbling legs. Your head is super dizzy again, it doesn't get any better as Mettaton tugs your soul from your chest, eyeing it with a smirk. 

"Welcome to my Grande Finale!" the spotlights center on him again and he strikes a menacing pose, hands on his hips as he stares down at you. "The real battle for fame begins. Guess you couldn't keep that promise you made... how do you feel about that, my loyal fans?"

The audience's cheers turn into boo's, you recall the promise you'd made to stay uncaught. Swallowing, looking up at him towering over your form, you can only hope you don't break anymore promises just yet.


	31. Plan B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so late today but, here we go!
> 
> I hope you all have a Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, or Merry Christmas! Or all three if you happen to celebrate all three!

The cheering of the crowd is deafening, you can barely hear yourself over it. Cameras are watching your every move, the spotlights high above the center stage sweeping over the crowd and once more settling upon Mettaton. There's smoke shrouding him again, cloaking him in melodramatic mystery. 

What a day it had turned out to be already. You'd spent most of it running from Mettaton in Hotland, and now... well, you weren't sure you were going to even make it out of here in one piece like you'd promised. 

You stand there, in silence and in waiting. Mettaton towers over your form, even standing up. You think he's about 6'5", which dwarfs you in comparison. Why had Alphys made him so tall and intimidating? 

You wipe your bleeding nose on your shirt sleeve again, the thing now soaked with blood. It was finally starting to slow but, the fact remained that it ached and was now pulsing with pain. You couldn't fight like this but, even despite the huge bag of food you'd gotten... you weren't too sure you wanted to use anything just yet. Maybe it was better to just keep it until things got dire? As it stood right now, besides the pain... you didn't feel too tired yet. You could protect yourself. 

"Mettaton... please. I don't want to fight you..." 

"Oh, darling! Nor do I... but we both know you aren't going to willingly hand over your Soul". He had a point. Even if you would... would it even help at this point? Would such a weak Soul even make it past the barrier? You weren't sure. You remind yourself as you see it grow just the tiniest bit dimmer in front of you that you need to stay positive. You mustn't let yourself waiver. Not right now. 

... You decide to get into character.

Before Mettaton had pulled this stunt, and in the week leading up to it, Mettaton had already filmed several scenes with you in which you were playing out your character in this movie. The human who murdered Monsterkind and was convinced to change their ways through the power of love. It isn't incredibly hard to channel their personality, after all, Mettaton had given you a hefty amount of creative freedom for it but, you try your best nonetheless. Just... minus the anti-monster rhetoric he had you spouting (very much against your wishes, but it was a film, he had reminded you). 

"I mean, you're right. If you want my Soul, you're just going to have to kill me". 

The audience gasped, silence taking hold of the room. Mettaton's gaze lifts to somewhere behind you, a grin exploding on his robotic face. You took a quick look behind you as well, noticing suddenly the screen on the wall. It was a massive, glowing graph. Constantly updating and changing what it looked like, a key sat in the corner indicating what it stood for. It was his ratings! For the show, of course. There was a live feed listing off viewership to the right of the graph as well and, in bright pink text a line read, 'Moments ago - +156 Viewers'.

Your showmanship was... working? Already? Huh...

You turn back to Mettaton, taking your backpack off and opening it up. You take out a Starfait, unscrewing the top of the bottle, taking a sip and waving your hand in his direction. As you finish the drink, you note a sudden feeling of reinvigoration. The bleeding from your nose stops completely, as does the pounding pain... you realize as your legs feel less heavy that, all the running today had really been straining your body as well. If this were a video game, you think you'd have full HP. 

"It's going to be really hard to kill me though, you wont be able to land a single shot on me. I guarantee it!" The crowd goes wild, and a sudden ping from behind you indicates that viewership has jumped again at your challenge. Mettaton watches the screen in amazement, staring up at it before turning back to you and putting on his best menacing face. 

"We'll just see about that, my dear". 

He charges forward, running toward you at full speed. Gasping, you stumble out of the way, narrowly missing him as he goes in to kick you. You dodge to the left, jumping backward as he goes in with his right leg again, attempting to sweep your ankles and knock you off balance. You nearly tumble off the stage, almost losing your footing on the edge of it. Flapping your arms, you manage to right yourself, the monsters crowding around the platform also a big help as they help shove you back up. "Thank you," you say, over the roar of the crowd. The simply smile and cheer on the fight, encouraging you to get back out there. 

Mettaton flips his hair, a sidelong glance to the screen off to his left now preceding his words, "excellent technique darling... but see if you can miss this!" 

He makes a show of doing a flashy pose, and you flinch... awaiting something like bombs, or thrown punches. Instead, the massive screen behind him now flashes and a question appears on it. You stare is disbelief but, also... on some level you're completely unsurprised? You try to hold in a laugh. 

Mettaton is suddenly holding onto a sparkling pink microphone as he circles you, "what is your favourite thing about Mettaton my dear? You have 3 seconds to answer, starting... now!" 

For goodness sake. 

"Um, y-your legs!" you blurt out, and you want to press your hands to your face as your cheeks warm. You had three seconds, you remind yourself, you just blurted out the first thing you could think of. 

Mettaton sounds surprised, though not in the typical, vocal way. More in the, computer that just opened a window that you can't click out of without clicking 'yes' or 'cancel' on. He coughs slightly, and you quickly hide your mouth behind your hand to stifle a laugh before he can see the smile tugging at your lips at the ridiculous of it all. 

"Even after I tried to kick you, oh my," he snaps his fingers and the screen switches back to it's regular graph, the spotlights above on him and yourself again, "that was a superb answer, my dear! Enough to earn you a Union regulated break!" 

You shriek, a sudden loud bang and flash having you covering your head. After a second of nothing happening though, you finally look up and realize it's now raining confetti. This is... certainly different from your fight with Undyne, you'd say that much. There's a camera hovering next to you, you stare right into it for the entirety of the 'Union regulated break'. What a day.

"Can you dance, my dear?" you hear Mettaton suddenly asking. The confetti, despite gravity and physics totally existing, suddenly just comes to a stop, you think it may have just disappeared from in front of your face.... magic was... strange, alright. You look back at him, coming to your senses after a moment and giving him a look. 

"Huh?" 

"Dance, darling! Can you dance?" 

"Oh, uh... no? I mean, I'm not terrible but I..."

"Fantastic! Because it's time for our Dancing With the Stars(tm) segment!" 

"Um I'm pretty sure that's copyright... you know what, forget it," there was literally no point in addressing that at all. Besides, there was obviously something more important going on if a giant disco ball was now coming down from the ceiling. You glance over at the ratings, they're beginning to plateau. Huh... Mettaton cares about his ratings, of course. He's a TV/Film personality, of course he'd care about that sort of stuff. But... clearly it was _very_ important to him to have it during this fight. Maybe there was something here you could work with, a plan you could come up with to get out of here alive. After all, you couldn't just stand here and promise not to hurt him, you'd already tried that. It clearly wasn't going to work. You needed to do something else... you needed a different plan than your usual one. 

You think you have the perfect plan. 

And, well. It involved partially embarrassing yourself on live TV. God you hope this didn't backfire. Dying was one thing, dying after embarrassing the shit out of yourself in front of millions of people was another thing entirely. This was not the time for two left feet. 

The disco ball finally ends its decent, spotlights shining on it and decorating the endless room in flashes of reflected light. Mettaton stands across from you, a now black and sparkly microphone in his hand instead. You fight the urge to look around and figure out just _where_ he'd gotten that from. Monster magic. The answer was _always_ Monster magic. "Are you ready, darling? A true Star of the people knows how to move!" 

"Ready when you are, Mettaton. But, you're not going to let me dance all alone are you? It's no fun if you wont join me". 

Plan B is in full effect. 

Mettaton looks taken aback for a moment, clearly not expecting you to challenge him again. He quickly recovers though, a smirk on his black lips as he sashay's your way to stand under the disco ball, "you're right, darling! After all, it is _my_ show, and despite everything, I absolutely will not let you take the spotlight from me on my very last episode!" 

The crowd cheers wildly, the music changing and surrounding you with synth and 8-bit notes. It's definitely something you can dance to but, actually doing that well was another thing. 

"Oh, and one more thing!" Mettaton begins, though the disco ball above has already started flashing in different colours, "I hope you're aware of how to deal with blue magic!" 

And, of course, as he says it, the disco ball flashes blue. Despite your quick pause from swaying side to side, you just aren't fast enough, the blue magic that demands stillness cutting through you and landing you scratch and bruise on your arm. Crap. Crap... okay. Pay attention, you remind yourself. Blue magic means don't move. Sans taught you that. 

Mettaton is twirling and swaying his hips in effortless movements, pausing and moving exactly when he needs to. You've got this, you remind yourself. You've absolutely got this. Sucking in a breath, you take a step to the left, turning a bit and swaying your hips to match Mettaton's movements. Dancing was never a huge interest of yours but, it wasn't that you couldn't do it. It was just, more that you never got the chance. You were a bit rusty but, you feel yourself falling into an easy rhythm, making sure to keep an eye on the disco ball above you, pausing all movement when it flashes blue. 

The song comes to an end and the crowd cheers, clapping along to the beat of the next track. Mettaton, breathing a bit harder despite not having lungs gives you a pleasantly surprised look. "Amazing footwork, my dear! Clearly you're more of a threat to me than I had originally thought". 

"Flattery wont get you my Soul," you breathe out, playing catch-up with your breathing as well. Mettaton simply offers you a smirk, shrugging his shoulders as he spins on his heel and walking along the edge of the stage. You look around, finding your bag on the ground nearby. Your phone is sitting on top of the bag of Glamburger's, a green notification light flashing rapidly at the top of it. As Mettaton talks to his audience, you unlock your phone to see a flurry of messages from Alphys. You only need to skim them to get the gist though. 

"Use the yellow magic!" is what she's essentially saying. Right.... oops. It was already connected to your Soul, all you had to do was activate it. You open the app, press the button... your Soul in front of you flashes yellow, flipping upside down. Honestly, it feel incredibly weird. Like your whole body has flipped upside down but you're still right side up. It's... indescribable. There's also yellow magic glowing over your right hand, it's sort of mesmerizing actually. It buzzes with energy, glowing just enough to catch your attention, concentrating the effects of Alphys' yellow magic to your fingers. 

You turn back to your phone, another buzz catching your attention. 

**ALPHYS said:**  
_Oh thank goodness it works... I mean uh... it's. This is a prototype I've never tested it until now I... never mind. OKAY sorry for distracting you! OH! Before I forget, Mettaton's battery is in his stomach! It's in the shape of a Human Soul. If you manage to land a shot there, you just might be able to drain his battery faster, and finish the fight quicker!_

Huh... land a shot? You jokingly do a finger gun with your right hand and are suddenly thankful that you pointed it at the ceiling. The yellow magic concentrates at the tip of your index finger, shooting off toward the ceiling in a pellet of glowing yellow. You quickly ball your hand up, gasping as the magic disappears into the distance blackness of the cave walls. Well. That would come in... _handy_... 

You needed to get through this fight for the sheer desire to tell that one to Sans, honestly. 

Mettaton has made his way back over to you at this point, and you quickly jump to your feet, standing tall as you look up at him. He gives a bright smile, "why don't we have a heart to heart, my dear? Just talk, you know. As two Star's in the Underground... let's get some things off our chests". 

And with perfect timing, your chance presents itself. Albeit, shrouded in magic attacks you have to dodge and avoid but, there nonetheless. Mettaton's Soul shaped battery, hovering there in the open, pumping magic energy through his new body and attacking you with everything he has. 

You jump out of the way, somersaulting and rising up onto your feet again, ducking, and dodging, and twisting and turning to avoid what's flying at you. You point your hand like Alphys instructed you, kneeling and ducking your head as another attack passes over you, and that yellow magic glows once more, your Soul pulsing just a little brighter as you take aim. You line up your shot, and point your finger gun straight at him. The concentrated magic shoots toward him in small pellets. Even as you jump out of the way again, you find so long as you keep your hand pointed, the magic seems to be sucked toward the battery, almost like it's craving more energy. 

It becomes quite clear though, as Mettaton's attack dwindles that it's TOO much magic. He's steaming, overheating and smoking from vents you didn't even know he had. His heart shaped battery returns to the compartment that makes up his middle and you let your hand relax again, standing up straight and giving Mettaton a look as you blow against your hand, like one would an actual gun. 

"Fine. You want to play this the difficult way, I can be difficult, my dear". 

And suddenly, little Mettaton's with umbrellas are slowly floating down. At first they seem harmless, and are honestly a little confusing. There doesn't appear to be anything strange about them... maybe they're just part of another Union required break. Soon enough though, you find out exactly what they are. One drops too close and, with a rude wake up call, you realize exactly what they are.

Bombs.

Shrapnel grazes your leg in a small explosion, sending sharp slices of metal and hot sparks your way. You're knocked off your feet, falling to the floor as you hold your leg out in pain. It feels like it's on fire but, you know it's just all the little cuts and scrapes and wounds caused from the explosion. Your Soul doesn't feel any better though, a sharp pain bursting through it in front of you. It flickers, the light glowing from within it dimming a little more. Wincing, hand hovering over your leg, you barely brush over the holes now dotting your shorts, blood soaking through the cotton, oozing slowly as you try not to move. It's incredibly painful, and it's all you can do to stop the tears welling in your eyes. There had been a time when you'd been used to this type of pain but, it was easy to forget how much things like this hurt. 

You breathe in deep, trying your best to calm yourself. You need to relax. You can't focus on this right now, there's simply no time... not if you want to live. 

You need to either dodge these bombs or... blow them up prematurely. That was it! The explosions were so small that if you managed to hit them now, you don't think you'd get hurt. You're trusting enough of Mettaton (probably a mistake honestly) to know he wouldn't hurt his fans so, the chances of shrapnel raining down on them was unlikely. All you had to do was take the shot. 

Sucking in a breath through clenched teeth, you close an eye, lifting your right hand and pointing it skyward. All you had to do was shoot them, and they'd blow up too high up in the air to do any damage. Finger gun at the ready, yellow magic concentrates on the tip of your finger again and shoots in pellets toward the bombs. You hit one... two... three! They all explode, your hypothesis correct, the shrapnel losing it's momentum before it even gets near you. The audience grows even louder, practically screaming in excitement at this point. 

From where you're sat on the ground, you can see the ratings screen clear as day, and as you shoot the very last bomb, you note the newest update. 

'Moments Ago - +1357 viewers'.

The audience explodes with applause, and with Mettaton's eyes locked on the ratings, which you now realize are pushing the 9K mark. Well, at least your plan is working. Boost the ratings... and then, maybe he'd give up. 

You take his moment of shock and use it to your advantage, rolling over to grab your backpack and pulling out one of your many Steaks In The Shape Of Mettaton's Face(tm). Eating a steak with your hands is... definitely an experience. You opt for the tear and chew method, tearing off a piece with your fingers and then eating said piece rather than just... shoving the steak in your mouth. Though, at this point, was there really anything you could do that was more embarrassing than dancing on TV?

You finish off the steak, eyeing your leg as the pain finally begins to subside. The shrapnel disappears as your cuts and scrapes heal. Unfortunately, magical steaks don't really get rid of the blood soaking your shorts or the holes in them that now make them look like swiss cheese up to your hip. The steak also doesn't completely rid you of the scars. Those remain, dotting your leg beneath the cotton and blood. You had... collected quite a few scars in your time down here. On your hands, many on your arms and legs. If it hadn't killed you, you think you would have had a pretty wicked one from Undyne running you through.

As you zip up your backpack, the audience cheers louder still, and you eye the ratings. They'd gone up to about 9500 in the time you were eating, 500 of them listed as 'Product Placement'. Huh... well. You had bought all your food at MTT's fast food place. Noted. 

You don't really get the chance to eat anything else though, nor get up, Mettaton appearing in front of you. Before you can react, he's lifted his leg high up in the air and all you can do is flinch, hold your hands up to block him and hope he doesn't make contact. 

But, he's Mettaton. Of course he does. 

Your Soul buzzes, pain ripping through your body as his heel grazes your cheek, leg sweeping across, his heeled foot making contact with the side of your head and knocking you completely to the floor. It all happens too fast for you to react besides a gasp as your hand flies up to cup your cheek, warm wetness seeping through your fingers. You lay on the ground, shaking as he places his other foot on your side, holding you to the ground.

"Sorry, darling. I know scars are pretty hard to work around in show biz but, I think it adds some character!" 

Your cheek is stinging like nothing you'd ever felt before. It's burning and aching and you don't even care that it might leave a scar you just want the pain to stop. And the bleeding, that too. This sucks. 

"I know it hurts, and it has never been my intention to hurt humans. Quite the contrary really! I want to be a star, as I'm sure you know but, the surface is where I belong. Up above, I want to entertain! I want Humanity to know my name and I want to make them happy. And if that means I have to kill you to do it, well. That's just show biz, baby!" You feel yourself dipping in and out of consciousness, realizing now that you very likely have a concussion. Add that to the list of things that were definitely putting today up there on your ever expanding list of horrible, no good, very bad days. Would a steak in the shape of Mettaton even fix a concussion? 

Plan B was going to shit. You were going to die here. You feel your stomach churning, despite there being next to nothing in it (magical food wasn't digestible after all. It was magic. Duh). You're seriously going to vomit on live TV, great. You needed to eat something else, you had to try. But as you were now, laying on the floor with Mettaton's two ton foot holding you down, the whole getting your backpack to eat a burger thing wasn't looking too hot as an option right now. 

"Asgore is going to take your Soul and break the barrier, and with your Soul and the other 6 he's collected... he's going to destroy the Humans. I don't want to destroy Humans! Like I said, I want to entertain. So, I'm going to take your Soul and cross the barrier and I'm going to become the star I was always meant to be!" 

God could this day get any worse?

Suddenly, through your blurred vision and urge to vomit, you see the door on the far side of the room slowly opening. And in the bright light that pours inside, you see the shadow cloaked figure of a familiar face. Towering, high above his subjects as he passes them by, making his way toward the stage, Asgore stands tall. 

You feel bile bubbling up your throat and you muster all the strength in your weakening body to push Mettaton's foot off of you, roll a little ways away, sit up on your knees, and just puke what little was sitting in your stomach onto the stage below you. 

Of course it got worse. 

It always did.


	32. So It Shall Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I took a break on Monday because, I can. And also because I celebrate Christmas, and that was. A lot. I needed to refresh. So here I am, back again! Please enjoy today's chapter and we'll be back to the regular schedule on Monday! <3

Sans honestly thinks if he had a heart, he'd need to have it restarted right now.

Each time Mettaton landed a hit on you, he tensed, his eyes watching your now yellow Soul in silent trepidation. Even as you managed to nibble your way back to full health now and then, the sight of your HP going down so steeply was nearly too much to take. 

Alphys has been texting him nonstop for the last hour and half, she's been trying to unlock the door to the room but to no avail. Something about the door no longer being connected to the system anymore. It has to be opened manually, and Alphys isn't strong enough. When he asked about Undyne, she said she hadn't heard from her all day. Which... did not bode well. 

Papyrus and himself had made it back to Snowdin by now, and much to Paps discontent, Sans had managed to drag him into Grillby's, to watch the fight on the big flat-screen behind the bar with the rest of the town. Eventually, his brother settled down about it, even nibbling at a fry or two as he watched. Despite it all though, there was a terrible feeling rattling around in Sans rib cage as he watched the TV, watched Mettaton's foot collide with your face. Watched the blood drip on the ground from the cut on your cheek. His hands flying to his mouth as your head slams into the ground, and he could just imagine the sound it must have made in your ears, how mixed up and dizzy you must feel now. You'd told him about brains once, he'd asked about it since you knew so much about human biology. 

You'd told him a thing or two about them. The most important being that they were not connected to the skull at all. Rather, they floated, in constant suspension, buoyant in spinal fluid. The actual brain was very mushy and vulnerable, you'd told him. And he'd asked what might happen if the whole skull just drained of fluid and your brain fell into the bottom of your head -- what would happen if you hit your head too hard and your brain propelled forward and bounced off the interior of your skull. 

"You would get a concussion," you'd said, matter-of-factly. 

Sans had given you a confused look over his left over spaghetti, blinking as you just stared back. You then smiled, sitting up a bit straighter in your chair and tapping your temple. 

"So, say that my head smacks the floor too hard. I fall down or something, hit my head like an idiot. Well, the brain inside would respond to the sudden movement and, if there's enough force provided by the fall, it would jolt and hit the interior of your skull. A concussion can make you super nauseous, make you vomit, it can even cause an internal bleed if it's bad enough, which ain't good. Then you gotta open up the skull and let it drain and shit and it's... not fun. The brain can also swell which, same thing. Gotta open up the skull to hopefully get the swelling down". 

You'd went on to say that concussions could make you extremely dizzy, cause your whole brain to metaphorically flip-flop and make you not seem like yourself, you could have memory problems, struggles walking, problems staying awake... you could even die. 

Humans were mushy, delicate things he'd soon realized. Their souls were the strongest parts of them, and that was no difference in your case. 

His eyes are glued the the TV, and Grillby's is so silent he could hear a pin drop. You're on the ground, shaking and holding your cheek, your Soul is still out in front of you, trapped and cracking and growing dimmer still inside that glass barrier. He can see it struggling, see it trying it's hardest to beat harder but it's only growing dimmer still and, eventually, the yellow magic leaves it... and it's red once again. 

It's at this moment that the camera jolts up from it's shot -- from Mettaton and yourself framed as he monologues -- to the door on the far side of the room. There, back lit from the entrance to the CORE itself, Asgore enters the room, making his way to center stage. 

A familiar suit of armor leads a group of Royal Guards behind him, and he realizes as she lowers her helmet that it is in fact Undyne. The camera is only on her for a moment, but he can see something in her good eye that isn't entirely happy. Maybe regret, maybe a desire to flee... her eye is glued to you in a crumpled heap on the floor though, and she looks like she wants to run to your side and help you to your feet. 

The camera returns to Mettaton, zooming out to frame the King himself in the shot as well, and Sans, keenly aware that he does not have a stomach, feels it drop nonetheless. 

"Paps I gotta go... right now". He doesn't give his brother a chance to respond, blipping from his line of sight as far toward you as he can. His magic doesn't take him far but, it takes him to the path outside of Grillby's, and he continues jumping forward in time until he's almost made it to Hotland, taking 15 steps at a time. Only 350 more.

* * *

You spit on the ground, ridding your mouth as best you can of the taste of vomit. It isn't working.

Your head feels like it's the size of a beach ball, swollen and pounding. Your cheek isn't fairing any better, still oozing blood that's dripping down your chin and soaking into your shirt. Your jaw is throbbing as well, tiny jolts of pain rippling along the left side of your face. You are, for lack of better term, Fucked Up. And now, coupled with all of this, Asgore was towering over you, his gaze cast in dark shadows, a frown upon his face as he looked down at you. All you could do was return the look, trying your hardest not to look frightened but, you sure were failing miserably. 

Asgore was an absolute sweetheart, at least, after the fact. And you knew he didn't really want to hurt you, knew that he would try and make it not hurt but, the fact remained that despite the pain, despite the lack of it, the idea of letting everyone down -- of being trapped in that void again with no way out -- was suffocating. And there was no way out of it, not anymore. 

You try not to flinch as he moves to kneel in front of you but, despite his slowness so as to not frighten you, you flinch anyway, hiding your face in response. You hear the audience around you gasp, and you're hyper aware again that you're on TV. That you'd just barfed in front of the King. You remind yourself never to ask if the day could get worse ever again in the future. Of course it could.

Asgore reaches over next to your, grabbing your backpack and pulling out one of the Glamburgers. You lower your hands, watching him as he slowly offers it to you, the worried look on his expression almost heart breaking. Mettaton was right, of course. He'd killed so many children already, and was preparing for a War against the Human race but, it was hard to keep your timelines straight. Hard to forget you'd once changed his mind on the matter. It was hard to forget you'd been here before, been so close to helping and then you'd just... ruined it. 

Your Soul pulses in front of you, weak and tattered and so completely ready to burn out. You can't even look up at him, though he continues to offer you this burger anyhow, even unwrapping it for you. "You must eat, child". 

Your vision grows blurry, tears as well as swelling. You most definitely have a black eye, Mettaton had kicked you quite hard, after all. 

You'd thought you'd been making progress. Thought you'd been on the road to forgiving yourself like Sans said you had to but, it was made apparent as Asgore's huge hand rested on your shoulder, as he placed the stupid Glamburger in your hands and urged you to eat, his eyes watching your shattering Soul's energy drain before his very eyes, that you weren't close to anything even resembling self-forgiveness. What you'd done was unforgivable. Irredeemable. All that desire in you to be happy, to have a family, to see the surface again, to make it up to everyone is wiped clean from your mind... all in the course of a couple hours. 

A sob escapes your lips, and you drop the food in your hands, no longer caring about the audience surrounding you. Shaking your head, your hands covering your face as you cry, it takes all of you not to just fall forward and embrace Asgore like you had perhaps a lifetime ago. Back when he'd happily taken the title of Dad, even if you knew he and Toriel would never get back together, he still fit the roll. He'd still so easily embraced it and given you a shoulder to cry on even then. Even when nothing had seemed wrong. 

Asgore simply kneels in front of you, his huge paw remaining gently upon your shoulder in silent comfort. All you can do is continue to cry, just wishing that this audience would melt away, that all of this would melt away in general. You think, suddenly, that you never should have jumped down here. 

_"All you've done is cause everyone pain"._

Chara's voice suddenly sounding off in your head startles you so drastically that your tears all but stop. The words don't even register in your mind, just the implication that they're suddenly speaking to you again. What that could possibly mean... how hard it is suddenly to catch your breath. 

You need to eat something. 

The burger you'd dropped lays sadly in pieces on the floor, though Asgore is ready with another one, offering it to you the moment you look up at him again. You take it, unwrapping it with shaky hands and taking as many bites out of it as you can before it becomes too much and you have to swallow. Already, as it melts away, you feel magic flowing through you, your body regenerating just a bit of lost energy. You finish off the rest of it in record time, and you feel your nausea ebbing away, the dizziness in your brain and the fog in your vision dissipating until neither of them are there any longer. The bleeding on you cheek stops, though the blood remains. You cannot see what's happening with your own eyes but, Asgore watches you and gives you a reassuring smile. 

"Good as new," his hand moves from your shoulder to brush a thumb over what you gather must now be a scar. "You look like quite the warrior now, child". 

Despite your panic before, you cannot help but smile, resisting the urge to lean against his palm. He moves his pawed hand from you then and offers it to you to help you stand. It's then that you realize that Mettaton has been standing there the entire time, and is looking worse for wear. He seems exhausted, though despite it all, has a smile on his face. 

It appears that within the minutes you'd been laying half unconscious, and in the time that Asgore had arrived and made you eat a hamburger that the ratings had reached well over 12,000. Even higher than you had predicted. You give Asgore a look for a moment, knowing full well that he wants you to come with him to chat. But you can't, not just yet. Not until you settle things with Mettaton. Your thought seems to get across, and he urges you to go over to the robot, standing there, talking about the ratings. You notice Undyne standing off to the side as you make your way over, she tries to offer you a smile but, it falls short and she simply looks to the ground. Your own smile falters as well, and you turn your attention back to Mettaton instead, cupping your Soul protectively. 

"We've reached the viewer call in milestone!" Mettaton falls to the ground then, sitting on his knees. His battery is dangerously low, you think, eyeing the heart shaped battery in his middle. You almost reach out to him, almost... but instead you just sit down in front of him, offering him a smile. He smiles back, trying to shake the exhaustion clouding his eyes. "One lucky viewer will have the chance to talk to me before I leave the Underground forever!" Ever the optimist, you think as ringing sounds from his chest plate speaker. "Hello, you're on TV! What do you have to say on this, our last show?" 

You recognize the voice coming through, and can't help but smile a bit more. You hadn't heard from Napstablook in weeks, since you'd been in Waterfall actually. 

"Oh... hi... Mettaton. I... really like watching your show... my life is pretty boring... but... seeing you on the screen.... brought excitement to my life... vicariously, I can't tell.... but, I guess this is the last episode? It was fun to see a human for your finale though....... I know that human too.... how exciting. I'll..... I'll miss you Mettaton..... oh.... I didn't mean... to talk so long... oh...." 

"Wh.. wait! Bl... ah... they already hung up. I'll... I suppose I could take another caller!" 

And then the line is ringing off the hook, monster upon monster calling in to express their gratitude; to say how much they'll miss his show, his movies. It's heartwarming and, suddenly you remember why you and Mettaton had gotten along so well after everything had happened in your first timeline. Why his loud personality had no longer seemed overbearing. He cared. He wasn't just loud and obnoxious, he wasn't just the diva he presented himself as. He was a monster, in the most beautiful sense of the word. He was a kind, caring, and surprisingly humble monster. He was the star of the Underground. 

"Ah! I... haha... I see, everyone," he wipes at his eye, sinking to sit on the ground completely in front of you. You aren't even sure he can cry or if he's just doing it for drama's sake but, it still makes you tear up a bit yourself. "I'm... I'm sorry darling, but... perhaps it would be best if I stay here a while. Humans already have stars and idols, right? But... monsters... they only have me. If I left... the Underground would lose it's spark". You give a shrug, a warm smile tugging at your lips. Mettaton returns it with tired vigor before his gaze sweeps over the audience surrounding the stage, their cheers warming his heart. He takes your hand in his, squeezing gently. His voice grows quiet now, and he leans in toward you, "you've proven yourself to be quite strong. Perhaps even strong enough to get passed Asgore and return to the surface. I... I'm sure you can protect humanity.

"To tell you the truth, my dear... though I'm sure you've already realized, this form's energy consumption is... less than efficient. In a few moments, my battery will drain and I'll... well. I'll be fine! I'll be alright. Knock 'em dead, darling! And everyone watching... thank you! You've been a great audience! And... darling... sorry for the scar. You look drop dead gorgeous regardless, though! I promise". 

And then, his grip on your hand slips and his eyes flutter shut. He's powered off now, and all you can do is look at him. Your Soul slowly slips back inside your chest, that hollow feelings filling up, though it doesn't feel like it used to... like somethings missing. And something is missing. Half of your entire being is missing now, and is only disappearing more by the second. You take a deep breath in, expelling it after a moment as you exhale, holding Mettaton's hand in yours. 

"F-finally... I-I... Mettaton!" Alphys' voice cuts through the silence, and she's racing over to the two of you, falling to the floor next to you and placing her clawed hands on his shoulders, looking at him with a worry that tugs at your heart. "He... oh thank goodness... th-thank goodness... he's okay. Ah... haha.. it's just the batteries..." 

"I-I'm sorry," you whisper, the tears in your eyes finally spilling over. Alphys is quick to shake her head, turn to you before pulling you in for a hug. You hold your breath in surprise, slowly wrapping her up in a hug of your own. 

"No, no please... i-it's fine... it... he's fine. You're fine. It's alright... I should be the one apologizing..." 

You have to laugh, it's the only thing you can do. Just a small, breathy laugh as you squeeze her tighter. She returns the squeeze, giving a small laugh of her own. The two of you stay there for a moment, simply hugging until Asgore clears his throat. When you look back up, wiping the tears from your face, you notice there's no one around the stage anymore. The room is empty and dark save for the spotlight still shining hot overhead, like the sun high in the sky above. Alphys pulls away, though she pauses and brushes a hand over your cheek, eyeing the new scar with worry. You assure her it's fine, it isn't that bad... it didn't hurt. She seems satisfied with that answer, taking your hand in hers instead, and sitting next to you and Mettaton's sleeping body. 

You look up to Asgore, and he offers you an apologetic look before he even begins to speak again. His pawed hand holding tight to his trident, you swallow as you watch him, throat dry and aching. He seems just as hesitant as you remember from before. He doesn't want to do this, any of it. But, there's a resolution and acceptance in his gaze as well -- he has to. 

"Child, I'm sure you know why I've come here," he pauses, just to make sure you understand. You do, and you give him a slow nod, eyes cast downward again you squeeze Alphys' hand tighter. She returns the gesture. "Then, perhaps it is time to consider whether or not it is time for you to help us. I do not want to child but, to free Monsterkind, I will have to take your Soul, eventually". 

Alphys tenses next to you, and there's a heavy footfall behind Asgore that you're positive is Undyne. It stops though, the sound of her armor heavy in your ear as she falls back again. You spy her looking to the ground, the expression written on her face filled with remorse. You guess she must have led Asgore here, though by her own accord or because Asgore had asked her to, you aren't sure. You think, based on her own fears, that it must be the latter though, but you know he would have showed up no matter what. It isn't her fault, and you don't blame her for an instant. 

Asgore's words hang heavy in the air, and you know you need to consider them. You know you have to make this decision now. Of course you weren't ready to give up your Soul. Especially when it meant what it meant, which was not just becoming the final piece in the puzzle to the freedom of Monsters. It weighed so much more than that, meant so many horrifying things. It meant dying. It meant losing yourself in a Void of endless white for the rest of your miserable life. It meant losing yourself entirely, forever. It meant coming face to face with a demon. There was nothing good in giving up your Soul, not anymore. 

But... there was also that tiny chance... that small shred of hope that, maybe even if you were forever locked away and lost inside an icy white Void, you might still do some good. There was still that little bit of you that was telling you even despite your absence, the world would go on. That it would move forward and that Asgore would free the Monsters, that's he'd do as he'd promised. That he'd become a God and -- though you aren't sure you even want it to happen -- that he'd destroy humanity... and make a home for Monsters on the surface, where they belonged. Where they could finally be free. 

If there was even the smallest bit of hope to hang onto, maybe you should take it? Maybe you should take the chance. Believe in yourself and trust that you'd be strong enough, that you'd have the willpower to resist not giving up your Soul. You don't think there's any other way, at this point. Maybe this is where all this has led up to in the end? 

This is where you're meant to be. 

You look back up at the massive Boss Monster -- at King Asgore himself -- as he stands, towering over you, dwarfing you even more drastically than Mettaton. You gently drop Alphys' hand, and you hear her give a confused and shocked gasp, her eyes watching you as you stand, offering your hand to Asgore instead. 

"I... I think..." you bite your lip, trying to shake off that unreasonable fear. Trying to convince yourself that this was the most likely-to-succeed course of action. That the worry ebbing through your veins was a logical fallacy. That for once in your life, you were right about something. Right about this. You take a breath, closing your eyes and calming your shuddering bones. "I think it's time for Monsters to see the stars again". 

Asgore's eyes flash with something akin to shock; you think he might look the slightest bit worried... but there's also a thankfulness there overshadowing the underlying panic. He offers you a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "And so it shall be, child". 

He raises his trident, and you feel the phantom pain of a spear in your gut.


	33. Heart to Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I hope you guys are having a good start to 2017 so far! Please enjoy today's chapter, and I'll see you all again on Monday!

Sans thinks he's too late, for only just half a second. He can't find his voice, approaching the door so fast that he nearly passes it as he runs. He leans against the frame, trying to catch his breath as he focuses on the scene a few meters in front of him. He watches you offer your hand to Asgore, your Soul pulling from your chest again as the King raises his trident high. His knees nearly buckle, but he can't find his voice to stop this, can't get out more than a strangled gasp. 

"Asgore, please stop!" 

It's Undyne's voice who finally cuts through the tension and aching quiet permeating the room. Sans could kiss her, watching as she runs forward, flinging herself in front of you, arms outstretched as she shields you from the King himself, from the Monster who practically raised her. 

"Please," she breathes, looking up at him, her one good eye clouded with tears already. Sans finds his footing, going to run forward but, someone runs past him. 

"B-bro?! What...?" 

"Sans! I could not just stay behind in that grease trap and watch my friend get hurt any longer! Even if it was just for the sake of good television, such violence is never worth a great rating!" and with that, his brother turns on his heel and makes his way to stand next to Undyne, grabbing his friends hand. "King Asgore, I implore you to rethink this!" 

"A-ah... y-yes! I-I.... I'm s-sorry, Your Majesty but I-I... they're m-my friend! I... p-please..." 

Sans watches in stunned silence, jaw slack in surprise. Of course he knew that the others liked you, that Papyrus considered you a friend... that if he'd asked he's sure Undyne and Alphys would insist upon it too but, to see it for himself? To see how quickly you'd gained their trust again, to see how quickly you'd already rebuilt this family from the very bottom and up again... his Soul flutters inside him. Quickly, he blips over to stand next to Alphys as she rises and grabs Undyne's hand. He takes his friends as well, standing in front of you, defiance written plain as day on his face. 

" _Please_ , reconsider, Asgore". 

And, for a moment, Sans thinks he sees something like relief cross his King's face. It's only a flash, only for a second, but he's sure it's there. It's replaced by surprise, by disbelief. "Wh... I... child? You... my friends, I... are you sure?" 

"As sure as I can be, Asgore! Please, reconsider. They... this human, they're my friend. I don't think I... I can't..." Undyne is trying her very best not to cry but, the tears come no matter how hard she blinks them back. She lifts her gloved hand, the one holding Papyrus' and wipes her good eye, "I can't say goodbye yet. Not yet". 

Papyrus' shakes his head, looking so completely determined in his open defiance that Sans can't help but admire his brother more. He really was the coolest. "I cannot say goodbye either! Not yet, anyway. This is our friend; _my_ friend! I wont let it happen like this... even if... even if..."

Asgore hangs his head solemnly, his voice a low rumble, "even if it means not being able to reach the surface? Don't you all want to break the barrier? Don't you all want to see the stars again?"

"O-of course w-we do! But it... it's s-selfish... we kn-know that... but... we c-can't just l-let this happen... p-please Asgore... j-j-just..." 

Sans watches Alphys and Papyrus' as they try their hardest not to cry as well, his gaze falling over his shoulder, spotting you standing there in shock. He isn't surprised in the slightest to see the tears on your cheeks. The sight of them still makes his chest hurt though, he wishes maybe one day you'd fully believe that people loved you. But he knew it'd be a journey. A journey he was willing to help you on. That he _needed_ to help you on. 

"Three days. Give us three more days with them," he hears himself say. Asgore blinks, at a loss for words at his declaration. "Just... three more days to say goodbye".

* * *

You almost... can't believe what you're seeing? 

Undyne is standing up to the King for you... _for you_. 

And then, a familiar tall, loud, and friendly skeleton is bursting into the room and doing the same. Then Alphys is standing and making her way over to stand in front of you too, taking Undyne's hand in hers without a second thought. And all you can do is stand there and watch. Your vision is blurring but, you can't bring yourself to care at this moment, the shock leaving you breathless. The idea that... that these Monsters cared for you this much? That they'd give up what little bit of hope they might have to see the surface again someday if only to not say goodbye to you yet. 

And then Sans is there, so suddenly that you jump, meeting his eyes as he turns to look at you. There's a soft smile on his mouth, and it takes what little breath you'd managed to breathe away again and all of a sudden all you can do is shake your head. 

"Child... you've clearly made friends down here, haven't you?" Asgore's voice is low, rumbling through you. It's warm and it wraps around you and soothes that part of your brain that's in denial. _You've made friends down here_. 

These Monsters, standing in front of you, defying their _King_. They were your friends. They would _miss_ you if you were gone. Logically you thought, of course they would. But that one small, ridiculous part of your brain finds it impossible to believe. The one part of you, deep inside, keeps trying to refute this knowledge, despite it being right in front of you. 

You swallow, arms wrapped around yourself as you watch Undyne stand straighter in her armor. As you watch Alphys tail swish before wrapping around Undyne's leg. As you watch Papyrus tense his jaw. As you watch Sans turn to look at you again, and you're sure your eyes are as wide as saucers. You look downward, trying to find the words but coming up short. All you can do is nod your head, guilt ripping through you as you do. Staying even just three more days meant three more days down here for your friends. Three more days stuck in a prison cell with no way out for the entirety of Monsterkind. You couldn't do that to them. You just couldn't. 

"I... I will grant you three more days. To say your goodbyes, child. To truly think this over. And, if you meet me on the morning after the third day at the palace, I'll know in my heart that you are ready. And I will be sure to honor your sacrifice". 

The Monster-chain in front of you collectively slumps in relief, the tense rigidness of their bodies melting away at Asgore's words. In return, you collect all that stiff tension in yourself and find yourself rooted in place, unable to look away from Asgore the moment you look back up. You were ready now. 

_You were ready for this now._

You don't think you can handle saying goodbye. You aren't sure you can handle sitting around and having your friends pity you for the next three days as you sit around and await your fate. You were scared you would change your mind. That you'd end up letting them down in trying to give them closure. Sometimes it was just best to just leave without saying a word. 

But it's too late. Your friends are already turning toward you, already tripping over themselves to embrace you. Undyne is the first, throwing her arms around your shoulders, the metal of her gauntlets digging into your collar bones as she squeezes. Papyrus is second, throwing his arms over both you and Undyne from behind you and resting his head on top of yours. Alphys and Sans both squeeze around the side of you, and you feel like you can't breathe. 

Why can't you just be grateful? 

A choked sob escapes your lips, and you wrap your arms around Undyne in return, melting against her as she uses her strength to hold you up. She's crying too, you notice as she pulls away, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand and sniffing as she looks at you. 

"I'm sorry nerd, I know you were ready to help us but I just... I can't say goodbye yet. It's selfish but I just... can't". 

"We would miss you too much if you left without a proper send-off, friend! And who knows! Maybe within the three days that we are hanging out together, we can find another way to break the barrier... and then we can all return to the surface together". 

"Y-yeah! It's... pretty im-implausible but... th-there's nothing w-wrong with hoping!" 

These Monsters... your _friends_... they were far too good for this world. This cruel, and terrible world. To think that your race had locked their kind down here for centuries. Cut them off from the world despite how peaceful; how kind they were. It made you sick. Made you wish in some, ridiculously morbid thought that you'd jumped down here earlier. Helped them sooner. Easier yet, that you'd just... accepted their love from the beginning. Accepted that for once in your life, people cared deeply for you. Even now it's hard to accept. Hard to come to terms with, after all, how could anyone care about you? But, right now it was so clearly obvious that even despite that massive list of cons about yourself... your friends clearly had a list of pros ten times longer. And it had to be that long. To give up their freedom for you? Even for three more days? That list had to be infinite. You couldn't even think of what might be on it. 

"It's gonna be fine, pal. You're gonna be okay". 

And that's what finally breaks your ridiculous attitude. What finally has you pulling Undyne back into your hug, what finally has you falling to the floor and dragging them all down with you to hug on the ground. What finally has a smile bursting to life on your face, another sob escaping your lips as you resting your head against Undyne's chest plate, Papyrus' holding onto you tighter and resting his head against your back. Alphys and Sans squeeze your sides harder, your friends comforting you, hushing you, doing what friends do. _Loving_ you. 

"T-thank you," you choke out. "Thank you, guys".

* * *

You look like shit. 

Papyrus and Sans had dragged you back to the house, Undyne going home to make herself dinner after helping Alphys bring Mettaton back to her Lab. Paps and Sans were downstairs working on dinner as well, they'd left you to get washed up before then. You were... sort of covered in blood after all. 

You'd grabbed some clothes from the coat closest in the living room, the clothes you'd put away with Sans one afternoon so they'd have a place other than your backpack. You didn't have a lot but, there was enough. Two pairs of jeans, a pair of leggings, and some sweatpants, as well as couple sweaters and a t-shirt. There's also the shorts Mettaton had sewn for you but they were a little worse for wear now, dotted with holes and soaked through with blood. That whole outfit was ruined... not that you think you're ever going to wear it again. Even if the ombre sweater had started growing on you. 

Sighing, you peel the shorts off of you, nose wrinkling as flecks of dried blood peel off your legs. You eye your clean clothes sitting on the counter. A big fluffy hoodie and that pair of sweatpants. You weren't in the mood for jeans or for tight shirts right now. 

You tug your shirt off, tossing it in a hamper and placing the shorts in the waste basket. You pull off your socks next before standing still in the mirror, looking yourself over from head to toe. The silly fun house mirror does nothing to help convince yourself that you don't _actually_ look like shit. 

You're covered in blood, it's splattering your face, staining your skin from your nosebleed and from the cut on your cheek that had healed already. There are scars dotting your right leg from your mid calf and all the way up to your hip, they remind you in a way of cheetah spots. No scar the same as the last, some very small, some just a bit bigger. They've already faded to the point that it's hard to see them if you aren't looking but, they're still obviously there. They still dot your skin in angry bursts. Your fingers brush over them, applying the smallest bit of pressure and watching them turn light against your brown skin. 

You look up to meet your eyes in the mirror again, scanning over your body. You'd lost weight down here. Not a lot, and not from hunger or lack of nutrition but, from exercise. From running. You're sure it'd be more obvious had you not sat on your ass in Snowdin for as long as you did but, the loss was still there. Your underwear was tattered though clean, the sports bra you had on over your chest was stained with blood that had soaked through your shirt, the dark blue material darker along the front. You wince as you recall the day you'd had. How you'd stained half your clothes to the point of no return. 

Sighing, your eyes move upward again, stopping to look at your hair. It hovers just above your shoulders now, at least the pieces in the front. The back is still short but, not as short as it used to be, not as short as you liked it. You run your fingers through the dark brown strands, nose wrinkling at the grease that coats your fingers. Wow. You _really_ needed a shower. 

Before that though, your curiosity finally gets the better of you. You can't see it all that well in this mirror but, maybe it's for the best. Seeing it in low definition, easing yourself into it. You'd never been too impressed with your face, so it wasn't a huge loss but, it was still... well. You're sure no matter what anyone thought of their face, a giant scar on it in plain sight would be pretty devastating. 

Your eyes finally meet your reflections again, and you quickly close them before taking a deep breath, holding it as you open them and look at yourself once again. There, along your right cheek, running from your cheek bone and stopping beside your nose is a slightly raised scar. It's not massive by any means but, it's not small either. It's long, and it's slightly thinner than you'd have guessed by touching it. Your fingers brush over it, along the length of it. It's completely healed but you can still feel the phantom hint of a sting; the smallest bit of pain bursting beneath your touch. 

The palms of your hands got off a bit easier, though there are still scars there as well, they'd had much longer to heal. They... almost give you hope. You can only see where the most prominent cuts were now, and even those are much smaller. Maybe the scar on your face and the ones on your leg would fade in time. Or, maybe even as you ate more monster food. 

Oh but... right. 

You didn't have much time left to do that, did you? You had three days in fact. Three days before... you died. Perhaps for good. 

Your hand falls from your face, landing at your side. You should really get in the shower, wash the dirt and gore off of you, then get dressed and go eat. Maybe you'd feel better. 

You know in your heart that's unlikely but, you figured that there was no harm in being positive. At least, there wasn't anymore.


	34. A Few More Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! I'm going to be in Wrexie and TST's stream today if you wanna hang out just remember, it's a COBC stream not a... my story stream dfkgdgkb. Feel free to come and hang out anyway though, and if you haven't yet you should totally read Chill or Be Chilled because: It's amazing. 
> 
> https://picarto.tv/Wrexington
> 
> Anyway, without further ado... please enjoy today's chapter and I'll see you all on Monday!

After your shower, Sans had come up to get you, knocking gently at the door as you dried your hair with a towel. When you were finished, he'd walked with you back down to the kitchen and sat down with you and Papyrus as the table. Dinner was... definitely not what you'd been expecting last night. It wasn't spaghetti, and it wasn't quiche. 

It... well, you're sure it wasn't actually a roast. It was just magic but, it was a Monster food roast with mashed potatoes, sweet corn, and gravy poured generously over the top. There also sat two round, golden brown pastries on your plate. They too had been smothered in gravy, and they had looked little cups... each holding a sip of sauce to themselves. Sans had informed you when you'd asked that they were called Yorkshire pudding. You'd been a bit skeptical at first of them but, upon first bite you decided they could stay on your plate. They were warm and fluffy, and not at all flaky. It was like eating a fresh piece of bread.

After dinner, you'd been completely stuffed (there'd been a ridiculous amount of food, after all. Even apple pie for dessert with a heaping serving of ice cream). The rest of the night consisted of watching reruns of Mettaton's shows and, upon deciding that they really weren't doing it for anyone but Papyrus, throwing in a DVD after he'd fallen asleep. 

It was nice. It had been a nice night. Warm, and welcoming and... Sans and Papyrus did a good job of helping you forget that your time in the Underground was coming to an end. 

Three days. 

Three more days. You'd tried so hard to go undetected but, perhaps it couldn't be helped. Time always caught up after all, no matter how hard you tried to stop it.

* * *

Opening your eyes, you slowly take in the morning around you. The living room is alight with horizontal sunbeams, dust dancing in the warm light as it shines through the gaps in the blinds.

You stretch a bit, raising your arms up over your head and stretching your tired legs along the length of the couch. Your feet brush up against something you definitely weren't expecting though. Blinking, you sit up, finding Sans laying on the opposite end of the sofa. He's snoring quietly, a thin blanket over top of him. Had the both of you fallen asleep down here? You don't really remember much after Papyrus went to sleep... Sans must have gone up to say goodnight to him and then come back down to keep watching the movie with you. You guess you'd fallen asleep before he'd made it back. The TV is playing the DVD menu on loop, though you can only barely hear it. 

As gently as you can, you slip off the couch and pull your hood up over her head, kneeling down to turn the TV off before making your way into the kitchen to grab something to eat. 

The time on the oven says 6:15 AM so, still fifteen minutes too early for Papyrus. It's quiet, save for Sans soft snoring, and your cereal gently crackling and popping as you soak it with milk. With a yawn, you get some coffee going as well, pouring in the grounds, then the water through the filter, watching it for a moment as the coffee begins to pour into the pot. You'll get some later, when it's cooled off a bit. For now, you head back into the living room and place your cereal down on the coffee table, making your way over to the sofa. 

Sans is still out like a light, and you don't expect him to be up any time soon. Seeing him shiver a bit, nuzzling into the arm of the couch to warm himself, your heart does a little flutter, smile tugging at your lips. You're warm enough in your sweats you decide, picking up your blanket and laying it over him gently. It seems to help and, with one last long look, you turn and plop down in the bean bag, grabbing your phone off the table and waking it from it's sleep. 

Sans had informed you the first time around that magic would bring your phone battery back to life, and that all you had to do was plug it into the wall to access it. You'd thanked your past self for bringing your charger, even if you wouldn't need it where you'd been planning to go originally. Monsters had the same electrical outlets that humans on the surface did, which was surprising to say the least considering they must have been down here long before electricity became a thing up there. Monsters were just... really smart, you decide. 

The logistics don't matter too much though, all that mattered was that your phone was still up and running after all this time and that -- because of the magic powering it -- you only had to charge it once every three days. It lasted a ridiculous amount of time on one charge that only took an hour. Magic certainly was a powerful force. 

With your phone at full battery, you lean over the coffee table, eating your cereal and scrolling through Undernet. Napstablook had sent you another friend request, and this time you managed to accept it quick enough. Actually, there were several friend requests queued up in your notifications, from a lot of Monsters you'd yet to even meet... you guessed they really liked your performance on MTT's special yesterday. Shrugging, you accept them all, smiling when you get a series of IM's. Most of which were 'good morning!' and 'I hope you had a great sleep!' Monsters were ridiculously kind. Even now, even aware of how strong magic was, how strong Monsters were, you couldn't wrap your head around the idea that they'd do anything to hurt anyone. Even knowing Asgore wanted to go to War with humanity, he'd still given you three extra days. More time to say goodbye to everyone because even he didn't actually want to go through with his plan. 

Human beings easily gave into that side of them that wanted to hurt people, easily decided selfishness over selflessness. And you were no exception, never had been. Even you had taken those three extra days, even you had cried in your friends arms and thanked them relentlessly for giving you more time. But, you suppose that's survival instinct too. Which was much harder to shake than morals. 

Sighing, you eat another spoonful of cereal, scrolling your now super busy feed. Not many people were posting at this hour, not yet, but there were enough posts to keep you completely occupied until Papyrus woke up. He bounded down the stairs, though quieted when he realized Sans was still sleeping, and gave you a bright wave and an even brighter smile, wishing you a quiet good morning. You returned the wave and smile, doing the same. 

"Friend, the coffee is ready! Would you like a mug?" 

"Yes please, Paps. Thanks!"

"Double-double, correct?" 

"Yup!" 

And so you and Papyrus shared the rest of your breakfast together, Paps bringing you out your coffee as well as a plate of eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and toast, much to your protest. He insisted though, bringing out another plate for him and one for Sans, before going back to grab himself and his brother a mug of coffee as well. Sans wakes up in that time, rolling off the couch as lazily as possible and squeezing himself between you and where his brother will be sitting in a moment. He leans up against you briefly as you take a bite of toast. "Mornin'"

"Morning," you say quietly. You turn your head just briefly to place a kiss on the top of his head. His cheeks stain blue, and you go back to your food, sipping at your coffee slowly so as not to spit it out laughing when Sans leans up and presses his mouth to your cheek in return. You catch Papyrus watching discreetly from the kitchen, a smile on his mouth as well before he goes back to stirring the coffee. 

After a huge breakfast that leaves you feeling even more stuffed than last night, you receive a message through Undernet. 

**ALPHYS said:**  
_Hey! Sorry to bug you so early but um... I... well. Do you remember that promise you'd made yesterday?_

Promise? Had you made a... oh. 

Right. You'd promised Alphys that if you told Sans you... _like_ him... that she would tell Undyne she liked her. 

Well, it was less a promise, and more of a deal but, deals were a type of promise, right? Kinda? Jeez... 

**You said:**  
_Hi, Alphie! Good morning! I definitely remember the promise you're talking about...... why?_

After a moment, your phone buzzes again and you pick it up, giving Sans a smile when he looks over at you from the far side of the sofa. He smiles back and you feel your heart flutter in your chest. Swallowing discreetly, you look back to your phone. 

**ALPHYS said:**  
_Welllll... since, y'know. That whole thing yesterday with King Asgore... I thought... I didn't want to force you to have to tell Sans your feelings if you hadn't already. I... I want to tell Undyne by myself! I want to tell her I like her without having to rely on anyone else to push me to do it but..._

**You said:**  
_That's awesome, Alphys! But... what is it?_

**ALPHYS said:**  
_...._  
_Well... it's just... *sigh*_  
_Maybe you should just come down to the Lab... it's... easier to explain in person I think... to tell you face to face. I've got to stop hiding it... I've got to tell someone, right?_

Ah... you think you know where this is going. Seemed like you were spending another day in Hotland then! 

**You said:**  
_Okay, Alphie. I'm on my way. I'll be there soon!_

**ALPHYS said:**  
_Oh! Okay! I'll... I'll see you in a bit then?_  
_Oh, and by the way! Mettaton is back up and running! I... stayed up all night fixing him. He wants to say hi when you come by if... that's okay?_

**You said:**  
_Yeah, of course! I kinda want to talk to him also... I don't want him to feel bad for what happened._

You chat with Alphys a bit longer as you rummage around in the closet for something less slobby to go to Hotland in. All you had that seemed cool enough though were those black leggings and a t-shirt. Black leggings and t-shirt it was then. You go upstairs to change in the bathroom, Sans giving you a look as you come back down to grab your boots. 

"Where are you headed off to?" he asks, his tone curious but, you sense the hint of worry in it as well. 

"I-I'm going to see Alphys! She wants to hang out today if... that's alright? I know you guys had plans for the day..." 

"Oh, it's fine, friend! Alphys is your best friend as well! You should spend time with her too, whenever you can!" Papyrus says from the kitchen, in the middle of cleaning the fry pan of egg residue. Sans nods from his spot on the couch, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Course it's alright, babe. Alphys is your friend just as much as me and my bro. Just stay outta trouble, alright? We got all the time in the world to hang out with you". 

You, Sans, and Papyrus all know that's not true. Not one bit but, neither of you says anything about it. All you can do is give a half-hearted smile, nodding in his direction, "right. Exactly. I'll see you guys later, okay?"

"Okay, friend! Both my brother and I will be waiting! We..." Papyrus pauses for a moment, shoulders tensing for a moment before he places the fry pan down in the sink and pulls off the dish gloves, making his way over to you at the door. "We love you". 

You're too stunned to move for a moment as Papyrus wraps his arms around you in a big hug, holding you close. And then, you feel the familiar sting of tears in your eyes and you're hugging him back, blinking them away with a chuckle. "I love you guys too... I'll be back soon!" 

You give the two of them a kiss on the cheek, one as you pull away from Papyrus finally, another as you walk over to Sans, still sitting on the sofa. You give the two of them a wave, heart nearly bursting with joy as they wave goodbye back. It's hard to shake the smile from your lips, and eventually you give up trying, smiling the entire walk to Hotland. 

Your Soul feels incredibly warm, wrapping you as you walk in an unbreakable joy, even despite the circumstances surrounding you. You think this might be the first time in a while you'd felt so genuinely happy. Perhaps the first time you think that you'd ever felt so... 

_Loved._


	35. Mettaton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is Monday my dudes.

You arrive at the Lab with good time, especially considering you were walking. Of course, the fact that everyone knew who you were and that you were no longer being hunted by the Royal Guard made it much easier. You got stopped a bit to chat but, not enough to slow you down too badly. 

Alphys was already waiting for you behind the door, opening it up as you went to knock. She gave you a little wave, smiling despite the serious aura surrounding her. You returned it with a grin of your own, waving back as she welcomed you inside. 

Mettaton was lounging on the sofa, visible eye closed as he rested. He was currently still plugged into an outlet, battery charging but, almost done. He looks up when Alphys announces your arrival, though quickly looks down. After a moment, he slowly sits up, stretching his arms over his head with a hum before meeting your eyes. 

"It's good to see you again, darling. It... that scar I gave you is healing nicely". 

You hand goes up to brush over it subconsciously and Mettaton gives you an apologetic smile. It had, in fact, looked just a bit better this morning. Only a little but, a little was better than none. 

"Hi again Mettaton, good to see you're back in one piece," you say, smiling and sitting next to him when he pats the sofa. 

"I'll be right back! I'm j-just making something for us to eat!" Alphys says, though you aren't sure if she's telling the truth. You simply nod and watch her go to her room. Mettaton places a hand over yours to catch your attention. 

"I... I'm terribly sorry for what I did yesterday," he begins. You truly were not expecting an apology.. maybe an explanation again but, an apology? This timeline was definitely shaping up to be much different. You have to wonder if that's a good thing. "It was... I'm not sure what came over me? I... well you see. Alphys had a plan from the beginning... to use me as some sort of 'killer robot' and she was going to end up saving you either... to become your friend or to turn you in to the King I cannot remember anymore but, in any case. That plan fell through, obviously. Alphys and yourself already became friends, perhaps in part because of me and our film. But, for some reason I just couldn't shake this feeling that... that..."

"Did you see something?" you blurt out before realizing you probably should have waited. But, Mettaton's eyes widen and he gives you a quick nod. 

"Yes! Yes I saw something, almost every time I focused on your Soul. There's a pull about you, that just... makes me _have_ to look, do you understand?" you nod and he continues, "but every time that I looked at your Soul... all I could see was you snatching away my fame. My notoriety. 

"Ha... it seems awfully narcissistic of me to care so much about fame and fortune doesn't it? I'm sure you think it's obnoxious but, I realized yesterday why it hurt me so much to even have the threat of it being ripped away from me a possibility. My fans they... I may be all they have in the line of entertainment but... they're all I have down here as well. Us Monsters have a chance to see the surface with you but, it still might not happen. It's a long shot. And even so, we still have to sacrifice another human... another friend to make it happen. And until that day we're stuck down here. We've _been_ stuck down here. There's no great big world to explore for us, the caverns and caves only hold so much. Every monster down here knows each other; we're all part of a close-knit family. To think that you might rip them away from me... it was almost too much to take. And I didn't know the how's and why's of that fear until yesterday but, I know now. And that's why I was so terribly frightened. Why I fought you. And for that, I'm sorry". 

You listen to him in quiet awe, never expecting such words from Mettaton, of all monsters. He seems completely sincere. Honest. He's telling the truth. You give him a pained look as he finishes, your hand wanting to lay over your heart. To cast a barrier over this pull he talked about. Over the the fear he saw so clearly in his minds eye when he looked at you. Over the image of you stealing away his family. It's hard to listen to, especially when you'd already done it one time before, though in a different way. Mettaton offers you an apologetic smile as he looks upon you, and you squeeze his hand with yours as you shake your head. 

"It's okay. Please, I understand. You don't need to apologize". Mettaton gives you a puzzled look, goes to say something but, you interrupt him before he can. "The vision you saw? The pull to look at my Soul... I think it's... my magic. Somehow?" Well, you shouldn't be lying but, you can't exactly tell him the truth. And besides, who would even believe all that besides Sans, who had a recollection of past events and reason to believe you anyway? How were you supposed to blurt out that you have a half-demon child living in your head who was making Monsters see their worst fears whenever they looked at you? There had to be a bit of foreplay to that whole spiel, foreplay of which you were not in the mood to go on about. Ever. 

"Your magic? Hm, how odd? So... ah, that means you're... a mage?" Mettaton looks inward at your Soul, focusing on your chest. There's a wince of mental pain that crosses his face but, he manages to push past it and focus hard on your magical make-up. "Interesting. I've not seen much red magic but, I'm quite aware that it is categorized by Monsters as Determination. I've heard Alphys use the word quite a bit when talking about her Lab... so perhaps it's not out of the realm of possibilities for red magic to be... a little less static in it's abilities. Well, that and... your Soul is... do you mind?" 

You raise a brow, though realize after a moment that he's asking if you mind him taking a closer look. Which is to say, if you mind him taking your Soul from your chest, like one would in a battle. Like Sans had done once before. For a moment, panic strikes you but, you realize quick enough that there's no danger here. Mettaton isn't going to hurt you anymore. You nod, "no, go ahead..."

Mettaton gives you a smile before focusing inward upon himself for a moment, and then dull red light washes over the both of you. You hadn't looked at it since your fight yesterday, only just barely catching a glimpse when Asgore raised his trident over your head.

It looked... terrible. Bad. Awful. It looked like it might shatter or disappear at any moment. The glass like enclosure surrounding it remained untouched but, your true Soul, the red magic inside it's prison was dimmer and grayer than ever before. There was only a hint of red left, it was washed out and desaturated. The cracks surrounding it and the one large crack down the middle were angry and threatening. Upon first glance it even appeared that, from certain angles, some chunks of red were missing entirely. Like pieces were already beginning to break away. Your whole being, hovering in Mettaton's manicured hands was disappearing -- slowly, but surely. 

The sight of it has you looking away, forcing the tears in your eyes away with a couple hard blinks. Mettaton sucks in a breath, though you know he doesn't need it. 

"What happened to you, darling? If... sorry. If you don't mind me asking". 

Well, that was the last thing you thought you were going to be doing today. Spilling your guts to Mettaton. But suddenly you can't stop yourself. Even when Alphys comes back downstairs with cups of noodles for you and herself, you keep going. And she listens as well, sipping at her noodles slowly and giving you a warm smile whenever it gets a bit hard to speak. By the end of explaining your home situation, and what brought you down here in the first place... being fired, having no friends, problem upon problem upon problem... you're a stuttering mess and Alphys and Mettaton do their best to calm you with soothing words and tender encouragements. There's no pity in either of their eyes, nothing even resembling it. There's sympathy, empathy... but no hollow pity or empty disinterest. Both their eyes are on you, listening as intently as they can.

"S-sorry I... I talked so long I didn't mean to... I know you wanted to tell me something today, Alphys..." 

"I-It's okay, seriously! We still h-have all the time in world. It's... well. It's n-not going anywhere". You almost laugh at her morbid joke but, manage to keep as straight a face as you can, minus the smile. 

The two of you sip the remaining bit of broth and noodles, drinking some pop's as well while Mettaton lounges and talks to you about the future of your movie together. You can tell he wants to say you'll finish it on the surface but, the words keep getting caught in his throat before he lets himself, knowing full well that it's not going to happen like that. The topic of your soon to be untimely departure from the Underground to free all Monsters is ignored, for the most part. Forgotten in exchange for friendly chats and bean spilling. 

It feels... nice though. To have all of that off your chest to someone else. To _two_ someone elses! You have to wonder if, by the time your three days is up if you'll manage to tell Undyne and Papyrus too. Maybe you'll even take a journey back through the forest and knock on Toriel's door. Maybe you'll convince her to open it so you can see her one last time. 

Sans doesn't talk much about her, but he's mentioned her once or twice. You're under the impression that he still talks to her quite regularly but, you don't know if she'll answer the door to you. It... you think it would be too painful for her. Maybe it's just... best not to do that to her. Maybe you could leave a note?

In any case... there's a weight gone from your shoulders now. You may have left out all the timeline shenanigans but, Mettaton seems sated with your explanation of the events on the surface. It seems to suffice. Both Undyne and Papyrus though are... a bit suspicious. But, you wouldn't even know where to start explaining all of the timeline stuff to them, even if you wanted to. Even if Sans wanted you to. The two of them have a theory about it being from a lack of puzzles and training. Or, at least that was what you'd gathered from their secret conversations about it. You should probably tell the both of them that the group chat might not be the best place to discuss the intricacies of your Soul. 

... It was funny to watch though. Especially when Undyne started talking about how much she liked Alphys and how she wasn't sure how to say it before realizing she was in the group chat WITH Alphys and she had to scramble to delete everything. For some _strange_ reason, she'd managed to avoid Alphys' being online each time it'd happened. And it had happened at least five times.

Once your noodles are finished and you're on your last sip of pop, Alphys slips off the sofa and checks Mettaton's battery. "All charged. H-hopefully the new components I'm working on will be better for battery drainage but, with the new cooling system I put in last night, you should be good to go for the rest of the day! J-just make sure to come back before your battery notification dips into the red, o-okay? I don't want you cutting it t-too close". 

"Of course, of course Alphys dear. I'll be back before supper. Well, hopefully. I have an autograph signing and you know how long those go on. Ta-ta!" he rises from the couch, Alphys unplugging him from his back panel and closing him up before he makes it over to the door, turning to you before he leaves, "we must get together again soon, okay darling?" And then he's gone, you think it might be too much for him to say goodbye. There was too much finality in it. You're glad he thought so too. 

"He's r-really sorry you know? I... I heard him telling you about my plan..." 

You turn back to Alphys, giving her a small smile, "I know. And... sorry we were talking about you..." 

"Oh! N-no it's okay! I-it uh... it's probably better he told you... I-I don't know that I ever would have... g-gotten around to it. And it was pretty i-important". 

"D-does that mean you... heard him talking about that other thing?" 

"With y-your Soul?" you nod. She gives you a pained smile in return. 

"Y-yeah... I did. It's... a-actually why I wanted you to come over! I-it was... kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. M-my fear wasn't exactly... w-well... not to say Mettaton's couldn't have happened r-realistically but... mine is a little m-more. I-I suppose... more likely to come true. E-especially with the p-promise we made each other". 

"What... what was it?" you ask, and though you know the answer, an uncomfortable shiver runs up your spine anyhow. It always gave you the creeps, always made you uncomfortable. Knowing Alphys did it for the greater good though it... made it easier to deal with. Easier to cope with. At least this time you were going down there with her and not alone, spurred on by a note that had horrified you and reminded you a little too much of one you'd written yourself. 

"W-well..." she begins, waving you over as she looks to the floor. You follow her to the elevator, swallowing when she ushers you inside. "It's a secret that... I-I've been trying to keep. One t-that... I-I think would... m-make people r-really... really h-hate me..."

The elevator doors close slowly, and the lift shakes a bit before it begins to fall and you're on your way with her toward the True Lab.


	36. Alphys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 More Days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked how I wrapped up Mettaton's whole arc! If you recall, I was having a really tough time writing him... which is why I ended up on hiatus in the first place... but then once I just sat down and got everything out he came to me pretty easily! I suppose just, writing him before the fight is really... one dimensional, and if you haven't guessed by now: I like to write characters who are like, angst fodder, lmao. 
> 
> Anyway! Please enjoy today's chapter and I'll see you all again on Monday!

The Amalgamates had always given you the creeps on your first go around. You knew after the fact that they were harmless, just defending themselves against someone new. But the idea of Monsters just... melting into one another to create one... shambling, incomprehensible mess of a being... it always put you a bit on edge. Not to mention that Alphys hadn't given you the whole scoop. How it'd had happened, why. You'd found out bits and pieces on your own obviously, but never the full story from her. 

She seems pretty determined to change that this time though, if the look on her face has anything to say about it. 

"N-now uh, th-this is gonna be kind of... scary? At first? Um... a-at the least, pretty surprising. I..." she sighs, running a clawed hand down her face before the elevator stops. She hits a button to keep the doors closed for now. "I've... I-I haven't told anyone a-about this yet? N-not even... jeez. Not even th-their families. I'm... I'm h-horrified of what th-they're gonna think. I'm g-garbage for this. Like, actual physical trash". 

"Alphys..." you try to speak up, to deny her claim but, she quickly hushes you with a shake of her head. 

"Y-you'll see what I mean in a m-minute. I... ha. If you wanna g-go... the elevator will be r-ready to take y-you back upstairs at a-anytime". 

She presses a button, and the doors slowly open. 

The first thing you see is the darkness. It's incredibly dark and dreary down here... you can't see anyone, it's almost slightly damp. There's a silence hanging in the air that runs a shiver up your spine. It reminds you a little too much of a place you were only days away from going back to. You feel your heart beginning to race, and you reach for Alphys hand. She lets out a surprised squeak. You feel her looking at you for a moment but, she quickly squeezes your hand back and helps to lead you out of the elevator car. You follow after her, trying to calm your nerves. You'd been down here before. You'd seen what was down here already. It was nothing to be afraid of. It was...

"A-are you alright?" Alphys suddenly asks, looking up at you with worry in her eyes. You shake your head, realizing your hands were growing clammy. Alphys seemed to have noticed too, squeezing your hand tighter in response. "We... we c-can leave... if you w-want". 

"No, no I... just. Um... t-the dark. It... kinda freaks me out a little..." 

"Oh! R-right of course! Hold on," she reaches into her pocket, pulling out a remote control and clicking a button. The silence is filled with the click and whir of lights turning on over head and of magical electricity running through them. Most of your anxiety melts away when you can finally see whats in front of you. It's just a room, the tiles are white though tinted a bit green. There's even a vending machine next to you that flickers to life as well as some potted plants in the corners. Besides the sound of the popato chisps vending machine humming and the buzz of the lights above, you can't hear much else down here. Alphys squeezes your hand a bit tighter, shoving the remote back in her pocket. 

"Sorry about t-that. The lights turn off automatically when I'm n-not down here. Th-they... um. Yeah. They d-don't like the artificial light much". 

Alphys leads you along, deeper into the Lab. Besides giving you the creeps, this place had always made you extremely confused. Direction wise, that is. The rest of the Underground was mostly linear. At least, there were paths and stuff that you were clearly supposed to walk on but, the True Lab had winding halls and dead ends and barely any signs. There are several digital notes on the wall, all of which aren't currently powered but, even when they were on they'd only just barely helped. 

Alphys stops with you in what looks to be a communal sleeping room -- maybe a dorm was a better term. There are several plush looking beds laying out in the middle of the floor... bowls laying around, you think they're dog food bowls. More plants, there even appears to be some familiar looking golden flowers peaking out from around the corner of another hallway. It makes you wonder why you hadn't seen Flowey in a long while. You wonder where he might be. What he was getting up to. In a way, you kind of miss him. 

"They?" you ask her, trying your best to appear surprised. Alphys seems to buy it well enough, and you give her your undivided attention, knowing she'd given you yours. 

"Y-yeah the uh..." she sighs, walking with you over to one of the beds and sitting on it, leaving enough room for you as well. You sit next to her, giving her an encouraging look. You think, just for a moment, you spot something ambling from the corner of your eye but... "the Amalgamates. T-they... live down here. I..." 

Alphys removes her glasses, holding them in her lap as she rubs her eyes. She sighs, it's shaky and you think she's going to start crying but, she manages to blink back the tears in her eyes, looking down at her glasses in her lap, "I made a mistake. I-I... I thought I was helping people! I thought I was o-onto something. I-I thought I was doing something... s-something good. Instead I j-just... I just messed it up!"

"Of course you didn't," you say quietly. You don't blame her when she disagrees. 

"N-no I did. I absolutely did. I..." she sighs, putting her glasses back on, "I started experimenting with red magic. With Determination. A-Asgore let me extract some from the Human Souls he'd already collected. Just enough for a good sample, but not too much to destroy the Souls. Th-then I... I started asking for Monsters that had... fallen down. That were sick. Unresponsive. I said I... I might have a cure! I-I might have something to help! A-and people believed me! Th-they brought people over to my Lab, begging me to h-help and I... I tried... but it was too much. Human magic is... i-it's stronger than ours. It's... it's too strong for us. Something about c-concentrated Determination just... it woke everyone up! Sure but, it also... _I_ also... destroyed them". 

It's then that the shambling mass you thought you'd seen appears again, though this time it doesn't disappear when you look over at it. It's shaking, almost... falling off itself, dripping on the floor as it peaks around the corner. Your heart jumps to your throat but, you calm yourself. Trying your best to remind yourself that they aren't going to hurt you. That they are Monsters. They're kind. They're just curious. 

"Ah! Lemon Bread! I-it's okay... you can come out..." 

Lemon Bread ambles over, a shaking, melting, shambling mess... plopping herself down in front of you. Her teeth and jaw open in a soundless roar before closing again as she looks to Alphys, "Lemon is... well. My experiment it... it sort of... i-it made everyone's physical bodies... melt. A lot of the Monsters involved melted into each other a-and... formed these... amalgamations. Lemon is... an A-Amalgamate of Shyren's sister... a-and Aaron's brother and a Moldbygg. Sh-she's really quite nice, she might seem a bit stand offish but she... s-she's just uncomfortable I t-think..." 

You nod, as it's really all you can do, before turning your attention back to Lemon and giving her a smile. She appears to nod her head, humming shakily to herself. Eventually the rest of the Amalgamates converge on your's and Alphys' location, and Alphys introduces you to all of them. 

Endogeny. Snowdrake's mother. Reaper Bird. Memory Head. Among others that are shambling about. 

Endogeny takes up residence in your lap, literally melting against you and whining until you begin petting it. It's warm and despite the slight moistness dripping off it, you give in to it's silent request, petting it's head as you and Alphys talk. The rest of the Amalgamates crowd around to listen, Alphys having gotten them something to eat once they'd all introduced themselves.

So, the two of you sat. And you talked. And talked. And Alphys explained everything to you. Everything she could anyway, apparently there were some blank spots in her memory but, nothing that took from what she had to tell you. She talked about the Amalgamates. About the golden flowers... about how she'd tried to create a soulless vessel and how that had horrifically backfired as well. You know she has no idea who Flowey is, so you keep it to yourself but, you know she's talking about him. Eventually, she even talks about Mettaton. About how she'd lied to Asgore in regards to what he was, that he wasn't really a robot with a Soul and that he was just... well, he was just Mettaton. Napstablook's cousin who'd simply wanted a body. It's a lot of information to dump and eventually, you both land again on the topic of the Amalgamates.

She tells you with tears in her eyes again how she's been receiving letters nonstop and that she's just stopped reading them at this point. How they were just collecting dust on her desk upstairs. 

"P-people are wondering where their family members are. And I... I s-swore I was gonna bring them b-back. I promised th-them. And then... it a-all went wrong... and I.. I couldn't. I couldn't... live up to my m-mistakes..."

You want to say something, you want to comfort her but, you know it's hard. You know how hard she's trying just to tell you all this. There really aren't any words for you to tell her that might make her feel better... especially now. She interrupts your train of thought. 

"T-then I met you..." she says suddenly, and you're stunned into silence. "Or, w-well. I mean e-even after that I was still... y'know. But... t-then I talked to you yesterday! A-and today also... and I r-realized that... even i-if what I'm hiding is t-terrible, even if I... even if I think people will hate me for it, or l-look down on me for it... I should still be honest. E-everyone has secrets but... s-some secrets just... th-they need to be told, y'know? You need to tell your friends these t-things. Like your story! From above... how you got here... h-how you fell...

"I... I was thinking of doing s-something... really cowardly t-today... b-before I invited you over instead. I just... I-I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd d-done... all t-these intrusive thoughts a-about.. losing Mettaton kept... kept bouncing a-around in my head and I... I a-almost gave up. But... I-I couldn't stop thinking about that deal you'd made w-with me, ha... somehow I just... I didn't want to l-leave without t-talking to you about it. I don't know w-why but it... I feel like w-we're old friends. O-or at the very least, l-like you understand more than a-anyone else might..."

You give her a smile and she returns it easily, turning her attention back to the Amalgamates, gently shaking her head. "What... what do y-you think I should do?" 

"About the melted Monsters or your big huge crush on Undyne?" 

Alphys' face turns bright red and she smacks your arm gently when you start giggling. "Th-that's not funny!!!" After a moment she clears her throat, mumbling quietly, "b-both". 

Smirking, you calm yourself a bit, laying back on the bed and closing your eyes. Alphys does the same, though takes a moment to adjust her tail so she doesn't lay on it wrong. "Well... I think you should be honest". 

"Duh," she replies, you can practically feel the eye roll in her words. You snort, turning and opening your eyes to look at her. She stares back, deadpan expression on her face. 

"I think that you should be honest. And I think that... you should stop doubting yourself so much. Like you said yourself, the Amalgamates are nice, right? I mean, they definitely are nice there is one currently melting on my lap right at this very instant. I think... they just want to see their families again... and I think that... their families want to see them as well..." 

Alphys sighs, nodding her head before looking up at the ceiling, "of course they do. But... what if t-their families are mad? What if they hate me? I know that's... r-really selfish but..."

You shake your head gently, "I don't think it's selfish. I... I think it's pretty reasonable to worry about that. It's... well. Not _human_ nature. Maybe... intelligent being nature. It's perfectly reasonable to be worried about that kind of thing. And in some cases I guess... i-it might be true, y'know? Like... some of the families might actually be angry with you but... I think after that initial shock... having their family members back will make them forgive you". 

Alphys nods, watching you as you speak, quietly thinking to herself. You can tell she wants to tell everyone what happened. Of course she did, otherwise she wouldn't have invited you down here. She wanted to tell Monsterkind what she'd done. She wanted to reunite the Amalgamates with their families. But, you understood even without your previous knowledge, just how hard that was to do. It all weighed heavy on her conscience, and that heaviness was hard to shake. 

"Y-your right... I... b-before the barrier is lifted! I... I'll tell them then..."

You give her a smile, and she returns it with a determined one of her own, "that sounds awesome! I'll be there to help you, at least... for as long as I can..." 

"I... oh..." Alphys sits up suddenly, grabbing your hands when you follow her up, "I'm... so sorry about all this. I'm so, _so_ sorry. If it weren't for me you wouldn't... th-this wouldn't... oh gosh..." 

"Alphie... hey! Hey... no. This isn't your fault, okay? Please don't cry... y-you're... you're gonna make me cry too..." 

It's a little too late though and, the two of you are holding onto each other and crying, Alphys apologizing so much that the word 'sorry' doesn't even sound like a word anymore. Eventually the both of you pull apart, and you wipe the egg off your face, sniffling as you try to compose yourselves. You were trying your hardest not to cry about this, or to really feel much of anything in regards to this entire situation but, leave it to Alphys to bring it all to the surface. She'd always been good at bringing out that emotional side of you. And... now that you think about it. So was Undyne. You're sure seeing her later in the coming days was going to be just as snot and tear filled, even if she tried her best to not cry. It was inevitable with Undyne. 

Ah, speaking of Undyne. 

"I think you should be honest with Undyne too," you sniff, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. Alphys' cheeks turn red as she scrambles to wipe the tears still staining her face. 

"O-o-obviously! Of c-course you do! I... of c-course I should... but what if she..."

"I don't think she'll hate you. Or be mad at you. Maybe... a little disappointed for not trusting her sooner but, I don't think she'll hate you, Alphys. She... Undyne... she really, really likes you. I mean... maybe even..." 

"Shhh! Shhh oh my God!" Alphys is all smiles again, hiding her face in her hands when you go to use the other L word. You smile in return, giggling when she starts to laugh as well. The Amalgamates crowding around preen and groan, making little noises that sound a lot like giggling. Well, except Endogeny. Endogeny whines in your lap again, and you realize you'd stopped petting it a little while ago. You give it a little pat on the head, scratching behind it's goopy ears. It settles again, and you look up at Alphys with a smile. 

"I think you should tell her first. It might be easier to tell just one more person before... dropping the bomb. I... I told Sans before I told you or Mettaton what happened to me above. That made it a lot easier to share with you". 

"Y-yeah... n-no I think... I think you're right..." she sighs, "I guess I should start making p-preparations though to... well. Reintroduce these guys to their families..." 

Alphys and you say goodbye to the Amalgamates for now, and she leads you back to the elevator, making sure to turn the lights off before the two of you climb in and head back up to her Lab. You'd left all your stuff up here, realizing from the dark red glow outside that it was almost dark out. You'd been here almost all day apparently, Alphys doesn't seem really surprised by this. She tells you it's pretty easy to lose track of time down there. You don't argue. 

She gives you a big hug, and Mettaton returns in time to see you off as well, before you grab your things and head out back to Snowdin. You have some notifications on Undernet, some messages from Sans and Paps and, surprisingly, one from Undyne. She usually just called you, or... more frequently just came over and said hello in person. Alphys had told you down in the True Lab that Undyne wasn't completely acting herself... which, she'd said gave her more reason to want to tell her the truth. And you agreed. What better way to get Undyne's mind off of whatever was bothering her than with some new to talk about. Especially if it involved Alphys. 

You open up your messages while you inform the Riverperson where you're headed, climbing into their boat and settling in for the half hour long ride. They hum as they row, and you bob your head along to the tune. 

**StrongFish91 said:**  
 _Hey dork! Okay... that wasn't the best way to start this off. Lol. So. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come hang out at my place tomorrow? Or... like, whenever. You don't have to. But, if you want to you can. Gosh, I sound like Alphys don't I? Ha..._

You tap out a reply, saying you'd be more than happy to meet her tomorrow at her house. Then you ask if she had anything planned to do, if she wanted to just talk or whatever. If she wanted you to bring food. She replies almost instantly, clearly waiting by her phone. 

**StrongFish91 said:**  
 _Finally!!! I've been waiting all day for you to reply... Paps told me you were at Alphys' so I'll give you a pass this time. Did she say anything about me?_

Off track already, you think with a laugh. 

**You said:**   
_She sure did._

**StrongFish91 said:**   
_*blushing fish emoji* What did she say?!?!?!_

**You said:**   
_Can't tell you! That would be super lame_

**StrongFish91 said:**   
_Crap. You're right. Okay._   
_I don't have anything planned. Just come over. I just wanna talk about some stuff. I gotta... get some crap off my chest..._

**You said:**   
_Ew..._

**StrongFish91 said:**   
_SHUT UP!!!! I'M TRYING TO BE SERIOUS HERE!! YOU KNOW WHAT!!?!!?! I CHANGED MY MIND!! WE'RE COOKING TOMORROW!!! BRING YOUR OVEN MITTS DWEEB!!!_

Then she's suddenly offline, and you can't send her any messages. Which, means of course, that she's deleted and blocked you. You're shaking in the boat right now, trying your absolute hardest not to burst out laughing. Your attempt completely fails when you get a friend request from her, and suddenly you're nearly in tears wheezing to yourself. Undyne sure was something. The Riverperson looks back at you and, though you can't see it, you get the fainest feeling that they might be smiling. 

You accept the request, snorting when she immediately sends you another message.

 **StrongFish91 said:**  
 _Sorry. YOU BETTER BE AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW AT 3 PM SHARP OR I'LL KICK YOUR BUTT!!!!!_

By the time you get back to Snowdin and give the Riverperson a generous tip, you're wiping tears off your face again from laughter, watching picture upon picture as Undyne sends you snaps of all the stuff she had ready for you and her to cook tomorrow. Shaking your head, you turn your phone off and climb up onto the porch of the skeleton brother's house, letting yourself inside and closing the door behind you. 

It's warm inside, the oven on in the kitchen as Papyrus cooks something for supper (it smells like lasagna, you think). Sans is napping on the couch, a book laying over his chest. The cover tells you it something about space. It's tattered, old, dirty. It looks like he'd had it for a while. You make a mental note to write a list for him of books he might like when he finally reaches the surface... books that you liked up there.

Papyrus greets you from the kitchen, and after kicking your boots off, you go to help him finish preparing some garlic bread, telling him as much about your day as you can. He interrupts your story when you let it slip that you'd been talking with Mettaton and Alphys about how you'd fallen. And suddenly, you're telling him how it happened as well, and something in your chest warms a bit, and dare you say it, it feels something like a band-aid was placed on your heart. Like you were... slowly healing. 

Papyrus gives you a big hug when you finish telling him your story, giving you a kiss on your temple before taking your hands in his oven-mitted ones, "no matter what, you'll always have a place down here. You'll always be welcomed by Monsterkind. I know I can't speak for everyone but, somehow... even so, I know this to be true. You're... my friend, you're family". 

You can't see him but, Sans has woken up from the couch and is peeking into the kitchen at this exchange, a bright, warm smile on his face as he watches you reach up and wrap your arms around his brother's shoulders. He thinks that... even after everything that had happened thus far... that this might be the proudest he'd been of you yet. 

Something aches in his chest.


	37. Undyne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn this might be the earliest I'm posting a chapter! But, here we are!

You make it to Undyne's the next day with a little less than 2 minutes to spare. She's outside when you finally get there, punching away at a training dummy in front of her house. For a moment she doesn't notice you, so you simply watch as quietly as you can. There's sweat on her face and her arms, punch after punch growing a little more fatigued than the last. She must have been out here for a while, you think. When she finally does notice you, she lets out a big sigh and wipes her forehead with her forearm, giving you a toothy grin before peeling off her gloves. The velcro gives a satisfying tearing noise. 

"Hey, twerp. The scar that huge hunk of metal gave ya is healing up pretty well, ain't it? Ya look good!" 

You were still surprised every time you saw that thing when you looked in the mirror, or your phone camera. But, slowly you were starting to get used to it, and it was a bit smaller since yesterday. It wont ever fully disappear but, like the tiny scars dotting your hands and your right leg, eventually it would fade enough that it wasn't so stark against your darker skin. 

Scars lined Undyne's upper arms as well, a couple crossing over her chest and her exposed midriff, to be expected. She was always getting up to something that involved her getting hurt. 

"Th-thanks," you say, a hint of red on your cheeks as you brush your fingers over the fading blemish. You notice Undyne isn't wearing her eye patch today, her left eye shut as she looks at you. You guess it just gets in the way while she's training. 

She's still catching her breath when she waves her hand, chest heaving as she pants, "alright! Enough standing outside like weirdos, time to get cooking! And baking. I found a cool cookie recipe I wanted to... don't laugh at me. I wanted to make some for Alphys". 

You almost snicker, but catch yourself when she glares back at you. Biting your lip to hide a smile, you shove your hands in your hoodie pockets, following her to the front door, "I think Alphys would love some cookies. Did... have you talked to her lately?" 

Undyne opens up the front door, stepping inside and holding it open for you. You walk in, kicking off your shoes and putting them by the door next to her boots. Undyne gives a shrug, closing the front door behind the two of you, "she uh... she texted me last night. Said she wanted me to swing by the lab this morning. So I did... and she uh... brought me down to her basement". 

"Oh..." you breathe out before you can stop yourself. Undyne looks over at you, nodding her head and you know Alphys had followed through with what she said she'd do. You were... really proud of her. 

"She explained everything. Told me what had happened with everyone, that she'd already told you too, but that no one else knew anything and that she was planning to get everyone back to their families by..." 

"Yeah, I know," you mumble, standing awkwardly at the door with her, knowing neither of you actually wanted to finish that sentence. Undyne suddenly straightens up a bit, putting her hands on her hips as she looks at you. 

"Well! I'm proud of her and I wanna show her that by making her something nice! So I'm gonna make her some cookies, and you're gonna help because... I have some stuff to tell you too!" Undyne grabs your hand then, dragging you into her kitchen with you. You pass by the ebony piano to the left, and passed the kitchen table to your right. Undyne's kitchen is expansive, much bigger than Sans and Papyrus'. You weren't big on cooking or baking really, but that wasn't to say you couldn't. You just didn't do it much.

When you did cook, things usually went well. No water on fire, no explosions, no big huge mess. But, you knew how Undyne usually did things so, you were a little bit on edge since you'd arrived. 

"Hair up in the kitchen kid! Or, back in your case. Y'know I like my long hair a lot but I've been thinking for a while about what it would look like short!" 

"Really?" you ask, taking the elastic she'd offered you and pulling as much of your hair back into a low ponytail as you could. There were some pieces left at the front, and your fringe of course but, it was as much as you could manage. Undyne seemed satisfied with it, urging you to tug off your sweater too. 

"Yeah, absolutely! I think your hair is super cool... it's also grown a lot since the first time I saw you. How... sorry, now I'm totally butting into your business but um, is it weird? How long was it on the surface?" 

You tug your sweater off, pulling down your white tank top as it climbs up over your stomach. You flick the hair out of your eyes before giving Undyne a shrug, "it was like... the longest pieces were in the front and they went just below my chin... the rest was sloped and it was pretty short in the back. Now it's kind of... mostly the same length isn't it?" 

"A little! There's still some layers to it, I think it's cool!" Undyne suddenly tugs the elastic from her hair and runs her fingers through it, over the shaved parts on the side of her head and through the long strands down her back. Her hair reaches her bottom out of it's ponytail, "my hairs always been this long, so a change could be cool... right?" 

"For sure!" you say with a smile, watching Undyne move around, her hair moving with her. "You can totally do fake bobs though, you know? With clips and bobby pins and stuff". 

"Really?!" she asks, clearly surprised by this information. "That's so cool! We should totally do that some day. Oh! Oh what about tomorrow? Why don't we have a big slumber party tomorrow?" 

Undyne seems to be the first person besides Papyrus who doesn't immediately make this awkward, jumping to something good instead of reminding you of your impending doom. Speaking of, King Asgore had rung you earlier in the day, right after breakfast, to see if you were having a good time. He beat around the bush a bit, not wanting to use the 'goodbye' word either but, he also seemed concerned enough. You assured him things were going well and that your friends were treating you like they would any other time and that you were enjoying your last couple days. He seemed sated with that and apologized quickly again before hanging up. It... was awkward to say the least. 

"Oh! That... honestly sounds really fun. We could do like... what are those things called? Uh... makeovers?"

"Makeovers!" Undyne beams, tugging her hair up into a pony tail, then twisting it into a bun and wrapping the elastic around it. "Hell yeah, that sounds awesome! Okay! That means we gotta like, do DOUBLE the cooking and baking though, right? Like we gotta have enough stuff ready to go for tomorrow!" 

You give her a grin, nodding your head as she turns back to the counter, metaphorically rolling up her sleeves, "absolutely!" 

The two of you get started, mixing up eggs and flour and sugar and all sorts of other ingredients. Nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla, butterscotch, chocolate chips. They all come together to make sheets upon sheets of cookies. And you're still no where close to being done when you stick the fourth sheet in the oven. Undyne gives a huff, shutting the door with her hip and slumping to the floor. You sit down in front of her, wiping your forehead with the back of your arm... though really, instead of wiping off sweat, you've just stuck a bunch of flour to your skin. Undyne doesn't say a word though, knowing her face isn't fairing much better. 

"Batch number four," she says with a sigh, the smile on her face telling you she's no where near tired. 

"Batch number four," you say in return, licking some of the cookie dough off a spoon. You hand Undyne the bowl so she can have some as well. 

She nibbles at the batter, looking up at you as she licks some off her finger, before swallowing and giving another sigh. "I guess I should get to the point huh? I've been tryna avoid it for the last hour and a half but..." 

Oh, right. She wanted to get something off her chest. You'd been having so much fun baking that you'd almost completely forgotten why you were here in the first place.

"So, about the day before yesterday... when you were in Hotland," she begins, suddenly looking very pained; almost guilty. "I... I'm sorry that I... I led Asgore right to you. I had the opportunity to refuse him but I just... froze up. I couldn't. The guy practically raised me, y'know? And I know that's no excuse but, it's hard to tell the only family figure you've got 'no'". 

You had kind of assumed it was Undyne's doing, the reason that Asgore had found you. Of course, he'd probably seen the Broadcast, he obviously knew you were in the Underground, and even if it wasn't Undyne who'd immediately told him that you were, she was still the leader of the Royal Guard. So of course she'd be required to escort him to your location. "I get ya," you say, and she looks toward you, that guilt still on her face though a little more placated at your words, "besides. If you and King Asgore hadn't showed up when you did, I think I'd be dead right now anyway and Mettaton would have absorbed my Soul and gone to the surface". 

Undyne winces at that, nodding her head a bit and running her hand over the shaved half of her head, "yeah he... yeah. Probably. But..." she pauses, looking down at the bowl in her other hand, "you're still gonna. Y'know. Just this time, it'll be King Fluffybuns who does it". 

"Yeah but then it'll be for..." _snrk_ , "King _Fluffybuns?_ " 

Undyne bites her lip, suddenly trying to hold in her laughter, "Don't ask me, I have no idea where it came from. Old man Gerson calls him that all the time though, pretty sure that old geezer knows where it came from. Guess it just kinda stuck". 

It's one of those things that sounds mad familiar but, one that's faded with the passage of time now. Fluffybuns. You can't remember anymore where that one came from, but you're almost positive that Gerson absolutely would have the knowledge of that. You must not have encountered the situation that gave you that knowledge in the previous timeline yet. It was a little exciting to finally experience deja vu but actually not remember the previous instance of it. You were finally experiencing something new. 

"Gosh. Okay, King Fluffybuns," you giggle, trying your best to compose yourself for the seriousness of your next words, "if he happens to absorb my Soul and the Souls of those other kids he's got then... that'll be fine with me, honestly. I... I want to help Monsterkind. That's been my goal from the beginning... and if it means sacrificing myself then, I guess that's what I've got to do". 

"Aren't you scared though?" Undyne's voice is small, perhaps scared of the answer to her question.

"Absolutely," you whisper in reply, looking distractedly at the spoon caked in cookie dough in your hand. "I'm really, really scared. But... I know no matter how scared I am that... you guys have been way more scared for... way longer. And besides... I came down here ready to go, y'know? At least now I can do it while helping people. While helping Monsters". 

Undyne doesn't pry into that, you suddenly see the realization on her face as she looks at you; briefly peeks at your Soul. She doesn't need a long winded explanation to know, she just does, "the surface didn't treat you too well did it, kid?" 

All you can do is shrug, giving her a half-hearted smile as you shake your head, "it's rough up there. I dunno what humans were like when they caged you all up down here, I'm sure you don't know either but... from the sounds of it, they've really only gotten worse". 

"Fantastic," Undyne says, throwing her hands up in frustration before realization crosses her face and she's looking back at you with curiosity in her eyes, "wait. You've been on the surface". 

"... yeah?" You aren't sure where she's taking this. 

"What's it like? Are there any more mages up there? Is there any magic at all? What do the stars look like? What's the ocean like?" 

Blinking, you take in all her questions, surprised by the sudden onslaught of them. "Oh uh... I mean. The people suck for the most part but nature is cool. Like the animals and plants and stuff. Um... the stars look like little specks in the sky, I didn't see many of them where I lived. I was in the city center.... we had a lot of light pollution there and I... don't really care for stars much," Undyne scoots closer to you until the both of your knees are touching and she's right up in your face, watching intently with her good eye. She seems absolutely offended when you say you don't like stars but, before she can say anything, you keep talking and it seems to calm her down a bit. "When I drove up here though, to Mt. Ebott... I could see the Milky Way overhead and it... for just a second space didn't seem so scary to me. 

"The ocean is _massive_. It takes up more than half the planet and it's all sorts of different shades of blue and green. Sometimes it even turns red because of these things called algae blooms!" 

"Wow..." Undyne breathes, clearly imagining what it might look like. "What about mages and magic? Do humans still have magic?"

You think on that for a moment before shrugging your shoulders, "I dunno... I guess... I sort of do, down here anyway," Undyne nods her head a couple quick times, "but I didn't know magic existed until I fell down here so... I... guess not? Or they're just... _really_ good at hiding it. I wouldn't be surprised if they turned on the mages though after the fact, humans are... kind of shitty like that, y'know?" 

Undyne grimaces, though nods her head, "that makes a lot of sense actually. Gerson doesn't talk with me much about the surface, or... not the bad things anyway. Neither does Asgore for what it's worth but, the old turtle mentioned one time that tensions were kinda high between the humans and the mages before the mages sealed Monsters away under here. Wouldn't surprise me if the humans turned on them a while later... there was always more regular humans than monsters or mages. Kinda makes you wonder though..."

"If the mages were really ever on the humans side?" you ask, Undyne nods. 

"Yeah..." the oven dings suddenly, and Undyne scrambles to stand up, grabbing her oven mitts and peeking into the oven, "human history is pretty... weird. I thought I knew more about it until Alphys told me that she was lying to me about Anime being real..."

"Ohh... she told you that too?" 

Undyne shrugs, "yeah... it sucks! I wanted a giant sword when I got up there!" 

You snort, grabbing some plates for the last batch of cookies, "you know, even if Anime wasn't real, there was this period in human history called the Medieval Ages and humans had giant swords and stuff back then like, for realsies". 

"For realsies?!" she gasps, nearly dropping the burning hot cookie sheet from her hands. She scrambles to hold onto it. 

"For realsises!" you say with a giggle, "they also had Long swords which were pretty big too but like, less girthy. And weapons called maces that were like, medium sized sticks with spiked metal balls on chains. Actually, they wore armor too, like you! Most of them were called Knights and they protected Kings and Queens like you do!" 

"Whoa..." Undyne is seemingly rendered speechless, and you think you almost see sparkles surrounding her head like you often see with Papyrus. "I'm a real life Anime..." 

Laughing, you get to work shoving some tomatoes into a blender, finally moving on to cooking, "honestly, I should tell you about Dungeons and Dragons". 

Undyne gets to work defrosting some meat with some fire magic in her microwave, looking over to you curiously, "Dungeons and Dragons?"

"Yeah! I don't know much about it besides like, the basics... I never really played any of it with anyone but, it's like a tabletop role-playing game, I think you'd really like it!"

* * *

The rest of your day at Undyne's is spent talking about DnD, explaining to her the basics about it (none of the rules really since you didn't know much of them but, the basics like character creation, alignment, class, and race) and cooking pasta and casseroles. She settled on Chaotic Good as her alignment, though expressed very obvious intrigue in playing a Chaotic Evil character if she ever got the chance as well. You told her if you were a DnD character you'd probably be True Neutral. She agrees wholeheartedly that this fits you well. 

Once the lasagna in the oven finally finishes baking, Undyne and yourself sit down at the kitchen table and dig in to a bit of each dish, complimenting each other for flavour choices and the sheer amount of cheese used in each dish. You then nibble a bit on some brownies before Undyne drags her feet with a full belly over to the piano. You sit down next to her on the bench, playing around on the keys while she plays an original that she says, with scarlet cheeks, is named 'Dr. A' for 'Dr. Alphys'. You think it's incredibly adorable, Undyne tells you if you call her adorable again she'll personally kick your ass. So, of course, you do it again. 

Which finds you play fighting with her on the ground next to the piano where the two of you had rested forgotten cups of tea. You have a great time. You spent the day with your friend. It was a fantastic day; it was an amazing day. It wasn't a lonely day in any sense of the word. It was... it made you happy. She made you happy. All your friends down here made you ridiculously happy.

Undyne helps you stand after a moment, the two of you giggling away as you brush yourself off and she guides you back to the piano bench. You close your eyes as she plays, listening to each key as its pressed, each note as it floats effortlessly in the air and buries itself deep in your bones, deep in your Soul where suddenly, you feel as if somethings growing. Something important, something warm and all encompassing. It's passionate, it's love, it's humbling, and it's home. You're frightened, you realize. But... for all that it's worth, you're also ready and willing. No matter what happens to you now, somehow, despite all odds, you think it'll turn out fine. Even if you aren't there personally, the smell of baked cookies, the sound of Undyne's long fingers gently playing a soft song dedicated to the Monster she was so desperately in love with and for you, her friend... even if you aren't there to personally welcome Monsters to the surface, to show them around, to help them make a home up there... you know that for the first time in your life, you'd have people who would always be thinking of you. 

And suddenly, as that last piano note plays out and Undyne gives you a big, toothy grin, you no longer regret your decisions. If such bad things led you to this particular moment in time, you think, perhaps they weren't as bad as you'd thought. They'd given you friends, and you were closer with them now than you might have ever been before. 

Resting your head on Undyne's shoulder, you yawn, and she can only smile, dedicating her next tune to you. 

"This one's called 'My Human Friend is a Dweeb".


	38. Papyrus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you all know where this is going and yes, I'm sorry but....   
> .  
> .  
> .
> 
> There will be a Sans chapter on Monday! Sorry you have to wait the whole weekend for it! ;^)

You wake up the next morning to an absolutely massive breakfast, prepared by none other than Sans. The smell of bacon and eggs and hash browns permeates the air and warms you right up. The aroma of coffee percolating in the brewer as the morning begins. There's the soft sound of white noise on the television, a VCR tape long forgotten in the late hours of the night. The blanket around you is warm and smells like home, the sunken couch cushions wrap around you like a gentle hug.

Today is the last day. 

Today is also the day of your sleepover. And subsequently, a huge party. That was all Papyrus' doing. Once you'd mentioned sleepover, he'd immediately thrown together a massive group chat, turned on the webcam on his computer, and ushered you and Sans into his room to chat with what seemed to be the majority of the Underground's populace. 

Not everyone was attending the sleepover, but almost everyone who'd received an invite to the party planned on dropping by the moment the doors opened. Upon hearing the news, Undyne and yourself breathed a huge sigh of relief. Thank goodness you'd prepared all that food yesterday. 

The party list included pretty well everybody down here except the King himself (he had some preparations to attend to for tomorrow, or at least that's what he'd said. You think he just feels guilty). Napstablook, Shyren, Monster Kid, Ice Wolf... even Jerry was going to be stopping by. Which, well you didn't mind too much but, Sans and Papyrus were clearly not pleased with that. You managed to convince them to let him hang out for a little while. A little while it was. 

As for the sleepover, Undyne was for sure staying for that, Sans and Papyrus of course, yourself, Alphys would also be there, and finally Mettaton. Or, he said he'd try his best to stay. You're pretty positive he will and that he's just trying to make himself seem busier than he is. You can respect that. 

Papyrus greets you with a bright good morning, walking with you to the kitchen as you rub the sleep from your eyes. He's just as surprised as you to see Sans up already, and already done cooking. The amount of food he'd made looked like it'd taken him well over an hour to prepare but, he doesn't seem phased in the least. 

"Figured we could use a big meal, we got lots of decorating ta do. _Party-ly_ your fault," he gestures in your direction as he places the last bit of food down in the middle of the table. You snicker, Papyrus trying to hide a smile himself before giving his best frown. Sans just smiles brightly, sitting down at the table with you and Paps. "Feel free ta dig in. We really do gotta get decorating. It's already 10". 

"What?! It's so late, Sans why didn't you wake me?!" Papyrus exclaims, and you look toward the oven clock. Huh... it really is. Well, that explains why Sans was up 'so early'. 

"Figured ya might wanna sleep in. It's a big day today -- besides, I'm sure we're gonna be up late tonight if you and Undyne have anything to say about it". 

"... touche," Papyrus mutters, and you giggle to yourself before loading your plate up with bacon, waffles, and cheesy hashbrowns. 

It was nice having breakfast every morning... especially with two of the people you loved. One of which you loved a bit differently. And, were suddenly reminded by that you sort of had an obligation to confess to. Which, you were quite positive he already knew but, well. You'd promised Alphys you'd do this, so she could tell Undyne that she liked her. Even if Alphys said she was going to tell Undyne on her own, a deal was a deal. 

You absentmindedly pour syrup on your waffles, gnawing on a piece of bacon as Papyrus and Sans talk amongst one another. Down here, in the Underground, you can't hear the sound of birds or crickets... you don't hear the sound of jet planes high above in the atmosphere, nor the sound of the cicada's cry in the dead of a summer heat wave but, you can still hear the soft sound of snow crunching outside as Monsters take their morning walks. You can still hear the sound of a breeze dancing through pine needles and empty tree branches. You can still hear the sound of creaking tree trunks and of the Monsters outside wishing one another a good day. It fills up the silence, makes the morning seem more alive than it should be leagues under the surface of the Earth.

You'll miss it down here. 

_You could always reset..._

The syrup suddenly falls from your hands, crashing onto your plate and sending it and the food on it flying to the floor. Papyrus and Sans jump, heads wiping around to stare at you. You gasp, hands flying to your mouth as you look at the mess you'd just made. 

Your heart is pounding in your chest, you can hear it in your ears, and thankfully again it's all you hear. But the fact remains that you'd heard that child again. That you'd heard them speak right to you. That they were taunting you. 

"What happened?" Sans asks suddenly, his voice makes you flinch for just a moment, a quick memory flashing in your mind of a time something similar had happened in a less forgiving environment. 

Papyrus is already up and grabbing for the paper towels. You quickly stand from your chair and move it out of the way, reaching over the table for the towels as Papyrus offers them. 

"Nothing, nothing... I'm so sorry... it slipped from my hands I didn't..." you feel yourself flinch again as Sans puts his hand on your shoulder and takes the paper towels from you instead. 

"It's okay. Hey, calm down... it's alright. Ya didn't do nothin' wrong". 

"My brother is right! Accidents happen, my friend! And there's still plenty of food to go around, after we clean this up together, feel free to grab some more!" 

You look at them both, eyes still wide and heart still hammering in your ears and suddenly, as they're smiling at you, all that panic washes away and you're left with a hollow feeling in your chest. A hollow feeling that quickly fills itself with relief. They aren't mad at you, there's nothing wrong. Nothing bad is happening to you. You're okay. 

But as that initial panic washes away, another rises up and you quickly meet Sans eyes as Papyrus gets started on cleaning up the mess. Sans looks from his brother back to you and with a silent exchange, he seems to catch on that this wasn't as simple as you'd first made it out to be. 

"Don't worry about it," he whispers, "it can't hurt you. And if it tries to... I'll meet you there. If something goes wrong... I wont stop looking for you. Not ever". 

Blinking, you look over at Papyrus, whose happily humming to himself and cleaning up the syrupy waffles and potatoes on the floor, who is unaware of the hushed conversation taking place. You quickly look back at Sans, shaking your head at his words. "You can't. You can't do that Sans, I wont let you just... I wont. If something goes wrong that's my issue. I can't let you take all that on for me". 

"Can't really say no when you're stuck in a Void, babe. Is there anything in there I can use as a landmark?"

You place a hand on your face, looking at him in frustrated disbelief. The look on his face in return tells you there's really no point in arguing. "There's..." you sigh, looking back to Papyrus before turning back to Sans and nodding your head, "yellow flowers. There's a bed of yellow flowers that I woke up in..." 

Sans nods his head, seeming to think this over for a moment before nodding again more assuredly, "yellow flowers. Got it". 

"Don't come looking for me," you repeat. 

"Can't make any promises," he gives you a wink and you know there's no use in even trying to convince him otherwise at this point. That was the thing about Sans, he made his mind up pretty quickly about what he wanted to do, and he wasn't that easily swayed. So, instead of arguing more with him you turn around and get to work helping Papyrus clean up your spill, apologizing the whole time. 

"It's fine, friend. I promise you, there is no harm done!" Even so, the plate is broken, there's wasted syrup and food all over the floor and you know it's just magic and that it isn't _really_ wasted but, it still makes you feel awful. And what's worse, now you were having doubts. Actual, really bad doubts about going through with this decision. 

What if Sans worries were valid? What if something did happen? That had been your worst fear from the beginning. If you did go through with this, would the world actually keep going without you? There was just no way of knowing. Was it worth taking that chance? Even hypothesizing that the world would just cease to exist without you in it made your stomach churn uncomfortably. How ironic was it that you were suddenly the one thing keeping the Universe together? A sudden, intrusive and dark thought worms its way into your mind. What if you'd just tried to end it somewhere else? What if you'd never jumped on Mt. Ebott to begin with? 

You blink hard, willing away the sudden stinging in your eyes as you clean up the last bit of sticky syrup off the floor. There's already a new plate waiting for you, courtesy of Sans... filled up again with bacon, cheesy hash browns, and waffles with syrup and butter on top. You make sure to wipe the floor down with some hot water before actually deeming it clean though, not wanting to leave it sticky. 

Wiping your eyes and your forehead, you finally stand up, Papyrus giving you a pat on the back before taking his seat as well and digging back into his food. 

You try your best to shake the uneasy feeling that had washed over you, trying to hold onto that last sliver of hope that it'll turn out alright. Sans tries his best to help by cracking as many jokes as he can, by keeping you distracted. Thankfully for now, it works.

* * *

Sans has to step out after breakfast, something about his hot dog job in Hotland and getting a bit more extra cash before tomorrow. He said he'd be back by the time the party started but, you think he just doesn't want to decorate. Fair enough. 

Papyrus on the other hand is all set and ready. He's already got bags upon bags of unopened balloons, and rolls of sparkly streamers ready to go. There's also tons of board games and videos games and even a disco ball he wants you to help him with taping to the ceiling. It seems pretty stationary but, he assures you that he has just the right lights to make it awesome when the time comes. He turns on the big stereo system under the television, urging you to plug your phone in and play something fun from the surface. You don't have much on your phone besides the jazzy stuff you'd played for Sans one time and a couple other MP3's, so it isn't much but, you get the urge suddenly to check the folder you'd made for all the apps that only worked on the surface. 

By some form of luck or, maybe even magic... you can somehow access Spotify. Apparently you'd still been paying for the premium feature. Well, you did still have a bit of cash left in your bank account up there... at least enough for the next couple months. You tap the Top Hit's playlist, informing Papyrus that both yourself and him would be hearing these for the first time. He's ecstatic at this news, and even more excited to hear that you should hopefully have enough music to last the entire party. 

Papyrus' and yourself hum along to what you think is an Ariana Grande song as you hang some streamers along the ceiling and the walls, the both of you dancing a bit to the beat. 

"So... my human friend, I cannot help but have noticed that my brother and yourself have become quite close". 

Uh oh, was this that whole sibling speech? You hadn't pegged Papyrus as the type to give one of these but... you brace yourself, giving him a skittish look as you tape up a streamer and some balloons, "uhhhh... yeah?" 

"Well, I think that is just fantastic!" 

You stare at him for a moment before you realize you've been staring too long, the grin on his face telling you he'd caught you. Cheeks flushed, you look away and back to the streamers and tape in front of you. 

"Sans is a great brother and he cares very much for you... though sometimes he gets pretty shy about it when I ask, it's quite apparent to me that he likes you very much," your cheeks redden more as you make it a point to turn away from Papyrus and tape up the streamers on the wall opposite of him, just so you wont accidentally catch his eye. He's apparently awaiting a reply from you though.

"I-I like him a lot too," you stammer, cursing yourself for being such a dweeb. Papyrus knew you liked him, you already told him that. Literally a moment ago. And then to stutter it out like... whatever. "I hope that's... I hope it's okay?"

"Ah, of course it is! Sorry, this is quite awkward. I simply wanted to thank you for caring so much for him. He... he wasn't really himself after we moved here. He used to spend all his time on his computer in his room, wasting the day away sleeping or sitting in front of that monitor... the odd time he'd go out and do one of his odd jobs but, mostly he'd just sleep. He barely ate or did much of anything... he was..." Papyrus sighs, and you hear the tear of tape as he sticks up a balloon in the corner, "he was quite depressed. He thinks that I didn't notice, or perhaps he's just convinced himself that I didn't but I am not... well, I am not a child. I am very observant. Of course, I'd have to be to create so many amazing puzzles!" 

You smile, looking at him from over your shoulder. 

You knew Sans wasn't as happy as he let on, that something ate at him all the time. But you weren't sure what and, honestly... you don't even know if Papyrus or Sans knew what it was but, it was there. And now you knew that much of it had been depression. You'd had your suspicions but, neither Paps or Sans had told you anything about all that your first go around. Nor your second. Now, here in your third you'd... clearly grown a lot closer to everyone. You think it's in part to your own growth. It must be. Papyrus easily confirms that with his next words.

"You and my brother have a lot in common. I realized that a lot of the signs you talked about with me when you told me your story were there for him as well toward your arrival. How he'd just... stopped getting out of bed. Just didn't even go online anymore. He'd sleep all the day away and then get up when I went to sleep to go to Grillby's. I'm sure he just drank himself into a hole every night... he'd always come home smelling like he did. He never seemed up for anything, it was a struggle to get him to read to me before I went to sleep. I... I don't know what would have happened to my brother had you not come into his life..."

You simply listen, staring in quiet shock at this revelation. Knowing you'd practically saved him it... and in such a backwards ass way too. It was a bit much but, somehow it made you feel just the least bit better. 

"He was awfully rude to you when you first met though, wasn't he?" Papyrus says with a laugh. You chuckle a bit in return, though it's a little forced. Of course he was, you think. He remembered what had happened to get you there in the first place. "I guess it just took him a bit to warm up to you. But, I'm glad he did! If... if he hadn't well then, maybe we wouldn't be friends? And that... makes me pretty sad to think about". 

You smile up at him as he turns to look at you, and he returns the smile in your direction, "it makes me sad to think about it too but, I'm sure we would have been friends anyway Paps. How could I not be?" 

It's Papyrus' turn to blush this time, and he chuckles rubbing the back of his neck, his 'Party Boy!' crop rising up to show off the bottom of his rib cage, "of course you would say that, friend! You're always so kind to me but... surprisingly... I do not have many friends". 

That is awfully surprising, you think. You couldn't even begin to think why people wouldn't immediately warm up to Papyrus? "Really?" you ask, "that can't be true..."

"Oh but it is! Human, you told me you did not have many friends on the surface, correct?" you nod, and he nods in return, "and you are one of the nicest humans I know!" You have to give a bit of a giggle at that, of course he thinks that. You're the _only_ human he knows. Papyrus' grin widens a bit when you catch his joke, "but, I am the Great Papyrus! You're quite aware of this, so why do I not have friends? It... I suppose people already have friends... or at least that's what I always thought. I suppose the real reason was that I was just not... what others were looking for in a friend. Sometimes I even have doubts that Undyne likes being my friend as much as she tells me she does... it just seems like she has better things to be doing when we hang out..."

"Paps, don't think that... Undyne loves hanging out with you!" 

Papyrus offers you a small smile before blowing up some more balloons with the pump, "thank you for reassuring me friend but, I don't know. I suppose we all get doubts sometimes, don't we?" 

You watch the balloon in his finger-less-gloved hands pump up with air, giving Papyrus a half-hearted smile as you rub your arm absentmindedly, thinking of this morning, "yeah I... I guess so..." 

"Well, enough moping about! We have a lot more work to be done, after all!" Papyrus is back on his feet soon enough, about ten more balloons ready to go, glittery streamers and magical glow sticks decorating the walls by the time the two of you finish up that half of your decorating. You're working on taping the disco ball to the ceiling, you sitting up Papyrus' shoulders when Undyne bursts through the front door with a loud hoot, followed by a tiny holler from Alphys. A moment later and a harmonized 'hurrah!' follows by none other than Mettaton himself. And... well, there doesn't really appear to be anyone else tailing him. He was quite literally, harmonizing with himself. You snort, watching the three of them pile into the living room, closing the door behind them to lock out the chilly air. 

"We brought the food!" Undyne said with a toothy grin, holding up bags of tupperware holding all the goodies and grub she and yourself had cooked up yesterday and then some. "There's enough here to feed a whole party! Which, HA! Go figure, it's gonna do just that!" 

Alphys snorts, the joke flying right over Mettaton's head as he stares up at the glittering disco ball and then turns his attention to the music coming from the speakers. You'd had to turn it down because of you and Papyrus talking up a storm but, it's still easy enough to hear. 

"What! Is _that_?" Mettaton asks, pointing at the stereo, his expression is an unreadable mix of surprise, intrigue and, disgust? 

"Oh it's... ah! Whoa! Paps watch out please, still up here!" you gasp as Papyrus swings himself around and nearly crashes you into the disco ball hanging precariously close to your head. 

"Ah, I am sorry friend! I figured you might want to look at your guests while you are talking to them!" 

"Y-yeah, thanks Paps..." you quickly compose yourself from holding onto Papyrus' head for dear life and sit up a bit straighter on his shoulders, "um... oh, right! It's music... from the surface". 

"From the surface?!" all three of your new guests are suddenly giving you their undivided attention, crowding around the stereo, Alphys eventually turning it up. 

Right now it's playing a song by... you think that's Tove Lo singing, maybe. "Yeah! I got Spotify to work some how down here, it's offline so, thank God I have the premium version haha. So I can play music for the whole party... surface stuff. So you guys'll be ready for tomorrow!" 

Mettaton looks absolutely floored, star struck as he stares at the stereo and eventually reaches out to grab your phone. You tell him your pass code to unlock it and he scrolls through the endless streams of music before a familiar voice, at full volume, fills the living room. You wince for a moment at the volume increase before you burst into laughter, giggling and holding on for dear life as Papyrus and everyone below you starts dancing. 

_"AaaaAaaaAaa.... I don't want a lot for Christmas..."_

You take a moment to appreciate the fact that Mettaton found Mariah Carey almost instantly, of course he did. You and your friends start the party early, having to remind yourselves a little less than half way through Mariah's Christmas album that you still had decorating and tidying to be doing. Mettaton switches the music back to the Top 50's chart, and you climb down off of Papyrus shoulders finally, the disco ball held securely in place around a wooden support beam. 

You give Papyrus a little kiss on his cheek, a silent thank you for talking to you. You can't really tell him but, that little bit of confidence that you'd had wiped away earlier that morning was back again, and you were more than ready to turn up for the last tiny bit of your weird, little life. But of course, before then, you could always use a few more balloons.


	39. Sans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all having a good Monday so far! 
> 
> Guess what! I realized I totally forgot to share an awesome piece of fanart (wow holy shit...) that my good pal Samii drew for a couple chapters back! I figure this is a good second chance to share it lmao, so here we are!! And, if you have any fanart to share please feel free to show it to me, I'd love to see it!
> 
>  
> 
> [What's Better Than This? Just Dudes Talkin' About Clouds!](http://elliexer.tumblr.com/post/154351095393/samiiieus-from-chapter-26-of-forgiveness-by)
> 
> Also!!! Holy crap! 500 kudos?! Thank you guys so much <3 If it weren't for all of you I probably never would have finished this story lmfao. I can't wait for you all to read the rest thank you so much for the support!

Sans arrives back at the house a little later than expected. By the time he arrives, there's already loud, unfamiliar music playing muffled behind the door that he can hear even from the border of Snowdin. He can see the lights inside flickering and flashing in a series of blue and green, people crowded outside as they catch their breath and take a break. 

It seemed like everything was in full swing, the ground practically shaking the closer he got to the house. It was unlike any party he'd ever seen before... even from the little peak through the blinds he could see that the place was packed with Monsters from all parts of the Underground. You'd... really made an impression this time around, he thinks. He's not sure past you would have ever gotten quite the send off. 

He gives the guests outside a small wave, they greet him in return with a small chorus of, "hey Sans!" And then he makes his way up the porch steps and reaches for the door. The knob flies out of his hand though as the door swings open, someone smashing into him full force. 

"Ow!" 

"Crap... ouch!" 

He shakes his head, looking up at whoever it was that just ran into him. And there you're standing, dressed in black leggings, mismatched socks, and one of Papyrus' DIY crop tops that's far too big on you. You're rubbing your head, where Sans is sure his forehead had smashed into. 

"Sorry, dude..." he hears you mutter as he rubs the throbbing pain out of his forehead. He shakes his head, looking up at you with a smile. 

"S'not a problem, I'm _door_ you didn't see me".

You snort, trying your best to hide it before you just let yourself laugh, closing the door behind you, "that was _literally_ the worst one yet. You should be ashamed of yourself". 

"What can I say? I'm a _knob_ head!" 

His grin grows wider when he sees you dissolve into giggles, smacking his arm gently as you lean up against the front of the house, "they just keep getting worse! I think you're running out, old man". 

A look of mock offense crosses his face, "me? Running out of crappy puns? _Bell_ , I'll just have to try harder I s'pose". 

"You don't even have a doorbell! Knock it off!" 

"That was a good one! _Knock_ it off," he laughs brightly when you give a huge groan, trying to hide that huge grin on your face. "So, whatcha doin' out here kiddo? Pretty bumpin' party in there". 

"Oh my God, okay do me a favour. Never say that again," Sans snorts, looking you over and raising a brow. Eventually your stern expression melts into a smile again and you roll your eyes at him, "I'm just out here to get some air. It's like a rave in there. When Paps said party I thought he meant like, lounging around, slow drinking, eating lasagna, y'know? Instead he meant glow sticks, loud ass music, and dancing. Which, is chill, that's whatever but. It's a bit much right now". 

Sans nods, glancing again toward the window before leading you down the steps, "we could go for a quick walk? Just to refresh". 

"That sounds really nice actually," you reply, taking his hand without a second thought, "actually I... wanted to talk to you about something anyway". 

"Ah... haha... me too kid". 

So, with the party forgotten for now, Sans leads you down Snowdin's Main Street, past Grillby's and it's bright orange neon sign, past the library (or, Librarby...), and through powdered snow. Hand in hand the two of you walk, in silence for the most part until you break it with a small sigh. 

"You've been avoiding me, y'know". 

"Oh? Have I?" 

"I mean... I know I haven't exactly... been at ho-- at the house..." 

That was an understatement. Sans had barely seen you in the last three days but, you were still right. He was avoiding you. It was just a bit... much for him right now. Though, really, it wasn't like he had much more time left for it not to be. He wasn't sure when Asgore would be by tomorrow to pick you up or whatever but, he was sure it'd be early in the morning. 

God, he'd promised to keep you safe what seemed like a lifetime ago. Promised a gentle Monster through a door that he'd watch over you and make sure nothing happened to you. That he'd protect you. And now, here you were, three timelines in, _this_ close to sacrificing yourself for the greater good. 

Who cared about the greater good?! 

Well... he did. But, right now, in the current moment, he couldn't give less of a shit. He sighs. 

"Ya, you're right though. It's... I dunno. It's hard," he hears his voice crack and almost before he notices it does, your arms are around him in the middle of town, hugging him tightly and burying your face into the fur of his coat. He stands there, arms limp for a moment in stunned silence before he slowly wraps his arms around you and hugs you tight in return, pulling you in close as you shake in his arms. He breathes you in, the faintest scent of cinnamon still on your clothes from yesterday when you'd gone to hang out with Undyne. It smells so comforting on you, it smells like home.

"I'm so scared, Sans," you choke out and all he can do is hug you harder, hushing you and running his fingers through your hair. There's no magic words to say here, no wave of his hand that would make this better. All he can do is listen. "I don't know what's gonna happen. I dunno w-where I'm gonna go or if I'm even gonna g-go anywhere. I don't..."

"You could just... hide?" he says, but immediately feels like an idiot the moment he opens his mouth. You pull away from him a bit to meet his eyes, raising a brow... looking like you're actually seriously considering it before shaking your head and resting it against his chest instead. 

"No... I-I can't remember how I... got us to the surface the first time. There's... so many weird things that are just..." you squeeze your eyes shut, wincing as you try to remember but can't. "I dunno I just... I know eventually I'd have to fight Asgore. Eventually I'd have to. And besides..." you pull away from him now, though hold onto his hands as you look over his shoulder, he guesses toward the house. "You haven't been in there yet but they all look... gosh they all look so happy. So excited. I can't... Sans I've let way too many people down in my life I can't let down an entire race". 

He has the realization that you aren't the same human he met at the beginning of your journey anymore. No. You'd grown significantly since then, into someone he now hardly recognizes. Into someone who isn't afraid to be happy, into someone whose not afraid to be selfless. Into someone who puts others first. And for the first time ever, he doesn't like it. He doesn't like this new you. And he knows it's completely selfish of himself to even think that, and horribly unfair to you. The old you would have dropped this act. The old you would have agreed with him; would have hid yourself under his bed if you had to. 

But this new you, this older, wiser, more selfless you isn't going to do that. No matter how scared you are. No matter how unsure. This new you is everything he was hoping you'd become but, of course it came at an incredible cost. The cost being of course, that you'd be stuck forever in a white, endless fucking void. Go figure. 

"You could..." he whispers.

"But I don't want to," you reply. 

"Exactly".

You close the distance between you and himself but, before you can, he reaches up and places a hand on your chin, pulling you downward that little bit so he can press his mouth to yours. Your lips are just as soft as the first time, just as warm against him. He knows he'll never be able to kiss you properly; knows this is probably awkward as anything ever could be but, you melt against him anyway, your arms slowly wrapping around his shoulders as his fall to rest on your waist. 

Behind closed lids, he feels his eyes burning with tears again, swimming and ready to fall no matter how hard he tries to stop it. So, he lets them fall, presses himself harder against you as you move away and press kisses to his cheeks. He can hear your own struggling breaths, and he's acutely aware that they aren't just from the kiss. He can feel the slight wetness on your damp cheeks as you brush against his jawbone. It's bittersweet, the entirety of your romantic exchange. There's nothing here besides breakable promises on the tip of his tongue. Nothing but unnecessary words. He can't change your mind. You wont let him. He shouldn't change your mind. This is what you wanted in the end. 

He had to respect that. 

No matter how much it hurt. 

After all, there was nothing he could do.

* * *

Sans and yourself arrive back at the party a couple minutes later, tears wiped off both your faces and blushes faded after a series of really bad puns on Sans part. Of course. You expected nothing less from him.

It's as you're arriving at the front door that you realize you completely forgot to talk to him, and you quickly spin around to face him. 

"I forgot!" you shout, a little too loud in your own surprise. Sans winces a bit, a hand going to cover where his ears would be if he had them. 

He looks up at you with one eye closed, staring at you blankly, "forgot what, dude?" 

"I forgot! I forgot I was gonna talk to you about something!" 

"Oh! Huh, ya sure did didn't ya? I guess I did too... what did you wanna talk to me about?" 

Now or never. 

"I like you!" 

A beat passes, a pause where it seems like the whole world stops spinning all of a sudden before Sans opens both his eyes again. He's staring up at you, eyes wide and the smile wiped completely off his face for a long moment. All you can do is stare back, fully aware that your face is turning red as you do, your mouth running dry as you try your best to swallow down your panic. 

Then, the world's turning again and Sans' smile is back, bigger than you'd ever seen it and he's laughing. He's laughing right from his belly, loud, and real, and so heartwarming. And even if he's laughing at your confession, even if he thinks you're the stupidest person on the planet for thinking even for a second he'd like you back, just for a moment it's fine because it means you get to hear him _laughing_. There's tears pricking at the corners of his eyes by the time he's done, doubled over and holding onto your shoulder for support. He wipes the wetness off his cheeks, wheezing and catching his breath. 

"That's... that's not fair," he sighs, the faintest hint of a chuckle still under his breath. And all of a sudden, there's tears in your eyes again as well, and your throat feels raw, voice cracking though you try and will it not to. 

"I know," you gasp, tensing your shoulders and balling your hands into fists at your sides. Your tears sting your frozen cheeks, dropping off your chin and into the fur of your tattered olive coat, crystallizing into icy droplets as they sit in the cold wintry air. "I know, but I can't help it". 

He stands up a bit straighter, tears on his own cheeks again and it's like there was no point wiping them away in the first place. He's staring up at you on the front porch, and thank the Lord there's no one out here anymore. The party returned to the confines of the indoors. The lights inside flicker through the window, painting his bones in pink and blue light, washing over him, the strobing pattern making your eyes hurt more so than the tears. The smile is still on his face, even as he gently shakes his head, removing his hand from your shoulder to wipe the tears off on his coat sleeve. 

"I know," he mumbles against the material, looking toward your boots as he sniffs loudly, something he shouldn't be able to do. But something he did anyway. 

The air is still outside tonight, snow falling gently; soundlessly to the ground. Besides the loud music inside, you can't hear anything else, not even the branches of the trees creaking. Not even the hustle of Monster's making their way home for supper. It's silent save for Sans and yourself sniffling on the porch like a couple of dorks. 

"I know and that's what makes it so unfair. Because I... ha... I like ya too". 

"That's even more unfair," you mutter, hiding your face in your hands and slumping against the wall next to the door. You can feel the wall behind you vibrating just slightly with the bass inside, pounding through the walls and shaking the ground beneath your feet. You shake your head, letting your hands fall as you wrap them around yourself instead, hanging your head. "You already knew I liked you though, didn't you?"

"Well," he begins, offering you his hand to take. For a moment you just look but, you eventually peel yourself off the wall and place your hand in his, lacing your fingers with his own. "I kinda figured. Ya jumped my bones soon enough, wouldn't do that if ya didn't like me". 

You bump into him as gently as you can, giving him a look of mock frustration that quickly dissolves into a sad smile, "I know you just got back but I... could we stay out here? I mean, just for a few more minutes. I don't think the parties gonna be stopping anytime soon, anyway. I just wanna... I just wanna sit with you for a little longer". 

Sans thinks it over for a moment before nodding his head, leading you around the side of the house to the backyard so the two of you can sit on the back porch instead, where there's more room. "That sounds good to me, babe".


	40. Party Favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The big 4-0!! Wow! Happy chapter 40 everyone, please enjoy!! 
> 
> *There's some mentions of drugs in the first bit of the chapter, but nothing terribly graphic!*

You and Sans make it back into the party soon enough, the music just as loud as before, the lights flashing just as brightly. The disco ball on the ceiling, while not turning, is being illuminated by strobe lights hidden in plain sight around the room, and you have to give it to Papyrus -- it looks really great. It looks like a regular old rave if you'd ever seen one. Which, surprisingly despite a less than stellar adolescence, you had. Kind of a perk that came with being a dealer, people tended to flock to you at the parties. Even if it was just for the drugs, it was still kind of nice. And for something that wasn't usually considered a party drug, a _lot_ of people on the surface liked to buy weed at the bangers you attended. Teenagers.

Despite Burgerpants hanging out in the corner with a rather dapper looking Nicecream Guy though, there were no drugs to be seen at this particular party. Which was honestly quite the nice change of pace. It was fun, and it was loud, and it was a celebration without the liquor or lines. But it wasn't at all quiet or reserved like the parties you'd been required to attend at your old job you'd been let go from. Monsters sure knew how to have fun despite everything else. 

"Ya wanna dance?" you shout over the music, nodding toward the crowd of people in the living room as you walk hand in hand with Sans. Alphys and Undyne are under the disco ball, reflected light playing off their faces as they dance next to one another. You wonder if Alphys had told Undyne about her crush yet, or maybe Undyne had beat her to it? In any case, you'd have to let Alphie know that you'd held up your end of the bargain. What better way than to get out there and dance?

When you don't hear him answer, you turn back to look at him, seeing his eyes on the makeshift dance floor as he scans the crowd. The crowd had thinned out just a little since you'd last been in here, you guessed a bunch of people went out to get some air as well, but it was still super packed, Monsters jumping and dancing to the beat of some pop remix playing from your phone through the speakers, which had been moved upstairs to the balcony so as to make more room for dancing. The television had been moved as well as the couch, up into Sans and Papyrus' rooms respectively, all to make more room. And, of course, to make sure nothing got ruined. 

Sans finally looks back up at you after a moment, smiling at you and nodding his head, "sure, why not!" he shouts over the noise. The music is so loud that you can feel it in your chest, reverberating with the bass as it sounds off in continuous rhythm. With a grin, you pull Sans into the crowd of dancing Monsters, right next to Undyne and Alphys, finding the beat immediately and falling into a steady rhythm of swinging your hips and jumping in time with the other dancers around you. 

"Hey kid! Saw you walk out earlier, guess you finally grabbed Sans huh?" Undyne shouts. 

"I _literally_ bumped into him so, yeah! Hey Alphys!" 

"H-hi!!" she stutters out and you can just barely hear it over the sound of an air horn in the background of the song. You give the two of them a big grin, bumping hips with Undyne briefly before searching the crowd. You can't see Mettaton but, you can see Papyrus off in a corner nibbling on some alfredo. You give him a big wave and he returns it with one of his own, going right back to eating. You think you see those little sparkles surrounding his head while he does, seemingly on cloud 9 with his food. Sans looks his way as well, only able to catch a little glance of his brother through the parting in the crowd. 

Papyrus seems to catch him though and gives his brother a wave as well. Sans smiles, turning back to you looking perky again. He's doing a little bit of a shimmy to the music, nothing too intricate, but enough to show you he's having fun. If you had to guess based on your kitchen dancing a few weeks ago, you'd have to say that club dancing just wasn't his thing. He definitely seemed more into ballroom kinda stuff. Which was just fine with you, club dancing usually involved stuff like grinding and sexy stuff anyway and that might be the furthest thing from the mood in here tonight. So, the two of you follow in Undyne and Alphys' lead, bumping hips and shimmying, jumping and swaying. 

The other Monsters around you eventually give you waves of their own, which you return, as does Sans when they notice him and say hello as well. 

Everyone down here, despite hardly knowing you was so kind and welcoming. You don't think you could have ever asked for a better send off. With warm food in your belly that you and Undyne had made together, and Sans hands in yours as the two of you dance to the music, you feel genuienely happy and loved.

* * *

The party winds down, eventually. With all the food gone around 9, most guests start to trickle out, each and every one of them going to find you though before they leave to give you a huge hug, a thank you, and well-wishes. It gets to be such an often occurrence that eventually you have to abandon Sans on the dance floor and hang out by the front door, giving out hugs and cheek kisses like party favours. It's fine though, honestly. You get to see Monsters you may never have gotten to see again had you not had this party. Monsters who you might not just run into while you went about your previous "quest". A lot of them you were meeting for the first time, genuinely! As in, you hadn't met them ever before. They were all incredibly kind, as predicted. Monsters had that about them, so nice that it seemed almost otherworldly.

Eventually, the last couple guests began to trickle out, giving you the obligatory hug, kiss on the cheek, etc. etc. before waving goodbye and making their way out the door. By the time the clock struck midnight, all that was left was the usual culprits. Undyne, already working on gathering up all the tupperware to wash. Alphys, already turning off the fog machines, the bubble machines, the strobe lights, and all the other contraptions she and Papyrus had pulled together for the occasion. Papyrus himself, who was just now coming down the stairs with piles upon piles of blankets. Sans, who was using his magic to bring all the furniture back down the stairs, plopping the TV back on the stereo system it called home (the couch had poofed into existence about an hour ago, you think probably through one of Sans' time-fuckery doors). And last but not least, Mettaton... who was currently plugging himself into the wall and slumping to the floor in what appeared to be near exhaustion.

You close the front door, promptly locking it and making your way over to close the blinds. Once you turn around, there's a ball of lights being thrown directly at your face. 

"Whoa! Hey!" 

"Sorry human, but it appears that you have incredibly quick reflexes! That is an excellent thing to have!" 

You flap your free arm for a moment, wobbling on your feet before planting yourself upright with an indignant 'hmph'. The lights in your hands appear to be multicoloured, though there does seem to be quite a few strands of plain white lights as well. By the looks of them, it appeared no body had really put them away properly the last time they were used. 

"Please unknot those strands so that we may hang them in the pillow fort!" Oh, right. You were having a sleepover as well. "I have the blue prints right here, we must follow the construction of this super secret cotton clubhouse to a T! We must not miss anything! Undyne! Hang this soft, luxurious Egyptian cotton duvet from the ceiling above the television!" 

"Aye, aye captain!" you hear her shout from the kitchen. There's a loud, plastic sounding crash and you realize as she runs out of the kitchen empty handed that she'd just dropped all the tupperware into the sink. There's a smile already creeping onto your face as you drop to the floor and get to work untying the lights. 

The sound of a loud jackhammer coming from Undyne's side of the room jolts you out of your semi-concentration though and you stare at her with an eye brow raised, watching as she reaches upward to pass a side of the sheet to Papyrus through the upstairs balcony banisters. Papyrus pulls the sheet through a bit, stacking some heavy books ontop of it to keep it in place. 

"Undyne! Did you download an app JUST for construction sound foley?!" 

"I sure did!" she shouts back over the noise, pulling her phone out of her back pocket and jumping off her precarious spot on top of the TV stand/stereo system. 

You snort at the ridiculousness of it all, laughing outright when Undyne disappears behind the sheet as it's tied around the disco ball and all you can see is her shadow through the material, the only sound that of a loud, cartoon jackhammer in the background. 

You, Sans, Alphys, and Mettaton eventually join forces (once all the furniture is back downstairs, and once Mettaton is half charged) and conquer the lights, just in time for Papyrus and Undyne to begin stringing them up in one of the most incredible pillow/blanket forts you had ever seen in your life. The thing went from floor to ceiling. Blankets upon blankets on the ground to make possibly the most fluffiest, most dream like bed on the floor for you all to sleep on. There was a little area inside with all of Undyne and Alphys' make-up piled up behind a curtain of sheets so you could do make-overs, as promised, and so that it'd be a surprise when someone emerged. There was another area double the soft pillow, blankets, and cushions... right in front of the television and under the disco ball so you could all watch movies. There was also a comfy looking area where most of the fairy lights concentrated where bean bags and stacks of manga and storybooks sat. 

As you parted the curtains and peaked inside, it felt like a dream. There were multiple pairs of slippers hanging out by the entrance, a pair of grey bunny ones catching your attention almost immediately. 

"Ah ah! This is a no day time clothes zone! PJ's only!" Undyne announced, plopping herself down in a beanbag and shooing you out with a wave of her hand. 

"Undyne, all my clothes are in the closet, inside the fort". 

"They're telling the truth!" Papyrus chirps from inside, "also, you are not yet in your pajama's either Undyne!" 

Undyne suddenly adopts a more sinister expression, jumping up from the beanbag and standing on a small tea table in front of them, knocking off a rather impressive stack of books, "Haha!! That's where you'd be incorrect, Papyrus! For you see..." and suddenly she was ripping off her chunky sweater and pulling off her dark jeans, revealing a spaghetti strapped crop top and some of the shortest shorts you'd ever seen. She summoned a spear in her hand, using it to precariously pick up her slippers of choice (they were bright orange, with fins and bulging eyes. Goldfish!) before shoving her feet into them, "I WAS WEARING JAMMIES ALL ALONG!!!"

"OH NO!!! WHAT A DASTARDLY THING TO DO!!! But you've miscalculated, my dear friend..."

Undyne gasped, a hand flying to her chest as Papyrus pulled off his 'Party Boy' crop top to reveal a different, black crop top with 'Sleepy Dude' embroidered on it underneath. He too pulls on a pair of slippers (plain white slippers with 'Sweet' written on one and 'Dreams' written on the other), before summoning some magical bones through the floor and standing on top of them. 

Undyne fell backward against the bean bags, shaking her head in mock defeat, "it can't be! The Great Papyrus, has foiled me again!!" 

"Nyeh heh heh!!" 

You watch the whole thing with a huge grin, trying your hardest not to laugh as Undyne finally lets you come in to grab your PJ's from the closet. Mettaton is hanging out next to the door, no longer plugged in but only at half power. He said that he wanted to be sleepy like all of you, to get the full effect of a sleep over with friends; something about it helping him personalize his films and shows better in the future. A reasonable train of thought. Alphys of course was keeping a close eye on him, just in case. Not hovering but, close enough to it. 

You rummage through the closet, managing to pull out some leggings and a giant hoodie. You were down to your last outfit after this one. How poetic was it that it was the same tattered clothes you'd fallen down with? Tattered old skinny jeans, your light brown zippered, hoodie, and the plain white t-shirt underneath. Go figure you'd be wearing that tomorrow. Everything else was dirty, and there wasn't exactly any point in washing it. 

With one last glance at your dwindled collection, you close the door and make your way out of the pillow fort and upstairs toward the bathroom. 

Sans door appears to be open you notice, and it looks like he might be in there. You muster up that little bit of courage to go take a peak, to ask him if he's about ready to come down. 

For some reason, maybe because the door is wide open, you don't exactly expect to him to be practically butt naked. He's facing the door, clearly waiting to see if anyone was going to be walking toward his room, and you lock eyes with him the moment you spot him, trying your damnedest not to let your eyes wander down, even if your peripheral can most definitely see that he is indeed a fully functional skeleton. Well, you say full functional in the literal sense that he is indeed... a skeleton. Not in the innuendo sense that he... that there was anything... 

Not that you could even see that!!! He was _almost_ naked! Not _full frontal nude!!!_ He had underwear on, it was ALL good! 

Once you finally gather yourself, you hear yourself squeak in what you think may have been some type of screech that you'd managed to suppress and then, you're reaching forward and grabbing hold of his door knob, slamming the door shut loudly. 

It's completely silent for a moment, save for the sound of your heart in your ears before, on the other side of the door, you hear Sans burst out laughing. You begin to laugh too, slowly at first before dissolving into a fit of gut busting laughter. Mostly you cannot believe you just slammed his door for him? Who does that?! Whose first instinct upon seeing someone naked is to reach in, grab the door handle, and shut the door for them? Sans seems to think it's absolutely ridiculous too, snorting and giggling amongst the sound of shuffling. 

Eventually, you wipe the tears from the corners of your eyes and knock on the door, "are you decent now?" 

"I'm decent," he chuckles, opening the door for you. "What's up?" 

"Have you seen the pillow fort they built down there? Usually I'm not into that sorta stuff, I don't see the appeal but like. _Dude_. This thing is _massive_ ". 

"I'll bet, Papyrus usually goes all out for this kinda stuff. And with Undyne on his side? I'm surprised they actually _stopped_ building". 

It's then that you notice Sans PJ's. It's a onesie which is suddenly making you feel very embarrassed. 

"Go figure, you'd pick that onesie". 

Sans looks downward, chuckling to himself when he looks over the pattern. It's black, with a white skeleton body printed right on the front. From what you saw of him, it's not anatomically correct for his body type but it's close enough. "What can I say, I got a _skeleton_ of 'em but this _onesies_ my favourite. Got a _femur_ in the closet but, this one's the comfiest". 

"And the one you can tell the most skeleton puns about. Stealthy," you smile at him, watching him give you a shrug and a wink. 

"Ya got me, sugar," you feel heat rising to your cheeks again, trying to will it away. For some reason, you never took Sans as the pet names type which, was now a massive oversight on your part. Kid? Pal? He was always using little nicknames, this was to be expected. Didn't change the fact that it gave you butterflies to hear him call you by something like 'sugar' or 'babe' though. But, you think everyone's like that. "Now, shouldn't ya be getting ready? I'm sure one of 'em down there's gonna be comin' ta get us eventually". 

"Oh! Right, y-yeah. Sorry, I came over here to ask if _you_ were ready. Got my answer pretty quick". 

Sans rubs the back of his head, chuckling to himself. You see the light dusting of a blush on his cheeks this time, "sorry 'bout that. I didn't know anybody was gonna come down this way. Shoulda closed the door". 

"It's cool. Actually, you wanna hear something spooky?" 

He blinks, almost tilting his head in confusion as you lean in toward him a bit to whisper. It's... honestly it tugs at your heart how cute his expression is, and you give him a quick smile as he silently urges you on. 

"We're all naked under our clothes!" you stand up straight, smiling at him brightly before he blinks again and chuckles under his breath. 

"Get outta here! Go get your PJ's on," he laughs, pushing you gently out of his room and closing the door behind the two of you before pushing you toward the bathroom. 

You giggle the whole way, eventually walking yourself to the bathroom door, heading inside and giving him a little wave before locking the door behind you and peeling off your party clothes, replacing them with your fresh smelling, make-shift pajama's. That's much better. 

You splash your face with some cold water, scrubbing up a little bit and brush your hair with one of the combs laying around on the sink counter. 

The scar on your cheek had stopped healing now, you notice as you look in the crappy bathroom mirror. Or, at least, it'd healed as much as Monster food would let it, now it was up to time. It's much smaller than it was a couple days ago, some parts of it completely faded, others where the most damage was done still a bit raised though not at all as awful looking as it once was. Now it just sort of... blends into your features. It's no longer stark and surprising and angry, it's just... you. It's just a short lived reminder of what you'd been through. Of the friends you'd made by being yourself. By being kind. 

You smile, running your fingers over it before picking up your toothbrush and globing on a generous amount of toothpaste. 

It didn't matter what happened tomorrow. Today was today and today had been awesome and, as the soft sound of music playing echoes through the halls upstairs and filters in under the door of the bathroom amongst giggles and laughter of your friends downstairs, you hum along and you realize, standing there brushing your teeth, exactly what you've got to do.


	41. Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;-)

In half-sleep you lay there, curled up with your friends under warm, multi coloured lights and soft, cotton sheets. There's a movie playing on the television, the sound a little amplified in your exhausted state as you stare up at the disco ball with half lidded eyes. You were trying -- very hard -- to fall asleep... but a thought kept jumping into your mind. One you'd had earlier. One, for just a moment, you tried to convince yourself wasn't yours. But it was. 

It was like an insidious little worm, drilling a hole into your brain and nesting there to lay it's eggs. 

_Go_.

You blink the sleep away, now hyper aware of Sans arm draped over your stomach, and of Undyne's head on your shoulder. 

You couldn't just leave. 

The sound of Papyrus' snoring was calming and contagious, another wave of dreamy exhaustion hitting you like a pleasant ocean tide around your ankles. You wanted nothing more than to close your eyes and fall asleep, wake up tomorrow morning and then hide yourself away until Asgore's plan was forgotten. Or, worse yet, until some other hapless child fell down here. Until that other child's Soul was used instead. But that wasn't right. That wasn't the right thing to do. 

And even with that thought though, how could you ever say goodbye tomorrow? How could you ever put your friends through all that? You'd seen Sans cry more times now than you could count; seen Undyne looking so distraught and so guilty that it threatened to finally shatter your already breaking Soul into impossible to glue back together pieces. You'd heard Papyrus talking to Sans, in bits and pieces, about how worried he was. When they thought you were sleeping, and when Sans would leave Paps door just a little too open at night when he read him his story. You'd seen how heartbroken Alphys was over this too, how horrible she felt for letting this happen; you'd seen her silently convincing herself if she'd just stayed at home a little bit longer, if she'd just paid a little more attention to what Mettaton was up to, charged him a little less that night, tweaked his programming a little bit more... 

But it wasn't anyones fault. It wasn't Mettaton's fault. Wasn't Sans'. Wasn't Alphys', Undyne's, or Papyrus'. Nor was it Asgore's or any of the other Monsters down here. 

In a way, it wasn't even really your fault anymore. Which, is a stunning revelation to have for you, all things considered. You think for the first time in your life, you've not blamed this on someone else, or blamed it on yourself. You weren't sure if the Universe was a someone but, time was a scary thing. And time and space had it's own plan for everything. It didn't matter how long you stayed sitting in this warm house by the television, eventually time would move on. Eventually, if you wouldn't go to it, it would come to you. And that it did. 

And now, you were laying on a plush bed of pillows, cushions, and soft blankets... your friends curled around you and cuddling you as they slept and snored and all you could think of was that you needed to go. You needed to go now, or else you wouldn't be able to go tomorrow. You couldn't say goodbye to them like that. 

It was now or never. 

So, as carefully and as slowly as you can, you rise into sitting position, Sans hand falling off your stomach, Undyne's head rolling gently off your shoulder and taking refuge on the warm pillow you'd left behind. Alphys was curled up at Undyne's side, her tail wrapped around the other woman's leg. Mettaton was plugged into the wall with a longer cord, laying on his back, shoulder pads off and a silken pink and black robe wrapped around him as he 'slept' next to Alphys. The three of them had their feet pointed toward the TV, where as Sans, Papyrus, and yourself had been sleeping with your feet toward the opening of the fort. Papyrus was laying next to his brother, hands crossed over his 'stomach' as he too laid on his back. Sans had been curled up by your side, almost like Alphys was to Undyne. Now he simply laid on his side, hugging a pillow to himself in his sleep. 

You stand up slowly, making your way as quietly as you can out of the fort but, someone stirs and immediately you think you're caught. 

"Where are you going?" Papyrus whispers, sleep heavy on his voice. 

"I... I'm just going to the bathroom..." you try, voice low as you watch the others. None of them are stirring, save for a flick of Alphys tail in her sleep. 

Papyrus takes a moment to respond, eye mask still over his face. You think you've been found out for a moment, and for a second you feel relief flood over you but, Papyrus finally nods his head sleepily and smiles a bit, "okay... be sure to turn the hall light on..." he yawns, "so that you do not.... trip..." and then he's back to snoring, as if the conversation had never happened. 

You swallow the lump in your throat, nodding your head despite him being unable to see it before making your way over to the closet to grab your last clean clothes. Quietly closing the door, you sneak out through an opening in the sheets next to the closet, finding yourself at the bottom of the stairs. 

You make your way up, turning on the light in the bathroom when you arrive and closing the door behind you, changing as quickly as you can, rinsing off the make up that had been applied to your face earlier in the night.

The longer you stand around doing nothing the harder it's going to be to convince yourself to go through with this. You need to change and get out of here. 

Oh... but, you should also leave a note. Right? Did you have time? You check your phone, realizing it's already 4:30 AM. How did it get to be that late already? You put your phone back on the counter, silencing it before you do because you know you wont remember to later. There wasn't any time to write a note. No time to tell Sans your favourite books, or to help Alphys bring the Amalgamates back to their families. No time to say goodbye. 

You needed to go, it was now or never. 

With your clothes on, you leave your PJ's in the laundry hamper, shoving your phone in your back pocket. All you can hear as you quietly run down the stairs is your heart hammering in your ears. You gather up all the things you might need and shove it all in your bag. Extra food just in case, not that you were going to need it, for some reason it just felt comforting to have. Like maybe you stood a chance at fixing things without anyone having to die. Like maybe you'd be able to stop this. As if. 

You shove in your phone, just so you wouldn't be tempted to look at it. If it was in your bag, it would be much easier to forget about. 

You grab your boots, tugging them on; lacing them and re-lacing them until you realize you're stalling. You pull up the zippers on the back, standing up off the couch, looking around for a moment. 

You don't think there's... anything else? You eye the buttons and pins on your bag, several from bands you weren't sure you liked anymore, shows you could barely remember these days; things on the surface you used to like but hardly related to now. Patches with song lyrics, buttons with just slightly familiar, cartoon faces on them. Things that felt like they belonged to someone else. You take just a moment to take them all in before pulling your bag over your shoulders and adjusting the hood of your sweater. You leave it unzipped, leave your tattered coat over the back of the couch, you know you wont need it. You wont be in Snowdin for long, after all. 

You look over your shoulder, to the cascading of soft white sheets and the dreamy glow of colourful lights painting the room in a warm, muted red. The sound of your friends snoring; breathing calmly in their sleep... the faint murmur of voices from the TV as the movie that's still playing comes to an end. 

You reconsider for only a moment, hand already on the door knob before taking a deep breath and walking out into the icy, winter air. You shut the heavy door softly behind you, your boots squishing packed snow as you make your way slowly down the porch steps and into the early morning darkness.


	42. Golden Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey in case you forgot, today is Chapter day! Not that you would know or be reading this if you forgot but just in case you some how are, wow, good for you for crossing space and time, please get home safely!

You walk the long way to New Home. 

No one's really awake so it doesn't take you too much time, but it's enough to collect your thoughts. It's enough to really think if this is what you want to do. 

Sans had made an excellent argument last night after all. You could just hide under a bed until this all blew over. Until everyone forgot there was a human down here. 

You certainly could. But... on the other hand, Monsters weren't stupid. No one was going to forget the human who made a promise to help them and then was too much of a coward to go through with it. No, you had to do this. You'd made a promise. If you were going to do anything more with your crappy little life, it was keeping this promise. 

It just sucked. You're sure no one would disagree with you there; this sucked, all of this sucked, and you were really peeved at yourself for even getting into this mess to start with. Had you just been a little more mature, a little less insecure, frightened, and all together childish... you'd probably be on the surface right now. You'd be in a nice, beautiful house with Toriel, with your own bedroom, bathroom, maybe a balcony. You could be out getting coffee with Undyne and Alphys right now in a cafe. You could be going back to school with Papyrus, learning something new at some community college in your neighbourhood. You could be watching a movie, curled up on the couch with Sans... a movie other than some choppy Disney VHS or some really bad early Mettaton flick. 

But you're down here again. And this time, you don't think you're making it out.

You shove your hands in your hoodie pockets, noting the change of scenery as you approach Hotland. The elevator should take you right to New Home... Monster magic. 

The glow of molten rock below casts an eerie red light on Hotland, illuminating the rock around you and bubbling with it's own kind of life far below the surface. Hotland, despite being very hot, is still quite relaxing. If you had to pick a favourite natural disaster after all, volcanoes would be pretty high on the list. Dare you say it, maybe even number one. The way they just burst to life and coated the land in liquid rock, sometimes there'd be so much soot and ash rising in the sky that the electricity in the air would create a thunderstorm above the mountain. And then, once all was said and done, slowly but surely, the ground would burst back to life on the surface, right through the igneous rock and create a new landscape. It was like, extreme gesso for the earth. Plus, volcanoes created entire islands which was pretty sick. 

You make your way through Hotland, toward the elevator in the Hotel, giving yourself just a little bit of extra time. Just the smallest amount. The 'sun' is already rising, bringing just a bit more light to your path. The lab stands tall as you walk by it, an imposing but comforting symbol. No body is in there right now, except for the Amalgamates of course but, you think back to Alphys. Think back to your friends back in Snowdin... you wonder if they're awake yet? You think it's about half past 5 by now, maybe later. Papyrus must be up at least.

You almost want to check your phone, you try and tell yourself that it's just for the time but, you're pretty well aware of your own denial tactics at this point. You're hoping to see a text, or better yet, you're hoping to see nothing. That way you can compartmentalize your decision to mean some one dimensional bullshit like, "they don't care about you". Or of course, the classic, "they hate you and wish you were dead already hurry up. Walk faster". Well brain, it wasn't gonna work this time. Despite quite literally walking to your death right now, you were well aware of the fact that you friends cared deeply for you. That they loved you. That they were willing to hide you under their beds from their King to save your stupid ass. People who hated you didn't do that.

You arrive at the resort, noting the time on a clock above the burger place. 

6:19 AM. 

The elevator is humming in the quiet of the morning, there's a slight bustling around in the hotel rooms, you can hear the hushed murmur of sleepy morning voices. Monsters are starting to wake up, the day is starting to begin. You pull your hands out of your pockets and call the elevator with the press of a button. The doors open and you step inside, watching them close as you press another button that will take you right to New Home. You lean against the far wall as the lift begins to move, closing your eyes and steadying your breath. 

6:25 AM 

The walk through New Home is quiet, the Monsters here still inside their homes as they prepare breakfast, you think a lot of them are probably packing some clothes and things, getting ready for the news of the barrier breaking. Getting ready for a new life. 

Your steps echo in the carved hallways as you look out over the cliff side. There's holes in the mountain in New Home, small fissures and cracks where the sun from above pours in with early morning light. The barrier might stop them from leaving but, it doesn't stop the sun beams from hitting your face, warming you with mid-summer heat. You find yourself pausing next to a pillar, looking out over the huge, city-like town the Monsters had created here. You'd never really explored off the beaten path, never really hung out in the 'suburbs', or so they looked anyway. It was pretty incredible the life they'd made down here but, you knew despite outward appearances... it wasn't much of a life. 

Sighing, you keep moving forward. Through the winding hallways of the palace and straight to the front door of Asgore's home. You let yourself in, sure he's probably by the barrier, in his throne room right now. 

As predicted, Asgore is no where to be found in the house. You looked. So, with a deep breath, you finally head down into the basement, taking deliberately slow steps down the basement hallway. There's windows down here, a little up ahead, so it isn't _really_ a basement but, it may as well be. The grey walls and floors do nothing to perk you up, not that doing such a thing would be terribly easy right now anyhow. 

There's a feeling stirring in your chest though as you approach the corridor up ahead, a feeling of deja vu, one that you do not particularly like. 

Sunlight pours in through floor to ceiling windows, between marble pillars and flooding over checkered, shiny tiles that line the way to the throne room. 

You'd been here before. 

What felt like a life time ago now. 

You'd made a promise here. 

_"I'll fix this"._

You would. 

Your steps echo against the marble tiles, the sound of the small heel on your boot clicking in empty, eerie silence. That feeling of deja vu isn't going away, and the closer you get to the middle of the room, the worse it gets. The more you feel a panic rising in your chest. Something isn't right. 

6:32 AM

There's a sound behind you. Like something moving, maybe someone. You stop dead in your tracks, whole body stiff as you focus in on the sound and try to place it. Try to make sense of it. It sounds almost like slithering, like something you'd hear in a cartoon. That feeling of dread fills you to the brim and you can feel your hands trembling. You're screaming at yourself to turn around but you wont move and by the time you finally muster up the courage to even look over your shoulder, whatever's behind you is already making it's way in front of you. 

Slithering on the walls, brown vines wrapping around the marble pillars, a dying golden flower casts a hideous shadow as it blocks out the sun light. 

"Howdy, partner".


	43. Drain

You swallow, taking the slightest step backward as he comes to hover in front of you, leaves and vines twisting this way and that, tattered, broken, and wilting. His petals fair no better, browning on the edges, ripped and torn, one just barely hanging on. He looks straight at you, an expression you can't bring yourself to look at written plain as day on his face. He gives a squeaky, sinister chuckle that echoes viciously through the hall. You wince, taking another step back as he presses toward you a bit more. 

"Been a while hasn't it?"

You can't let him scare you. You don't have time for this; you don't have much of your Soul left at this point. If he manages to... to drain your Soul of any more of it's power, you wont have anything left to give Asgore when you finally get out of here. You wont have a Soul left. 

You hold your breath, shaking your head at him, hands balled into fists at your sides, "what do you want, Flowey?"

He raises his brows, clearly surprised that you even bothered to address him. He moves closer to you, and you try to move back but, there's a thick vine behind you, both holding Flowey up and preventing you from leaving. He backs you up completely against it, giving you a dark smile, his leaves trembling as he looks at you. 

"What do you think, pal? I want that ugly Soul of yours, so I can finally kill everything on this miserable planet". 

You look at him with empathy in your eyes, shaking your head gently, your voice low and whispered, "you don't want th--!" 

"YES! I do want that," he roars, and you flinch, jumping practically out of your skin, ears ringing. You can feel the blood rushing out of your face, your palms growing clammy as you shake. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You shouldn't have said that. "Don't you look at me with pity like you know anything about me! You don't know anything, and it's going to stay that way. It'll always be that way... even when I have your Soul inside me and I slaughter all your friends... hehe! Oh! Look at your face!! You don't like that do you?"

You can feel your body shaking now, that panic rising up from your gut like bile, your heart hammering in your ears, pounding louder, louder, louder as he talks. You try to steady your breath, try to keep it level, wincing each time he speaks, flinching every time he so much as shakes a leaf. You can't let this happen -- this can't be happening. 

"You don't like the idea that I'll kill all your friends, do you? I think I'll kill 'em all first... how does that sound? I think I'll wrap them up and I'll strangle the life out of ALL of them right in front of you and then I'll run you through... it looked like so much fun when she did it..." 

Your eyes widen as you stare at him, and it's your turn to look shocked. 

"Oh, I know what you're thinking. 'You remembered that?' Of course I did! Who do I look like?" he leans in closer, voice distorting and piercing your ears despite it's quietness. It's like a mechanical growl, something that shouldn't ever exist coming out of a living thing, "an IDIOT?" 

"Stop!" you shout, hands flying up to your ears to cover them. You squeeze your eyes shut and all you can hear is his distorted, demonic laughter all around you, reverberating off the walls and pounding in your chest like the bass from the party last night. It hits your very Soul, wrapping around it like the vines he'd threatened you with and squeezing tight. For the very first time, you actually feel a sharp pain take hold of your Soul, piercing through you, leaving tears in your eyes as you whimper, hands moving to your chest. 

"Hehehe... that crappy little Soul of yours isn't gonna last much longer is it? Too bad your friends couldn't even fix it huh? Maybe they weren't really your friends at all then... what did that smiley trashbag say to you that day? Hm?" Flowey's face changes, mimicking Sans own perfectly. You shake your head, knees weak as the pain shoots through you again. "Of course I'm paraphrasing here, but... wasn't it something like..." his voice grows deeper, distorting to sound just like Sans, "love's the best medicine for a broken Soul". 

You wrap your arms around yourself, whispering quietly so only you can hear. Will it out. Will all this out. Ignore him... don't even think about him. Asgore will show up here eventually. Someone, anyone will show up eventually. 

But you know they wont. You know no one will come. You know full well that even if they do Flowey will just kill them. So instead, all you can do is remind yourself that your friends do love you. That they love you so much, more than anyone's ever loved you before and that nothing some demonic, Soulless flower says is gonna change that. You remember when Sans had held his hands up by your Soul and all that pain and hurt and all those cracks and discolorations had come to a pause. They'd stopped, just for a moment as he held his hands around the very culmination of your being. Your friends couldn't heal you, not completely but, that wasn't their job. It was yours. Your friends were there to cheer you on, to help you when it became too hard to help yourself but, it was never their job to fix you. You wouldn't let Flowey convince you it was, or that they'd failed because they didn't love you enough. 

You look back up at him, defiant and unafraid. He doesn't seem moved by this, simply morphing his face back to his own and giving you one of his empty smiles.

"You're wrong. You're so completely wrong. My friends love me; my family loves me. No matter what you say they love me, and I love them. It isn't their duty to fix me, it's mine!" 

"Well then," he begins, the sound of his vines slithering and moving as the huge vine keeping you here moves out of the way, you suddenly hear the sounds of footsteps, so faint in the distance you almost think you're hearing things. But you hold onto the hope that it's someone just in case. "Why don't you call out to them? Go on... cry for help..."

You hear the sudden, faint murmur of a muffled shout, you can't make out what they're saying but it's enough for you to take Flowey up on his offer. You turn toward the entrance to the hallway, shouting as loudly as you possibly can, hoping that whoever is out there... whoever it is, hears you. 

"Help! I'm in here! Please help!" 

Your voice echoes loudly against the massive ceilings, carrying down the hallway and hopefully into the corridor outside, hopefully toward whoever was out there. You think you hear another shout, the sound of multiple people practically sprinting somewhere outside but... no one shows up. 

You stand there for a few seconds, simply waiting until the footsteps stop and you're left standing there, feeling like an idiot. You hear Flowey chuckle behind you, taunting you as he brushes dying leafy vines against your cheeks. You smack them away angrily, but he just moves them back, squishing your face a bit as he giggles. 

"Oh, and look at that... nobody ca--?! What?!" 

The sudden sound of footsteps grows louder again and suddenly, there's multiple people coming your way. You hear the footsteps in the hall and look up from the ground, locking eyes with Undyne, the spear in her hand glowing bright teal. 

"They're in here, guys! Hurry up, they're in trouble!" 

"Undyne?!" you gasp, moving to run forward. The rest of your friends come pouring into the room, Sans, then Papyrus, then Alphys and Mettaton. They're all panting, completely out of breath... did they run all the way here?! Did they seriously... 

Undyne rushes forward all of a sudden, and you find yourself running toward her as well. She has her arms open to embrace you but, the sight of a vine out of the corner of your eye has you stopped dead in your tracks. One wraps around her right wrist, the spear in her hand dropping and shattering on the floor before disappearing into thin air. She lets out a surprised gasp trying to pull free before another vine wraps around her left wrist, "let go of me!" she shouts. You turn toward Flowey just in time to see him shooting a vine toward you. You don't have time to move out of the way and, without fail he quickly wraps the sickly thing around you, tightening it as he lifts you into the air, wrapping one around Undyne as well and lifting her up -- arms stuck at her sides -- in front of you. "Let go of you me right now you freak, or you're gonna be REAL sorry!" 

Flowey only gives another distorted giggle and you watch in horror as more vines shoot out to wrap around everyone else, lifting them up to hover next to Undyne. You all struggle, gasping for air as the vines grow tighter around you still, constricting and constricting until all you can do it try to breathe, struggling off the table. You look at Sans only briefly, dizzy in the head as it becomes harder and harder to pay attention with no oxygen. 

"Huh! Isn't this touching?" Flowey gasps, looking up at all of you from down below, his leaves trembling in morbid excitement, "now, I didn't expect this! Not one bit... go figure pal, you actually managed to trick all these idiots into being your... _fwiend_. Isn't that sickening". 

"Is-is th-that... th-thats the... the fl-flower from..." Alphys stutters, and she too is finding it harder to breathe, struggling to take a breath as the vines wrap tighter around the six of you. You gasp, wheezing a little and wincing at the smallest hint of copper in your mouth. 

"I sure am, Doctor Alphys! Look at me now, still Soulless! Me and your friend here are partners! Isn't that fun? Though, they did go back on our plans so maybe ex-partners is a better word, huh?" he lifts a leaf to his mouth, covering it in your direction as if to hide his words from you while he points another toward you, "what an _idiot_ huh?" 

Your friends look at you, trying their hardest not to pay attention to the flower holding them hostage, and instead to you, clearly wanting an answer for what was happening. But, honestly, you didn't even know if you had one. 

"I'm... I'm sorry," you gasp, trying to take in a gulp of air, struggling again against the vines with renewed vigor, "I'm sorry. Th-this wasn't supposed to... to happen... why did you guys f-follow me?" 

"Because y-you're our friend! Did you r-really think we... ugh... didn't know you left last night?! We were all keeping an eye on y-you!" 

"Thought ya could sneak out un-under our noses, huh? Didn't... ah... even leave a note?" Sans practically wheezes, trying to breathe under the tight vines around him. You shake your head at his and Undyne's words, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. "Pal... b-babe ya gotta... you can do this". 

Blinking, you feel the tears dripping hot down your cheeks, that pain in your chest ripping through you again as you whimper and tense, the vines only growing tighter around you, "wh-what do you mean?!" you gasp, shaking your head before falling limp again, letting yourself dangle dangerously in Flowey's grip, focusing on breathing. 

"Ya gotta... beat this stupid flower. I kn-know you can". 

"Yeah! Come on kid, beat his ass!" 

"You can do it human friend! The Great Papyrus b-believes you can! You mustn't give up h-hope! We can g-get out of this somehow!" 

Flowey is laughing manically below, tears in his eyes from how hard he's giggling. You don't know where any of them got the idea you could beat him, and you aren't really in any position to ask. But, you know you can't. You're hyper aware of the fact that there's no beating Flowey. At least, not all at once. You can't get this over with with only one life. Like a video game, like a cartridge you blow in and stick in a game system, you need more lives. 

"I... no... I can't... I can't beat him without dying at least once! I c-can't... I can't go b-back there..." you choke on your words, not even caring that no one here but Sans understands what you're saying. You just have to get these worries out there, you have to make them heard, let your friends know even if it doesn't make sense, you have a logical reason for being the definition of a coward. Your Soul feels like it's ripping apart at the seams. Flowey only laughs harder, the sound distorting again into something absolutely ear splitting. 

There's a dim, red glow in front of you, and you spot your Soul again through clouded, dizzy vision. Besides a pin prick of red in the center that is growing dimmer by the second, the remaining bit of your soul is the size of a large grape, cracked and tattered and grey. There's nothing left there, that wouldn't possibly be strong enough to tear down the barrier, let alone even get through one of Flowey's attacks. 

Your friends all gasp, shaking their heads at the sight of your pitiful Soul. There's no Determination left here. No Bravery. No Perseverance. No Integrity, Patience, Justice, Kindness... there's just nothing. There's a cold, glassy container and a gray, broken thing floating in the middle of it. There's no time. There never was. 

"How depressing," Flowey sighs, his voice mocking and cold. You can only stare at the pitiful display in front of you, a million thoughts racing in your head. How'd it come to this? This was the end of everything. This was your fault. "I said I'd kill them all first, didn't I? But, you know what... even being Souless, I still have a heart! Hahahaa!! As much as I'd LOVE to watch you suffer, wither away and die... I know somebody else who'd take much more pleasure in it than me!" 

"Kid c-come on! Please... ya gotta try! Don't give up! Stay Determined! Don't give up yet!" 

Sans desperate pleas are met with deaf ears as you watch the very last bit of yourself disappear, and suddenly... you feel empty inside. You look up at your friends as the vines around you loosen and you feel yourself slipping from their grip. Something sharp is pressing into your back, inching its way in like a burrowing snake, slowly at first before piercing through you and practically ripping you in half. You barely feel it as you watch your blood spill to the floor below. 

Your friends gasp, crying out and turning their heads away, tears pouring down their faces in shock and despair and of course the last thing you did was hurt them. 

You feel yourself slipping away, the vines dropping you, body landing in a heap on the floor before you close your eyes and all you see is blackness. 

7:00 AM

When you open them again, slowly... wincing as bright light stings and floods your vision before settling as you adjust, you see golden flowers in front of your eyes. A small giggle from above tells you exactly where you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw a lot of you guessing as to what Flowey might be up to, and I do appreciate you guys trying, I do! But, he isn't the judge! 
> 
> He's the executioner... =)


	44. Love

Your vision is blurry and despite an ever present, debilitating pain in your middle still panging at you, you feel almost none of it. It's like the moment it starts you will it away through sheer apathy. 

You'd felt apathetic before. Hell, you lived a good half of your life feeling nothing but apathy but this, this was something else entirely. This was... this was a complete inability to feel anything. Even physical pain. Even in a place like this. 

You let yourself look up, still laying in a heap in those golden flowers, the white void spreading up, up, up and never ending in it's ascent. You're here again. You can't make heads or tails of anything in this place besides the blur of yellow in your peripheral and of the face coming to stare at you over head. 

"Welcome back," they say coldly, the smile on their face as disingenuous as the pain still trying to thrum through you. As you lay there, looking upward, it eventually fades away and you're left feeling... empty. Like the container your Soul had been drained from. Like a shell. "You don't look too good, that's unfortunate. Here, let me help you up". 

You hesitate for a moment, not completely convinced you don't just want to lay here forever and disappear into the ground. Though, the thought occurs to you that may not actually be a thing that happens here. It was, after all, no where and nothing. These flowers were a facade. An illusion. They weren't real. 

You reach a shaky hand upward and take Chara's. It's cold against your skin, stark white against your own brown. Chara pulls you up into a sitting position before grabbing your other hand and helping you to your feet, giving you another empty smile. You simply stare back, blinking before looking around, noting the flower petals as they fall from your hair and onto the ground. 

"Can I ask you a question before anything else happens?" 

Chara's smile falls and they look at you with a slight tilt of their head, clearly not expecting your inquisition. Eventually though, they give a small nod, "I suppose that's fair. Ask away". 

"Would I have come back here no matter what happened? If I'd made it to King Asgore... would I have come here anyway?" 

"Yes". 

You give them a slow blink, looking downward at your clothes, they were covered in blood but at least Flowey had been kind enough not to poke through them. Not that it mattered. You look back up at Chara, "and you aren't just saying that to scare me or something? Or to make me feel like I did all this for nothing?"

"No," there's a red glow between the two of you and suddenly, there's a broken Soul floating between you and this strange child. It looks awfully familiar. Something in the emotional part of your brain is screaming at you to do something about this, that this isn't right. That there's something to be done but, the idea is quickly shut down by your logical half and by the empty apathy that had taken hold of you. There was nothing you could do but watch and listen. "Your borrowed magic, the magic that I gave you, works very simply. You can go back in time to a set point. Think of it like a save point in a video game. When you jumped down here, you saved for the first time in the ruins. That's as far back as you can go, at this point the only way to make it back there is through resetting. Though, I wouldn't try it in here... especially not without your Soul". 

Right. You focus on something that isn't there before the glowing point to go back appears again in front of you. You only focus on it enough to see it's there though before turning your attention back to Chara, "but you didn't give me the power to revive. I had it the first time around; before I met you". 

Chara shakes their head, "no... the power you have down here is mine. M-- She took me back to the Ruins when Asgore created his plan to collect enough Souls to shatter the barrier. She buried me under the flowers you fell on. My soul, not my Soul... two different things, fused with your body, and you gained a bit of my magic". 

"So... you're a mage?" 

"I suppose so. A decedent of a mage would be the better answer though, I was far from magically inclined when I was alive. Somehow, my magic appeared after I died and He absorbed my Soul. Perhaps being fused with a Monster was my magical awakening". You watch them quietly, watch as they pull that empty container from your chest, not even a bit of you left inside it. Something tugs at your heart, the sight of it making something stir in your chest again, but it's soon gone. 

"In any case. Your borrowed magic, both the magic I gave you when you first fell and the magic I gave you when you first Reset is the reason why you wont be able to go back anymore. You gave me something you never should have. Your worst fear". 

You look downward, staring again at the blood on your clothes, the image of Undyne's spear through you flashing in your mind for a moment before it morphed into that long, sharp vine... wriggling and digging it's way through your middle. The white endlessness beneath your feet reminds you where you are again. You're pretty dead. Like, actually dead. No Soul kinda dead. You still don't feel much even at this revelation. 

"My worst fear being this place, right?" 

Chara nods, that empty smile on their lips again, "you would have ended up here no matter what. Even if you didn't have that broken Soul in your chest. The barrier wouldn't even shatter. Everything out there right now is completely paused, or... well. In a way. Monsters are aware of what's happening but, they can't exactly move forward from it. It's like... they're also stuck in a Void. Just with your dead body on the floor of the palace instead," they shrug, pulling your Soul container closer to them. "Had I not trapped you here the first time, you simply would have woken up at another Save point. There's no moving forward for you, no dying. Even here... you aren't really dead. You're still breathing, even if your real body out there isn't, you are in here. That's how it's been for me... living in a Monster whose essence was then turned into a Souless flower. I've been here in this place for what feels like forever. Simply existing. Now I'll be able to leave". 

"What if I died on the surface? What then?" 

Chara's smile grows a little wider and they shrug their shoulders, "well, that's something I don't know the answer to. And, something you wont either. After all, there isn't really any getting out of here is there?"

You frown, eyeing the Souls hanging precariously between the two of you. It's like a game, to see who moves first. Who tries to take the one working Soul here before the other. Like gridlock, neither of you move. Neither of you try to. 

Something occurs to you as you stare at this floating culmination of self, something you'd been wondering for weeks now. 

"Was that my magic then?" Chara raises a brow, and you realize as they stare blankly at you that they aren't sure what you mean. You stand up a bit straighter, "showing Monsters their worst fears... I mean, it didn't start happening until after my Soul started... draining? But... was that my magic?" 

Chara blinks slowly before a small smile tugs at the corners of their lips, it does not reach their eyes, "it could have been. Listen," they begin, reaching down to pick one of those strange buttercups before tearing the petals off one by one, "I know I _seem_ like I know everything but, the fact of the matter is... I just don't. Which, is unfortuante but, it's just the truth. Not much is known about Human Souls except for the fact that they're stronger than Monsters. I guess we could sit here and hypothesize that maybe it is your magic, and that maybe since I was draining the Determination from you little by little that your magic was being corrupted but, that's all guess work". 

It seemed the most likely explination though, you think. After all, who had magic that just showed people their worst nightmares? Though, it made an awful lot of sense that it would be your power. And, well... you aren't sure what it would be a corruption _of_. 

Sans had said that Red magic was typically tied with time. What did showing people their worst fears have to do with time? You think if you still had your Soul you might be starting to feel frustrated. Chara clears their throat.

"Now, I'm sure I already know the answer but, because I like you I'm willing to do you a favour. What do you say? Want to make a deal?"

"No". 

Chara's face morphs for only a moment, appearing to drip and fall apart. Then you blink and it's back to normal. You hold your breath at the sight of it, heart pounding in your chest, "I figured it was worth a try". 

Nothing in this place changes. It's white all around, you can't even tell unless you look toward this kid if your eyes are focused or crossed. Something in you is trying to get you to do something, anything. But you can't bring yourself to care. You feel completely undetermined. 

"Well, I'll see you again... never," they chuckle, taking a step back, that old Soul of yours moving with them. "Deals are funny like that, you only make them when you need something. And you have nothing I need anymore". 

You watch as they cup your Soul again, as it glows a little brighter, as it almost bursts to life in front of you and then, as Chara begins to pull it toward their chest.

And suddenly, you find yourself unable to breathe. All the air is being sucked from your lungs, and the pain in your chest is unbearable, holding you in a vice grip as you grasp at your chest and try your hardest to breathe. You spot Chara only for a moment, clearly feeling the same vacuum pulling the air from their rotten lungs as well. You can't breathe, at all. Squeezing your eyes shut, you feel your knees grow weak, your body collapsing to the ground as you try now to simply hold your breath. 

Someone's hand is suddenly on your back and you tense, gaze snapping over your shoulder, nearly choking on a gasp that doesn't quiet work out. Behind you, in a rip in space and time, the fabric of reality... are all your friends. They're all there and they're all looking at you like they hadn't seen you in years, and well... it might as well be considering where you are. 

"I told you I wouldn't stop till I found ya..." Sans whispers, and you wish you could reply. Wish you could say anything but the rip is pulling all the air from this place, your vision is already blurring... you know you wont stay conscious much longer and you know he knows that too. All you can do is stare, the tears already rolling down your cheeks enough to spur your friends on. 

Sans had remembered the yellow flowers. He'd found you. Just like he said he would. 

He found you, but you know he can't take you back. Not like this. Not empty like this. So why... 

"You have to stay Determined, beautiful!"

"D-don't give up hope!" 

"We know it's hard but, we also know just how strong you are, you dork! So don't you give up in there!" 

"The Human we know would never give in!" 

Your empty, Soul shaped container hovers in front of you, your friends don't seem to pay it any mind though, huge smiles on their faces as they cheer you on and something stirs in your chest again. Something warm... something... 

Something bursts to life in front of you and you stand up in surprise, stepping backward but the bright light follows after you, blanketing you in luminescent red. You wince, covering your eyes, the light in front of you too bright, almost blinding. 

"Dude, look!" Undyne gasps, pointing toward your Soul and urging you to sneak a peak. 

This... this was impossible! Wasn't it? It... 

You feel dizzy in the head, but you hold your breath, watching in shock as that red light concentrates into a single point, smaller and smaller until you can barely see it... and then it glows like the Sun, growing so quickly, so fast, so _big_ that suddenly, that heart-shaped container your Soul had previously been inside shatters. Your friends gasp in the rip, your Soul still growing, you think maybe two sizes bigger than it used to be... it almost makes you laugh. Wasn't this like... a trope in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas? 

And then you realize that whatever is happening is working because, suddenly you want to _laugh_. Suddenly, those tears on your face feel _real_ again and you feel all that warmth and all that pain and all that _love_ in your chest come to a single point in front of you; feel it rest in your SOUL. 

You made your own DETERMINATION.


	45. Angel Pt. 1

"You can do this," Sans whispers. 

You watch as the rip closes, your friends all giving you determined smiles, pushing you forward without a word. 

And then you can breathe again, and you gasp, coughing and taking in a greedy gulp of air the moment it returns. Chara is behind you, gasping and huffing as well. As you breathe, you focus on the Soul in front of you; on _your_ Soul. It's a brighter red than you ever remember, and bigger too. There's nothing around it... no cage, no container. It's just your Soul. There's no barrier around _you_ anymore. 

You're... you're free. 

It's not without cracks, of course... some wounds aren't so easy to heal but it's no longer got the appearance of a pane of broken glass. It no longer looks like it might shatter at any moment. Every fissure, every tiny crack looks like it's healing now. Instead of open wounds -- fresh injuries and new scrapes and shatters -- these cracks resemble scars. They're healing. _You_ are _healing_.

"This can't be happening," a quiet voice whispers from behind you. You turn now, turn and look straight at the child who'd trapped you here and give them a warm smile. They aren't looking at you, don't even acknowledge you as they cup the Soul in front of their chest; your old Soul. "You changed the entire make-up of your Soul; the whole way it looks... that's impossible?! The Soul I have now is worthless! I --?!" 

You take a big step forward, almost running as you make your way over to this small, fragile looking child and with determination coursing through your veins, igniting a fire you didn't know you had, you place your hands over Chara's own tiny, cold hands and push with purpose. You push and push until that old Soul of yours bursts with light and fuses with Chara's body, pushing into their chest. 

All at once, Chara seems to burst back to life. Their pale, almost white skin practically glows with colour, their rosy cheeks seem less stark against their now peachy complexion. Their hair gains moisture, shines and brightens right before your eyes. And Chara's own eyes... their own cold brown-red eyes... they blink and there's a light in them you'd never seen before; they're warm and they're childlike instead of empty and blank. Tears swim in their eyes, as they stare at their chest, holding their hands against their heart, the empty smile on their lips faded and gone as they try to make sense of what had happened. 

They had a Soul again. You'd given them _your_ Soul. 

You let your hands fall slowly from theirs, as to not scare them with any sudden movement. They barely react though, only take a small step back as you hold your own hands to your chest, placing them over your heart as well, your own Soul having retreated to wrap around your heart where it belonged. There was a warmth in your chest, a filling feeling you don't recognize, but it feels nice. It feels right. 

"I can't let you become a demon. That's no life, not for a child," you whisper. Chara tenses, hands falling limp at their sides as they stare toward the floor, big tears rolling down their cheeks in silence. "But I also know that, living in here... all by yourself... it's got to be so lonely. You can't stay here empty and alone like that it's not fair". 

Chara looks up suddenly, a look of pure anger on their face as they stare straight at you, "so what?! You turned me into an 'angel' instead? What kind of stupid idiot are you?! Do you really think--!" 

You step forward again, wrapping your arms around this child and sinking to your knees as you hug them. Chara hiccups, gasping and tensing in your arms before bringing their fists down on your head, your shoulders, your back... anywhere they can hit you they try and try and you bare with the pain. You stay there, hugging them tight and hushing them as they cry, as their fists grow less painful on your body, as their hits grow weaker. 

When they finally stop hitting you, you pull away to look them in the face, reaching your hands up to cup their cheeks and wipe away the tears. Chara flinches, stares at you with such vitriol in their eyes that you almost want to stop but, you know you can't. You were never too great with kids on the surface but, somehow... somehow you get the feeling this is how you're supposed to fix everything. You need to help Chara. You need to make them see what they can't... 

"I do. I really think that you... Chara, you're the Angel that's gonna save Monsterkind". 

And suddenly, all that hatred and anger on their face grows darker and you find yourself alone in inky blackness, as if you'd blinked and it was now all you could see. And then, there's a blindingly bright light in the distance and it's coming toward you faster and faster and suddenly, you can't breathe again. You taste blood in your mouth and your vision is blurred and you can't move your arms... you can barely move at all. 

And then you feel it. A sharp, agonizing pain ripping through you; practically tearing you in half... and you cry out. All those emotions, all those feelings you hadn't felt when this happened before, everything centers in the middle of your gut, your nerves on high alert as that sharp vine skewers you from back to front. With blurred vision, you spot your friends, wrapped so tight in vines they can't breathe and you know where you are again. You know what's happening. 

Chara sent you back to before you died. Quite literally, right before it if the vine worming it's way now through your belly had anything to say about it. 

Getting run through by a spear was one thing... getting run through by a sentient vine? That was another. Where the spear was quick and fast, and you lost enough blood for it to cool you off and make you drowsy, sleepy and relatively pain free... this vine is slow. It's torturous and so agonizing you think you might pass out. You _should_ be blacking out right now but, something... some _one_ keeps you awake as it pierces through you and you fall to the ground again, slipping out of the vines holding you up and landing in a broken heap on the floor. 

Your friends call out to you but it feels like your head is underwater. Everything inside you that was meant to be inside felt like it made a mad dash to evict itself from the premises that was your body. You're shaking and cold and it's so painful that at this point your throat is raw from screaming. Then, it's happening all over again. 

You blink, see darkness for a second, and then you're in Flowey's grip again... that sharp vine pressing into your back, seemingly slower this time than before. 

And each time you finally fall to the ground, finally close your eyes and die, you wake up again in his vice grip, having to do it all over again. 

You lose count after seven. 

At fifteen, you stop feeling even the slightest bit of a break between pain and it simply grows to be constant; excruciating. 

At twenty-four, you feel yourself dissociating and you try to focus on anything but the pain. On Sans voice. On Undyne's fins. On Mettaton's legs. On Alphys' scales. On Papyrus' gloves. Anything but the pain. You focus on your Determination. On your Soul. Force yourself as you fall to the cold, marble floor again to feel the opposite of what Chara and Flowey are making you feel right now. 

Hope. 

You focus inward on that feeling, on the light you know you saw glowing in front of you. Focus on the hope that this wasn't your eternity. That you'd end this. That you'd help Chara. That you would free Monsterkind one way or another. 

This pain is temporary. 

The Determination coursing through you like a drug however, feels eternal. 

On lucky number 25, your eyes flutter shut with a smile on your face and you open them not to a sunlight and blood stained hallway, but instead to a patch of sweet smelling buttercups. 

You sit up slowly, the sound of weeping somewhere far off in front of you catching your attention. 

That's odd? Where are you now? 

This is definitely not the Void or, well... you suppose it must be. But, it looks awfully different. 

The patch of golden flowers you're laying in goes on for... forever, really. There's grass, there's trees surrounding you, big hulking pines and massive soft looking willows over look what seems to be a meadow. You spot a mountain off in the distance, huge and intimidating... a strange flicker of odd purple light gleaming on it for only a moment before it disappears. The mountain looks an awful lot like Mt. Ebott. Could that gleam have been the barrier? 

"Why don't you just give up already?" comes a small voice. You jump a bit, surprised by it, the crying having stopped in the middle of you taking in your surroundings. You can hear birds chirping in the distance, the sound almost foreign now it'd been so long since you'd heard it. You feel something warm on your skin, the Sun you think. And somewhere, there's a trickle of water; a small stream off in the distance. 

You stand on shaky legs, phantom pain still ripping through your middle, mind still hazy and blank as you try to make sense of everything again. Try to plop yourself back down in reality and shake off the torture you'd just been put through. It's... not easy. But you manage well enough for now. You focus instead on it being over. On you being here. Where ever here was. 

Chara lays in a patch of buttercups themselves, petals in their hair and clovers all over their green and yellow sweater. The heels of their palms are pressed against their eyes as they push back tears, hiccuping and shaking in this never-ending field of flora. You walk over to them, legs weak and trembling before you give up on standing and plop down next to them, crossing your legs and brushing the hair off their face. 

"I can't," you whisper, and Chara tries to choke back a sob, "not again. Not ever again. I've given up too many times to count. On the surface, down here... I can't do it anymore. And you shouldn't either, Chara". 

A breeze rolls past and it feels so warm against your skin, so real and enchanting that for just a moment, you hush yourself and close your eyes, letting the wind move through your hair as you take a breath. 

All is silent save for Chara's soft crying. You open your eyes as the breeze dies down and look down at the fallen child in front of you, watching as their chest heaves and shakes in time with their choked back sobs. You reach a hand out, going to move theirs away from their face but Chara quickly sits up, moves their hands away... something shiny flickers into their grip and suddenly, they're pushing you back into the flowers beneath you, your head hitting the ground as they hover over you, something cold and sharp pressed against your throat. Your breath catches as you look up at them.

They stare at you with that empty smile on their lips, their eyes bloodshot and red from crying. But the expression waivers. Their hands are shaky and whatever is pressed against your neck; it must be a knife -- is no longer pressing as hard. They're fighting with themselves, that creepy smile doing nothing to hide the tears gathering again like dew drops on grass in their eyes. They fall, landing on your cheeks and rolling down your face and Chara gasps and shakes their head, "I can't be a savior for them... I can't be their angel..." 

The knife disappears, almost as if it's phasing out of existence and Chara falls against you, placing their forehead on your chest and simply crying. You watch in stunned in silence before you do the only thing you know you can. You wrap your arms around them and hug them as tight as you can manage, pouring every last bit of yourself into comforting this broken, terrified child, "shh... I've got you..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I ever told y'all how much I love Chara? Because I do. I really love this kid.


	46. Angel Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting this Hella Early because I probably wont be awake later lmfao. Enjoy! And Happy Friday! (I almost said Monday. God.)

"I'm not their angel, I can't be..." Chara's voice sounds so broken, so torn and anguished. Your heart hurts for them, like someone shoved their fist into your chest and is now squeezing so hard your heart might burst. A kid shouldn't have to go through this. A child shouldn't feel like this. No one should. No one should feel this broken and lonely. 

"Of course you can. You've always been, you --" 

"They called me a demon up there. They said I was a waste of time... that I was worthless". 

Your grip on this child in your arms tightens at those words, and you recall a time when you'd been called the same things by the people you thought loved you. Being called those things by family is an incredibly cruel and twisted type of pain. You ask Chara exactly who called them these things to confirm your suspicions and the answer is unfortunately the one you were expecting. 

"My... my family," they hiccup, rubbing their face against your shirt as they try to dry their tears but, the slight feeling of dampness on your chest tells you they haven't stopped crying. 

You sit up then, still holding tight to Chara as you do, and they wrap their legs around your middle, you hug them tighter... their arms wrapping around you in return as they bury their face against your shoulder and you quiet them with soft hushes and fingers through their hair. 

You can't really remember a time you'd ever comforted a child. Maybe a baby if you happened to get a job as a sitter, and that wasn't too different from this. Chara was no baby, and wasn't crying because their gums hurt or they had unfortunately gotten a diaper rash, but the comforting was about the same. Hold them, assure them, validate them. Give them someone to hold onto, someone to cry on, someone to anchor them and they'd be okay. This kid in your arms would be alright. 

You pull away just a little, just enough so that you can see Chara's face and you wipe away their tears. You feel like a big sibling comforting their younger one and it makes you wish you'd had a younger sibling on the surface. Someone to anchor you when you needed it. But, seeing Chara so upset, so broken like this it... maybe it was a good thing you never had a brother or sister or sibling. You don't know that you could handle it if your mother had been as cruel to them as she'd been to you. No one deserved that. 

"Your family was wrong. The way they treated you, the things they called you... no one deserves that. _You_ didn't deserve that". 

"How do you know?!" Chara shouts, suddenly becoming defensive but you know it's just for show. You simply shake your head, offering them a comforting, understanding smile before gently poking their chest. Chara stiffens, staring at your hand before looking back up at you. 

"Well, besides the fact that you have my Soul in you now and we're connected... I've been through the same thing. On the surface, I mean. My parents were... they weren't great. My mom called me names, made me feel like I was worthless, took my things, kicked me out of my house and changed the locks and her number so I couldn't contact her again. I was... homeless for a while. She made me feel like shit. Like I wasn't even human. But... she was wrong".

Chara's eyes widen as they stare at you, all their attention on you now as you speak. It's so different, so weird to be talking about this so openly. But it's... it's nice also. You hadn't gotten into specifics when you told Sans, or when you told any of your other friends. There hadn't really been a need to. Your mom was abusive, your dad was a distant drunk. That's really all there was to it. But Chara... you feel the need to be tell them more. You need them to know you understand, fully and completely. You need them to know they aren't alone. 

"She was so completely wrong about me. I jumped down here intending to..." you swallow, and Chara nods. There's something in their expression that tells you they understand, maybe too much. And suddenly you're angry, you're _livid_ that the people above made a child, a _literal child_ no older than twelve -- not even a teenager yet -- feel so much pain, so much sorrow and hurt that they thought it'd be better to just die. You doubt very much that Chara's parents are still around but the desire to just... dig your way out of this mountain, go up there and beat the absolute crap out of them until they admit that they were the scum of the earth comes to mind as a totally valid plan. The logical part of your brain shuts it down but, you put it on the back burner anyway. 

"She made me want to die. She made me feel like it'd be better if I was just gone, that everyone on this planet would take a collective sigh of relief if I turned up dead somewhere. But she was wrong. She was so, so wrong. I came down here intending to pull away from others in the most blatant way I could think of and instead I... I made a new family down here. And... Chara? You did too, didn't you. You found a family down here". 

Chara tears up again and you want to pull them into a hug again, want to just wrap your arms around them until they finally feel _happy_ even if it takes forever but, you don't have forever. Chara doesn't have forever. You have right now, and right now you need to comfort them. Right now you need to talk. The both of you finally need to talk about everything. 

"I'm not worthless. I'm not a burden. Neither of us were a mistake," you whisper, throat feeling raw as you try yourself not to cry. Chara sniffs, whimpers as the tears start again, their bottom lip is shaking now, their whole scary persona melting right off of them. Underneath is a scared and broken child who only wanted the best for their found family. Who only wanted to help. And humanity had quite literally lowered their casket, letting them down for the final time. 

"No matter what they said to you, no matter how they treated you... you aren't worthless. You aren't a burden. You aren't a mistake, or a demon, or a monster. You're a person, Chara. You're a child who only ever deserved love... and you found that. All by yourself down here with Asriel, and Toriel, and Asgore. Do you know how brave that is? Do you know how brave you were? To look for love even after all that pain? You found a family who deserved you. You found a family who loved you unconditionally. And you loved them back and that was so incredibly brave of you. A bad person wouldn't care as much as you did, do you understand? You are worthy of love. You're worthy of happiness". 

The flower covered Void grows somehow brighter, somehow more filled with life. There's deer suddenly prancing out from behind those huge, towering trees... there's rabbits in the clover beside you, nibbling on the grass and twitching their tails. And most incredible of all... there's a sunset... the sky of this void bright orange and pink as the Sun goes down behind the mountain, casting an incredible red and orange glow over you and Chara. 

This place is like a view into their subconscious. How they're feeling, what's happening in their head. Where the white, stark nothingness with only those golden yellow buttercups represented Chara's loneliness... their fear and apathy... this massive, sun drenched meadow dipping so slowly into twilight felt like home. It felt like the closing of a book... like finally, the two of you were no longer caged in by your own fear of rejection. Of unworthiness. Of loneliness. 

You wrap your arms around them again, holding them close and letting them listen to your heartbeat as you let them cry again, let them finally let go of everything they'd bottled up inside; let them be free. 

The two of you hold each other for a long time, just sitting there in the meadow alone together, your arms wrapped around this child who you used to be so afraid of. It was funny how meeting them here again in a place you thought was going to be the end, was just the beginning. How you'd forged a friendship here with them, though unfortunately through bonding over abuse, it still felt real. You felt like a big sibling... even if Chara was probably years older than you, they were still forever twelve.

Eventually, the sound of crickets fills your ears and you know that the pretend Sun has finally set. It's as you finally look up again and open your eyes that you look toward the mountain, then toward the sky and see the most brilliant aurora borealis dancing between the stars. Beautiful pinks and greens blanket the sky and illuminate the meadow and the mountain in the distance. You feel Chara shift, moving their head and resting their chin against your chest as they look skyward. You catch a glimpse of their expression, a smile tugging at your lips as you see the sheer wonder in their eyes. 

"Ah... I should probably send you back, huh?" they whisper, and you look back down at them, raising a brow. 

Oh. Oh! Right... you were... here. In the Void. Pretty much dead. You had your Soul again, good as new; better than new really -- so you could definitely leave, you think... you guess it was just a matter of _going_. And... well. The last time you'd left it was because of Sans, by accident. And you aren't sure if he'll be coming back again anytime soon. It had to be hard work teleporting yourself and focusing on something that didn't actually exist. 

Blinking, you simply stare at this kid in your arms before they crack a smile and giggle, "don't look at me with that stupid face, jeez". You smirk, finding yourself giggling as well before messing up their hair much to their discontent. 

With a huff, Chara brushes their little fingers through their auburn hair, detangling the mess you'd made of it before picking at the grass and flowers next to them, "you can't stay here". 

"I know," you whisper. Of course you can't, and you don't want to but, something in your chest hurts for a moment at their words. The idea of leaving... you know you have to. You know you _want_ to but, in some way it's also... hard. "But what if I never--"

"You will," Chara says, turning to look at you with determination written plain on their face, nodding their head in reassurance, "like your _boyfriend_ said..." you shove them gently at that, bursting out into giggles with them and trying to hide the blush on your cheeks. "Like he said, you can do this. You can do it". 

"That's not..." you smile again, a breathy laugh on your lips. That wasn't what you meant. You meant... you shake your head gently, wrapping Chara up again in another hug. It was fine. You'd be fine. You would see them again. "Thank you, Chara". 

Even after all this hugging, they're still surprised when you do hug them again, taking a long moment to finally hug you back, squeezing you a little harder than before, "whatever," you snort, messing up their hair again as you pull away, "knock it off!" they giggle, cracking a smile despite their attempt at seeming uninterested. 

"We need to stop Asriel... or, Flowey. He can't go through with his plan," Chara says, moving away from you and standing up. You follow suit, legs half asleep and hurting with stiffness and pins and needles. You stand up straight, shaking off the feeling with a wince before nodding in Chara's direction. "I'm... I'm sorry that I took advantage of you back then". 

"I... Chara. You don't need to apologize for that I..." they give you a deadpan look and you wring your hands before rubbing the back of your neck awkwardly, "okay... maybe you do. I just mean that... it wasn't entirely your fault. I was being _really_ stupid and selfish. I kinda deserved it". 

"Hm. True". 

You snort, raising a brow in surprise, "you're kind of a little jerk, aren't ya?" 

Chara shrugs, closing their eyes as they do, "so are you!" 

"I mean... you're right," you giggle, and Chara joins in, their laughter sounding so real, so childlike and fun. They're so different from the first time you'd heard their voice. They'd changed so much... "all joking aside though. You're right. We can't let Flowey go through with his plan. I have to break the barrier, this time for good". 

Chara nods, and you nod in return. Plan set. 

You go back. You do this over again. Over and over until you get it right. Keep going until you see the sun again. The _real_ sun, with all of Monsterkind. Just like you'd promised.


	47. Do Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two short chapters this week! Trust me... you'll thank me later. 
> 
> See you again on Friday, like always!

The TV is quiet, muffled in your half sleep. There's a weight on your shoulder, the sound of somebody snoring in your ear. Someone's arm is draped over your middle, a place again that should be nonexistent. The memory is fuzzy now, going back so far in time but, it's there. The pain is still there for just a moment but you feel the warmth of blankets wrapped around you, and you see the glow of multi-coloured fairy lights as blurry spots in the distance as you slowly open your eyes, taking a deep breath in. 

You're back here again. Back with your friends. Back in this pillow fort you'd all built together after the party they'd thrown for you and it feels like it's been ages since you left them all here. You wish you could stay here, wrapped up with them in sleep. Rest your tired eyes and wake up in the morning like nothing's wrong. Like the fate of the entire world doesn't rest in your hands. You allow yourself five more minutes. Five more minutes to lay here, five more minutes to plant a kiss on Undyne's forehead, to hold Sans' hand. Five more minutes to listen to Papyrus' snoring, to the mechanical whir of Mettaton's body as it charges. Five more minutes to watch Alphys as she curls up to Undyne in her sleep, the smile on her snout making you smile in return. 

And then those five minutes, give or take, are up and you know you've got to get ready. 

Chara had plopped you down here for a reason. 

Slowly, you sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes before standing and walking over to the closet to grab your clothes. You make your way out of the fort the same way you had the first time, moving the sheets away next to the closet and climbing the stairs. As you climb, you check your phone in your hoodie pocket, noting the time. 

4 AM. Huh. That was half an hour earlier than last time. 

You realize you have time to write a note. 

You have extra time.

You quickly tug off your PJ's, replacing them with your jeans and your shirt and your jacket. You check yourself over in the mirror, though there's no point, you can't really help it. There you are. Standing there. Waiting. 

You take a deep breath, opening the bathroom door and making your way quietly down the stairs, around the pillow fort, and into the kitchen where you find a pad of lined paper. There's little skulls on the sides, decorating the margins. At the top in black comic sans it says 'To-Do'. 

You grab a pen and sit down quietly at the table. With a look backward toward the living room, you close your eyes and take a breath, exhaling before you begin to write, the pen scratching softly on the paper. 

You read it over, scanning it again and again whether to kill time or to actually check for mistakes, who knew. Probably both. 

When you finally deem it good enough, the stove clock says it's around 4:32 AM and you know you've got to get going. 

You tear the letter off the pad of paper and return the pen and pad to where they were, heading back into the living room to tug your boots on and lace them up. No one's stirring yet, and considering the time now, you doubt they will. So, you decide once you finally have your boots on that you should leave the note in the fort. 

Your spot is still empty on the floor, Undyne had already stolen your pillow, but otherwise, your spot remains untouched. It's still just slightly warm as you kneel down on the blankets to place the note there, looking it over again briefly before looking again at your sleeping friends. 

"I'm gonna finally make this right," you whisper, standing up and taking a step back. Everyone is fast asleep, curled up in blankets and sheets and comforters... quietly snoring and whispering softly as they dream. Swallowing, you finally leave the fort and grab your bag off the couch, heading back into the kitchen and grabbing all the leftovers you can carry. 

You need everything you can get to fight through Flowey. Cinnabunnies, Glamburgers, Bicicles, Crab Apples. You grab everything, even throwing back a Sea Tea before making your way back to the front door. You grasp the handle, turning it slowly before opening up the door and bracing yourself for the cold winter air. 

There's no time now for reconsideration. 

The heavy door closes behind you, and your boots squish packed snow beneath them as you walk down the steps. Then, with one last look over your shoulder, you take off running towards Waterfall, blaming the tears in your eyes on the harsh, cold wind against your face.


	48. To Whomever It May Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Suicide Implication warning for the beginning of this chapter!

Some time in the past, an algorithm finally crunches the numbers and posts a short letter to a microblog through the queue feature on a crappy blue website. The person who posted it is already long gone Underground by the time it gains traction, unable to see how many people are worried, heartbroken, and devastated. Though maybe it doesn't matter. 

Some time in the past, if this person hadn't gone through with their plan, would they have even believed anyone anyway? Probably not.

_I'm sorry, first of all._

_It's just too hard to say goodbye to everyone, I know it's pretty lame of me to be queuing this to post days after what I'm about to do but. It's easier. For everyone, I swear._

_I have a plan._

_I have a plan and nothing and no one is going to stop me -- I'm finally going to do it. I've finally got the courage to do what I should have done ages ago and I'm so sorry I left you all waiting for this note and this note alone. It's not fair, I know. Just easier. No one cares about me anyway though, so I'm sure only a couple of my mutuals will see this. It doesn't matter. Please don't call an ambulance or anything like that, you're just going to waste their time. No one's going to be able to find my body by the time I'm done anyway._

_Secondly, I want to say that this is no ones fault. Not one of you could have helped me more than you already have, or talked with me longer, or tagged me in more posts, or called me just once more. I've been thinking about this for 2 weeks now. No one could have changed my mind. So please don't blame yourself._

_Thirdly, you'll all forget about me eventually. Remember that. Remember that this wont hurt forever and that I'm (hopefully) in a better place now. But I mean, hey. Let's be honest. I'm definitely going to Hell. But in any case, I swear to you. This wont hurt forever._

_Promise._

_See you later,  
........._

Some time in the present, a piece of paper off of Sans and Papyrus' custom made To-Do notepad crinkles under Sans arm. He runs his hand down his face, rubbing sleep from his eye sockets and turning over to face you. But... what? You aren't here? He sits up, blatantly aware of the cold spot next to him and of the crinkled paper sitting on top of where you should be. 

Some time in the present, Sans wakes everyone up through the middle of your letter, reading it to them aloud. 

"I'm sorry, first of all. 

It's just too hard to say goodbye to you all, I know I wouldn't have been able to do it. This is just easier. For all of us, I swear. 

I have a plan. 

For every one of us to get out of here alive. No one else has to die but, you have to trust me, and you have to do a few things for me first.

Secondly, I want to say I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. This is nobodies fault. Please don't blame yourselves, this was bound to happen. I know it sounds weird, I know that me saying that sounds like I can tell the future or something but, I guess in a way I can? This was always bound to happen, blaming yourselves is easy, I know, but it's not your fault. 

I did a lot of terrible things on the surface, and Underground. I'm not a great person... but I know that despite all that, and despite having myself to blame for a lot of things down here, my Soul being used to break the barrier wont be one of them. 

I'm stronger now, you'll see.

You just have to trust me. 

Thirdly, please contact Queen Toriel, she lives in the Ruins. Tell her that it's important; that we need her. Once she's with you, meet with me in New Home. 

This is going to work.

We'll all see the stars again, together. 

I promise. 

Love,   
Your Human Friend <3"


	49. A Dusty Throne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO ABOUT THOSE OSCARS AM I RIGHT?

You make the long walk through New Home, the quiet of the morning almost too quiet. There's no one around this time, not even awake and in their homes. You check your phone and you are earlier than last time but... that isn't it. You don't think anyway... 

You shove your phone back in your pocket, staring down the stairs to the basement. With a deep breath through your nose, you take the first step down, and then the next. 

You had a plan. 

Whether it would work was the question. 

Would your friends wake up in time? Would they get Toriel to come out of the ruins? Would she even come? Would they make it in time? 

You know there's too many variables for this to be a viable plan but it's all you have. You've got to stick with it. 

The empty hallways echo with your footsteps, and you know the moment you reach the empty sunlit, marbled hall that Asgore is waiting for you in his throne room. Your stomach is doing flips as you make that journey down checkered tiles, gaze set forward as your heart hammers in your ears. You keep waiting, keep wanting to look over your shoulder, waiting for Flowey to appear but as you make it to the end of the hall, make it to the arched door way... he doesn't come. 

You give a small sigh of relief, hand gripping tighter around the dull knife you were holding, your other hand moving to fidget with the locket around your neck. You hadn't wanted to grab either items, but something in you told you that you were going to need them. You think it may have been Chara but, you don't hear their voice anymore in your head. It's more just... a feeling that it's them. You look down at the knife, a million misplaced and indistinguishable memories pouring into your head as you walk. 

Pursing your lips, you shake your head and look away from it. You focus your gaze forward, toward the throne room. Toward the future, perhaps. You take a deep breath, taking that first step forward onto emerald clover and golden buttercups. The sun beams through the ceiling warm you through your jacket with early morning light. You're sure the calendar on your phone is a little off down here but... you'd fallen in May, the last week of the month you think. You'd been down here two months now. It must be close to the end of July. The mid-summer sun feels warm, even through the barrier, which barely shows anything high above. You can hardly see sun through it... only feel it. Only see the sun beams as they poke through. 

The barrier was strange like that. Like water from the outside and like staring into the Void from inside it. Like a black hole. 

You see movement in front of you, the purple of Asgore's cape illuminated by a sunbeam as it pokes through the holes in the ceiling. He's watering the flowers, you think... humming quietly to himself as he does. You wonder what this throne room must have looked like prior to Asriel's death. Had there been flowers here before? Maybe in pots, you think. There probably hadn't been a meadow down here. 

You take another step forward, making a little too much noise. Asgore stiffens a little, turning slowly toward you, "ah... good morning! It's quite early who --" 

There's a sadness in his eyes the moment he spots you, locking his gaze with yours as your shoulder stiffen the moment he notices you. You hold the knife in shaky hands by your side, trying to hide it. He doesn't seem to notice. 

"Oh! Golly, I'm very sorry, child. You frightened me. I was not expecting you quite so early..." 

Your breath catches in your throat and you can't think of anything to say. What is there to say when you're staring down almost certain death? At least this time you didn't need to worry about Chara. This time you could keep trying. And no death by a trident was worse than being run through by a vine a trillion times over. Probably... 

"Sorry," you whisper, playing with a loose thread on your jacket, "I can... I can come back later?" 

You couldn't. 

"If... if you are not ready then, perhaps that would be for the best..." 

You aren't. 

"I don't think I'll ever be ready..." 

At least that was true. 

"That's quite fair, child. I... must admit, I do not think that I ever will be either. Not for this or for the surface. It's been... quite a long time since I saw the world outside this barrier but, now we have a chance to. I'm... quite scared". 

You watch him move around his throne to place his watering can down, and as he busies himself with that you try to calm your trembling hands and your hammering heart. You know it's a losing battle but, you try your best to focus inward any how, closing your eyes and breathing slowly in, then slowly out. Calm yourself. Focus on the plan. It would all be okay. 

"Have you said all your good-byes, child?" he asks, voice deep and calm. It shakes you almost, reaching a place in your chest that Sans deep voice often did, like the bass in the music last night. 

You nod. 

"Then... perhaps like a band-aid, we should get this over with?"

You crack a small, morbid smile, not expecting Asgore to make a comparison like that. Especially not for something like this. Somehow, it calms you a bit -- makes you feel a little better. 

You nod again, shaking the smile off your face and standing just a bit straighter, feeling magic buzzing in the air for a moment as Asgore summons his trident to his hands. Your breath catches for a moment, your Soul appearing in front of you bright and filled till it might spill with Determination. The sight of it fills you with the courage you know you'll need; makes you feel braver than you'd ever felt. You square your shoulders, standing tall as you nod your head again, giving Asgore a look to tell him that this was it. It was time. 

"Let us finish this then. Once and for all," he speaks in a somber, quiet whisper, expression cold but, that hint of contrite graces his features and all you can do it stand bravely in front of him, make it easier for the both of you. "I... am very sorry for this, child". 

He swings his trident high and you flinch just for a moment, seeing that point in your minds eye, that small light laid out in front of you burst and flicker out as Asgore brings his weapon down and destroys it, "there will be no Mercy here. It is time, my friend". 

Your grip on the knife in your hand tightens and you swallow thickly, heart pounding in your ears, cold sweat on your back as he against raises his trident high, pointing it now straight at you, right at your Soul. 

But something happens. 

Something that isn't supposed to happen. 

A voice in your head shouts so loud you find yourself wincing and closing your eyes at the pain of it, "Dad! Watch out!" 

Asgore doesn't strike you down. 

Instead, you open your eyes at the sound of him gasping and you see the hint of blood dripping from his mouth, staining his beard. Your eyes widen and you scan him wildly, trying to find the source of this as his trident comes crashing down to the floor before disappearing into nothingness. He takes a knee, falling to the ground as you spot the culprit for his injury. Through his middle, just like you in a different timeline, a vine stabs it's way through him, dripping with blood as it punctures straight through his chest. Behind the King, Flowey sits atop the throne, laughing away to himself before ripping the vine out violently and wriggling his way back into the shadows. 

"Asgore!" you shout, because you don't know what else you can do. You don't know what can be done, if there was even anything _to_ be done. Your Soul is back in your chest, wrapped around your heart and it practically breaks in two at this sight. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't _supposed to happen_. 

Asgore looks up at you, meeting your eyes and not saying a word. The silence is deafening all around you, and the sound of loud foot steps approaching the throne room only makes it worse. You shake your head, gripping the knife in your hand tighter if only to have something to ground you. Something to hold onto as you watch the King disintegrate into dust right before your tear filled eyes. He hangs his huge head, body falling apart too fast, too quick for you to do anything. 

No.... no, no nonononono. 

You hear panting behind you, and then gasps and you whirl around so quick you think you might have given yourself whip lash. You stare wide eyed at your friends -- at Toriel -- as they stand and watch the last little bit of Asgore fade away into nothing. 

The knife drops from your hands, and you find yourself taking a horrified step back, stopping in your tracks when you remember in terrified silence what's directly behind you. Undyne's voice is shaky, raw... heart-broken. 

"Wh... what have you done?"


	50. Faulty Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can y'all believe it's March already? That's nuts!

You take a shaky step away from the pile of dust on the flowered ground; away from your friends. Toriel shakes her head in disbelief, paws covering her mouth in shock before she looks from the dust covered ground up to you. She looks so hurt, so broken and confused and her words strike you like a slap in the face, "my ch... what did you do to him? Why would you do this?" 

Your friends look so shocked, so hurt and confused and all you can do is stare back with the same expression, very much aware of how guilty you look. Of course they blame you, you were standing here with a weapon in your hand. They had every right to think it was you so then... why does it hurt so much? Why does it feel like they expected this of you in the first place? You clench your jaw, wrapping your arms around yourself and shaking your head. 

"It wasn't me -- I didn't... I didn't do this I swear. I would never..." you would though, you remember. And suddenly, in your anxious panic an insidious thought emerges. 

You know how absolutely absurd that is but, somehow... someway... you actually consider it. What if you'd only imagined seeing Flowey? What if it had been you who had stabbed him; killed him? What if you just didn't remember? You'd always had a faulty memory, and these timelines and resets didn't help. What if you did do this? Again? 

What if it was you? 

There's silence in your mind, despite Chara's earlier outburst and it only helps to further this ridiculous train of thought. No matter how much your mind tells you it's senseless, the other half of your brain tells you its just got to be the truth; beyond a reasonable doubt.

Just as Undyne is about to step toward you -- the expression on her face one of absolute _hatred_ \-- you see movement from the corner of your eye.

He's too fast, vines shooting up from the ground and ensnaring your friends in them, holding them tight above the ground as they gasp and cry out in panic. Flowey emerges from the shadows off to the right of you, giving you an empty grin as he giggles to himself, the sound distorting in a way that makes your blood run cold. You stand there in perfect stillness, like a pillar of ice as you watch your friends panicked struggling, not one of them shoots you a good look; not one of them... not even Papyrus... looks at you with any sense of hope in their expression. 

You turn your gaze back to the ground, swallow thickly and fall in on yourself a bit more, wrapping your arms around yourself just a little tighter. 

You'd forgotten about it before. 

It was perfectly reasonable to forget this now. To blank. To blackout and kill the fucking King of Monsters and forget all about it. 

You think you might puke. 

"It wasn't me..." you whisper to yourself, but you can't even believe it anymore... how could your friends? 

"See? No matter how many times you go back, no matter how many times you try to fix things, they'll never trust you. They'll never truly be your friends," Flowey chuckles, voice a low, mechanical growl. A sound you shouldn't be able to hear; a sound that should never come out of anyone. Demonic. Dangerous. Empty. 

You shake your head, wanting to cry out but, it's caught in your throat and you can't make a sound. This went wrong. It went wrong again. It always goes wrong. Always. Always. Always. 

They weren't your friends. He was right. How quick Undyne was to look at you like that. How fast Toriel was to stop calling you her child. Of course Flowey was right. Of course he -- 

_"DON'T GIVE UP!"_

You feel warm light on your face all of a sudden, see the glow of red from behind your lids and with a surprised gasp, you open them to see your Soul floating in front of you again, Chara's voice ripping through your panic, your breath catching as you listen to them shout at you. 

_"Don't you dare give up! We need to save Asriel. We need to save EVERYONE!"_

You choke on your words, that cry finally coming up, "but I--"

 _"But nothing!"_ Chara's voice feels like it's right in front of you. Like _they're_ right in front of you. _"You didn't do this! You couldn't have. I wouldn't have let you! Your friends are here for you; you've got to trust them to trust you. Come on! Don't give up now when you're so close!!"_

You cup your Soul, staring at it as they talk... the sight of it blankets you again in that bravery you so needed earlier, in that sense of determination. In _hope_. You take a deep breath, shaking that panic off, remembering again just what had happened. Knowing again that it hadn't been you. It couldn't have been you. You wouldn't have done this. Even if a different you might have, that wasn't _you_ anymore. You'd grown from that. You'd learned your lesson. You knew better now. You were different. You were good. You were going to fix _everything_ \-- you were going to _free Monsterkind_. 

You look upward, unable to help the smile tugging at your lips. Your friends are staring at your Soul in awestruck silence, and then down at your face. You meet each of their eyes, finding the smile on Sans' expression and letting it fill you with the strength you need to keep your promise. You look to Undyne, giving her a nod and she -- with tears in her eye -- nods back, looking briefly to what used to be Asgore before getting right back to struggling. You look too, standing up straighter, putting a much more determined expression on your face as you look to Flowey again, courage coursing through you as you stand tall over this empty flower. 

Over Asriel. 

"You're wrong," you say, shaking your head in unyielding defiance. No more backing down. No more giving up like you had before. You had shit that had to be _done_. "I made Monsterkind a promise, and I intend to keep it! I'm going to make everything right. I'm going to shatter that barrier, no matter what it takes!"


	51. The Earth Refused to Die Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting this so late today! I have reached the cut off point for what I previously edited and I am, very lazy... so I was putting off editing it all day kdfgdkb but it's here now! Enjoy!

You make a dive for the rusted knife you'd dropped, your friends crying out in panic and pain as the vines wrap tighter around them. There's a flash of multicoloured light in front of you as you turn around, the six Souls of those fallen children hovering in front of Flowey. He's laughing, and it grows more and more distorted as the Souls move closer to him. You wince, gripping the knife tighter as something in his expression shifts. As his whole body shifts. 

His petals curl up and turn brown, falling off as the rest of his leaves and vines behind you do the same. He's absorbing the Souls, his physical form shifting and changing as he grows more powerful. The vines around him grow bigger. Crimson, dangerous looking thorns burst along the length of these vines, Flowey's face morphing and changing into something horrifying to look at and hardly comprehensible. 

You hold your breath, watching in silent horror as this empty flower in front of you turns into a monstrosity before your very eyes. 

The throne room has disappeared, the only thing left in it's wake inky darkness, your friends are no where to be seen. You aren't completely convinced that they haven't been absorbed as well. You stand tall, put on a brave face, try to appear less scared despite the horror ripping you apart from the inside. You grip the knife so tight your knuckles begin to turn white, the locket heavy around your neck. 

And then, without even attacking you, Omega Flowey begins to lose his form. The crackling, static smile on the TV that now made up his horrifying face only smiles bigger. The jaws below him clicking louder as they morph and change their shape and bright light illuminates the darkness around you for only a moment -- a flash; like a camera. And then, towering over you... a familiar face. Someone you know, someone you're here to help. To save.

"Asriel," you whisper, almost taking a tentative step forward until his eyes snap open and he looks straight at you. Your breath catches in your throat with a gasp, and that step forward turns in to a step backward, as if there was anywhere else to go in this place-- in this Void of blackness. 

You feel something brush against your hand, and for a moment you try to tear it away but this thing grabs tight, holds onto you like their life depends on it and with a brave face, you turn to see who it is. 

"Let's save everyone," Chara's small voice says to you, the determined smile on their face and their furrowed brows ripping away all that fear inside you; their bravery throwing you forward, giving you the strength to do just that. 

You nod, a determined smile tugging at your lips too as you squeeze their hand in return. "You can do this," they tell you, turning their attention back to Asriel. You watch them quietly, noting the expression of surprise on Asriel's face before he looks back at you again, brows furrowed in confusion and anger. 

" _We_ can do this," you say, looking right at Asriel, "come on Asriel! Let's save Monsterkind; together!" 

You can feel the charge and crackle of magic in the air, so much so that it's almost giving you a migraine but, you stand tall. Asriel growls, gives an exasperated and angry shout and then, you feel that magic in the air coming right at you. 

Like comets, flashes and flickers of rainbow coloured light come hurling straight at Chara and you, faster than you can dodge and so, you and Chara stand your ground. You stiffen like trees, bracing for the impact of magic so strong you're sure it's going to kill you but, you'll keep coming back. You'll keep trying. You wont stop trying until you save everyone. _Everyone_. Including Asriel. Including Chara. 

You wont quit. You can't.

The magic hits you with so much force that it knocks the two of you backward, scorches holes in your clothes and singes your skin but, still you grin and bare it. You focus on the hand in yours, on your goal -- on the future. And then, it's over as quick as it began. 

You sit up, wiping the blood off your face, not even sure where it's dripping from. You take a deep breath and then you shout. As loud as you can over the darkness, over the loud static of charged magic, over the sound of whispering and crying out from the Souls he'd absorbed. The knife drops from your hand, you don't need it. 

"ASRIEL!" you scream, standing tall on your shaking legs, hand gripping tight to Chara's. You feel your Soul in your chest aching, like it could but it just... refuses to die. You refuse to die. "No matter what you do! No matter what happens! Me and Chara are going to save you, too!" 

Asriel shouts again and that magic comes hurling at you once more, ripping through you not physically, but through your very Soul as it emerges from your chest. You see the added light of Chara's as you stand there and brace yourself against it, clenching your jaw and squeezing your eyes shut at the pain. 

If you had an HP bar, if this was really a video game, you're positive you'd be at 1 HP. Maybe even a fraction of that. By the time his second attack finishes, you feel weak and dizzy but, you stand your ground. You offer him your free hand, extending it as far as you can toward him and shouting his name again and all he does is look at you, stare with even more anger on his face than before. You step forward, Chara lifting their hand as well toward him, "Asriel! Please... let us help you!" they say, splaying their fingers as if it might help them reach their brother easier. As if it could get them closer. 

"Just let me win! Just give up already!" Asriel's voice booms, and you almost wince at the sound of it. Instead, you focus your energy into reaching further, shaking your head as you look up at him. 

"Never, Asriel!" Chara and you shout in time with one another, you both step closer, both reach higher, both hold each other's hands tighter. 

"I made a promise, and it included you too, Asriel!" you shout, unable to help the smile tugging at your lips, "come on! It's time to help everyone..."

"No! Just give up, already! Just quit fighting!!!" 

The crackle in the air grows worse, Asriel sending another attack toward you like shooting stars that hit your very Soul and for just a moment, just a quick moment, you feel yourself begin to fade... see your Soul shatter right in front of you but, before anything more happens... there's another flash of light and your Soul fuses back together. Every last piece. Every last little shard and you feel more alive again. Feel more ready. 

You refused to die. 

Ariel shouts in anger, the sight of yours and Chara's Souls saving themselves clearly not making him happy. More magic comes flying through the air toward the both of you, the darkness around you shattering like your Soul had into pieces and disappearing... the world around you was falling apart before your very eyes, his magic was just too strong. 

Over the deafening noise, Chara's voice comes through, pained and forced as they shout, "remember when I told you about the world outside the void? How it was paused in a way?" 

You turn to look at them, wincing as another beam of light tears through your Soul and shatters it before it fuses back together. You give Chara a nod as they turn to look at you in return, "yeah I remember, why?" 

They cry out, gripping your hand a bit tighter as that gifted Soul of theirs in front of them shatters and glues itself back together just like your own, "in here, you can Load a Save without going back! Load it, save Asgore... save your friends!" 

"I... I can't do that can I?! That's --"

Chara squeezes your hand so tight you think your fingers might break, and you see them shake their head from the corner of your eye, "it'll work! You have to trust me! It'll work it's... just trust me!"

You blink, breath catching in your throat as that pain rips through you again and you try your hardest to shake it off. You give Chara a nod, trying to focus inward on that point inside your head, that one specific point that you remembered, right before this all happened. Right before you entered that fight with Asgore. It's like you're standing a cross roads... for a split second, perhaps even less, it's like you're seeing... everything. It's like you can see the outcome of each situation, of every little difference in the timelines you've entered and left. You squeeze your eyes tighter, and these timelines meld together to form a perfect pin point of light in the darkness behind your lids. A perfect pinpoint leading to what was _supposed to happen_.

There it is! 

You focus inward on it harder and then something clicks. You'd never loaded a 'save' before, not intentionally, and honestly you weren't even entirely sure that's what you were doing? It almost felt like... this was different. Like you'd entered into a different timeline... in a way. The world in here doesn't seem to be falling apart at the seams anymore, cracking with rainbow coloured cracks. They seem focused on Asriel for a moment before they nod in your direction... you'd done it. You focus now on the six voices crowding your head, whispering and crying out for help as six white blurs begin to appear in front of you.

You reach your hand out, the silhouettes of six small children appearing in those blurs in front of you, each of their hands reaching out in return. The moment you touch them their silhouettes dissolve and you see six little kids, each with their own little Souls. Each with their own little smiles. 

And then they fade away and there's a new, crackling sound coming through and suddenly, you can see Toriel and Asgore standing in front of you, their faces distorted through what reminded you of TV static. You swallow, going to take that step forward to save them but, it's Chara who takes it first, dropping your hand and running up to them and wrapping their arms around the both of them. You hear them sniffle, see Toriel's hand move to rest on their head, see Asgore lean down a bit to do the same, placing a huge paw on Chara's back and holding them close. 

The distortion hiding their faces disappears and the two of them open their eyes, looking down at Chara and then back up at you before both looking behind themselves with gasps. 

"My children! Is this really you?"

"Asriel..." Asgore turns back to the child practically hanging off of them, giving them a bewildered, heartbroken smile, "Chara..." 

Chara takes a step back then, and you watch them wipe at their face quickly before giving Toriel and Asgore a wave, the previously Lost Souls of the King and Queen of Monsters beginning to disappear and fade away. 

Chara turns around to face you, tears staining their face before they give you a nod, two more Lost Souls fading into existence behind them. Chara takes your place as you step forward toward your friends -- toward Undyne and Alphys. It's your turn now.


	52. The Earth Refused to Die Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow lads... we only have a few more chapters left until the end of this story. Well, more than a few... but certainly less than a dozen! We're almost there... thank you so much for following this story, it's been a big dive in for me back into writing and Undertale affected me so incredibly, it still means so much to me even after nearly a year and a half. I hope that in the last year I was able to capture the world and feeling of the story in my writing, and I hope that you have all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you, and I'll see you all on Monday! Have a lovely weekend!

"Humans are the real enemy. _You're_ the real enemy. I never should have trusted you..."

"You hate me don't you.... I have to keep lying... I can't tell the truth... I can't tell her..."

"Undyne, think about the surface. Think about the future. The Ocean, the sky, the stars. Think about all the things we can cook together up there, all the music you can play when we finally make it out of here". 

The Lost Soul reacts to that, shaking it's head and you think for a moment, just between the static and distortion, you can see Undyne's face... see the tears in her good eye swimming as you speak. 

"Alphys... I'll always support you. I'll always be there to cheer you on and help you, and I know you'll always do the same for me. You're so strong and your friends... _I_ love you". 

You step forward, take that last big step and wrap your arms around the both of them, bring them in and squeeze them tight. That distortion disappears in an instant, both your friends gasping in surprise, looking down at you as you hang off them, hugging them so tight they can hardly breathe. Undyne is the first to laugh, and Alphys quickly follows suit. 

"That's not right... you... of course my friends love me! Of course you love me...I love you too..." Alphys whispers, hugging you back and wrapping her arm around Undyne as well as they taller woman leans down to hug the two of you tight in return. 

"Some humans are pretty okay, or at least..." she reaches up and gives you a noogie on your head, messing up your hair as you giggle and laugh, "my human is pretty alright!!" 

The three of you stand there for a moment longer before they wish you luck; assure you that they believe in you too before fading away. You take a step back, sucking in a deep breath as another Soul fades into existence in front you. 

Ah... something about this feels... different? It feels... new. Like this Soul wasn't meant to be here, like the first time around... they weren't. 

"Mettaton..." you whisper, giving him a smile that you hope he can see through the static covering his face. 

"Everyone thinks I'm a joke..." he whispers, wrapping his long arms around himself and shaking his head. "I'll never be a star. I'll never make anyone happy... I'm so selfish..."

You grab his hand in yours, holding it gently as you step up to him, shaking your head in determined disagreement, "that isn't true! Not one bit. Mettaton... everyone loves you. Everyone's lives down here are so much brighter because of you! Without you... how could Monsterkind be so hopeful? How could they be so kind and optimistic? You give everyone a reason to keep fighting!" 

He shakes his head but, you can see all that distortion melting away, revealing his face to you as he looks down at you with a warm smile. Robots shouldn't usually be able to cry, you think but... seems like this robot can. You return the smile with a tiny laugh as he reaches down and wraps his arms around you in a big hug. You return it, nuzzling against his shoulder despite his absolutely ridiculous pointed adornments. 

"Thank you, gorgeous," he pulls away, placing both hands on either side of your face and leaning in to kiss your forehead, "break a leg my dear. I know you can do this!" 

You give him a determined nod, placing your hands over his. The strength from your friends is already so much -- coursing through you like your own determination, giving you everything you need to help Asriel. To finally free Monsterkind. 

Mettaton steps back and away from you, giving a deep bow as you giggle before he fades away and there are two new Lost Souls coming to exist in front of you. 

One towers over you... the other just a smidgen shorter than you are. The smile stays on your face, greeting them both in a warm welcome. 

"Hi, guys," they both stiffen, Sans turning his head to look toward the ground. Papyrus looks off to the side, wringing his hands in front of him. 

"I must capture a human..." he whispers, and it's the quietest you've ever heard Papyrus before, his voice so silent you almost don't hear it. "If I do... everyone will... they'll want to be... my friend... I..." 

A fear you'd expected from him but, one that still hurt to hear nonetheless. You think, finally, you know just what he'd been seeing when he saw your breaking Soul. Something akin to Sans but, minus the dust. "Paps, you've already got friends. You've got me, and Undyne, and Sans, and Alphys, and Mettaton and _so_ many others! You're important and loved by all of us! Most importantly, you're my family... what would I do without you, huh?"

Sans stifles an uninterested laugh behind his hand, and you turn to face him, raising a brow as he looks back at you through the static. 

"Why don't you just give up already? I did... why even bother y'know? Everything's just gonna keep repeating... what's the point? Everyday is the same as the last". 

You shake your head, stepping up to both of them and taking their hands in yours, "I'm going to make sure that every day you have on the surface, both of you, is filled with something brand new... something you've never seen or done before... something different. Every day. I'm going to make sure that I never ruin that again. We can't give up... you can't give up! Because who will I have to see the stars again with me? Who will I have to do puzzles with?" You ask them both, giving them a big, tearful grin as they turn to stare at you and you squeeze their hands tighter, bringing them close to your chest as you speak, "who will I have to convince me that people change! That people love me? That life is worth living for...?"

You watch as their faces become clearer, your grin growing when you can finally see them again. Papyrus is the first to fall forward, wrapping you up in his arms, tears in his eyes as he holds you close and hushes you as if he wasn't the one practically sobbing. You can hear yourself laughing as you tug Sans into the hug too, Papyrus wrapping an arm around his brother as well, the three of you sinking to the ground and holding on tight. 

"We're a family!" Papyrus shouts, his voice bright and loud again as he pulls away and gives Sans and yourself a huge grin. You nod in response, leaning up to kiss him on the forehead. 

"We're a family. And I love both of you, so don't give up hope, okay?" 

"You had better not either, bud," Sans mutters, grabbing the hood on your jacket and pulling you toward him so he can plant a kiss of his own on your cheek, "I'm rooting for ya". 

"You two are sickeningly sweet even in... wherever we are!!" Papyrus laughs, and you feel your cheeks warm a bit. You manage to laugh yourself though, shaking your head and leaning up again to press kisses all over Papyrus' head and cheeks, much to his surprise as he giggles and tries to swat you away. "Ahhh! I am being attacked by a kiss monster!!!" 

Sans chuckles, and you hear him standing up so he can stand behind his brother, pressing his teeth against the top of Papyrus' skull, "love ya, bro". 

"Yuck! I love you too, brother. And you as well, my favourite human friend! Sans and I know you can do this... don't give up, okay?" 

You shake your head, standing up with Papyrus help as he and Sans lock arms, "I wont Paps. I promise". 

And then the two of them are gone, fading in front of you until you can't see them anymore. You don't sense anymore Lost Souls, though the buzz of magic is there, the presence of thousands of Monster Souls around you who are calling out and cheering you on. Asriel must have absorbed the entirety of the Undergrounds magic for this. You nod to yourself in reassurance. Your friends believed in you. They loved you, and you loved them... you could do this. 

You turn back to Chara and they give you a reassuring smile, holding out their hand to you. You reach forward, grabbing their hand again with yours, locking fingers and standing next to them once more, the both of you staring Asriel down. 

"Why... why wont you just give up? I thought you wanted this, Chara..." he sniffles, turning to look right at you, "and you... you wanted this too! You wanted the world to be destroyed... you wanted this..." 

You shake your head, grip on Chara's hand tightening to ground yourself, to remind yourself you weren't alone. "I did... once. I was in a bad place. I was being selfish..." you swallow, standing a bit taller, "but I'm trying to fix those mistakes! I want to make things better, Asriel! I want to save Monsterkind... no... I'm _going_ to save Monsterkind!! Just like Chara wanted to!" 

Chara falters, their hand going limp in yours as they look up at you. You guess, despite everything you'd talked about with them, they hadn't expected you to know their true intentions. After all, they hadn't really talked much about it. But of course that's what they wanted. Of course that's _all_ they'd wanted... they'd just chosen the wrong way to do it. Though, even so... humans had ultimately put an end to their plan, and would have no matter how they went through with it. This time, you refused to let that happen. No matter what, you were going to free Monsterkind... and if you had to use your bare hands, you'd build them a life on the surface that Humans would be envious of. 

Asriel, too, falters. His expression falling from anger to confusion as he looked between the two of you. He settles on Chara as their little voice cuts through the silence. 

"They're right, Az... I never wanted this. Not at first. I wanted to save Monsters. I wanted to break the barrier too, I thought we'd both be strong enough but, we weren't. I saw what they did to you up there; felt it the moment they started hurting you. I got... I got _so_ angry. I _hated_ them... I had for so long and all of that just made it so much worse. I wanted them to suffer for what they put you through, what I... what I put you through..." their voice cracks, and you hold their hand tighter, encouraging them to keep going, letting them know they too weren't alone. They sniffle, shaking their head, trying with their sweater sleeve to wipe away at tears that just keep coming, "I'm just like every other human, Az... I was terrible to you!" 

You look up toward Asriel, seeing the pained expression on his face. The confusion, the hurt, the remorse. He's crying... shaking his head and weeping as the black Void around you grows brighter and brighter, coming apart at the seams as another massive barrage of attacks comes flying at you. 

"JUST LET ME WIN!!!"

* * *

You open your eyes, slowly, slowly... blinking the tiredness from them as you look around. You're laying somewhere dark, you can't really make out any shapes, not really. Just things your brain is trying to put there that you think should be there... your shelf above your bed... the snake plant hanging from your ceiling... the ceiling fan slowly turning in the early summer heat, your posters on the wall and the bookshelf next to your closet.

But... no that's not right? You slowly sit up, not feeling your bed beneath you as you do. Rubbing your eyes, you look around again and spot the familiar green and yellow of an equally familiar child's sweater, spotting the auburn of their hair and the pale peach of their skin. They're sitting up as well, blinking as they look around, try to focus. 

Oh... right. You were... 

_Sniff._

Your gaze snaps to the left, following the sound. The child that had been sitting next to you is already on their feet, the sound of their shoes on the ground fading away as they run from you toward the sound in the distance. You stay there on the black floor, watching in silence as this child finds another person in the dark, never ending blackness. Another child, with white fur and long ears... tousled hair atop their head and features that very clearly mimic a goats. 

Monsters... 

Right. 

Right you were... you were here to save Monsterkind... from... 

The Barrier. 

You were here to free them. 

You slowly stand up, knees shaking as you hobble over to these two children, watching them quietly as they hold onto each other, the both of them crying as they hug one another as tight as their little arms can manage. You think, just for a moment... only for a second... the two of them are glowing in coloured light you can't place. One moment it's pure white, the next it's purple, and orange, and blue, and red... constantly changing until you can no longer focus enough to see it. You shake your head a bit, you must have been seeing things. 

The two of them pull apart, giving each other big smiles, the human child nuzzling against Asriel's snout for just a moment before the both of them turn to you, their smiles growing brighter... Chara is the first to speak up, their voice soft and quiet. 

"You've been here so many times... you probably don't remember how many. Only three timelines really stick out to you anymore, don't they?"


	53. Repentance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is a big, big, big big, Big, big, Big, **BIG** , big Day for this fic!!! 
> 
> Please do NOT read the end notes until you finish this chapter, as they contain major spoilers! I'm going to try and leave some space after the End Notes breaks so they don't just appear as you finish reading but, you can always be extra safe by covering the bottom of your screen with your hand or some paper or something lol. 
> 
> Thank you SO much guys, and I hope you enjoy!! <3

What? 

Your head is still foggy from everything, from Asriel's final attack... from, well... you guess you must have passed out? 

Had you heard that right? 

What other timelines?

Chara is telling you that you'd... gone back more than twice? You swallow thickly, shaking your head, fists clenching at your sides, "that's not... no I couldn't have..."

They nod their head solemnly, though quickly reach out to you, a reassuring smile on their lips, "it's okay! It's alright. You'd gone back so many times, you'd been so scared of returning to the surface. I took advantage of that. I'm so sorry for that... I shouldn't have... but. Somehow, for some reason I thought maybe that I could... that I could... help? I guess at the time I didn't think of it like that, but eventually... I realized that my intervention had helped you come to terms with your fear. So, I tried to push you forward, toward your future. Toward your goal. That first timeline you remember... that was certainly your first time around. But there were times between there. Times much like your 'second', where you went back but, did the same things. Hurt people... hurt yourself a lot too. But you always went back to the beginning, back to where you'd fallen before you could finish it all. Sometimes you'd come back and make your way through the Underground like your first time around! But then you'd end up here again... where we are now, and you'd be too scared to keep going. Too scared to break the barrier". 

You stare at them, that pit in your stomach growing bigger and bigger as you shake your head, you feel tears on your face, disgust boiling under your skin and you want to curl in on yourself and disappear. You'd gone back more than twice. You'd done this again and again... you'd ripped away everyone's happiness so many times... you were... 

"Selfish... it was selfish of you, I know how you feel..." Asriel chips in and you look up at him, follow the softness of his voice and the kindness pouring from him toward you. You shake your head at him, wrapping your arms around yourself. "Trust me I do! I... when I was a flower... I could play with time also. After all, I absorbed Chara's Soul once, remember? I still had their magic. I could still Load Saves and go back. So I did... I did it so many times I got tired of it. I... I killed so many people down here... sometimes, I killed everyone... just because I could. Just because it was something to do. Other times I... I hurt myself so much that I died instead. But I'd always wake up again in the throne room. I'd always wake up there again, just wishing that I could feel something... that I could tell my Dad I was there... that I could even care about him. I understand. I was selfish too..."

You look at him in disbelief, trying to piece together the fact that this child had admitted to you to killing others... to killing himself too many times to count. For fun. Just to _feel_. Swallowing, you wipe your eyes, sniffling as you try to calm that panic inside you, try to will it away. 

"You showed me how selfish, ruthless, and awful humans could be," Chara whispers, and you feel that knot in your stomach tightening, looking away from the two children standing in front of you before looking back in shock as Chara continues, offering you their hand to hold. Asriel does the same, "then you proved me _wrong_ ".

You stand there in silence, blinking as you stare at the both of them -- at their hands -- and try to take in all this information, try to compartmentalize it. You take a tentative step forward, reaching both your hands out in front of you and letting the two of them take your hands in theirs, "you gave me your _Soul_. Not to save yourself but, to save others. To save _me_. Despite all your mistakes... you righted them". 

Asriel gives a small laugh, looking a big sheepish as he holds your hand in his paw, "despite all the trouble the two of us gave you... you stayed determined! You even made your own Determination; your own Soul! That's incredible!" 

"You made a promise-- " Chara squeezes your hand.

"--And you kept it!" Asriel chirps, doing the same. 

You give a breathy laugh, tears still hot on your cheeks. As you stare at the both of them, you think you see that aura around them but, the moment you blink it's gone again. It can't just be your eyes playing tricks on you, not twice. It was corny but, you really do think, at least for a small moment, that the two of them are Angels. Specifically, of course... the Angels that had been prophesied so long ago to save Monsterkind. They just had to be.

Chara's smile in return is so real, so pleasant and warm that it shakes all that panic and fear off you like water off a duck's back. It melts away and leaves you there, your hands in theirs as they smile up at you. 

Asriel closes his eyes then, focusing inward for a moment before all three of your Souls appear in front of you. You didn't know Monster Souls could even do that... maybe it was just because of where you were? Things worked differently here, after all. Chara had even told you that themselves. 

Your Soul hovers in front of you, bright and red and warm, almost as good as new. 

Chara's borrowed Soul hovers in front of their chest as well, and you note the clear shards falling from it, like broken glass to the floor before it disappears. 

Asriel's, in front of him, glows dim white-grey, upside down as it floats there, hovering in empty space and broken in half until, for some reason, it jolts. The three of you gasp, staring in silent wonder as Asriel and Chara's Souls pull toward one another, that glassy shell on Chara's suddenly shattering completely, sending pieces flying before they disappear. And then somehow, someway... Chara's borrowed Soul begins to pour some of itself into Asriel's, turning it from white to pink and mending back together before the two move away from each other again and hover in front of their owners.

The three of you stand there in silent disbelief, blinking and simply staring at Asriel's new Soul before, finally... Asriel gives a small laugh.

"Souls are..." 

"Weird..." you finish, pursing your lips in embarrassment from interrupting him. Chara snorts, giggling away to themselves as Asriel nods in agreement, laughing behind his pawed hand. 

"Yeah! They are!" He moves to cup the new pink Soul in his hands. It's still upside down, still clearly a Monster Soul but, perhaps like a lifetime ago... it was one with Chara's again. Maybe, you think, how it was meant to be. "Now we're all connected forever!" Asriel says, his Soul glowing a little brighter for a moment. Oh! That's right... Chara's Soul, after all, was yours. Or at least, the Determination that made it up was. So the three of you really, truly were connected now. Forever. 

"Me, Chara, and... oh..." Asriel pauses, scratching his chin for a moment before looking to Chara, who simply shrugs in response. Asriel turns back to you, sheepish expression on his face again, "do you have a name?" 

Oh! Huh... 

That was a good question. 

You think about that for a moment, twirling a strand of your hair between your fingers and shrugging your shoulders, "I... used to. I don't think it fits too well anymore, though".

"Oh..." Asriel breathes, looking over to Chara whose got their own little thinking face on. 

They look up at you, a bright grin on their face after a moment, "why don't you make up a new one!" 

"Hey, yeah! Make up a new name!" Asriel is jumping in place, nodding his head as he does, encouraging you with a huge smile. Chara does the same, jumping up and down, the two of them grabbing for your hands again. 

"Yeah come on! Make up a new name!!" 

"Come on, come on!" 

You snicker, practically bursting out into laughter as the two of urge you on, "okay! Okay... hmm..."

You suppose everyone once upon a time tries to think of what they might name themselves, if they ever got the chance. You wonder what you could call yourself? What might be the perfect name for you now... 

Your name on the surface was nice, it was original; unique. But it didn't feel like it fit anymore. It didn't seem like... _you_. You'd been down here so long anyway, where everyone just called you by pet names like human, or friend, or... you try to calm the blush attempting to paint your face. _Babe_. You think this might be the first time someone is asking your name Underground, for just a moment you actually forgot what it was. 

And now, you were being encouraged to come up with your very own _new_ name. 

One sticks out in your head almost immediately. You blink, looking up at the two of them with a smile on your lips. 

"Repentance," you breathe, and the two of them give you even bigger smiles, the expressions on their faces priceless, "Ren for short..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 
> OH MAN. I have... been waiting to drop this since... last year? VERY early last year, too. This name reveal has been sitting with me THAT long and to think that I'm Finally here, doing it? C r a z y . 
> 
> I also wonder if maybe I should probably change those tags now lol... I mean, it's certainly not really Sans/Reader anymore, is it? But... I don't want to spoil anyone... 
> 
> Anywhoooo~ I'll figure that out later! For now, I have some artwork that I couldn't share Months ago for fear of spoilers! But, you'll all probably recognize one of the pieces as my icon! I drew all these myself! 
> 
> I love this kid... and I hope after reading this story for so long, you've all come to love them too! <3 Sorry for dropping such a huge bomb on you guys but.... y'know I had to do it to ya (also I've been dropping hints for a couple chapters now... hope it doesn't catch you TOO off guard lol).
> 
> [First Look (I drew these over a YEAR ago!)](http://elliexer.tumblr.com/post/138688386658/repentance-or-ren-they-look-like-max-caulfield)   
>  [NaNoWriMo Cover(s)!](http://elliexer.tumblr.com/post/152779451518/nanowrimo-cover-done-heres-some-thumbs-of-some)   
>  [Pillow Fort Blues](http://elliexer.tumblr.com/post/154016370028/an-upcoming-scene-from-forgiveness-which-ends)   
>  [“Howdy partner!”](http://elliexer.tumblr.com/post/156298823863/gosh-ellie-the-spoilers)   
>  [Repentance](http://elliexer.tumblr.com/post/156096357653/noah-fence-but-my-ocs-are-really-fun-to-draw)


	54. HOPE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there lads...

"Repentance..." Asriel repeats this new name; _your_ new name. You give him a nod and he looks up at you with a smile, "I think it's perfect!" 

"Me too..." Chara whispers, letting go of both your hands to reach out and pull all three of your Souls together between you. You watch with a smile, these two children so full of life again right in front of you. You couldn't have just gone back because you were scared, that couldn't have been the only reason you realize, looking over to Asriel and remembering that memory that had flooded to you at the Ruins... all those other tiny little recollections you'd had that, despite being blurry, still somehow stuck out. 

You remember Flowey. You remember Asriel, what had happened to him.

You'd wanted to help him so bad; save him... bring him Home. You think, finally... you've done that. That both these kids can finally be at peace. And that's all you wanted now; you just wanted the both of them to be happy. 

"Now the three of us are connected forever. Asriel, Me, and you Ren..." Chara holds these Souls out in front of the three of you. Your red Soul of Determination, Chara's newly freed Soul, just as scarred as yours but, just as brilliant and bright and... Asriel's own Soul. It's upside down still, but it's brighter... less empty looking and most different of all, no longer just white, or broken. It's pink. And whole. Asriel's pink Soul of HOPE. 

"I guess we're... kinda like siblings now huh?" Asriel laughs, looking over his strange new Soul with a smile. You blink, looking to Chara and sharing a glance with them as they grin and nod their head. 

"Yeah! Siblings... but... wait, then doesn't that make Ren the youngest?" 

Asriel snorts, quickly covering his snout with a paw and looking at the ground in embarrassment. Chara bursts out laughing, shaking their head before moving each Soul back to it's respective owner, letting them sink back into your chests where they belong. 

"I'm just kidding," they giggle, "but I mean... _technically_ , ghosts don't really have birthdays". 

You roll your eyes, though there's a huge smile on your lips as you lean down and wrap these two kids up in your arms in one last big hug, "I'd be happy to be your kid sibling even if I'm like, ancient". 

They both giggle, pulling away from you just enough to look up at your face, "you _can't_ be that old! My dad and mom are ancient, how old are you?" 

Asriel calling Tori and Asgore ancient earns a laugh from you before you give a shrug, "I'm 21..."

Both their eyes widen as they stare up at you and for the first time in your life, you actually _feel_ old, unable to hold in your laughter as the two of them stare at each other in wonder, "holy crap..." Chara breathes.

"Chara! That's a swear!" 

"Holy _shit_...."

"Chara!" Asriel practically bleats which has you nearly rolling on the floor. They were literally _ghosts_ and _still_ Chara would tease their brother with swear words. What a family to be apart of. 

Oh... it felt... nice to say that again. That you were apart of a family. Really, you were apart of several now down here. Or, maybe just one big, huge one. In any case it was really, really nice to feel wanted... to feel apart of something as warm and as happy as a _real_ family. 

When the giggles and laughs finally taper off, a silence fills the air... one that everyone is too scared to fill. One that means... all of this would soon be over. One that means you might likely never see these two kids again, and though you can feel them in your Soul if you focus inward enough... it doesn't feel the same. You wipe at your eyes as inconspicuously as you can, trying to tell yourself that the tears there are from laughing so hard, but you're not a great liar anymore. 

"Well... I guess now there's really only one thing left to do..." Asriel says, tugging gently at his ear as he looks toward the ground. To your surprise though, Chara interrupts his train of thought. 

"Wait! There... there is one other thing... Ren you..." Chara swallows, taking a step toward you and holding your hands in theirs as they look up at you, their brown eyes meeting yours. "Do you want the power to Reset? It's... I know it's a tempting power to have but, if something goes wrong it'll be helpful. I know you wont use it anymore to go back if you don't need to but... it might be nice to have. It's up to you though..."

Oh... 

The power to Reset. A power you'd been granted by Chara when you'd first fallen. One that could take you back to that day, back to that patch of golden flowers in the ruins, back to the beginning of your journey down here. 

There were so many reasons to keep it. 

If something went wrong up there... if humans weren't as accepting as you were hoping they could be, if a Monster got hurt, if... if you were scared again... you could go back. You could just focus on that light in the distance and will yourself back Underground. Back to where it was safe. 

But... it wasn't just you, was it? It was all of Monsterkind. It was all your friends. It was Asriel. It was Chara. If you went back, if you Hard Reset again, the barrier would be back. You'd have to do it all over again. Were you strong enough to resist that if the time came for you to give in to it? There was really no telling if you could. You think you might be able to but, at the same time... having it with you made it easier to just... do it. Like that hole into the Underground you'd stared down in a drunken haze so many life times ago. Like that leap through the barrier you took that landed you down here in the first place. 

You've changed, that was certain but, you were still scared. Even if you could push past it, you were still scared of the surface, still scared of the people up there, still scared of moving forward with your life. But... somehow... somewhere deep inside you, you think you've found the strength to go forward despite that fear. Despite everything holding you back, you have people now to help pull you forward, against the weight of the world and against the fears in your heart... you have people with you now who will help you push through them.

You take a deep breath, and shake your head, opening your eyes to look at Chara as you do, "I... I want to move forward. I don't want to be stuck down here anymore; I don't want to have that much power over Monster's freedom; over their lives. I want to move on. I want to keep going! From now on, no matter what happens... I'll face things head on. I wont... I wont give up anymore. Not again. _Never_ again!" 

No matter what happens up there, no matter what, you Hope for a better future. For yourself, for your friends, for all of Monsterkind. You Hope for a better future for _everyone_. No matter what, you'll push through everything and you'll try your very hardest to champion that Hope... to help everyone understand that there's so much more to life than fear or hurt or self preservation. That there's something worth living for, no matter how small. 

Chara's smile is warm and understanding as they nod their head at your answer, clearly happy with it. You offer them back a smile of your own and with bated breath, watch them summon that point of light... watch it morph into a glowing orange word in front of you. 

RESET.

Chara reaches toward it, grabbing this hovering word in their hands and -- despite you still trying to make logical sense of it even though the answer is and always has been "Magic" -- snaps it in half. The glow fizzes out like a shattered light bulb before this power of theirs shatters and disappears forever. 

No more Resets. No more going back. No more running away. 

It's time for you to see the stars again. It's time for all of Monsterkind to see the stars again.

" _Now_ there's only one thing left," Asriel rolls his eyes playfully and you and Chara hide laughter behind your hands. You lean down, give Asriel a kiss on his forehead, then give one to Chara... the both of them wiping at their heads and pretending to be grossed out, to which you only laugh more at before taking Chara's little hand in yours and stepping back, giving Asriel a nod. 

Magic crackles in the air, like a heart beat it pulses around the three of you, six Human Souls coming to float around Asriel, hovering next to him as he begins to rise off the ground. Behind him, thousands upon thousands of Monster Souls float in the black Void that surrounds you, unintelligible whispers and sounds surrounding you as the hum of magic grows stronger. 

"With everyone's power... with everyone's Determination... with everyone's Hope! It's time for Monsters to _finally_ be free!" 

Chara squeezes your hand tighter, and you return the squeeze with one of your own, bracing yourself as bright, white light floods the empty space around you. You close your eyes, feel Chara's hand in yours begin to disappear... the last thing you hear before you feel yourself slip away is Chara's little voice around you, cracking but, still so filled with a warmth and happiness you never thought you'd hear from them. 

"Goodbye, Repentance..."


	55. Toward the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I'M REALLY LATE TODAY I LITERALLY FORGOT KJDFHGKJDFBG ENJOY!

You awake to a sweet smell. Flowers and the scent of cinnamon and butterscotch. You realize you're leaning against something soft, nuzzling into it without opening your eyes. Whatever it is, it's warm and for a moment, you think you might just fall asleep again. You probably could, you were so comfortable here. 

"Ah, I think they're waking up!" someone whispers, and you furrow your brows in discontent, even this soft, pleasant voice too loud for you right now. You're trying to sleep after all, just five more minutes... 

You hear rustling through what sounds like grass, maybe those flowers you can smell, feel something watching you, and that soft pillow you're nuzzled up against moves gently. You feel a hand on your cheek, maybe a paw but... ah... 

Your eyes flutter open, and you wince a little as sunlight shines down on your face from above, stinging your eyes for a moment and casting who ever it was looking at you in shadow. You move your hand up to block out the light, opening your eyes again and spotting... 

"Mo-- Toriel..." you whisper, looking up at her in wonder and confusion. You were laying in her arms or, perhaps her lap. How did you... 

You sit up quickly, your friends who had gathered around you to watch you sleep jumping backward at your sudden movement, "where... I..." you place a hand on your forehead as you find yourself growing dizzy, Toriel hushing you and gently pulling you back against her to lay down. Your head feels like someone is stacking boulders on top of your skull; pounding with a headache so painful that your stomach is doing flips.

"My child, rest for just a moment longer... I am glad to see you awake I... I thought perhaps..." 

"Nah, Tori. Ren's a champ, don't think they could ever leave us for good". 

Sans... but, who was he... oh! Oh boy, that was gonna take some getting used to you realize with a small smile, "how did you know...?"

"There was a huge flash of light, it came out of no where! One moment, we were standing here in the door way, watching you and the King about to fight... the next, we saw this massive light and you were sleeping in the flowers! I laid down beside you so that you would not get embarrassed and so that people would think that we were... _Chilling_... but then the Queen showed up and held you like a small baby... so my job had been completed!" Papyrus' loud voice is not helping your migraine but, it's a welcome sound regardless. 

So, you guessed that in that huge flash of light they must have learned your new name. 

But then what about...?

"The barrier is broken too, we don't know what happened but, seems like that flash of light had something to do with it?" Undyne says, leaning down to sit next to you, brushing the hair out of your eyes with a toothy grin, a few flower petals fall from your hair as she messes with it. 

"Why are you all still here then? Shouldn't you be --"

"O-of course not!" Alphys chirps, "we were waiting f-for you! Th-that and, well... I still have some business t-to attend to wh-which... which I think I will a-attend to right now! Or at-at least half of it!" 

And with that, Alphys leans down and catches Undyne's lips in a huge smooch. Your eyes widen as you sit up, the huge, stupid grin on your face clearly contagious as everyone else around you begins to smile too, Toriel starts the whooping and cheering before the two women even pull apart. 

Undyne stares wide eyed at Alphys as she pulls away, unable to come up with any words as Alphys -- with the biggest blush you'd ever seen -- pulls away and pushes up her glasses, popping the collar of her lab coat and trying to appear suaver than she looks, "and that's how y-you-- Wah!" 

Undyne grabs the front of Alphys' sweater, pulling her in and crashing their lips together again, much to Alphys' surprise. You burst out laughing, cheering and clapping your hands as the two of them practically make-out next to you. _Finally_ , jeez. 

Mettaton is standing off to the side, looking over his gloved hands and at the acrylics glued on top of the fingertips. When you finally look up at him, he throws a pretty smile your way and nods his head, "we've been down here for centuries, whats another 5 minutes? We couldn't possibly go up there without you, darling".

You return his smile, shaking your head, "you guys could have gone and taken a peak..." 

"Nope, had to wait for you, 'sides..." Sans gives a shrug, picking a petal out of your hair, " _butter_ to see yer fine than go up there and come back to see ya _wilting away_ ". 

You snort, and Toriel bursts out laughing over you, absolutely enthralled with Sans awful puns. You can't help but laugh more, shaking your head and groaning, hiding your face against Toriel's shoulder, "gosh you two are going to be _insufferable_ ," you mumble.

The both of them chuckle, Toriel wrapping her arms around you in a hug, nuzzling her snout against the side of your head. You smile, turning and wrapping your arms around her in return, practically melting against her for a moment, just letting yourself enjoy her warm embrace... this time with no guilt; no remorse or selfish need. You just enjoy it because it's nice. Because you love her. Because she's your _mom_ and this is what moms are _supposed_ to do. 

Eventually, she and yourself stand up, Undyne and Alphys following suit after tumbling into the flowers together. Toriel steps away with a small, polite, "excuse me," before she makes her way over to Asgore and tugs hard at his ear, grumbling something to him that you can't hear. You're sure she's giving him a what for about your whole... passing out, nearly dying situation (you feel a little bad considering that's not his fault at all but... well...). And, really, probably about nearly everything else too. You let her say her piece, turning toward Sans instead. 

"How did you even find me?" 

"Ya left a note, dude". 

Blink. 

Blink.

"Oh! Right, pff. I did didn't I? I... everything's kinda fuzzy..." 

"I'll bet," he says, scratching the back of his head, "so. Repentance. Ren. Somehow, I didn't know that was your name? Kinda... weirdly fitting if ya ask me..."

"Oh, it's not my name," Sans raises a brow bone, and you shake your head with a small laugh, "or, it wasn't! I mean it is now but, I guess when I get to the surface I mean, I'll have to legally change it, I dunno. It's... a long story. But, I picked it because I... felt like it fit pretty well. All things considered anyway..."

"Huh. Well, I like it," Sans says, taking your hand in his, his thumb running gently over the back of your hand, "ya know, actually, I don't think I ever asked your name in the first place... for some reason?" 

You snort, shaking your head, "I don't think anyone did. Do Monsters just not ask peoples names?" 

Sans blinks then shakes his head, "come to think of it... no?" 

"What? Oh my God, seriously?" 

"Seriously. Maybe 'cause we already know everyone? But even then... huh. I dunno. It's _Magic_ ," he whispers, doing jazz hands with... well, his one free hand. You snicker, shaking your head in disbelief. 

A moment passes in silence after that before you take a breath and squeeze his hand, "Angel". 

"Huh?" 

"Angel. That was... that was my name on the surface. The one my parents gave me". 

Sans is silent for a moment before his smile widens and he chuckles to himself quietly, "no shit. Huh... well, no offense but, I think Ren suits ya better. Ya look like a Ren". 

You smile, hiding a tiny laugh behind your hand and nodding in agreement, "I think so too. Angel was a nice name I guess but, it never really felt like me. Even up there, I guess. I dunno, it just... reminded me of stuff I didn't really wanna remember. And well, Ren does that too but it... it also reminds me of how much I love you guys and how much I want to show you all when we finally make it up there..."

"Hm, sounds like a good enough reason for a change then if ya ask me".

The two of you share warm smiles with one another, happy to stand in silence for the first time in forever. No crushing weight of sins crawling on your back, no fear that you might be found out Underground by Asgore, no worrying about your Soul... actually... 

...there was something about your Soul you were curious about... something that had been on your mind since you'd talked with Chara what felt like forever ago. 

"Hey, Sans?" 

"Mm?"

"Can I ask you a question?" 

"Shoot".

"Can you look at my Soul?" 

He raises a brow bone, stepping a bit in front of you now, your hand falling from his, "whaddya mean, dude?" 

"Like... like look at it. Like you mean it -- super look at it". 

Sans doesn't seem to catch on, though he gives a sigh and shakes out a bit of tension before doing as you'd asked. He seems like he's just staring through you but, you know with the look in his eye that he's seeing your Soul again. Something a certain other skeleton told you once had been repeating in your head ever since you'd made this new Soul. 

_“It didn’t look like that when I fought you! It was so much brighter then… perhaps a few cracks but, it was not dim like this.”_

Your previous Soul had been tarnished. Broken and cracked -- and it had only grown worse up until a short while ago. If your theory was correct, it would explain so much about your magic... about what had happened not only down here but... on the surface. 

"Do you see anything?" you ask, holding your breath subconsciously. 

"I... your Soul..." you roll your eyes, cracking a smile. 

"Obviously bonehead. But, anything else?" 

Sans pauses for a moment, and you watch him as he seems to be searching something that you cannot see. After a few seconds he looks up at you and nods his head, "I see uh... I see us... all of us actually we... it looks like it's Christmas time? And we're in a house that I don't... recognize... we... we were passing around gifts". 

You feel your head grow light and you realize it's because you're still holding your breath. You quickly expel it and reach forward, scooping Sans up in your arms and hugging him tight, "that's it! That's how it ties in with Red magic! It didn't make sense at first a-and now! Now it does!" 

Sans is limp in your arms for a moment before hugging you back, a chuckle brushing past your ear before he gently pulls away from you, brow bones raised in confusion, "Ren what in the _world_ are you talking about?" 

"My magic!" 

He blinks, "your magic?"

"Yeah! It-it... I couldn't like, figure out how the whole 'showing Monsters their worst fear' thing tied in and then I... then it hit me! See so, okay... oh boy this is convoluted," you whisper, but Sans quietly urges you on, "uhh... so. Papyrus told me, forever ago at this point that... when I came down here my Soul was already hurt. That it was already cracked and stuff and then it got worse, because of the kid living in my head... you following?"

"Yeah, best I can," Sans offers you a grin and you keep going, unable to stop now. 

"The reason that my Soul was showing Monsters their worst fears wasn't because it was my magic, though it manifested like that even before my Soul started to drain... it's because it was a _corruption_ of my magic. On the surface it was almost the same, but instead of showing visions it just, manifested in a way that... people wouldn't be comfortable around me? I guess I was kind of like... a bad luck charm. But! I think that's because my Soul was... _I_ was hurt. I was like, out of alignment or something so my magic wasn't... working properly? Does that make sense?" 

Sans blinks, before nodding his head, an awe-struck look on his face, "it... it makes perfect sense? That happens to Monsters too... haven't seen it a lot in my day but, I've heard stories. Heard about how when bad stuff happens to someone it can mess with their magic. Throw 'em off balance, like you said". 

Everything's falling into place just like you'd hoped. Your magic was never showing people their worst fears, or being a bad luck charm, or someone who only brought pain and regret. Your magic wasn't a burden on peoples lives... 

"It's Determination..." you whisper to him, grabbing onto the front of his coat before cracking a smile, "I mean, obviously but... it's like. My magic, now that my Soul is better it's... I have the ability to make people determined... to show them what their future might look like". 

Sans gently grabs your wrists as you tug on his coat, "and that's how it ties into Red magic... you weren't showing Monsters their worst fears... you were..."

"Showing them the worst outcome..." you say, awe struck yourself by the implication -- by the fact that this had all come together, perhaps more so than you thought it would. 

In perfect balance -- uncorrupted -- your Soul's magic was time and determination, of course but, with your own little twist on it. Now, instead of people seeing the worst in you... they saw the best. They saw futures they could strive toward, outcomes that would make their lives as bright as possible. And someone as close to you as Sans? They saw a _Home_ with you. They saw an outcome for the future that was most desired. 

That was what you'd seen with Chara's hand in yours; when you'd focused in on saving Asgore. You hadn't loaded a Save... you'd loaded the best possible outcome. An outcome where everything had been exactly the same but... Flowey had killed you. Not Asgore. 

Sans leans up and presses his mouth to yours in a pseudo-kiss, you happily close your eyes, smiling from ear to ear when the both of you finally pull away.

"If everyone is done acting like love sick puppy dogs, The Great Papyrus would very much like to finally see the sky!" 

Everyone is silent for a moment before bursting out laughing, Asgore chuckling to himself as he nods his huge head, Toriel taking a small step away from him, offering him a patient smile. You know the two of them will probably never get back together... not like that, anyway but, to see them at least somewhat getting along, it warms your heart. You hope they can grow to be good friends again, at the very least... and you'll be there to help your Mom and your Dad on that journey, no matter how tough. 

You'd be there to help everyone push forward, with and without your new found magic.

You lean down, pressing a kiss to Sans cheek, squeezing his hand as Asgore ushers you and your friends toward a towering room that -- to the far right -- used to house the barrier. Now, instead... the doors are open to the sound of birds flitting and tweeting and a bright, warm light that could only be the morning sun. A breeze rolls in, scattering brown leaves inside... the first taste of the surface. 

With a deep breath, you lead your friends -- your family -- toward the end of the Underground and, illuminated in sun rays you see the surface again for the first time in a long time. 

"What are you guy's waiting for! Come on!"


	56. Mountain Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monday might very well be our last update lads! Well, I mean. Main story wise. I do have plans for 3 epilogues, but who Knows when I'll be posting tho lol 
> 
> Anyway... I'll see you guys again on Monday! And thank you for reading <3

The first thing you feel as you pass through the massive stone doorway is cool, thin air brushing against your cheeks. So high up in the mountains, it's a bit of a struggle to breathe, the air crisp with a phantom taste of winter. But this time of year, there's hardly a speck of snow blanketing Ebott, it was much too warm after all. 

Still, the second thing that brushes your skin is the fingers of frost in the wind, sending you to shiver as you wrap your arms around yourself. There's icy dew on the grass and plants at your feet, twinkling in morning sun light and dancing in the summer breeze that scatters decaying leaves around your ankles. 

The third is the sun light itself, warm and healing straight down to your bones. You give a content hum, arms falling from around you as you take that next step outward and into a beam of morning light as it scatters itself through the tree leaves. The summer sun is hot and humid and even through this cold mountain air, it cuts a path through the ice and warms you like hot coffee on New Year's Day. 

The last and final thing you feel is a pair of hands brushing over your shoulders, and then another hand against your back. Another pinches your arm gently as the person said hand belongs to passes you by and finally, a pair of arms wraps around you from behind, a chin resting on your shoulder as you melt back into them. 

"What a view..." you hear in a whisper against your ear. You feel a smile tugging at your lips as you turn to find the new culprit of the shiver slowly rolling up your spine. You meet Sans eyes, or you suppose the sockets where eyes would go and the little white lights that swim in them. 

"It gets better... keep watching," you whisper back, moving to peel yourself from his arms but he grips you tighter, the smile on his face growing wider as he continues to stare at you. 

"I am". 

Your heart beats in your ears for a moment, cheeks flushing with warmth that you know isn't from the sunlight. And then all at once it disappears and you're left giggling in his arms, trying to wiggle yourself out of his hold, "you're so corny, come on! Sans, watch the damn sun, please!" 

He finally relinquishes his hold on you with a chuckle, though he does grab your hand as he follows after everyone, making his way down the unmarked trail of the mountain toward the cliff side. Everyone who'd been in the throne room with you was here. Undyne and Alphys, sitting with their legs dangling over the edge pointing out over the horizon at things you can only just barely see through the morning mist as the dew warms and evaporates. 

Toriel and Asgore, sharing a small look with each other before, ever so slowly, taking one another's hands in what you know in your heart is a comforting gesture between old friends. After so many years, after _this_... you think you'd want to share this with your best friend too, no matter how much they'd wronged you. 

Sans squeezes your hand in his a little tighter, like he's reading your mind or something. You squeeze his back in return, making your way over to Papyrus and Mettaton. The two of them are standing by the cliffs edge next to Alphys and Undyne, busily chatting about how beautiful the surface is already. You can't help but notice the starstruck look in Papyrus' eye though, still so humbled and amazed that he's talking to his idol. Mettaton just seems happy to be chatting with someone. 

You turn your attention back to Sans, taking a seat with him on the cliffs edge and looking out over the treeline. In the far distance, through the misty fog you can see the outline of the city you'd grown up in. Towering sky scrapers and apartment buildings, dwarfed in comparison to the mountain that used to loom in the background of your exhausting life. Who knew after so many hours, perhaps even days of staring out your window at Mount Ebott that it would become such an integral part of your life? 

How many times had you peered up in the middle of the night at it's massive form just wondering what was out beyond it? How many times had you stared up at it from the foot hills wondering when you'd get the guts to find out? And now... here you were. Standing at the peak and somehow, without the desire to jump from it... without the desire to crawl back into the mountain and hide away. This time you wanted to make that long walk back down the mountain side, crawl into your car and -- even if it was completely implausible that it was still there, that it was still running, or that all your friends would even fit inside... -- drive away with every last Monster you'd met and show them the world. 

There was so much to show everyone, and so much to see down there. 

"Hey, Ren... look," Sans nudges your shoulder, pointing up toward the crisp blue sky. And for a moment you don't see it, and you're wondering if maybe he's just pointing out the sky to you but, then you finally spot it. To the ooh's and ahh's of your friends, you spot a massive cumulonimbus cloud peaking up over the horizon line, towering over the mountain thousands of feet in the air. It's fluffy and dense, like cotton candy from the Ebott fair and almost immediately you feel the smile on your lips growing bigger. 

"Clouds..." Asgore's warm voice booms, and you can see Undyne's jaw go slack from the corner of your eye as she stares up at the sky. 

The eight of you sit up there for hours -- though it only feels like a few minutes -- watching clouds drift by and listening to the birds singing their morning song amongst the tree branches. Other Monsters join you all eventually too, and soon enough, almost all of Monsterkind is outside enjoying the summer weather, simply staring at the sky in wonder and exploring just nearby the creeks and forest, sure to stay in the line of sight. 

"Sans?" you whisper, peeling your eyes off the sky for a moment to look at your hands instead. 

"Yeah?" 

You swallow, gathering up that courage again. You feel your heart in your chest beat a little harder before you turn to him and meet his eyes, "I'm so sorry I made you wait this long. I'm so, so sorry for everything that I..." you take a shaky breath, realizing your vision has blurred with tears. Sans hand moving to your cheek, a comforting gesture you otherwise would have appreciated, only makes the tears begin to fall. 

"Hey... Ren, look at me," he whispers back and you do, blinking and meeting his gaze again. "I know you are. I know". 

"I wont make you wait this long ever again, I promise -- I... you'll never have to go back under that mountain again I swear". 

He offers you a lopsided smile, pulling you into a tight hug, "I know. I forgive you," he says against your ear and then, still smiling at you, he gently pulls away and grabs your shoulders, "I forgive you, alright? How couldn't I... look at this view. Look at _you_! It was so hard but... you grew so much. You fixed everything, just like you promised. I'm so proud of you". 

You give a teary smile, laughing a bit at his words and wiping the egg off your face, "thank you, Sans. Thank you, so much... for believing in me, for helping me, for being angry at me. I don't think I could have fixed what I fucked up or... or grown like this if it weren't for you. I think, maybe that... jumping into this mountain was the best thing that... ever happened to me?" 

Sans snorts, leaning in and kissing your cheek before turning back to the sun and resting his head on your shoulder as you do the same, "good. Just, don't go jumpin' into no more mountains in the future. Promise?" 

You rest your head on his, reaching for his hand and holding it tight, "promise".

* * *

It's around noon that your phone suddenly starts to explode with notifications, waking you from a midday nap against Sans shoulder with several loud dings. You wipe the sleep from your eyes and realize with a gasp that you suddenly had a signal. It was one bar and extremely lousy but, a signal nonetheless. 

You scroll through your notifications, bleary eyed and confused. These were all notifications from the surface. Text messages mostly from your service provider, some from your bank. Somehow you'd had enough money left over to pay for your phone bill until the end of this month, but then your account was going to go into major overdraft. Your pocket feels heavy with Gold suddenly and you nearly laugh to yourself. You think not -- if all this precious metal had anything to say about it, anyway. 

It's one particular notification from the local news' social media that has you waking up completely. 

"Missing Persons Update: Car of Missing 21 Year Old Angel Montoya Found in Mt. Ebott Foot Hills". 

You swallow, opening up the article and seeing a picture of your beat up car next to a photo of yourself from a year ago. Brown hair shorter than it'd been in forever framing your face, pin straight and neat. That little birth mark above your lip dark against your brown skin. Brown eyes look into the camera against their will for your yearly ID photo for work. The only picture they had of you had been your work place ID photo. That was... pretty sad? 

It's like reading about a stranger, the more you hear 'Angel' or 'her', the less you align the story with yourself. But, you know that it's about you -- that you're going to have to deal with a lot of this in the coming months but, now you know you wont have to do it alone. 

Sans takes your hand in his, and you realize he's been reading over your shoulder this whole time. He says your name so nonchalantly as he speaks now, that any last little threads of yourself attached to your old life snap in half and fall away, leaving only the important parts of you. The ones you found in the Underground. 

"Hey Ren, why don't we go get some Grillby's to celebrate? Once last time, huh? Before we all go down there and wreck havoc?" 

You snort, turning your phone off and putting it away as you and Sans stand up, taking a step away from the cliff. The sun is high over head now, bearing down on everyone and blanketing Monsterkind in warmth and heat. You lean over to give Sans a quick kiss on the cheek, nodding your head as you pull away, "I'd like that. Give us some time to think about our next plan of action". 

Sans smiles, taking both your hands and leaning up to kiss your forehead, nodding his head, "never good to think on an empty stomach". 

Asgore seems to over hear the two of you, giving a small chuckle of his own as he waves everyone over to where you'd all emerged, "that sounds like a terrific idea. Grillby's on me, every body! After all, I would like to discuss a few things with Ren here, what do you say about becoming an ambassador to Monsterkind, child?"


	57. Home

It had been 4 months since Monsterkind had emerged from the Underground.

The first two months had been pretty rough. Protesters; rightfully scared people doing not so justified things, and just all around panic. Eventually though, most people started to see that Monsters weren't bad. That they weren't dangerous or scary. It still wasn't perfect 4 months later but, it was far better than you ever thought it could be. 

There were times when you'd sit at home and watch the news with Toriel over warm bowls of stew and wish you could still go back. The things you heard, the things you _saw_. They made a part of you ache for the safety of rock walls around you. Then you'd turn the news off and look at your phone, scroll through your social media feeds and see photos that made all those feelings melt away. 

Pictures of Monster kids seeing the sun for the first time. Novel long posts of Monsters and Humans alike gushing about their new and diverse friendships and relationships. A ridiculous amount of support for Monsters who couldn't afford to move over ground without help. The amount of money going into their Kickstarters was almost outrageous, but it made that scared and anxious ball in the pit of your stomach unravel and disappear. 

Monsters getting jobs, going to University -- Asgore was even on Ebott's city council starting next week! Every morning you woke up you had to pinch yourself to prove you weren't still dreaming. There was a bruise beginning to form on your thigh at this point. 

"Ren!" you hear from downstairs, Toriel's voice carrying softly up the stairs, "you have a visitor!" 

You sit back from your desk, stretching your arms over your head and giving a sigh at the sound of a pleasant crack somewhere in your shoulders. You'd been sitting here all day writing and re-writing your entrance essay to Mt. Ebott University. Every line you put down sounded worse than the last... maybe it was time to walk away from it and take a break. Come back with fresh eyes. That and, it was rude to ignore company. 

"Coming!" you call out, flicking a switch near your desk and turning on the strand of lights circling your room. Multi-coloured and just bright enough for you to see what you were doing. They were the same lights that you'd strung up with your friends just 4 months ago. Papyrus gave them to you after you'd all moved over ground, back in August. A tiny Echo flower, planted and potted in a small terracotta planter on your desk repeats your words softly, "coming!" You give a small laugh, pausing to give it some water from your cup.

You stand and stretch again, smiling toward the window at the sight of huge flakes of snow falling quietly between beams of street lights. Your calendar says it's December 21, the first day of winter. 

As you open the door and head down the staircase, taking a peak over the banister at the front door, you catch the scent of peppermint and gingerbread. Toriel had been baking all day, the holidays were coming up after all. She wanted to be ahead of the game; have enough treats for everyone when they came over on Christmas. 

At the front door you spot a familiar Monster chatting and exchanging jokes with her, the sound of her laughter carrying up the stairs to your ears, his voice right behind it. Barely able to hold your smile at bay, you sit yourself on the railing and slide down, nearly tripping over your own feet as you run to the door and pull him inside. 

"Whoa! Excited to see me or something?" he laughs, you squeeze him tighter, nearly picking him up as you spin around, trying to find your footing. 

"I'm proud of you, you bonehead!" 

"Oh come on with the names, that ain't _ice_ , babe". 

You give him one last big squeeze, Toriel giggling as she shuts the front door and places her hand on your shoulder as you pull away from him. 

"Sans, come on. It's _snow_ fun if you use up all your winter puns already". 

Toriel snorts, hiding a laugh behind her hand as you look up at her, pleased that you'd made her giggle. Sans chuckles to himself as well, taking a moment to tug off his wet boots. 

"Supper will be ready soon, Sans! Will you be joining us?" 

"Don't mind if I do, Tori. Hope I'm not imposin'". 

"Oh, not at all! It's always a pleasure to have you drop by. Keep your door open, Ren!" 

Blushing, you grab Sans hand and practically drag him up the stairs, "Mom, I'm almost 22". 

She gives a small laugh before waving her hand, "I am aware and I know what I said".

You try your best not to groan, though eventually the exasperation melts away and is replaced with a smile that you offer to her. She returns it happily and heads off back into the kitchen. 

You could never joke with your birth mother, she never gave you the chance -- always took things too seriously. Like she thought you were making fun of her by playing around. But Toriel was the perfect balance of joking and serious, and though she wasn't legally your mom (yet. Unbeknownst to her or Asgore, you'd heard them talking in the kitchen about adopting you, wondering if they could even adopt an adult. You looked it up that night, the answer was yes), she was your Mom nonetheless. No matter what. 

Sans and yourself make it back to your room, the smell of ginger and supper in the air, you think Toriel is making a casserole? Maybe lasagna? Whatever it is, it smells delicious. 

You flop down on your bed, patting the spot next to you for Sans to sit but, he decides to plop himself down in a beanbag instead. You hang your head over the edge of your bed, watching him get comfortable. 

"So when do you start?" 

"Start what?" he asks. 

"Sans," you raise a brow, giving him a cheeky smile, "you know what I mean". 

He returns the smile with a lopsided one of his own before looking to the ceiling as he thinks, "hmm... I think I start in February? Or, maybe that's when I move in?" 

"You're moving on to campus?" you ask, blinking as you turn over onto your stomach, the blood rushing to your head becoming a bit much.

Sans shrugs, picking up a book from your nightstand and flipping through it absentmindedly, "I dunno yet? Might just stay home, Papyrus isn't sure whether he's going to live on campus yet or not either so I'm just waiting for him to decide". 

You nod, that was fair you suppose. 

Sans had gotten into University. The one here in town, the one you were applying for. He'd only just gotten his acceptance letter yesterday, as had Papyrus and Alphys. Undyne and yourself were still waiting on yours because, well. Neither of you had even submitted your applications yet. Maybe you should set up a date with her this weekend and write your essays together. 

"Did you get your app in yet?" 

You bite your lip, the corners of your mouth pulling up into a guilty smile as you look anywhere but Sans, "weeeeeeell....."

"Ren..." 

"Sans..."

He raises a brow, picking up his bean bag under him and carrying it closer to the bed, looking you dead in the eye as he sits down in front of you again. You return his gaze. 

"You've gotta submit it ya know". 

"I know, I know," you sigh, pressing your forehead to his and closing your eyes. He gives you a less than comforting pat on the cheek. "I'm working on it I promise. I have like, half of it done so far but it was looking like crap so I'm taking a break. I promise I'll have it done soon". 

"I know ya will. Just remember the due date is on J--" 

"January 5th, I know. I knoooow". 

You open your eyes to see him give you a reassuring smile, you return it with a half-hearted one of your own. Obviously you wanted to go back to school, especially since all your friends were but, well. It'd been a long time. You weren't sure if you were ready, or if you'd do well. Everyone said you'd be fine but, they didn't exactly know you in high school. You'd only just barely gotten your diploma there. Maybe University would be different? You try to hold out hope that it would be. After all, your friends would be there. At least you had them to fall back on now. 

"Hey, what are these?" Sans asks suddenly, having crawled up onto your bed. He's currently looking at a bulletin board above your headboard, staring at a set of concert tickets. 

You gasp, jumping up suddenly and scrambling to pull them down and out of his sight, "nothing! Nothing, they're uh, nothing". 

"Don't look like nothin'". 

"They're _nothing_ ". 

They definitely weren't nothing but, it wasn't like Sans needed to know that. At least, not yet. 

They were concert tickets. A local band you liked that was finally coming back to Ebott after a year long worldwide tour. They were only going to be here for one night and somehow, someway... you'd snagged two tickets for Sans and yourself to go see them. Toriel was calling it a date, you were very adamant that it was just an _outing_. 

... but it was a Date. She was right. 

Still! He wasn't supposed to find them until Christmas, when you specifically gave them to him. As a gift. **For Christmas**. 

You quickly hop off your bed and shove them into a drawer in your desk, standing in front of it so he couldn't find them again. 

"Alright, I'll just assume it's something I'm not supposed to see". 

You nod your head, "good! That's the correct assumption". 

Before he can say or ask anything more about the tickets, Toriel's voice sounds from downstairs, "Ren! Sans! Supper time, please wash your hands and come down to eat before it gets cold!" 

Sans is out the door like a bat out of hell, the water running in the bathroom across the hall as he washes his hands. You watch him leave in a flurry, snorting to yourself before outright laughing. The only time you ever saw him move this fast was when Toriel had made something to eat. And, well, you couldn't blame him. She was an excellent cook. At least, when she was making something other than snail pie. Eugh... 

"Coming!" you call, making your way out of your room and into the bathroom as well, washing your hands as Sans dries his with one of Toriel's Christmas hand towels. You lean over, soapy hands still under the faucet, and give Sans a kiss on the cheek, "you'll find out what they are on Christmas, okay? It's a gift. For Christmas". 

Even four months later, his cheeks still stain faint blue as you pull away, giving him a soft smile. But who are you to judge? Every time he so much as looks at you, you feel your own cheeks warming as well. He turns his head and returns the little kiss to your cheek, nodding his head, "alright. I wont go lookin' for 'em then. Better be a good gift though". 

You giggle, shaking your head, "I guess we'll have to see! On _Christmas_ ".

Sans shrugs, disappearing around the corner of the door way, "alright. On Christmas".

You sigh, catching your reflection in the mirror; the smile on your face, the length of your hair -- how you'd let it finally grow out and curl like it used to again (soon it'd be long enough to cut off the relaxed ends!) -- and the scar lining your cheek. 

You looked so different now after your journey. The ever present bags under your eyes that had been there when you'd fallen had all but vanished. You'd forgotten what you looked like without them at this point, and now here you were. Fresh faced and... happy looking? A scar, a beauty mark, eyes that finally seemed fully awake, and a smile that had trouble leaving. You seemed like an entirely different person from who you'd been when you'd jumped Underground. But...

"Ren! Supper, dear! Come along, it's going to get cold!" 

You break eye contact with your reflection, the smile on your face at the sound of Toriel's voice paining your cheeks, but you can't help it. You quickly wipe your hands on your sweat pants, turning off the light and making your way down the hall toward the stairs, "coming, mom!" 

Despite all these differences, despite this new life you were now leading, despite all the things you'd done to get you to this point and despite this almost brand new face -- despite _everything_ (and you do mean all of it), it's -- somehow -- still _you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! 
> 
> That's it everyone! 
> 
> Well, aside from some epilogues I'll be starting to work on sooner or later. This is it for the story as a whole. I had a blast writing this, exploring the character from this beloved game, exploring my own characters and the way I write people. It's been a long time since I managed to finish a story of this caliber, and to have it sitting right here in front of me, finished and done is a little bittersweet. 
> 
> I'm certainly going to miss updating it every Monday and Friday! It became routine in the last four months which is something I've been desperately lacking for the last two years of my life. Or, at least I have been in a certain way. My routine right now involves waking up, going on the computer, and then going to bed. I dropped out of school two years ago after my dad passed away and it's been tough ever since... this story gave me something to do though. _Undertale_ gave me something to do! The whole stream over at http://picarto.tv/wrexington gave me something to do every Monday, Wednesday,  & Friday!
> 
> I have to thank them of course as well as you guys! Without TST (Author of Chill or Be Chilled) or Wrexie I never would have finished this story. I never would have had the confidence or the where with all to do it either. I have to thank OnaDacora too! Without her story, 'Would That Make You Happy', I never would have even been inspired to write in the first place! TST kept me going. Seeing the pace with which these two talented authors wrote inspired me to write as well. 
> 
> So thank you, like from the very bottom of my cold, cold heart Everyone for following this story, for helping me along, for believing that I could do this!
> 
> It's my birthday tomorrow too by the way... (March 28). Maybe you'd like the join in the celebrations tomorrow! Maybe I'll do something special! Make sure to follow me over at **elliexer.tumblr.com**! 
> 
> And thank you again, so, SO much everyone! I hope you enjoyed reading my writing, I hope you fell in love with Ren as much as I did! I really love them a lot and having them come to life was never my intention from the start (I know how people react to these types of things but, I'm happy I got such positive feedback!) but, seeing how much everyone loves them really made me so happy! So thank you! For reading, for commenting, for all the kudos, for the bookmarks, everything! 
> 
> I'll see you all later! <3

**Author's Note:**

> <3
> 
> Check out my tumblr if you want! Feel free to ask questions if you happen to have any!!
> 
> http://elliexer.tumblr.com/
> 
> If you have anything you want to show me, like fanart or just questions, please tag it as **#Forgiveness Series** on tumblr. Or, you can even submit it to me if you like!


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